Goals . . .

Nov 28, 2008

Weight - holding steady - not a pound lost in about 5 months. Interestingly enough, my body shape has changed. I refuse to stress about it as there's not much I can do. I'm eating fairly well and working on the exercise, so I'm getting healthier!

I have set some new goals for myself . . . and I have to write them down in order to really commit to them . . . so here goes. . .

1. I've quit smoking - ACK. I've slipped a few times, but am determined to win the fight with the nicodemon! The fact of the matter is, I can't exercise at the level I want to and still smoke . . . so the smoking goes bye-bye. (Easier said than done!)

2. I'm signed up for a 5K walk/run event for the Arthritis Foundation in 2 weeks. This is one of the things I've wanted to do since I had WLS and I'm so excited to get the chance to do it! I'm trying to raise $500 in pledges before the event - and have about $390 yet to raise. Fingers crossed.

3. I want to complete a sprint length triathlon Summer 2009. That's swimming 1/2 mile, biking 14 miles, running 3 miles. Yikes. There. I've said it. I can't take it back . . . and it scares the crap out of me. I can remember watching an Ironman triathlon on TV when I was in junior high, and thinking WOW - wouldn't that be amazing to do. It's been a pipe dream . . . but I want to make it a dream come true. I have several hurdles to deal with. First off, I don't own a bike. I'm going to have to buy one, but until then, I'm taking spin classes. The other problem is - I don't know how to run. Yea - I will deal with that challenge later . . . or maybe just walk the running part. The swimming, which is apparently what is most challenging to many triathletes, is the part I could do right now. I'm aces at swimming. The only challenge with this part will be finding a wet suit that I can afford and is made for bigger bodies. Again . . . a bridge to worry about at a later time.

So, there they are . . . my new goals. I have a feeling this blog is going to turn from a weight loss surgery blog into a freaking out about training for a tri blog. Won't that be fun?

A New Goal . . .

Sep 20, 2008

So, I joined a gym. And I've been going several times a week. And the scary thing is . . . I'm starting to like it! Two days ago I went to my first spinning class. My goal was to pedal through the whole class and not fall to the floor when I got off the bike. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. It was a HARD workout. I don't think I've had that much sweat since I marched a 3 mile parade in marching band in high school. I was just so damn proud of myself! Proud that I was brave enough to walk into the class, proud that I pushed and challenged myself, proud that I was able to stop thinking about what other people might think of me. Proud that I finished. Proud that though my legs were a bit wobbly, they held me up. The only bad thing is that I'm still sore in places I didn't know could get sore - lol.

This brings me to my new goal. In 6th grade, one of my teacher's had us make a list of things we wanted to do before we died. I still have that list. I had recently watched an Ironman Triathalon on TV and was in awe of the atheletes. One of the things on my list was to complete a triathalon. Until now, I never thought I could do it. Now, I'm thinking . . . maybe I can. So, the goal is: I want to complete a Sprint Triathalon (swim 1/2 mile, bike 14 miles, run 3 miles) by August 2010. It scares the crap out of me just writing that. But each time I go to the gym, I'm amazed at how strong and resilient this body of mine is. I'm going to complete this goal - and scream from the rafters when I do!!

I came . . . I screamed . . . I FIT!!!

Jul 22, 2008

One of my goals with this surgery was to get small enough to ride rollercoasters again . . . well . . . I MET THAT GOAL!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!

Went to Valleyfair amusement park and rode every coaster and thrill ride not once, but several times. It was exciting, exhilirating, thrilling, fulfilling and terrifying. I can't believe I fit in every. single. ride. None of them were even tight! AND I walked the whole park several times and kept up with the college students I went with. I was impressed with my stamina - lol!

I did notice that my focus the entire time was the rides - not the food. At the park I ate a cookie, one bite of chicken, a taste of ice cream (from someone else's cone) and some almonds. I drank liquids like crazy throughout the day, but knew if I pushed it with the food I wouldn't have a good time. In my fatter life, I would have been obsessed with food throughout the day!

I am so excited to have met my goal and have had such a GREAT day!

No box . . .

Jun 19, 2008

Am I a fat girl? Or a not-fat girl? I find myself at a place that's undefinable. Compared to what I was a year ago, I'm not fat. But compared to other women, I'm still fat. I have no idea how to describe myself.

This conundrum has been brought into focus as I've gotten involved in some dating websites. There is always a question asking me to describe my body type - but there's never a box labeled "floppy" (which would describe my skin issues!) or "squishy" (skin, again). Am I "a few extra pounds"? "Curvy"? "Round and luscious"? "Overweight"? "About average"? I want to make my own box to check . . . "Lost a ton of weight so with bra and spanx on I'm curvy, but with them off I'm floppy and I'm half the size I was so if you can't handle this much woman then bugger off". For some reason, this box does not exist.

And while I try to figure out which box to check, I have 2 dates coming up with 2 very different guys. And so the stress of figuring out what to wear begins . . . Need to cover floppy arms, camouflage sagging tummy, lift the girls, and look as thin as possible. I have no box to check and no clothes that will make me look like the box I have to check . . . And if I wear all the foundation garments I need to hold everything in, I won't be able to move  . . .

