Nonny S.

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Well, I'm feeling a little better than the last time I posted.  I'm trying to tell myself that the first couple of months is a healing process and not to stress out too much.  As long as I am not dehydrated or sick, I'll approach my protein and water intake gradually (as long as I gradually increase them both).  A few days ago I started tasting the ketosis metallic taste in my mouth.  Nothing gets rid of it and it has been making EVERYTHING I eat taste bad.  Yesterday I would dry heave when I just thought about eating.  This weekend I found a few things that I cannot tolerate.  Peanuts and pickles.  I also ate half of a hot dog and got the famous foamies everyone talks about.  Completely gross!!!  I also bought a tub of that Nectar Fuzzy Navel protein that everyone raves about.  Eventhough I can tolerate it better than the others I've tried, it still was pretty nasty.  It tastes really good until the aftertaste sits in.  I put some Davinci's vanilla in it and it helped.  I'm going to try it again when the metallic taste is gone.  Maybe it will taste better.  I also went to bariatriceating.com and ordered samples of the other Nectar flavors and some other protein I've heard about.  I got 8 samples, so hopefully I'll find one I like.  If not, I will order some of the NewWhey and take it like medicine.  It's so expensive though, it will have to be my last resort.  I did find some High Protein Slim Fast bars that I like.  I can only eat 1/3 at a time, but a whole bar has 15 grams of protein in it.  Anyway, I've had a few wow moments...I litterally walked out of my open back sandals.  I went to Wal Mart and found that I am now in a size 7 from a size 8.  I also found a pair of heals that rock and I am going to buy them today to be my goal shoes.  I was a size 7 in high school, so I don't think my feet will get any smaller.  I'm also starting to see my cheek bones and people at work are telling me that they can tell a loss in my face.  Sometimes I wonder if they are just being nice though.  I can already tell that compliments are going to be hard for me to hear.  And this may be too much for some of you, but I can now see my chacha without lifting up my belly.  I still can't see my tattoo that is right besider her, but when I can I will be so happy!!

Well, I'm back at work and I was right about the crap I was walking into.  It definately didn't help my mood.  I have been doing horrible in my water intake (only 20 oz per day), in my protein (no drinks at all), in my vitamins and meds and in my walking.  Every day I get more and more depressed about it.  I feel like a failure.  It hasn't even been a month and already I am doing this the unhealthy way.  I'm not unhappy about having surgery, but I'm not happy about it either.  I guess you could say I am ambivalant(sp?).  I just don't care about anything.  I think it's because I used to revolve my moods completely around food and now that I hate to eat, I can't do it anymore.  Now I have to figure out how to have normal emotions without having them triggered by cheesecake, or chinese food.  Eventhough I'm happy I am figuring this out now, I'm upset that this was how I was living my whole life, and don't know how to change it.  Thankfully, I have the OH boards to help me see that these emotions (or lack thereof) is normal at this stage.  But they are all right when they say that you can never fully prepare your body or head for this surgery.  At least my recovery is going great.  So far, everything is text book.  The only times I threw up were when I tried pork rinds and then when I tried steak (it just would not go down).  I hate to eat, because the full feeling is not pleasant and I miss drinking big gulps of ice cold water.  I still have to sip or I get aches in my chest for like 15 min at a time.  Anyway, hopefully, this mood will pass.  If it hasn't by Monday, I'm calling a psych.

Well, it's official, Haleen is Tom Bean's Homecoming Queen for 2006!!!!  She was so beautiful tonight!!!  I can't wait to post pictures and brag about her!  I was able to get down on the field to take pictures.  I sat down and didn't have any problems getting back up again!!!  I was amazed!!  On the other hand, I am feeling sore muscles everywhere.  I guess I haven't used them in awhile.

Tonight we went to watch my sister, Haleen, play in the Powder Puff football game after the bon fire pep rally.  I'm so glad that this is my last week off from work!  I'm glad that I was able to see all of these Homecoming events.  But I'm ready to get back to a normal routine.  I'm getting bored.  Also, the temp at work is calling me telling me all the problems she's having.  I'm stressing over all the piles of crap I will be walking into on Monday.  Anyway, I tried a protein bar tonight and spit out the first bite.  I'm afraid I will never find a protein source I can tolerate.

