Goals . . .
Nov 28, 2008
Weight - holding steady - not a pound lost in about 5 months. Interestingly enough, my body shape has changed. I refuse to stress about it as there's not much I can do. I'm eating fairly well and working on the exercise, so I'm getting healthier!
I have set some new goals for myself . . . and I have to write them down in order to really commit to them . . . so here goes. . .
1. I've quit smoking - ACK. I've slipped a few times, but am determined to win the fight with the nicodemon! The fact of the matter is, I can't exercise at the level I want to and still smoke . . . so the smoking goes bye-bye. (Easier said than done!)
2. I'm signed up for a 5K walk/run event for the Arthritis Foundation in 2 weeks. This is one of the things I've wanted to do since I had WLS and I'm so excited to get the chance to do it! I'm trying to raise $500 in pledges before the event - and have about $390 yet to raise. Fingers crossed.
3. I want to complete a sprint length triathlon Summer 2009. That's swimming 1/2 mile, biking 14 miles, running 3 miles. Yikes. There. I've said it. I can't take it back . . . and it scares the crap out of me. I can remember watching an Ironman triathlon on TV when I was in junior high, and thinking WOW - wouldn't that be amazing to do. It's been a pipe dream . . . but I want to make it a dream come true. I have several hurdles to deal with. First off, I don't own a bike. I'm going to have to buy one, but until then, I'm taking spin classes. The other problem is - I don't know how to run. Yea - I will deal with that challenge later . . . or maybe just walk the running part. The swimming, which is apparently what is most challenging to many triathletes, is the part I could do right now. I'm aces at swimming. The only challenge with this part will be finding a wet suit that I can afford and is made for bigger bodies. Again . . . a bridge to worry about at a later time.
So, there they are . . . my new goals. I have a feeling this blog is going to turn from a weight loss surgery blog into a freaking out about training for a tri blog. Won't that be fun?
A New Goal . . .
Sep 20, 2008
This brings me to my new goal. In 6th grade, one of my teacher's had us make a list of things we wanted to do before we died. I still have that list. I had recently watched an Ironman Triathalon on TV and was in awe of the atheletes. One of the things on my list was to complete a triathalon. Until now, I never thought I could do it. Now, I'm thinking . . . maybe I can. So, the goal is: I want to complete a Sprint Triathalon (swim 1/2 mile, bike 14 miles, run 3 miles) by August 2010. It scares the crap out of me just writing that. But each time I go to the gym, I'm amazed at how strong and resilient this body of mine is. I'm going to complete this goal - and scream from the rafters when I do!!
I came . . . I screamed . . . I FIT!!!
Jul 22, 2008
Went to Valleyfair amusement park and rode every coaster and thrill ride not once, but several times. It was exciting, exhilirating, thrilling, fulfilling and terrifying. I can't believe I fit in every. single. ride. None of them were even tight! AND I walked the whole park several times and kept up with the college students I went with. I was impressed with my stamina - lol!
I did notice that my focus the entire time was the rides - not the food. At the park I ate a cookie, one bite of chicken, a taste of ice cream (from someone else's cone) and some almonds. I drank liquids like crazy throughout the day, but knew if I pushed it with the food I wouldn't have a good time. In my fatter life, I would have been obsessed with food throughout the day!
I am so excited to have met my goal and have had such a GREAT day!
No box . . .
Jun 19, 2008
Am I a fat girl? Or a not-fat girl? I find myself at a place that's undefinable. Compared to what I was a year ago, I'm not fat. But compared to other women, I'm still fat. I have no idea how to describe myself.
This conundrum has been brought into focus as I've gotten involved in some dating websites. There is always a question asking me to describe my body type - but there's never a box labeled "floppy" (which would describe my skin issues!) or "squishy" (skin, again). Am I "a few extra pounds"? "Curvy"? "Round and luscious"? "Overweight"? "About average"? I want to make my own box to check . . . "Lost a ton of weight so with bra and spanx on I'm curvy, but with them off I'm floppy and I'm half the size I was so if you can't handle this much woman then bugger off". For some reason, this box does not exist.
