FullfiguredVirgoGal
My.....How time flies!
Apr 13, 2009
Has it really been an entire year and some since I posted on this website. I know that I've been in lurk mode, but I was sure that I posted something about me within the last year. Well, here it goes.....I have not had surgery as of yet....I have to get my nerves together. I was sure that I was ready for it, but everytime the surgery date nears...I chicken out! Can't really bring myself to do it. In my heart, I want it, but my mind's telling me NO and I follow my mind. I've been scheduled 5 times for surgery and have not done it. I think my love afair with food gets the best of me. I have lost nearly 100lbs recently, all to gain majority of it back. I have developed a Thyroid issue, High cholestrol, Lymphedema in my right foot and ankle, Worn cartilage in my left knee that makes it hard for me to walk, constant lower back pain and most recently Diabetes......Putting that with my Up and Down weight, Hypertension, and Sleep apnea, I am a walking timebomb of death. YES!, I think about it everyday that I could die at any minute. I take medication like the elderly take it...5 times a day. It seems as if I'm always popping pills. Let me tell you what I have to take:
In the AM there's blood sugar check before breakfast..that's if I get up in time to eat...
then theres my BP, Diabetes and thyroid meds. (Pain meds if my back is hurting)
NOON, Blood sugar check, Diabetes, water pill, Knee cartilage pill.
Evening: Blood sugar check, Diabetic meds, water pill, and Pain pill
Bed time: Cartilage pill and Cholestrol pill...If I ate the wrong things then a blood sugar check, Then put on CPAP and go to bed.
Now if that doesnt sound like a routine for an 80 year old woman, I dont know what is and not all old people take this much medication to stay alive. I work with the elderly and I see them taking pills all day long and I cry when I take my pills because I feel old. I just want to lose the weight to stop taking all this medication. I watch the Biggest Loser and Cry during the entire show faithfully, because I WISH IT WERE ME. I stood in line for 12 hours when they held auditions here for the show....Only to get a letter that I didnt qualify for the show. I didnt have enough qualifying health issues. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Being 340lbs is qualifying enough...so I thought. The people on that show sure dont look half dead to me, but I guess you have to be 3/4 dead to qualify. That made me so MAD! So I go on yet another fad diet, only to eat more food while drinking the shake, eating their meals or taking the pills. ALLI is a joke! Yeah, you'll shit your pants if you eat fatty foods. But one can get used to that after a while and then it's doing NOTHING cause you dont lose any weight. I got some diet pills that my husband was taking to try. He lost 50lbs in 3 months, I lost 9lbs in 1 week and 11 lbs in 2 weeks and then started gaining weight while taking them. Then went to the health foods store, got some Diet helper tea and started making Iced Tea with it and retained water. Now I have a swollen Right foot and ankle that wont go down unless I get in bed. It only goes down when I sleep, but as soon as my feet touch floor, within the hour my foot and ankle is swollen. My foot is a whole size bigger than the other, I cant wear a dress or capri's anymore because I have a normal left ankle and a elephant ankle on my right. It makes me want to stay in the house and lay in bed and die from getting fatter. But through it all my GOD, Husband and Family encourage me with all their might and I realize that I am LOVED! and I keep on living for them.
Well, I didnt come here to make you feel sorry for me, but I came here to relieve a little stress. My neck and head has been hurting for about a week now, and it's starting to hurt now. So I'm going to go and COOK dinner for my family.
It was certainly nice to come here to vent.......Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful WOMEN and men.
Talk to you later and I promise not to stay gone so long again.
Nissah
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About Me
Altoona, IA
Location
51.4
BMI
Feb 17, 2005
Member Since
