fifi_la_femme

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So I've passed the 7 week mark and have lost 12.5kg (27.5lb) since surgery and 17.5kg (38.5lb) since I started this journey with optifast.  And so far so good!  I have been really good with exercise, well mostly.  I try and walk every day as I have figured out that if I do a brisk walk in the morning it sets me up for the rest of the day in terms of energy levels.  I did miss Fri, Sat and Sun last week - that's because on Fri and Sun I had to catch really early flights... (by the way, did manage to do up the seat belts, but haven't ticked off the goal about feeling comfortable in an airline seat, because I wasn't really comfortable) and Sat I was away from home visiting my daughter.  We did shop till we dropped, though...so that must have burned off some calories...as well as dollars.

I have also joined a gym where they offer zumba classes and have been to two... I had planned to go to one this evening, but am feeling sick and sorry for myself.  A head cold...yuck.  I hate them, I would rather have surgery than a cold...well maybe not.  But colds are such piddly little things that can really make you feel awful.

My clothes are getting looser; so on Sunday Peter, my husband hauled a couple of suitcases upstairs filled with my thinner clothes.  I have taken most of the size 18's out of the cases and left the size 16's within in reach.  The size 18's just fit, pretty snug...most of my pants have stretch...and boy! do I work that stretch!!.  They should fit better once I've lost another 2.5kgs. 

And the eating...alls going well, still struggling to get the water and enough protein in.  I want to be able to eat 'normal' food, not protein bars and processed crap.... I reckon if I drink trim/skinny/skim lattes, they will have some protein as well as fluid. .  If I take my time, cut my food into tiny pieces and chew really well, I can eat most things.  I really like my fillet steak.  Smoked salmon and avocado are favourites, too.

A typical day might be: a smoothie for breakfast (yoghurt, fruit and protein powder), trim latte for mid-am snack, a small portion of soup or salmon&avo, or tuna sushi (leave the seaweed and most of the rice) for lunch...maybe a piece of low fat cheese mid-afternoon and then dinner could be spaghetti bolonaise...without really the pasta, or roast lamb + mash + pumpkin or steak + couscous + veg.

Today has really been the first day that I have wanted to eat something I shouldn't.  Didn't know what, but just felt I needed to treat myself. I guess because I am feeling sorry for myself - sick, the weather is awful and can't go to zumba & movies as I had planned and was alone most of the day.  Truly emotional triggers...boredom, loneliness.  But I didn't really succumb - I had about 1/3 - 1/2 pottle of apple+strawberry puree and later about 1/3 caramel latte (about 3 grams sugar).

So all in all, I am feeling rather proud of my progress.  I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other...and aiming for my goals.  I try to keep them activity -related not number-related...and I have already ticked one off.  Yay!!!

 So... I'm one month down and have lost 9.5kg (21lbs) since surgery and 14.5kg (32lbs) since starting on the Optifast.  I think that's pretty good... and I seem to have moved past the 3 week stall.

It has been so far so good... no major issues at all.  I still struggle with the more solid protein, finely chopped meat, chicken and tuna... I can get tuna down but it is a little bit uncomfortable.  Beef and chicken really hurt.  So I now blend my mince finer, so it still has texture but isn't so lumpy.  Tuna seems to go a bit dry in my mouth as I chew, chew, chew.

I walk almost every day, I think I have only missed one day's walk and that was last Saturday.  Haven't done one today either (it's Saturday in New Zealand), and I have noticed that both Saturdays I have ended up feeling quite weak and short on energy by lunch time. I think it might be that I do my walk first thing in the morning and that gets my metabolism going... and hopefully burning fat for energy.  Without it, I might be running on empty... so I guess it is up early again tomorrow morning for another walk... no lying in on a Sunday morning for me!

Anyway, my face is getting thinner and my clothes looser...I'll have to get my husband to haul the suitcases with my 'thin'... or 'thinner' clothes upstairs for me.  But I don't think I am quite ready for size 18, but should be soon... maybe another 5 kgs or so.  I am so reluctant to buy any new clothes... will have to shrink into my old ones first.  I saw such lovely underwear today, silky and shades of mauve and purple... but the biggest size was 36in... I was wearing size 40 - 42in... I guess I will have to just wait a while and hope they don't sell out.  It's Elle MacPherson... so I don't know if I'll ever get there.  