And while I try to figure out which box to check, I have 2 dates coming up with 2 very different guys. And so the stress of figuring out what to wear begins . . . Need to cover floppy arms, camouflage sagging tummy, lift the girls, and look as thin as possible. I have no box to check and no clothes that will make me look like the box I have to check . . . And if I wear all the foundation garments I need to hold everything in, I won't be able to move . . .
Of course, I could solve all this by becoming the crazy old lady who lives alone with her 17 dogs . . .
525,600 Minutes . . .
Jun 12, 2008
Instead, I'll measure this year in how many times I mow my lawn, walk the dog, or do something spontaneous. I'll measure the joy of being able to tie my own shoes. I'll measure the gratitude that I can park in the farthest parking spot at the store and not be out of breath by the time I walk the parking lot. I'll measure the habit of taking the stairs and never even thinking about the elevator.
I will measure this year by the number of times I look strangers in the eye and smile, by the hugs I initiate and by the number of times I flirt with a stranger. I will measure it in confidence AND humility. I will measure it in the time and energy I can give to others.
It's all sinking in . . .
May 27, 2008
On the flip side of this heavy situation - I have good news. I CAN EAT EGGS AGAIN!!!!! WHOOOPEEEEEE!!!! I had a piece of very crispy bacon and 1/2 a scrambled egg for dinner. It tasted soooooooo good and the pod didn't grumble at all. This makes me happy because I have missed eggs!! Hopefully this wasn't a fluke and they will go down well from now on. I do have to admit, I chewed the heck out of it so there'd be no chance it would get stuck.
And in a final, completely unrelated matter . . . this attempt at online dating sucks. I'm not sure I have the patience for it. I followed a guy around Best Buy tonight because he smelled good. At one point I joked to him that I "wasnt' following him" just to see if I could get him to laugh and talk to me. He turned around and had a big 'ol wedding ring on his finger. Crap. I sure wish I could have a step-by-step guide for how to do this - lol.
Long overdue update!
Apr 30, 2008
Hold on to your hats – I’m about to write a novel! I apologize for not updating sooner, but life really has gotten so busy and full. First off, I’m down 175 pounds, but the loss has slowed down significantly. I knew the huge losses wouldn’t continue forever, but I find myself getting frustrated at times. I’m able to eat a greater variety of foods, which is both good and bad. It’s good, because I can have the variety – but it’s bad because I could eat carbs and sugar all day if I chose to do so. It’s been hard to be reminded again that my outcome is the product of my choices – not just the product of the surgery.
The beginning of the month, I flew for the first time since surgery. Years ago I “borrowed” a seatbelt extender and brought it along on every trip so I didn’t have to ask for one. This year, I left it at home. Sitting at the gate, waiting to board the plane, I started to get panicked. What if I didn’t fit in the seat? What if I still needed an extender? As I walked onto the plane, the first thing I noticed was that the aisle was bigger. . . wait . . . I GOT SMALLER!! When I sat in the seat, I had room to spare, and fastened the seatbelt with no problems – I even had to tighten it! It was the most joyful plane ride I’d ever had!!
I spent most of April traveling with my speech team. I got to wear lots of new clothes and cute shoes. I wore heels nearly every day and walked for miles in them. Did my feet hurt? Of course – but the point is, I didn’t have to wear ugly flats because they were the only thing that would fit! I saw many, many people I hadn’t seen since having surgery – and their reactions were a bit overwhelming. This surgery has taught me how to accept a compliment graciously – and boy, did I have a lot of practice doing that! After so many compliments, I just felt . . . awkward. I know this sounds ungrateful, but honestly, after a while I got tired of saying “thank you”. One of my friends told me to mix it up by saying “you’re too kind” but even that got old after a while. Getting compliments is really great, just confusing sometimes. It was kind of funny how many people didn’t even recognize me. Some were quite embarrassed, but I took it as a compliment!
Something that has started frustrating me is how quickly clothes get too big. If I don’t wear something for a month, I have to be sure to try it on or it might be too big. I wearing size 20/22 at present time – a size I haven’t been since graduate school! I’m trying not to get too caught up on sizes – and try to buy what fits rather than a specific size. I’m also getting better at knowing what will look good on me and the shape of my body. For now, I absolutely cannot wear anything with short sleeves. I have bat wings the size of a 747, so no short sleeves until plastic surgery!
