Gina F.

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Monday October 6^th 2008

 

I have some journaling to catch up on.  I guess that is good because I can think back over the past few days when I felt better and remember those days instead of today.  I guess I will start off my talking about today.  I woke up feeling pretty good, I got up and did some house work (mostly picking up stuff).  Then, my back began to hurt from all of the bending so I used an ice pack.  I did not feel very hungry and did not eat anything until 11am (bad habit from before surgery already slipping back into my life).  I made a protein shake and put 3 strawberries in it.  It really made my stomach & intestines cramp up and I did not finish all of it.  I have not been in a very good mood all day.  My back was hurting, my stomach cramping and I felt very tired.  I have tried to sleep, but for some reason have not gotten any rest today.  Since late this afternoon I feel like I am in a huge “funk” and I do not know why.  I have been able to eat some food and I am working on the fluids as we speak.  But, I still feel grumpy and kind of depressed.  I feel terrible hiding out in my room, letting my husband do all the work with the kids and dinner.  But, I feel weird and like I do not want to be around anyone, because I am so irritable.  I also feel a little weak, so I that is why I am trying to increase my fluids.  I have noticed in my food journal that I am not getting the fluid intake I should be.

 

 I should be so happy right now I have hit two major achievements.  One I have lost 20lb since surgery and two for the first time since…who knows when I am below the 200lb mark!  I wt. again today to make sure the number stuck and sure enough the scale says 198.4 again today!  I have to admit to myself that I was hoping it went down again today.  I understand why people from the support group say to not weigh everyday.  I know I have lost a ton of wt in the past 18 days, yet still you get on the scale secretly hoping the number goes down every day!  It is crazy and I know it!  I am feeling down on myself too I think because I have not started exercising yet.  Maybe that would help me out to not feel “funky” but I have not done it yet.  I have not even gone out on a walk yet today.  Mentally, I need to pick myself up by my boot straps and get some motivation.  I did realize today that I have been taking only ½ of my antidepressant dose since surgery.  I guess that could be another reason for my lack of energy.  It is a long story on how that happened but thank goodness I realized that today and have started the process of increasing my dose back to a therapeutic level.  All of this and I still can’t wrap my mind around why I feel like crap today!  Grrr!  The brain is just weird!

 

The past few days have been fairly active in comparison to today.  Yesterday, I went out to breakfast with an old friend (I took my protein shake), then I went shopping at Ross (I am in between sizes which is frustrating, but it was still fun to shop), then we took the kids to the pumpkin patch.  The pumpkin patch was huge and beautiful.  It is the largest one I have been too.  It was out in the country (not far from our home) and it had lots of fun stuff to do.  Lots of animals, petting zoos, pony rides, hay rides, hay climbers, jumper hay ground, a playground, crafts, food, and tons of pumpkins of course.  It was a lot of fun, but it really did wipe me out and I think yesterday is what triggered my back pains.  I was on my feet all day yesterday walking.  So, it was good for the exercise, but over done on the back.  I got a little dehydrated walking around out there and I really had not eaten since my shake, so I took a piece of cheese, ate that and drank ice water.  By the time we got home I went straight to bed and slept until 10pm!  I got up for a few hours and went back to bed.  I guess I was really whipped!  I am supposed to be getting up and going to my support group meeting, but I really do not think I will make it tonight.  I guess I will go get in the shower and see how I feel.  I really want to try and ride my stationary bike out in the garage tonight.  I feel like I should really step up to the exercise.  But, it has been hard not being able to take Motrin.  I do not want to take vicodin because I know it will make me seriously constipated (TMI), but taking nothing for a flare is killing me.  I suppose I should go buy some plain Tylenol.  I seriously doubt it will do any good, but I will try it any ways.

 

So, off to the shower I go!  Nice…6:30pm!  Yucky, that may be ½ my problem right there!