Of course, I could solve all this by becoming the crazy old lady who lives alone with her 17 dogs . . .

525,600 Minutes . . .

Jun 12, 2008

There is a song from "Rent" that goes, "525,600 minutes - How do you measure a year?" I could measure it in 183 pounds, 16 clothing sizes, 2 ring sizes, 20 hip inches or a drop of 88 cholesterol points.

Instead, I'll measure this year in how many times I mow my lawn, walk the dog, or do something spontaneous. I'll measure the joy of being able to tie my own shoes. I'll measure the gratitude that I can park in the farthest parking spot at the store and not be out of breath by the time I walk the parking lot. I'll measure the habit of taking the stairs and never even thinking about the elevator.

I will measure this year by the number of times I look strangers in the eye and smile, by the hugs I initiate and by the number of times I flirt with a stranger. I will measure it in confidence AND humility. I will measure it in the time and energy I can give to others.

It's all sinking in . . .

May 27, 2008

It's all slowly sinking in at once. My weighloss is moving at a snails pace. I am thrilled with my loss so far, but am at a Catch-22. Having lost nearly half my body weight I am a smaller, more energetic, more positive, more active and much happier person. . . . But I still have 50 pounds to lose to meet my surgeon's goal. Could I be content if this was the end of losing? I've met so many of the goals I set, can I be content if I don't meet all of them??? At the beginning of this journey I said I didn't care if I had saggy wrinkly skin. Well, I do care. And if I lose this next 50 pounds, the skin is going to get worse and worse. So . . . a Catch-22.

On the flip side of this heavy situation - I have good news. I CAN EAT EGGS AGAIN!!!!! WHOOOPEEEEEE!!!! I had a piece of very crispy bacon and 1/2 a scrambled egg for dinner. It tasted soooooooo good and the pod didn't grumble at all. This makes me happy because I have missed eggs!! Hopefully this wasn't a fluke and they will go down well from now on.  I do have to admit, I chewed the heck out of it so there'd be no chance it would get stuck.

And in a final, completely unrelated matter . . . this attempt at online dating sucks. I'm not sure I have the patience for it. I followed a guy around Best Buy tonight because he smelled good. At one point I joked to him that I "wasnt' following him" just to see if I could get him to laugh and talk to me. He turned around and had a big 'ol wedding ring on his finger. Crap. I sure wish I could have a step-by-step guide for how to do this - lol.

Long overdue update!

Apr 30, 2008

Hold on to your hats – I’m about to write a novel! I apologize for not updating sooner, but life really has gotten so busy and full. First off, I’m down 175 pounds, but the loss has slowed down significantly. I knew the huge losses wouldn’t continue forever, but I find myself getting frustrated at times. I’m able to eat a greater variety of foods, which is both good and bad. It’s good, because I can have the variety – but it’s bad because I could eat carbs and sugar all day if I chose to do so. It’s been hard to be reminded again that my outcome is the product of my choices – not just the product of the surgery.

The beginning of the month, I flew for the first time since surgery. Years ago I “borrowed” a seatbelt extender and brought it along on every trip so I didn’t have to ask for one. This year, I left it at home. Sitting at the gate, waiting to board the plane, I started to get panicked. What if I didn’t fit in the seat? What if I still needed an extender? As I walked onto the plane, the first thing I noticed was that the aisle was bigger. . . wait . . . I GOT SMALLER!! When I sat in the seat, I had room to spare, and fastened the seatbelt with no problems – I even had to tighten it! It was the most joyful plane ride I’d ever had!!

I spent most of April traveling with my speech team. I got to wear lots of new clothes and cute shoes. I wore heels nearly every day and walked for miles in them. Did my feet hurt? Of course – but the point is, I didn’t have to wear ugly flats because they were the only thing that would fit! I saw many, many people I hadn’t seen since having surgery – and their reactions were a bit overwhelming. This surgery has taught me how to accept a compliment graciously – and boy, did I have a lot of practice doing that! After so many compliments, I just felt . . . awkward. I know this sounds ungrateful, but honestly, after a while I got tired of saying “thank you”. One of my friends told me to mix it up by saying “you’re too kind” but even that got old after a while. Getting compliments is really great, just confusing sometimes. It was kind of funny how many people didn’t even recognize me. Some were quite embarrassed, but I took it as a compliment!

Something that has started frustrating me is how quickly clothes get too big. If I don’t wear something for a month, I have to be sure to try it on or it might be too big. I wearing size 20/22 at present time – a size I haven’t been since graduate school! I’m trying not to get too caught up on sizes – and try to buy what fits rather than a specific size. I’m also getting better at knowing what will look good on me and the shape of my body. For now, I absolutely cannot wear anything with short sleeves. I have bat wings the size of a 747, so no short sleeves until plastic surgery!

