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I rarely come on here to communicate because a lot of my OH friends are now my friends on Facebook..  Alycia Porter

I used to hang on every picture and every post in need of support and encouragement and to also give as I found success in my weight loss journey.  I feel so guilty for not coming on here posting about my continued journey as support and hopes for others.

  My lowest weight was 148# I saw a picture of me and thought I looked too skinny...po' as the old country folks would say, gaunt in the face, just bad.  So I decided to gain some weight.  I landed at 161# and stayed right there for years with the exception of when I didn't have my thyroid medicine.  I am currently to 171#  today.  But when I was off my thyroid medicine I went as high as 189, but when my thyroid was back regulated the weight fell off. These 10 pounds though are so hard to get rid of.  I will post a current pic.  You can see my current progress on FB Alycia Porter please make sure you message me saying you are from OH...Have a great day....happy losing!!! 

I'm not too down about it.  I had to change Dr's due to insurance issues.  I've had my thryoid removed so I have hypothyroidism.   I've been out of my medicine for over a month almost 2 i'm thinking...ALOT of this is my fault because I procrastinated on a few levels and what is dumb is that I didn't deem me not having my thyroid medicine important until my weight began to climb...and rapidly...I haven't changed how I eat Im really fatigued which is a symptom of not having my medicine, so my exercise is down only a bit.  I go to the Dr tomorrow YAY...just wondering how long it will take for the swelling to go away!!!  and the Fat.

Hmmmm The Ex boyfriend from high school wants to get together...hahahaha...Kick rocks BUSTER!!! There's history there...he tried to break me and my other EX boyfriend up by saying I slept with him while he was away...hahaha I was slim back then but even if I wasn't AS IF psst. PLALEEEZ...and then he broke up with me 25 yrs ago because I was a virgin...WTF...come on saggy skin and all..NO WAY!!!

You know I could be pretentious but I'm not.  I went to a Christmas dinner for the class of '85 and I ran into my 10th grade boyfriend that kind of broke up with me because I wouldn't sleep with him. Oh my goodness in my mind all through the dinner I was thinking THANK YOU GOD that I lost all that weight...Oh my goodness!!! I'm so VAIN!!! My class mates never saw me even close to my heaviest...I was so glad I am at an ALMOST normal weight and probably the smallest or 2nd smallest at the dinner.  I had the surgery for my health but also to look GOOD and I can't remember being as grateful as I did when he walked in.  Pictures added...
I just want to thank my HEAVENLY FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Okay today is my one year surgiversary. I remember how excited I was and also how afraid I was.  I had a car accident a few years back and was prescribed some pretty strong pain meds and thought I may not wake up from the surgery...It still amazes me that I went through with it.   REALLY!!! When I woke up in recovery I was in some SERIOUS pain but the first thing that came to my mind was I'm ALIVE...thank you GOD!!!  The surgery is a risk as it is, without any other risk factors added.  People saying we took the easy way out...please...I risked my LIFE to save my life, give myself a better life expectancy, and to have a greater chance of having a better Quality of life.  I didn't take many pictures while I was fat.  The pictures that I do have are painful to look at.  I showed my kids and they said WOW I can't believe you were that big...Neither can I.  I KNOW I had body dysmorphic disorder because until I saw pictures of me after I had the surgery did I realize how FAT I really was. I mean it makes me want to cry when I see them and I cringe.  But here they are and I hope they serve someone going through this well because I am truly embarrassed at how I let myself get so far out of shape.

I've been lurking on this site or Facebook all day trying to avoid my kitchen that has so decadent food in there!!!! I've been lurking and praying, lurking and praying...STARVING...so I remembered there is something I can eat the vegetable STIR FRY that I made Thanksgiving eve...So I passed up...my famous cheesecake along with apple praline pie, and all the other wonderful leftovers....You have to ck out my pics to see the other stuff. But I ended up eatting THIS...It was good.
 

Rantings and Ramblings...I am sitting at the dining room table PISSED!!!! My life partner (8yrs)and I have taken on a baby, Aniya.  I love her very much...her real mom, which is my ex boyfriends daughter, is battling depression and other things and can't handle her right now.  My partner has never had children.  I have 3, ages  23, 17, and 12.  Never thought I would have another baby.  But Id rather have, Aniya ( the baby girl), than to see her abused.  Well anyway my partner is in school, she's laid off like so many others in Michigan.  I work from home.  My partner lost her 52 y/o brother Oct 27 and got behind on her school work.  He fell ill Oct 21, an aneurysm burst he had no health care had horrible headaches but was afraid of the bills:::we need national health care...back on subject now...so I cut back on working, took the major load of caring for Aniya, slept at the hospital with her, was at the hospital all day most days with her...I have two kids at home 17, 12..still had to show some symbolism of a motherhood to them.  Now his funeral was Oct 31, and her sister and I and now her neice are all chipping in and DOING the bulk of her homework.  Granted she missed two weeks of school. But even before that she asked me  to do some of her homework and I did.  I know everyone is different, but when I went back to college I had 12 credit hours, and full time job and had to do some mandatory overtime and had three kids...I had some small help with my kids from my now ex husband...divorced for what became of that...back on track...but every chance she gets I have the baby.  Now if I am going to be a SINGLE parent again then I will be SINGLE...then I don't have to see you everyday not doing or expecting you to do things...it just bugs the HELL out of me...I am sleepy can't take naps when I want while the baby is sleep because I have to help her with homework and she doesn't want to hear I am tired.  She will then think I just don't want to help her and she has just experienced an unexpected death...but I AM WIPED OUT!!!!....But her I am at 12:30 in the morning tap tap tapping away...WHY because there will be no other time to do it in peace without her looking over my shoulder seeing what Im doing on the computer, or talking to me while I'm doing something and I DO NOT DISTURB HER  when she's doing stuff on her computer...  BREATHE DEEPLY EXHALE...INHALE EXHALE REPEAT TILL CALM.....WOOOSAAAAHHH..