 

10-3-08
I went to my 2 week post op appt with Dr. Dennen.  He is so cute!  I just love him to death!  He was fast, answered all of my questions, released me to exercise, and to a stage 3 diet!  I ate 2 oz of tuna salad today (before my appt) and I did fine!  Then when we got home I poached an egg and ate a saltine cracker with it.  Yummy!  It is crazy how full you get from such a small amount of food.  Anyways, the appt went amazing I have lost 18lb in 15 days and I am on my period!  Holy cow that is great!  He said he could really see my face has gotten thinner (which is true) and my waist too. He told me not to weigh myself everyday but I told him I can't help it and that I know to expect ups and downs, plus plateaus.  I get that the body does weird stuff, but I have to know how I am doing at the beginning of everyday so I can make adjustments to my food and or exercise accordingly.
My hubby drove me, he is a doll!  He is so supportive and cute, he drives me nuts!  I can't wait to be over this week so I can show him my appreciation for everything he has been doing for me through all of this!  hehehehe! (big grin)
Dr. Dennen is pretty cute himself!  He did such an amazing job on my surgery!  I really feel that is 1/2 of the reason I have done so well.  He is an excellent surgeon and a very kind man as well.  I am so thankful to have him as my doctor.
I am tired from the trip and I am going to take a little rest before we have to go to a party later tonight.  So, I will say goodbye for now!

It is late so this post will be brief.  I went to my local Kaiser Support group meeting tonight.  Everyone was really glad to see me up and doing so well.  I am going to try to attend that group every week as long as possible.  I think this group is more for post-ops to help the pre-ops most of the time.  But, others were there for me, so I feel I must pay it forward.  I also took in 4 boxes of clothes & gave them away.  That was really fun to do, but hard for my thrifty side.  I was going to post them on CraigsList so I could make some money to buy new clothes.  But, I figured so many people need the clothes as their sizes change so quickly and it can be very expensive for them.  I hope I might find someone one week who has some smaller clothes that I like, but if not I will start thrift shopping soon.  I have enough to hold me over for now, my closet looks empty by my standards, but I am used to having a lot of clothes.  Until I get down to my goal wt.  I hope to only keep the basics of what I really need.  Bras are soon going to be an issue, and those I will not be able to get a a thrift store.  So, I hear Victoria's Secret has a huge sale in November???  I have never been able to buy a bra from there... I am so excited!!!!  One of my dresses that I gave away tonight was bought a Nordstrom and was over $200, you should have seen all those ladies, it was like they struck gold and it was fun to watch!  I love getting gifts, so hopefully they felt like it was Christmas or something!  Weeeee!

I have been hungry sometimes.  I do not think it is 100% head hunger either.  I want to eat something different so bad, and I can't wait to taste some beans on my pureed diet.  I go for my post op on Oct. 3rd and I am pretty sure he will give me the green light for pureed foods then.  I have to tell on myself though... 
I ate something I should not have last night!!!  I was dieing to chew something crunchy (not ice).  So, I took one of those 100cal packs of little Sandie cookies and ate 3 cookies out of the little bag!!  The whole bag has only 7 grams of sugar and they melt in your mouth.  I chewed them until it felt like I had nothing to even swallow!  They did not even taste that great, but I got it out of my system.  I spoke to another OH friend who had her surgery before mine and she was telling me stuff she tried before told to, and I am such a baby, I just had to try something.  It was a safe choice thank goodness and I was fine.  Today I tried a light & fit yogurt (much better than the plain !!!  I also bought some of those baby bell cheeses (soft cheese) and slowly ate one.  I am not a huge cheese fan, so it was just OK.  I guess it may taste good on a cracker, but I am not going there!!!

The main shake I am making twice a day & loving it is;
8 oz skim milk w/ 1 scoop syntex nectar chocolate truffle protein powder
1 tsp. creamy peanut butter
ice cubes until thick


I call it my Recess Peanut butter shake!  It is so good you think it is a treat.  I drink 1/2 in 30 minutes and then 1/2 a little later.  One shake gives me 33g of protein so 2 per day is 66g and that does not even count the protein in the peanut butter.  I doubt it is much just a little flavoring!

OK, I need to go take my bedtime vits and call it a night!

One week post op yesterday!  I am down 13 lb and still doing well.  I am getting in all of my fluids most days & my protein.

