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This time next week I will probably be in surgery.
I am so nervous and scared half to death.

Today is Thursday and Pre Op is next Tuesday with surgery  scheduled the following Monday.  I have so many things that need to get done because the holidays are fast approaching as is my surgery date and all this week I have been sick with a terrible cold, sinus and allergy issues and an ear infection.  I am on antibiotics now, so I hope this mess clears up fast because I need to be ready to go in 10 days.  I am still waiting on past surgical reports, but other then that, the surgeon should have all the reports and clearances.  I hope nothing gets in the way of this surgery.  I am so anxious to get it done so that I can be on the road to recovery.  I want to lose weight and feel healthier.  I should probably make a list of questions for Dr. Udobi.  I still don't know how I am going to go for weeks without picking up my 1 year old.  He is such a momma's baby boy and I guarantee I pick him up 50 times a day.  It's going to be hard on us both.  I just keep telling myself that it is just 6 weeks and then I will be able to pick him up again.  Perhaps after a few weeks we can cuddle on the couch.  My ear is really hurting so I am going to lay down for awhile.  Hope this post finds you (the reader) well.

My Open RNY will be 2 weeks from tomorrow.  Wow huh?!

We had a nice Thanksgiviing.  My family drove in from about 9-10 hours away and stayed w/us from Wednesday night through Saturday morning.  Wednesday we got some of the food set up to pop into the oven on Thursday.  Thanksgiving Day my mom, sister, and I cooked our hearts out and had a feast!!  That afternoon I took a nap and then my brother, bil, sister, husband and I went to see the Kansas City Chiefs and Denver Bronco's NFL game.  I almost backed out of going (like I do for almost everything fun) because of my weight and size.  I knew we would have to park far away and with my knee problems I didn't know if I would be able to make it to the stadium.  On top of that, I figured there would be a good chance I wouldn't fit into the seats and I would be mortified from embarassment.  I finally decided "What the hell!!! For the price we paid for these tickets, I am going!! I can't stop living my life because I am the size of a cow!"  So I went.  My fears were realized because we did park a mile away from our seats but my beloved husband walked along side me and we made it at a fairly brisk pace...steps, tunnels, ramps and all.  Well, brisk for me anyway.  I was huffin' and puffin' at times.  My husband (who is a soldier and is physically fit) felt we were walking slow but was patient with me.  My hips did not fit into the seat and the metal armrests cut into my hips.  I just sat a bit forward and eventually realized if I stuffed my coat behind me I would have some back support.  I was quite uncomfortable the entire night due to throbbing knees, hips, etc...but I am still glad I went.  We had a great time.  Friday we went Day after Thanksgiving shopping about mid morning.  Saturday I slept in.  It's been SO nice having dh home for a few days as he works MANY hours each week.  At least he is home this year as last year he was in Afghanistan and the year before that he was preparing to deploy to Iraq.  I am feeling increasingly nervous about my surgery.  I took a puff of a marijuana cigarette that one of my holiday guests brought (which I NEVER ever do) and now I am freaking out about it showing up in my blood work.  Geez, I would die.  Explain that one to my mother!!  All in all, I am excited about beginning a new life where I can fit into roller coasters, turn stiles, seats...walk a mile and not be breathless....no aching knees.  Sigh. Sounds like heaven.  
Hope this post finds you well. 

Those were taken last night...just a little over 3 weeks until my surgery date.  Size 26/28-30/32 and ready to be a "Loser!!" 

...and got Whey Protein, a liquid multi-vitamin, liquid calcium, and liquid joint medicine.  I also got some Benefiber and 2 cases of bottled water. 

I also went to the Psych doctor today for my follow up from my Psychological testing and he told me I would be cleared for surgery and he would write a letter to my surgeon as requested.  

All in all, it's coming together.  26 days until surgery.

...and boy, am I getting scared!!! I made the mistake of watching video clips of an "Open RNY" procedure.  NOT a smart thing to do.  It totally freaked me out and honestly, I had a few hours of second thoughts.   However, last night as I was taking a shower, I thought to myself, "Last year I had PRK Surgery where they used some type of acid to burn off my cornea's and now I have 20/20 vision.  I was in excruciating pain for over a week and couldn't see clearly for a couple of weeks and didn't know if I would ever be able to see correctly again. Slowly but surely, my vision cleared and having PRK Vision surgery became one of the best things I could have done for myself!!"   I think that WLS surgery will be the same.  Painful and scary at first, but over time I will learn to use my pouch correctly and lose weight that burdens my body and spirit down.  My knees and hips will feel better, I will sleep better, my blood pressure will improve, I will look better.  So many positives that make the risks worthwhile.  "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" right?!  Trust me when I say that I will be asking for prayers as the date approaches.  They certainly can't hurt and I will need all the strength and courage I can get. 

Called Dr. Udobi's office again this morning.  I am feeling like a kid at Christmas.  So impatient...can't wait for my date.  I am ready to start the countdown.

I am currently on hold with them...crossing my fingers for a surgery date that is sooner rather than later.

Okay, I have my date.
Monday, December 11th - Same Day Surgery will call me the Friday before (December 8th) to let me know my eating guidelines for that weekend prior to surgery and what time to be at the hospital.

December 5th - 11:15 AM - Pre Op Appointment.  I really don't know what to expect for a preop appt.  

Now I just need to make sure everything on my checklist is complete prior to my pre op date.  

I am SO Super de duper excited, nervous, scared, hopeful, afraid, happy.  Just a myriad of emotions.  

I need to make sure I start building up my protein reserves. I am going to get some protein shake mix at Costco...I heard theres was pretty decent.  I asked my husband to take off that week.  I honestly don't know how much time I should realistically ask him to take off.  We live far from family so we don't have anyone to help us with the kids, so I will really need him as I won't be able to lift my toddler, etc.

Wow.

Dr. Udobi's office is supposed to call today and confirm Dec 11th as my surgery date.  I can't wait to know for sure!!  I will update as soon as I hear something.  

Update
Okay, at 1:30 I just couldn't wait any more.  I called Dr. Udobi's office.  Voicemail.  Darnit.  So, I left a message.  I hope they return my call very soon.  I want my date!!  I can not wait to have this surgery and start my new life. 

UPDATE AGAIN
*Sigh* It's 5:03 PM and no call w/a definite surgery date.  I am so disappointed. 

I am becoming a bit obsessed with this surgery.  Researching, studying, preparing, hoping, praying, reviewing before/afters, reading profiles...this is such an important decision.  Really though, where is the decision part?  I have been approved by my insurance, I hate the way I look and feel, I get jealous of the women that work with my husband and that he sees on a daily basis because I feel inadequate.  I guess I am just having a bad day...but honestly, there really isn't an option.  This is something I need to do for me.  This is an opportunity to begin anew.  It's all going to be okay, isn't it??

The surgeons office called me today and said that they still don't have a definitive date...they said they would know more on Monday.   The sooner I know the better, because my husband will need to know in time to take off a week or so since I won't be able to lift my toddler for a while.   I pray that I am making the right decision and that I can utilize my new pouch correctly to not only lose the weight...but to keep it off.  With God, all things are possible!!