deannhuss

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I would give a million dollars to have my surgery today. When I get my mind set on something that is the only thing I can think about. After seeing so many beautiful people on here that has lost so much weight it makes me so jealous...I'm ready to be a success story. I am ready to be skinny and beautiful. I should be having my surgery some time in July but, it seems as if time is just dragging. I am just so impatient. How do you speed up time? Have you ever noticed how different you look after losing a ton of weight? I look different when I don't have all this excess weight. I remember my mom telling me how pretty I was when I was skinny. Man, I haven't heard that in years. I'm gonna try to post some pics of me from the last time I was skinny. That was back in 2004 and it didn't last but about 6 months. I have been heavy since high school. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been thin. Each time I had to starve myself. NOT FUN AT ALL....I knew I couldn't go through life starving myself thats why I would always gain the weight back. I'm sure the majority of you knows exactly what I'm talking about. I talk about the times I was skinny because those were my happy times. Thinking of those times takes me back to a place where I wish I could be now. I will soon be back to that happy place just as soon as I have my surgery.

OMG...I swear my family has become accident prone. This time it was me that got hurt. I was at my mom's yesterday and my dad wanted to show me something out in the back yard, so, I went to look and guess what......I fell off the steps !!! Yep, I missed the top step and tumbled down all 3 brick steps hitting each one on the way down. I broke my big toe and I'm all banged up. Now that I think about it 
it is pretty funny. I thought I hurt yesterday but, every inch of my body hurts today.  

I'm sitting here at home with my 1 year old. I found out today that he has strep throat. He got it from my 7 year old. I think I have it too because I feel like crap and my throat is hurting. My daughter and son both had ball games tonight and I'm sad that I had to miss them but, what I'm not sad about is having all of you to talk to. It is nice to know that there are so many caring people on this site. I am amazed at how many people think the same and feel the same as I do. I am so glad I'm not alone in this world. I know lately I havn't talked much about my issues with weight and the surgery but, believe me it is still on my mind. I am still so excited about my surgery. I hav'nt gotten my date yet but, I am in the process of doing my classes and etc. My next appt is the 28th of this month. It is going to be an all day thing. At 8:00 I have my appt with Dr. Huyhn, he is my weight management doctor. That will be my 5 month appt out of my 6 months. I am so glad I only had to do a 6 month weightloss program instead of 12 or 18 months. Then at 12:00 that day I have to do a couple of classes that is required for the surgery. From 12:00 to 2:00 is my behavior modification class and 2:00 to 4:00 is my nutrition orientation class. I am so excited. It is so funny how I get excited over little things. I really need this surgery and soon.

Just when I thought life couldn't get any worse boy was I wrong. Tuesday, my husband and I were about to leave the house and  while I was turning off the T.V. and lights and things he decided to go ahead and take the kids out to the truck. Well, he ended up putting our 1 year old in the back of the truck so he could play until I got out there. I soon got everything ready and walked out side and was standing at the truck with my husband and 1 year old and everything was all good. A couple of the neighbor hood kids had walked up and decided to start throwing the little rubber football with my 1 year old and before we knew it he was falling head first out of the back of the truck. He had stepped up on the hump above the tire and leaned forward and went right over. My husband and I both tried to catch him but it all happened so fast. I was freaking out and my baby was screaming. I was sure he had broke his neck or back. The fall was a 4 foot fall. I grabbed him without thinking and started to the car so I could rush him to the E.R. As I started to put him in the car it occured to me that this accident was to major to go by car. I then yelled for the cell phone and called 911. My neighbor and I brought him back in the house and laid him down so he could'nt hurt his neck or back any more than it was already. The paramedics arrived about 8 minutes later, it sure felt like they got here faster than that. They felt that the accident was major  and hurried and strapped him down to a board and loaded him on the stretcher. I got to go in the ambulance also, but I had to ride up front. It was the longest ride ever. I just cried and cried. I felt like the worst mother ever. I kept wishing someone would just shoot me. My baby was hurt and it was my fault for letting him play in the back of the truck. I am such a dumbass. We finally got to the E.R. and the trauma surgeon saw him immediately. He ordered a cat scan, chest x-ray and pelvic x-ray. Everything looked Ok except for the cat scan. They said he had fractured his skull above his eye. I swear god was with me because I about lost it. Thank god the fracture wasn't bad enough for surgery. They ended up admitting him to the childrens hospital which is one of the best childrens hospital ever. I knew they would take care of my baby. I still felt like absolute SHIT though.....I stayed by his side the whole time. Wednesday, my husband came to see me and he had brought my 7 year old with him. He wasn't feeling good so he didn't go to school. He started running fever and throwing up while he was there at the hospital. I ended up getting him an appt with his PCP. Come to find out he has strep throat. I just wanted to pull my hair out. Now both of my babies are hurting. My heart was broken into a million pieces not to mention the fact my case worker had to come and do a report since we are in the process of adopting my 1 year old. I wanted to know if the adoption would be OK and he said that he didn't know. He had to let his supervisor review the incident. I went and sat down and just cried and cried. See, my 1 year old is really my nephew. We have had him since he was 3 days old. I don't look at him as my nephew. I see him as my son. He calls me momma, in fact I am the ONLY momma he knows. The adoption is supposed to be finalized at the end of this month. If I were to lose him for any reason I don't think I could go on living. Anyways, after my 1 year old saw the: neurologist, opthamologist, trauma surgeon, hospital doctor and ENT, he was finally released to come home today, Thursday May 14th. My 7 year old is still really sick. He is in the bed sleeping it off. My 11 year old is as healthy as a horse, thank goodness. I really can't handle much more. The neurologist said if he continues to bump his head he could cause the fracture to get worse and would have to have surgery. How in the world do you keep a 1 year old from bumping his head ??? All I have to say is GOD was really looking out for me and my son that day. Amen !!!