I had 2 funny things happen.  One was last night.  My Mom came over with some dinner for the family (not me) it was steak, veggies, and salad.  Well, as I was putting the raw veggie mix into a zip lock bag we were chatting away and all of a sudden a sense of panic hit me.  I had popped a piece of cauliflower into my mouth not even realizing it!  Panicked I got over the sink and started spitting & spitting it out in the sink.  I even rinsed my mouth out!  My Mom was laughing just because of the look on my face when I realized what I had done!

I have to tell you that the after taste of that cauliflower tasted so good!  Wow, I can't wait to be able to go on pureed foods in a week or so, I am bored out of my mind with shakes, popsicles, jell-O & cottage cheese!  But, I know I would not be able to handle much more.  Soup is not really appealing to me to me right now because it is still warm here, so that choice is out.  I dislike cream of wheat & plain yogurt is just nasty!  I am going to try & get some greek yogurt & try that soon.

 

The other interesting thing that happened is that I had my first food dream.  I dreamt that I ate pizza (which I do not really like anyways) and when I woke up I was worried that I really had somehow ate some.  I wondered why am I not hurting & sick?  But, then I realized it was all a dream!  Whew!  Thank Goodness.

 

I am getting a little stir crazy, I am tired of being in the house but really have no where to go that is a short trip.  I went to the grocery store the other day & that really wore me out & we were only gone about an hour.  We went on a walk last night as a family around the block & that was nice too, but it all still wears me out.  I guess I am not giving myself credit for what my body has really been through.  I feel a little in the “dumps” today and feel like I am torn between wanting to get out but afraid of wearing myself out or needing a shake or something and not having access to it.  Tomorrow, we are taking my daughter Juliana to her horseback riding therapy.  So, that is about an hour long & should be a nice trip out of the house.  I am also trying to get a babysitter for tomorrow night so we can go to the movies.  I think sitting will not be too hard on me and that way he can get out & do something he enjoys as well.

 

My family has not felt at all bad about eating everything in front of me.  I do not know that I expected anything different, and they are doing exactly as they should.  But, tonight they were eating some of that delicious steak that my Dad made and all I wanted to do is put a small piece in my mouth, chew it up and then spit it out!  But, of course I did not,   I would be scared of accidentally swallowing some and getting sick.  I have not thrown up once, and I am so grateful!  I think it would hurt to throw up, but I am not really sure and do not want to find out if possible.

 

My friend from here on OH came over today to visit me with a wonderful surprise!  She brought me a huge basket of her favorite foods that I can eat after RNY!  It was amazing, lots of fun to get, and so generous!  I am so lucky to have met her on OH & start a friendship with her.  It is so nice to have someone local (just up the street) to be able to talk with about everything.  She is almost 2 years post-op and doing so great, she was & is my Angel!!!

 

The other interesting thing that happened is that I had my first food dream.  I dreamt that I ate pizza (which I do not really like anyways) and when I woke up I was worried that I really had somehow ate some.  I wondered why am I not hurting & sick?  But, then I realized it was all a dream!  Whew!  Thank Goodness.

 
I am eating the same stuff everyday, pretty much.  I will post my daily menu for another few days and then I will just keep it in written copy here at home until I change to pureed foods on October 6th.  I can't believe that I have to wait that long!  But, I want to do everything right and not hurt my pouch, so that is the way it will have to be...

I am a little worried about not having a BM yet, today is day 8.  I have taken Milk of Magnesia today, but I think I will have to keep taking it until I go.  I had a terrible experience after back surgery.  They kept giving me MOM twice a day until I went, and when I did it was a huge mess!  I guess my bowels just have to be seriously woken up after surgery!  Stay tuned for the disgusting TMI update!

