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Well today is the day of surgery. I have to say I am really excited. Not really nervious at least not yet. I am up early really wanted to sleep in till 7, but I couldn't sleep. Today the hardest part will be not drinking. How many times can a girl brush her teeth in one day? Just hoping the DR. got plenty of rest and didn't drink to much this holiday weekend.  Man I am excited. Have a great day.

Wow!!! The day is almost here. Tomorrow I will mow the lawn, put the trash out for Tuesday pick up, Finish washing all the dirty clothes. wash any dirty dishes before bed. and at 2 pm I will start drinking my 4 oz of Miralx and G2. That should prove to be a lot of fun. My son and his daughter are coming over to see me tomorrow. I think they are planning on staying most of the day. I can't wait to hold her. He won't be at the hospital while I am having my surgery. Which is fine with me. My daughter and three of my girlfriends are going to be there.  they are planning on having a party in the waiting room. I think everyone is more nervous and scared then I am. I really feel at peace about this. Okay tonight I feel at piece, tomorrow or Tuesday morning may be a different store. I am looking forward to being healthy again. I hope my back pain goes away. I better make a note to shave my legs tomorrow. I don't want the doctor to see my hair legs. LOL. Hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend. Have a great day.

Desiree

Today I cleaned out my cabinets of all the bad foods. For some odd reason I feel sad about this process. And it is part of the process. Isn't it? I feel that I have been keeping myself so busy that I really haven't taken the time to say hey you made it. And you are doing great. It is okay to feel scared, excited, sad, happy, it's okay to feel. At least I am not covering up my feelings with food and eating. I feel like this whole surgery is consuming me right now. i am Trying to make sure I get everything done I need to get.  trying to Be strong for my friends and kids.  Because I know they are worried. I think I just need to go find something to do that has nothing to do with the surgery for awhile and take a break and just feel what I am feeling. If I am feeling sad about saying good bye to my best buddy food. Then I need to take this time to say good bye.

19 days till the surgery, time is really flying by. There is so much that I need to get done before May 26th. I am really trying not to think about the surgery all the time but I find it very hard. It feels like it is consuming me at this point. Thoughts are just turning in my head. I will see a cute outfit and think to myself I will be able to wear something like that soon. Or man I need to do this before the surgery. Or I need to eat this before the surgery and the two week diet.  It is just crazy. My girlfriends (my support group) are taking me out to dinner on Friday. It will be the last meal together for awhile. They have really been great. And I know if I need any help they will be there for me.  I know my kids are starting to worry. My daughter has taken a week off work to stay with me. And will be at the hospital 24/7 till I get to come home. God love her. My son is worried to but not showing it as much as my daughter. I haven't been in the hospital for a long time. Better make my will out this weekend. I wonder who wants the medical bills. LOL I am really bad at letting people take care of me and can see there might be a little bit of a problem when I get home. I am going to try to be good. I already have told everyone I might be a little emotional at first and I am sorry for anything I say or do after the surgery. Also my farts will really stink. My son thinks I am lying. Just wait I will show him.  This weekend I am cleaning out my kitchen shelves and freezers of all the bad stuff I don't need or want and giving the food away. This will help because I start my diet next Tueaday. I can hardly wait for that. I think I will sleep a lot. If I sleep I won't want to eat. I'd better stop here. Have a great day.

Today I received my surgery date. I am so excited. It is hard to believe I have made it to this point. I am excited and scared all at the same time. I know my family and friends are here to support me. May 26th, 2009 is the date. WOW!!!! Think I will go have some ice cream. Just joking. Have a great day.

Today my daughter and I are going to see Dr. Rupp. They say I might get the date for my surgery today. This has been a very exciting week.

Today I received my approval letter. How exciting is that? What  a great feeling.

I had an appointment with my primary doctor this morning. I can't believe she works on Saturdays, but i am thankful she does. She has gone through my cart and has found everything the insurance company needs to approve my surgery. Today Dr. Donna will be writing up a letter for the insurance company sending it to my weight loss Dr. on Monday. And Ginger at that office will be taking my file to the board next week. I am hoping that everything goes well. Please pray for me. Thank you.

Today I found out my insurance company denied my surgery. I am so disappointed. I know I need to keep going and jump throw some more dam hoops. I have been going to a NUT for over 3 years for my diabitic who has given me a diet to follow I have done weigh in after weigh in. But that is not good enough. I have to go for another six months have the NUT do the samething over again just don't mention anything about diabitic. This is a bunch of bull. I am not sure if this is the right thing for me to do. I've started the process all over at the beginning of the year because my insurance. I can't believe I stopped smoking for this surgery and I have to go another 6 months or more before I can get anything done. I am just want a smoke.

This year I applied for Supplemental Life coverage through my work. Just so my kids would be okay after I leave this place. I haven't give it much thought till this week when I received a letter saying I was denied coverage due to health conditions: diabetes, height and weight. (nice way to say, You are to fat). This really hurt, not being able to get coverage because I have let myself go. Because I have chosen to deal with my issues by eating. By putting everyone else before me. I am so upset this week with myself. It just really confirms I need to do something. I know I am on the right path it is just a really long path and I am getting tired of being on it.