Speaking of plastic surgery, I’m beginning to understand the concept of “Sharpei skin”, because honey – I’ve got some!! I’m also having some real issues with skin infections in excess skin areas. I see the dermatologist Friday, so I plan on having him document some of my skin issues. I’m hoping I can start plastics next summer with a panniculectomy, brachioplasty and breast lift/reduction. If I’m ever brave enough (and have the money) I’d get my thighs done, because they have the worst skin issues!

One last thing – I’ve jumped back into the dating pool . . . ACK!!! It’s scary as heck, but fun because I just don’t have the same fears I had +175 pounds ago. So far, it’s just a few dates here and there – we’ll see if I can find something significant!

Life . . .

Feb 05, 2008

So what really happens when you have WLS and lose a bunch of weight??? . . . LIFE!!!  I haven't been this busy with teaching and coaching in I don't know how long - but I'm easily keeping up. That wasn't possible a year ago. I just can't believe what a miracle this is!!  To be honest, I've had to remind myself of this over my stall the last few months.

Speaking of a stall . . . I think it's finally over. I've started to s...l...o...w...l...y lose again. The funny thing is, I really HAVE dropped inches even when I didn't drop weight. I went to a forensics tournament this weekend and Saturday morning, I put on a skirt that I hadn't worn since before Christmas. It nearly fell right off! Now, I've only lost about 8 pounds since then - but my body feels like it's lost 25! I told the students if I lost my skirt it was thier job to create a diversion - LOL!

I'm still going to Curves, and feel stronger and stronger. One bit of advice for anyone with a big chest - DO NOT RUN IN PLACE UNLESS YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD SPORTS BRA!!!!! Last week, I thought I broke my boob. Turns out, I just irritated the cartilidge that connects the ribs to the breastbone - but it felt like I had a broken boob. I now have a sports bra made of titanium and the girls ain't bouncin' anywhere!

I am finding that I can eat some things I wish I couldn't . . . like mini peanut butter cups. Sugar, apparently, doesn't make me dump - though fried stuff makes me puke (I learned this after a very unfortunate encounter with a Long John Silver's hush puppie) I guess I'm realizing that even though I have these re-arranged innards, it still all comes down to choice!

Curves kicked my a$$!

Jan 11, 2008

Holy cow. I'm more out of shape than I ever imagined. I joined Curves today and I am a tired, limp, sore noodle.

I have to admit I was little apprehensive to join, because I didn't know if I'd get the kind of workout I wanted - but I knew I needed some kind of structure. Guess I got what I wanted . . . and more!! My goal is to hit the circuit at least 3 times a week. I even bought new shoes just to work out in!

Just one more step trying to break my plateau!!

When it's time for the willpower to come back . . .

Jan 07, 2008

Christmas was a really great holiday for me. I got to see friends and family I haven't seen since surgery - and their reactions and support was more than I could have ever imagined! My papa took one look at me and started crying - and crying and crying and crying. I didn't know what to do, I was so overwhelmed. I believe I am now the smallest (if only by a few pounds) of my siblings. After being the biggest sibling for years and years, it's hard to get my mind around it all. My 10 year old nephew Isaac gave me a huge hug and was amazed he could fit his arms all the way around me.

With all the great things happening, I found myself scared by the temptation of old eating habits returning. We had several huge family gatherings. I would fill my plate with 4 or 5 things and just take one bite of each. This worked well because people didn't freak out that I wasn't eating, and it controlled how much I ate. The bad thing was I sometimes tried things I wish I hadn't. For example . . . I don't think I dump on sugar. I ate Christmas cookies. One a day instead of 10 at a setting, but they didn't bother me at all.  

Feeling adventurous one day, I decided to try some Chicken McNuggets that I'd been craving. I ate 3 nuggets w/ some bbq sauce. The grease/sugar combo had me puking like crazy 1/2 hour later. I don't think this was dumping - just Umbridge reminding me who's boss!

I did an OK job getting in protein, but have been more diligent since I got back home since I could feel the lack of protein in my energy levels! In fact, once I got back home - all deviant food behavior ceased. Kind of scary how much chex mix and crackers with dip I ate simply because they were there.

What have I learned from this? That's it really is time to be aware of the choices I'm making. Since I've learned that sugar doesn't have much effect on me, I need to remember that it is still a 'trigger' food that leaves me wanting more.

For a month I've been in a stall, and I'm sure my 2 week Christmas trip hasn't helped. As frustrating as the stall is, I need to be careful that I don't end up sabotaging my eating habits because of my emotions! Oh, and even though I haven't lost pounds, my clothes have gotten even bigger - go figure! lol!

Next week I'm joing the quix love2lose challenge and I'm looking forward to having some accountability to meeting my goals.

About Me
Altoona, WI
Surgery Date
Apr 25, 2006
Member Since

Friends 111

Latest Blog 81
Goals . . .
A New Goal . . .
I came . . . I screamed . . . I FIT!!!
No box . . .
525,600 Minutes . . .
It's all sinking in . . .
Long overdue update!
Life . . .
Curves kicked my a$$!
When it's time for the willpower to come back . . .