Ok, last night sucked!  I think just when I thought this was going to be a breeze recovery I get slapped with a reality check.  I felt awful last night.  It all started late evening.  My pain increased in my gut and I just felt something may not be right I was so uncomfortable.  I took Gas-X and rocked (which made my back hurt more) and walked and discovered that it was probably a really bad case of gas.  I got some out with some relief but over all I did not sleep the whole night and I even took my pain meds hoping that would knock me out.  Nope!  So, today I went back to Sunday’s diet…no protein shakes with made with milk!  I got a little cocky looking at my totals for Monday and thought look at me!  Well, no I am no different than anyone else.  Even though I do not feel this was a major set back or issue, I feel for the people who are sick after surgery.  It sucks and it is scary!  I was unsure if I would need to go into the ER just to be on the safe side.  But, I felt well enough not to go, and decided to go back to the basics today.  I pretty much went back to the clear liquids.  I just do not think my body was ready for all that milk.  Plus Sean bought 2% so that could be an issue as well.  I am going to go get some skim and soy tomorrow, because the shakes really do taste better with milk to me.

 

So here is my daily menu for today-

AM- 18oz Snapple with flavorless unjury protein powder (I could taste it in there but it was OK) 20g

Noon- 3 oz cottage cheese 10g, 16 oz water

Evening- 3oz cottage cheese 10g with some cream of mushroom soup (2 TBSP) strained and poured over the top of it from the stew my family ate!  OMG!  That was yummy! 8 oz crystal light

Night- Jell-O, 8 oz water, pudding cup

 

Liquids 54oz

Protein 40g

No BM

All vits & meds
walked around the block once, need to walk more!!!

Ok, it is late I did not get nearly enough walking or sleeping in today, so I am tired and hitting the sack after this.  I wanted to post my daily menu for today-

Am- 16oz protein shake 33g, 4oz water

Noon- 1 oz cottage cheese, 2oz Snapple 4oz water

Evening- 16oz protein shake 33g

Night- 1.5 oz cottage cheese, 16oz crystal light

Total Liquids- 72 oz!!!!

Total Protein- 66g!!!

All vits, but only 1000mg cal cit, Gas-X x2

Colace plus I added mirlax to my crystal light tonight because still no sign of a BM!!!

Good news- liquids going in much easier & I used only one dose of pain med today!!! 
The extra Yippee is I already have lost 10lb!!!!

So, then I vaguely remember them moving me to my room.  I do remember transferring on this air bed thing that blew up and slid me over nice and easy.  It was really cool!  I know Sean was there with me but I do not remember too much in the hours after the surgery.  I did have a pain pump with Delaud (I do not know the correct spelling of the pain med) and I was so grateful to have that instead of the morphine (morphine does not sit well with me at all).  I remember them coming in a lot to give me meds such as blood thinners, Toradol (works great) and other goodies my doctor had ordered.  I did not feel nauseated that I recall, but I do remember at times watching the clock in between snoozing to see when I could push my pain button again.  I do not remember being in tons of pain but very uncomfortable.  I know from experience it only helps to take the pain meds in the beginning and keep your pain levels down.  It is not good for recovery to be in pain and it helps you rest and recover better.  I ate a lot of ice chips until they started me on some clear liquids.  The timeline of everything is fuzzy but I think they waited until the next day to give me the liquids.  I remember measuring out the broth into the little cups and I think I ate some Jell-O too.  I think I walked the night of surgery.  I remember being very anxious to get up and walk because I know that helps you so much.  I did one lap around the unit and then decided that was enough.  Every time I went again I tired to increase my laps by one.  So, by the next afternoon I was so tired of going in circles we went down the main halls a bit too.  I tended to sleep a couple hours and then get up and walk, watch a little TV and repeat the process.  I was going to be discharged on Friday evening but I tried the full liquids and I did feel a little nauseated and increase in pain (I think it is what I now know as a tight pouch).  So, we decided to stay the night just to be on the safe side.  It is a 2 hours drive back to Sacramento we did not want to risk any possible complications being so far from my surgeon.

 

So, the next morning we went home!  I was complaining about Sean hitting all of the pot holes, but of course there was nothing he could do about the road.  I fell asleep and then had a great ride the rest of the way.  It goes really fast when you are sleeping. 

 

Being home has been great, Sean has been so supportive and my oldest daughter Valerie has been great about helping with the two younger girls.  Eating has been a work in progress.  I kept a food log so I guess I will add it here for any newbie’s reading this.  Honestly, there is no way to get the reality of how little you will be able to take in at first until you are here.  Also, the fact that getting in liquids and protein is your full time job while awake!