Eating and Such
While her brother was in the hospital I ate junk after junk after junk and gained several pounds...when i'm nervous or upset I EAT!!!! and watching someone pass made be both..on the other hand she didnt eat and lost a great deal...I didnt notice till after that it had become a competition...at least it seemed that way...once everything had calmed down and her appetite was back ( oh I had RNY 12/1/08 she had RNY 03/11/08) I had complained that I gained 7lbs and she lost about what I gained so it put us with in 10lbs difference in weight she wouldn't eat unless she saw me eat and at the moment that I stopped eatting so would she...maybe i'm paranoid or something or just tired from not getting enough sleep from having a 7 month old...we had her since she was 5 weeks.   My goal weight that my dr gave me was 144lbs and I want to be that by the time my year anniversary is here...like 2 weeks away 11lbs and I really blew today...just irritated with all that I stated above and what do I do EAT!!!!  But I logged on here and read other ppls stories and where they were in a yr and some made it to goal b4 and yr and some after so why is it such a big deal to me, for me to be 144 on the scale at my drs ofc...i dont know but I can feel the anxiousness welling up inside me as I think about it...I think I want him to be PROUD of me...that's strikingly odd to me to type that because I didn't think of that until it was being typed...but its true...Well tomorrow is a new day and I'll just jump back on that horse tomorrow start a fresh day with a new attitude if I can get some sleep...lol.
I also think I am using my partner as competition...I am so proud of her weight loss and she looks great and ppl tell her that all the time...alot of her family and friends saw her at her brothers services.  I was beaming because ppl never thought she could do it...SHE DID Na na nana nah...But she is competitve so it makes me competive cause she will mention I lost all my weight sooner than you or something...but as I sit her does it make a difference as long as we both lost it...OTHER THAN THE FACT I JUST DON"T WANT TO F'g hear it...chuckle...well i'm going to go climb into my cozy little bed with Aniya in between us and go to sleep..there are so many other more serious issues ppl are going thru and I'm rambling about something that would seem like Bull Snot to them...forgive LORD...

7/6/2009 
Still on vacation, in Arlington, TN suburb of Memphis.  I found the scale...not so good...when i first weighed myself it said 175# Tuesday 7/2/09 I gained.  I also hadn't taken my thyroid medicine in about   two weeks.  After weighing myself I promptly went to the pharmacy and paid cash for my medicine since I didn't bring my insurance card.  I weigh myself on Mondays so today was the day and I am down to 173.5# which is pretty close to where I was when I started this vacation.  The scale here only does whole and half pounds. My scale reads point .2, .4, .6,.8, 0 so its a little more detailed.  I have started walking everyday for the last 4 days for the last 2 I have walked for at least 45 min morning and night. Boy are my hips sore.  I walk thru the subdivision which is hilly.  When I sit down for a while and then  get up I'm limping from the pain in my hips.  I'm very proud of myself for walking while down here on vacation...even when my BFF didn't go I still walked.  We usually push one another so I am glad I am self motivated which hasn't always been the case. We have a pool party down here this weekend I want to loose a little weight before then. I hope that is possible.

July 1, 2009

Still not home.  I’m  now in Arlington, Tennessee.  I still miss my scale.  I even dreamed that I got to weigh myself.  Were staying at my BF’s home and I am hoping they have a scale in their master bath, because there isn’t one in the guest bathroom or the half bath…I know it is wrong because I am just waiting for him to get up so that I can sneak in their room and weigh myself. Sneak…why am I ashamed that I MUST weigh myself. If I weigh myself here at least I will have a general idea of how much I weigh, but it won’t be the same as getting on my own scale.   Her brother Pete noticed right away that we lost weight.  His wife Denise never said anything about it at all not even when he pointed it out, she never acknowledged it.  That’s okay because when I noticed that she had lost weight, she was already thin but had a pouch (like Michelle Obama), I didn’t say anything either.  Why I didn’t is beyond me.  Maybe I thought it would be insulting. IDK.  So maybe she is the same.   She has gained weight and I definitely won’t mention that.  Well today I want to go see Graceland and try to run into my friend that lives in Memphis that I haven’t seen in 20 yrs.   She never saw me fat except for my facebook pics, so me being 170+/- will be a fat me to her.