Speaking of plastic surgery, I’m beginning to understand the concept of “Sharpei skin”, because honey – I’ve got some!! I’m also having some real issues with skin infections in excess skin areas. I see the dermatologist Friday, so I plan on having him document some of my skin issues. I’m hoping I can start plastics next summer with a panniculectomy, brachioplasty and breast lift/reduction. If I’m ever brave enough (and have the money) I’d get my thighs done, because they have the worst skin issues!
One last thing – I’ve jumped back into the dating pool . . . ACK!!! It’s scary as heck, but fun because I just don’t have the same fears I had +175 pounds ago. So far, it’s just a few dates here and there – we’ll see if I can find something significant!
Life . . .
Feb 05, 2008
Speaking of a stall . . . I think it's finally over. I've started to s...l...o...w...l...y lose again. The funny thing is, I really HAVE dropped inches even when I didn't drop weight. I went to a forensics tournament this weekend and Saturday morning, I put on a skirt that I hadn't worn since before Christmas. It nearly fell right off! Now, I've only lost about 8 pounds since then - but my body feels like it's lost 25! I told the students if I lost my skirt it was thier job to create a diversion - LOL!
I'm still going to Curves, and feel stronger and stronger. One bit of advice for anyone with a big chest - DO NOT RUN IN PLACE UNLESS YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD SPORTS BRA!!!!! Last week, I thought I broke my boob. Turns out, I just irritated the cartilidge that connects the ribs to the breastbone - but it felt like I had a broken boob. I now have a sports bra made of titanium and the girls ain't bouncin' anywhere!
I am finding that I can eat some things I wish I couldn't . . . like mini peanut butter cups. Sugar, apparently, doesn't make me dump - though fried stuff makes me puke (I learned this after a very unfortunate encounter with a Long John Silver's hush puppie) I guess I'm realizing that even though I have these re-arranged innards, it still all comes down to choice!
Curves kicked my a$$!
Jan 11, 2008
Holy cow. I'm more out of shape than I ever imagined. I joined Curves today and I am a tired, limp, sore noodle.
I have to admit I was little apprehensive to join, because I didn't know if I'd get the kind of workout I wanted - but I knew I needed some kind of structure. Guess I got what I wanted . . . and more!! My goal is to hit the circuit at least 3 times a week. I even bought new shoes just to work out in!
Just one more step trying to break my plateau!!
When it's time for the willpower to come back . . .
Jan 07, 2008
With all the great things happening, I found myself scared by the temptation of old eating habits returning. We had several huge family gatherings. I would fill my plate with 4 or 5 things and just take one bite of each. This worked well because people didn't freak out that I wasn't eating, and it controlled how much I ate. The bad thing was I sometimes tried things I wish I hadn't. For example . . . I don't think I dump on sugar. I ate Christmas cookies. One a day instead of 10 at a setting, but they didn't bother me at all.
Feeling adventurous one day, I decided to try some Chicken McNuggets that I'd been craving. I ate 3 nuggets w/ some bbq sauce. The grease/sugar combo had me puking like crazy 1/2 hour later. I don't think this was dumping - just Umbridge reminding me who's boss!
I did an OK job getting in protein, but have been more diligent since I got back home since I could feel the lack of protein in my energy levels! In fact, once I got back home - all deviant food behavior ceased. Kind of scary how much chex mix and crackers with dip I ate simply because they were there.
What have I learned from this? That's it really is time to be aware of the choices I'm making. Since I've learned that sugar doesn't have much effect on me, I need to remember that it is still a 'trigger' food that leaves me wanting more.
For a month I've been in a stall, and I'm sure my 2 week Christmas trip hasn't helped. As frustrating as the stall is, I need to be careful that I don't end up sabotaging my eating habits because of my emotions! Oh, and even though I haven't lost pounds, my clothes have gotten even bigger - go figure! lol!
Next week I'm joing the quix love2lose challenge and I'm looking forward to having some accountability to meeting my goals.