 

Saturday 9-20-08

Everything is sugar free and I ate or drank very slowly over the hours of the day.

AM- 3oz custard, 3oz (sips) of diet Snapple, 4oz of water

Noon- 3 oz grits (hurt after eating way too much volume), Jell-O, 4oz water, Popsicle

Evening - 4oz water, 4 oz protein drink, 3oz broth, 3 oz protein drink

Night - 3 oz water Jell-O cup

Total liquids around 35 oz

Total protein about 23g

Walked a lot 3 x outside

Gas-X time 2

No BM

 

Sunday 9-21-08

Am- 4oz water, 3 oz broth, 2 oz Snapple

Noon- 4oz protein drink, 3 oz water

Afternoon- pudding cup (a little pain too much volume)

Evening – 8oz water, 1 oz cottage cheese, 4 oz protein drink

Night- 2 oz cottage cheese, sf Jell-O cup, water

Total liquids 36oz

Total Protein 28g

Started vits- multi x2, 1500 cal cit, B-complex, biotin, omega 3 colace.

No BM

Gas-X time 2

Ok, I think I will start from the beginning to document my journey.  It is fairly uneventful thank God, but none the less I read so many profiles before surgery and it helped me so much I want to pay that forward.

I did my surgery prep on the 17th with a lot better sucess this time.  I bought the flavored kind of Fleets, plugged my nose and swallowed it down out of a shot glass and then chased it with Gatorade.  So much better than mixing it with the gatorade and I am assumming that the flavored kind helped a little too... although it was absolutly nasty either way!  I drank so much more water this time, as  much as I could handle and I took in clear liquids until midnight.  So, all together it was a much more sucessful cleanse.  The greatest thing of all is that I did not even get a headache!!!

So, I took a anxiety pill to help me sleep around midnight, but still did not get to sleep until around 2am.  I was not scared, just busy doing last minute things around the house and making sure I had my suitcase packed wtih everything I needed.  You do not need much. 

Here is what I tookand actrually used;  my own pillow, 2 pair undies, chapstick, deoderant, toothbrush & paste, 1 pair of P.J.'s, cell phone, a change of loose comfy clothes to come home in.  The things I took that I did not really need but used were a robe, PJ's & slippers.  The things I took and did not even touch were magazines, my WLS book, & other cosmetics.  I learned to pack light on OH & I am so glad I did!  Everything is provided that you need at the hospital for the most part.

So, we woke and drove to the hosptial in Fremont, CA at 5am and I slept a little in the car on the way.  I was chipper and excited to get there and we got all checked in.  They had some traveling shopping thing in the lobby and I wanted to shop a little but they said to go upstairs and check in first.  So, I did and then they would not let me leave the waiting area!  Oh well they saved me some money!  lol!

I was the first case for my surgeon so the nurse brought me back had me change into a gown and then they did all the pre-op stuff.  Questions, paperwork, IV, & vitals.  Then after about an hour it was time to go!  I kissed Sean goodbye, got a little teary but not much and walked into the OR.  Everything was set up they all said hello I remember what the room looked like and all of the instruments, then I laid down on the table and they started giving me the antibiotics that were already hung up with my I.V. the anethesiologist gave me something though my IV to relax me, then a minute or so later he put the mask on my face told me to take some deep breaths & that was it!  Off to la la land!  It is like one second you are awake and the next you are not but you do not remember falling asleep or anything!  Love it!

Next thing I know I am waking up in the recovery room.  I do not remember much about that.  I do not remember feeling pain but I know I did because I rememeber vaguely saying that I was and the nurse giving me pain meds in my IV.  That is weird to not remember but to remember at the same time!  I think I was just in and out of it for a while and I do not remember any distress or compications.  The one thing I do remember pre-op and post in the hospital is that no nurse ever commented on the surgery I was having.  I do not know if I was just paraniod, but I felt like they were thinking "why are you having GB"?  I guess I expected someone to say congratulations or even ask why I had it at my size but know one did.  I was especially self concious when they did my wt. after I changed into my gown.  It read 212, I was like OMG why am I doing this?  But, I knew I lost the 8 lb from the fluid loss in the prep for surgery.