Brilliant thing is no desire for sweets, chocolates or cakes.  I have had tastes of other people's cakes, about a teaspoon full at a time and could really appreciate the taste without wanting more.  I keep saying to my husband, "I'm not being a martyr, I just don't want any."  I also don't really mind people eating in front of me, which is good because eating should be a way to socialise, not something secretive that one does alone.... and it's spending time with friends and family that matter.  And considering how slowly I eat, spending TIME is something I'm getting good at.

I am looking forward to seeing my daughter who is studying at university in a fortnight's time.  She hasn't seen me since the day of the surgery... so hopefully she will notice a thinner mom!!

I know I shouldn't obsess about numbers.  I decided I would only weigh weekly and on the monthly anniversary of my surgery.  I have also said that I am reluctant to tie myself to a goal weight, but focus rather on goal activities.

But I am really disappointed, I only lost 0.6kg(1.2lb) this week.  Intellectually, I can say that it's just the 3rd week stall.  That I have lost the stores of glycogen and excess water and this is why the loss is low.  But emotionally, I am still bummed.

I have been doing all the right things, without becoming obsessive, I eat three tiny meals a day, protein first, keep the carbs and fat low.  I have a light snack in between (1/2 glass skim milk, or a couple of teaspoons cottage cheese or slice lowfat cheese).  I walk every day, for the last 9 - 10 days, it has been at least 3.2km (2miles) and on Saturday it was over 5km (3miles).

Because I only took my measurements and body fat on Saturday, I can't even compare those.  Clothes are a bit looser.

Oh, well, there is not much I can do, but keep doing what I am doing... the only thing I am really struggling with is getting the water down.  I have now found 'whole' water that has 5g protein, my plan is to drink one 500ml bottle in the morning and another in the afternoon at work.  That will give me at least 1 litre.

I must try and think positively, "think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts"

"Never, never, never give up"

I haven't weighed since Tues 6th April. Then I was 113.5kg (249.7lbs)... down 6.5kg (14.3lb) since surgery and 11.5kg(25.3lb) since I began Optifast.  I have decided only to weigh on anniversarys (weekly - Tuesdays and monthly - 23rd).

I have been exercising daily, the last 4 mornings I have woken up at 6am to do a 3.2km (2mi) brisk walk.

Eating has been going well, I try and focus on protein, but don't obsess. I am really looking forward to moving from a pureed to a soft food diet.  I did have some lasagne two nights ago... divided off about 1/6 of Peter's portion and tried to extract the meat from between the pasta layers and mainly eat that with some cheese sauce and well-chewed veg.  I survived.

The only area I am really struggling is with fluid intake.  I just don't manage to get 2l (64oz) water in, I manage about 1 - 1 1/2 litres... and I still don't really like plain water, although warm water is better than cold.  I add a little bit of diet cordial to water and that makes it more palatable, or I drink herbal tea.  Yesterday I tried a protein water, that wasn't too bad... but I don't really want to do that daily.  One it is expensive and two, more plastic to pollute the environment.

I am beginninng to notice it on my clothes.  A top (size 18) I stopped wearing after Christmas because it was too tight on my arms, is now loose on my arms... and I am fitting in to my size 20 jeans (stretch jeans... well most of my pants are stretch) again.  Typical pear shape, top smaller than bottom. 

So, it's day 9 after surgery and when I jumped on the scale this morning I weighed 114.7kg.  That's down 0.5kg since yesterday and over 5kgs since the morning of my surgery when I weighed 120kg exactly.  I am thrilled.  I know I shouldn't weigh every day, but I plan to do so at least until Tuesday 6th April, that's the 2 week anniversary of my surgery and the day of my check up.  I'll try after that to just weigh weekly after that.

I have been trying to do things by the book, ... protein first, walk 15mins 2xp.d. Three meals a day, drink water, not quite managing 2litres probably only 1 1/2.

I was looking at dance classes yesterday, there is a salsa class starting on Thurs next week, but I think that might be a bit soon.  Maybe I should just walk for the first 6 weeks after surgery?  Zumba looks fun, but very physical and you need to be very coordinated.  Good core exercises.  Maybe for a little futher along when I have healed more?

Hi there,

Well this is my first blog ever... I guess I am a blogging virgin.  So where do I start.  I guess like most that might read this, I first went on a diet as a child...and I wasn't even fat.  I guess it was something I had heard and read about and decided to do.  I was 10, and decided to eat matzoh and yoghurt.  Bizzare as I am not Jewish and yoghurt made me want to vomit.  I guess I thought they were low fat... well the matzoh was ok (I still like it smeared with butter and marmite) but I couldn't hold down the yoghurt.  I don't think that diet lasted more than a day.  My next attempt was age 12, can't remember what I ate but I seem to remember I went from 110pounds to 98.