6/30/2009  I started out on vacation 06/25/09 heading to Atlanta. The hardest part to me really is being away from my SCALE. That my check and balance. For the most part I eat what I am supposed to but being on vacation I have a few treats along the way. In Atlanta they have a fabulous seafood restaurant called Pappadeaux. OMgoodness is it awesome. Every time I visit ATL I have to get their blackened shrimp and crawfish fondue. It’s an appetizer that comes with a small loaf of French bread toasted with garlic butter. So me and my surgery partner ate that as our meal. We shared and still hand a lot left to take back to the hotel and the bill was less than $25. That’s only because we added the decadent cheese cake that they carry…mmm, mmm ,mmm. We both had like two bites each and still have a HUGE piece left. One of the great things about this surgery is that our restaurant bills are so much smaller. Everytime we go out to eat we pick something we can both handle and share. I know the waiters are probably thinking that is not enough for two people their being cheap….lol…we are cheap but when they come to check on us and we ask for a doggie bag and still have a lot left, I wonder do they realize our secret then???  While in Atlanta I finally got to wear my two piece swimsuit, which is my modification for jiggly thighs. One of the members on here suggested board shorts to me as an alternative to the skirt swim suits that still leave too much of my jiggly thighs out. Pictures will be posted. My wow moment was, that I bought my swimsuit two weeks or less before my vacation. I had to get an extra large from Sears because the large wouldn’t fit over my thighs, the XL was too big in the waist but I was going to put elastic in it, put ripping and running before the trip I didn’t have a chance. I took the elastic with me and did sew it in but it was still just too big. So I went to a Sears near out hotel to get a pair of men’s board shorts or some kind of substitute, they had the same board shorts I bought with me. My surgery partner told me just try them on since they were on clearance there…..AND THEY FIT!!!!!!! Wow I was so glad…I bought two pair. Thank God for WLS. I’m in the car now headed to Tennessee to visit my surgery partners’ brother.  Now one of the greatest perks as having my surgery partner as a best friend is that her brother can cook is @ss off.   So I may run into some trouble, especially since we are going to be there over the 4^th of July holiday…I’m salivating as I type. Miss my scale. At least that would let me know if I’m over doing it. Even if they have a scale at their house I’m not going to trust it because it isn’t MY scale, the calibration may be off or WHATEVER….I freaking MISS MY DAMN SCALE!!!!!!UUGGGHHHH!!!! I think I may be a little addicted to the scale.   We were just wondering if they (he and his wife) will be able to tell we had WLS, by the way we eat. I hate lying about it to most people but not to condescending people or people who may say you took the easy way out(his wife and we love her too)…risking your life by having your insides rearranged is not easy. Your day being consumed by prepping for what your most HEALTHY snacks and meals will be is not easy. The tool is very useful though, but not easy. Some people just won’t ever understand as I didn’t quite get it until AFTER I had the surgery and truly adjusted my lifestyle. She (my BFF and Surgery partner) will probably give it away because she always says to people oh I can’t eat that. So they will be wondering why can’t you eat chicken when you’ve eaten it all your life?   Oh, well. Just like she never mentioned she had a tummy tuck, just not our business.   While in Atlanta we learned a few tricks to make our lives easier since it was close to 100 degrees every day we were there. Ten minutes after we left the hotel our water would no longer be cold so we used our small cooler every day. That not only saved us money but made life so much more enjoyable. We carry our Crystal light packs with us and just go all day without worrying about not having something cold to drink. My BFF still can’t tolerate plain water, (cramps her pouch) so there aren’t a lot of options for her…caffeine free/no sugar/ no carbonated…good luck finding something like that that you would like when you taste it. So preparation is key. I packed almonds and pistachios as snacks for myself, pistachios are more of a treat. We would usually pack Pepsi, coke, chips, poppy cock, and candy bars. So this change in eating isn’t easy it just shear will and preparation. If you don’t have it you aren’t going to reach in the bag of snacks and eat it. That’s my motto period for my new lifestyle. So the pistachios are in the back seat way in the bottom of our traveling snack tote bag. Making it the least accessible.      

     Ok, let me collect myself so I'm a respectable "young"  lady again. I see now that I really was more stressed about the weight gain than I thought.  I LOST 4.4#'s this week!!!!!  Yay.  So that almost puts me back at the 2#s per week goal that I set for myself this far out.  People dieting without the aid of "the tool" are instructed to lose 2#s per week, so that is my goal.
      I read all the time on the forum about stalls for weeks and even months, and since I gained weight I really had in my mind that I was headed for one of those long stalls.  My weight has been coming off fairly well to me, at a pretty good pace.  So, if I continue to lose in this manner I could actually reach my goal before my surgiversary.  Which would be awesome.  I feel guilty because some people, very diligent people, who eat right and exercise 4 to 5 days a week have posted being in stalls for sometimes long periods of time.  My heart goes out to them.  I empathize with them and I know how awful I felt for this past week.    We risk our lives to save our lives.  Most of us also want to hurry up and get there with a little bit of vanity mixed in there as well.   Thank God I am making it through and avoiding a major stall.