It is back on!  I got a call today to confirm that Thursday is the getter done day!  Yippee!  I am so excited.  I can't wait to join the losers side!  I will write more in the coming days.  But, you can bet that I will not complain about anything pre-op this time!  lol!  I am having surgery this time and getting started on this journey!

We drove to Fremont today and my surgery was RS due to my Dr. worrying that I may be getting sick.  I was getting a migraine (from not eating or drinking in well over 12 hours) and felt a little dizzy (I was dehydrated from the Fleets tx).  I asked the nurses if they could take me back to pre-op and put in an IV because I was feeling terrible (I knew why).  I thought we would be on our way with the IV etc ...and in comes my surgeon saying he is not going to do the surgery because he is worried that my symptoms could be the flu which has been going around even amongst some of their staff.  We tried to tell him that I would be fine, I was not sick. But he had made up his mind to be cautious and not take any chances.  He said if I had the surgery and then came down with the stomach flu it could be big trouble for me and I may end up hospitalized for dehydration etc...after the surgery.

So, why am I so upset?  Well, 1st of all it is a huge disappointment even though I know he just wanted to be cautious.  But, the next date he has open is in over 1 month... and I am not sick!!!  I feel fine and started to feel better as soon as they gave me a glass of apple juice.  I took 2 Excedrin and have felt great since then.  I have been up all day and even went out to Mexican food tonight with my  Best Friend, I was like screw this, I am having my last supper that I never had time to have before surgery.  It was great but I would have rather had the surgery... I have had plenty of food in my life time, now I just want to get this over with and start my new journey.

This is all so hard...  My husband was so upset because he took off from work for the rest of the week (not sure if they will allow him the time off in October again)!  Plus, I did not book any parties for 5 weeks, so I could recover well.  Now  I have lost out on all of those parties I had to give away or turn away.  I will have to clear & keep my books clear for October too!  This does not just affect us.  We hired a nurse to take care of our daughter with special needs while I was recovering for the next 4 weeks!  She is supposed to start on Monday.  This all took so much preparation and hard work to coordinate that we can't help but to be upset.  I am fine with RS surgery but re-doing all of these plans, other peoples plans, and having to start all over again with the prep (which was awful) sucks!

So, I have written him begging for him to see if he can RS me for ASAP.  The date I have now is 10-8-08 and that will put me right back into a similar spot.  Probably on my period again (which makes me more prone to headaches) and even worse I was supposed to drive to Salt Lake City on 10-28-08 for my sister's baby shower.  I am not sure I can drive 12 hours ,20 days after surgery.  I have no idea what I will feel like at that point so soon after major surgery.  From what I have read it takes about 6 weeks to feel some what normal after RNY. 

I am sorry this post is so unorganized, and random.  I have had to start and stop a few times for different things.  The one thing that is for sure is that... I sure the heck did not have surgery today!!!  Is it going to kill me to wait?  Nope!  Will I be able to work everything out for October?  Probably.  But, who wants to repeat the last few days for worry, stress, and BM's that poor out like a faucet of water every 10 minutes!  Not me!  I have learned a hard lesson.  If you know you have a common pain or common headache do not complain about it or your surgery will be canceled!  I have to admire them trying to keep me safe, but I also feel like an idiot for saying anything! I would be in the hospital med floor recovering from surgery right now but instead I am laying here at home typing this to all of you. 
:-)

So, I guess it looks like I am no longer a Sept. Samurai!  :-( 

I will keep you all posted.  Maybe there is a higher reason for everything to have happened this way. .. The one thing I do know is,  that the later in the year it gets, the more likelihood of actually getting ill before surgery is stronger.  The kids are back at school and bring all kinds of viruses home not to mention that my little ones get sick more then too.  That is the start of flu season, so I am really praying to get a date this month soon instead of October!

Keep all of your fingers and toes crossed for me that he will call and say "come on down it is your turn on to be on the losers side"!!!!  lol!

Gina