Most of my teenage years was looking at diets in magazines and books and trying some, but then I never was fat.  I was pear-shaped with what I referred to as a "Bushman's figure" and "hollow back".  What this meant was that once I got jeans/pants to fit my thighs and bum, they gaped at the waist. 

The next memordable diet was when I was 1st year university.  I lost 20 pounds and went from 140 to 120 pounds.  (I would kill to be 140 pounds, how could I have ever thought that was fat....such a distorted body image.)  An incident that influenced this decision was my boyfriend's mother shouting out when he was carrying me on his shoulders, "John, John, get that hefty girl off your shoulders".  He thought I was fat, too.  He told me that I should wear a bikini as only slim girls looked good in one piece swimming costumes - go figure.  I guess my naivete and low self esteem made me buy that crock of sh*t.  In retrospect, I was crazy... when I was this weight my hipbones stuck out through my jeans and I thought that looked good!!

About three years later, that boyfriend long gone, I was measured for a wetsuit for windsurfing and I weighed 64kgs ( note the switch to metric.... probably due to the change in scales).  (140lbs)  and I thought I was fat!

In 1983, I lost about 10 kgs before going on my OE (overseas holiday) and ended up about 55kgs.  But by the August of '84 I had regained that weight and more and was horrified to weigh 69.8kgs, my heaviest ever.  That was really the onset of 25 years of yo-yo dieting ever upwards.  I joined Weighless, a South African equivalent of WeightWatchers, and was given a goal weight of 55kg, I got within 2 kgs of that for our wedding and haven't seen that number since. 

I have lost count of the number of times I joined Weighless and Weightwatchers.  I have done all sorts of crazy diets, probably most of them except the Beverley Hills diet.  Even I knew that one was sheer lunacy and based on dodgy science and illogical assumptions.  I did the 'Cabbage soup' diet, I did the 'Cambridge diet' in '93 - that one was low calorie protein milkshakes & soups - I didn't eat for 3 months except for bran biscuits to keep my bowels moving - just milkshakes 3 x p.d.  I lost about 20kgs (44lbs) and went from in the 90's to in the 70's.  And then in '98, I joined Sureslim, and went from 119kgs to 89kgs.  End result of that little episode was gallstones and I had to have my gallbladder removed in '99.

Of course that meant I stopped dieting and by the time we emigrated to New Zealand in 2002, I was 120kgs (264lbs).  New Zealand, the country of good food; cheap butter, cream, chocolate, beef and lamb....but expensive fruit, vegetables and fish.  What's a girl to do?  Plus there were some downfalls, Arnotts Mint Slice (dark chocolate covered biscuits with mint cream - my fav), Darrel Lea licorice - the softest, best licorice on the planet and chocolate covered peanuts which were sold in bins so you never knew how much you were buying....I ate those by the handful.  One way to deal with homesickness was to eat all the good stuff.  I missed my friends, who were not great correspondents, and food was the completely reliable, predictable, available and satisfying friend. Walking 5 mornings a week, for 8 months of the year helped marginally, but eventually I maxed out at my heaviest ever at 132.5kg (291.5) in June 2004.

I had promised my mother that I would go back to South Africa for her 90th birthday in January 2006 and so I was determined to fulfil my promise.  Fitting comfortably into an airline seat for a 28 hour journey, door to door, became my goal.  Every temptation was weighed up against this goal; chocolate cake vs airline seat, pizza vs airline seat, licorice vs airline seat, etc.  I got on the plane about 94kgs on Boxing day 2005.  I was thrilled.

But on my return the weight slowly crept back, and the Weightwatchers roundabout began again.... I seemed to stick around the 108 - 112kg mark for about 2 years.  But the last year at work was a very unhappy one, my self-esteem plummeted and I lost confidence in my ability to do even simple tasks.  I felt so stuck, I had a well paying job (golden handcuffs) when there was a world wide economic crisis.  I didn't feel like I had anywhere to move, and so the comfort eating took off.  I'd have a healthy breakfast, lunch and then late afternoon I would feel overwhelmed and start looking for some thing to eat, mainly sweet.  If I had to put petrol in or go to the supermarket on the way home... I was lost.  One was never enough.  I would eat two of whatever in the car and make sure there was enough for the family for dessert and for myself for an after dinner treat.  I had lost all confidence in my ability to lose weight with Weightwatchers and hadn't confidence that I would keep it off even if I could.  I was desperate.  So in August last year, I saw my GP and asked for a referral for bariatric surgery...it was a LAST RESORT!!  I didn't even tell my husband, he only found out in December.

I had planned to go through the public health system here in New Zealand, so it would be free.... but it would take about 18 months.  I didn't want to wait that long, especially seeing as I had made up my mind.  The other issue was my mother had got very ill at the end of November and I had had to rush back to South Africa.  She/we thought she was dying, luckily she has recovered somewhat.... but travelling back 28 hours or more each way, at over 120kgs, brought it home to me how difficult it was getting into that 'airline' seat.  I made her another promise, that if she was alive, the whole family would return to SA for her 95th birthday.  I had 13 months, tops to lose the majority of my weight.

So I decided to bite the bullet and go private.  We extended our mortgage and I made an appointment with the same surgeon I would have had, had I stayed with the public health system.  Richard Babor has a private practice as well, SUCH a nice guy!! I would recommend him to anyone.

I saw him on the 2nd March and he told me he operated fortnightly in his private practice, and the soonest he would be able to operated was the 23rd March, 3 weeks time.  I would need to be on Optifast for 3 weeks prior to surgery.  Long story short I said "go for it". I was over 126kgs on his office scales at that time. 

So of course, I had to go out for a 'last supper' which I did on the 3rd March and then started on the Optifast the next day.  Optifast, yuck.  "Pinch your nose and swallow it down."  On the 5th March, first thing in the morning, post-wee, I gingerly climbed on the scale and weighed in at 124.2kg.  I was very virtuous for the next 2 1/2 weeks, stuck religiously to what I had been told to do....daily allowance 1/2 cup fruit, up to 2 cups low carb veg and optifast 3 times a day.  18 days later, D-Day, I weighed 120kg.

The surgery went smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary, although I was a little 'flat' emotionally for a couple of days post-surgery.  But I stopped taking my painkillers on Friday (surgery was on the Tuesday).  I did the prerequisite 2x10min walks a day for a couple of days and then increased to 2x15mins walks.  I am trying to push myself, with out being stupid or hurting myself.  This is going to be my biggest challenge, to maintain exercise.

So what about the eating, post-surgery.  Well, so far so good.  I went onto pureed food in hospital and am still eating pureed food. 

Breakfast is usually low-fat yoghurt and fruit puree, only a few tablespoons and yoghurt first, or what I do like is optifast blended with 1/2 banana and 1 teaspoon peanut butter.  I have had that a couple of times.  I like that, although it is very sweet, and I don't manage much more than 100mls (3-4oz). 

Lunch is usually either soup with sliced chicken or ham blended into it or scrambled egg with low fat cheese (probably only manage about 1/2 an egg, or what is my favorite...smoked salmon, blended with extra light Philadelphia cream cheese (5% fat), steamed celery, onion and seeded tomatoe. Yummm, healthy, full of Omega 3's, protein and veg.

Dinner is either pureed casserole (only tried beef) ..a bit so-so, or pureed chicken and gravy, mashed potato and mashed squash...makes me feel like I'm eating a dinner.  Or soup. 

I am trying to keep my meals to 3 reasonably 'normal' type meals and healthy to boot.  In between times I might snack on a couple of spoons cottage cheese or pureed fruit.  Or I might have about 1/4 - 1/3 cup of coffee.  The BRILLIANT thing is I don't feel hungry.  I can even watch Food TV quite dispassionately, while they prepare chocolate goodies in the run up to Easter and I don't get cravings, NO TEMPTATION!!!  Yay!!

In the 8 days since surgery, I have lost 4.8kgs, that's right 4.8kgs (10 1/2lbs) FAN bloody TASTIC!! Down to 115.2kgs!!

I was asked by the dietician if I had a goal weight in mind, I said "No, but I have goal activities in mind...such as wind-surfing, kayaking, doing a microlight flight over Victoria Falls...all things I couldn't do when I was fat."  I really don't want to get hung up on a number.  I only entered in a goal weight into the health tracker because I had to. ..and so I chose a figure just inside the normal range of the BMI...  But I want to LIVE LIFE, not obsess.  I was so fixated on the numbers, they caused such shame, I wouldn't even let my husband into the room if I was climbing on the scale.  Writing down all the numbers is cathartic...no more secrets...even strangers can read this... so liberating!

One of my first goals will be to join a dance class... what kind of dance you might ask..., well I don't know.  I've enjoyed belly dancing, but I don't think it will give me enough of a workout.... but anything that is fun and that I can move to and burns up energy.

Well, I will end my first ever blog with ... "I LOVE my sleeve!"