Tonight we went to Plano to find my sis a dress for Friday's game.  (She is going to look gorgeous!!)  On the way home, we ate at Olive Garden in McKinney.  I asked for a plain chicken breast with mozerella cheese on top.  I was surprized that the waiter didn't even hesitate since it wasn't on the menu.  It came out in a little dish cut into 5 peices and I could only eat one peice before I felt stuffed.  I ate it with a slice of tomato from the salad that I cut up real good.  Oh I was in heaven!!  I love real food!!!

This morning was my 2 week follow up.  I lost 16 pounds and got my staples out.  My incision feels so much better!!  This afternoon we went to the Homecoming Parade.  I did too much walking, but I got some good pictures of my sis.  I can now walk without being hunched over.  But I'm already hating the taste of my vitamins.  And I gave up on my protein drinks.  I figure that I will start eating food food in a few days and I will get protein in other ways.

Today was my first time out of the house.  I went to my sister, Haleen's pep rally.  She is such an awesome cheerleader!  Just hearing the kids yelling her name during the dance routine made me so proud!!!  And she's a HC nominee to boot!!!  I got around ok, but was ready for bed when I got back!!

I woke up at 12:30 and my nausea is gone.  I took some Lortab and moved to Mom's room to sleep there.  I woke at 9:00 and feel better, only pain in stomach.  Spent the day juggling eating and vitamins and meds, trying to get a schedule down.  I feel good so far.  I sipped all day long, but still didn't get in all my fluids.  The protein I liked before surgery now make me sick.  So I'm not getting protein in either.  I also didn't walk as much, it's hard to walk fully upright without having deep pain.  Feels like my insides are ripping.  My staples are itching, so I guess they are healing.  I finally had a bm but it was very gross and runny.

At 3:15 I woke in pain - yet again!  I peed and asked for Lortab.  It came right away.  My RN is now Amy and my tech is Wendy.  At 8:30 I got my dressings removed and my stomach drains removed.  Dr. will be in and I can go home after that.  I called Mom, she's at work and can't talk.  I call the house, no answer.  I called my sis, asking who will get me.  At 10:00 I asked for Lortab and it came right away.  At 11:10 Dr. Cribbins came by and then I peed.  Mom finally calls me back and says that my sis and bro will leave at noon to get me.  At 11:45 I got IV out - ouch! - Haleen (my sis) and her boyfriend, Josh, called for directions, they are on their way.  I will be discharged in 30 min.  I realize that I stink!!!!  At 12:00 I'm fully discharged and waiting.  At 1:15 Haleen is here yay!!!  I'm going home!!!!  We drove to the CVS in McKinney to fill Lortab prescription.  By the time we got there I was soooo car sick!  Everyone wanted ice cream while we waited for it to be filled.  I slept in the car.  At 3:30 the script was finally filled and I took a dose.  Almost threw it up since I was still nauseated.  We got home at 5:45 and still very sick.  At 6:00 I was still in pain, so I tried to take more Lortab, but threw up at the smell of it.  I waited until Mom came home at 7:30 and she gave me a nausea suppository.  I took more Lortab, but suppository did not help.  Mom's friend, Lee, came by with sugar free popsicles for Desperate Housewives night.  I ate one, but threw it up at 8:00.  Fell asleep on the couch.  Welcome home!!! blah

My RN is now Surely and my tech is Eva.  At 3:30 I woke up with an awful headache.  I went so long without my Cpap, I have to get used to it again.  I peed and they took away my wonderful Morphine pump.  One more step to going home - yay!!.  At 8:00 Respritory came in and DNR'd my oxygen tube unless vitals are low.  My RN is now Rosie and my tech is Maria.  I finally got out of bed at 9:45.  I peed and asked for Lortab.  At 10:10 I finished aprox. 1 oz of jello before I got burppies.  The RN came in and DNR'd my oxygen machine.  She said instead of Lortab, it was time for my med Tricorp(?)  At 11:30 Dr. Cribbins came by.  He said that today was relaxation, and that dressings, and stomach catheters will come out tomorrow and I can go home after that.  He also said that I didn't have to use the C-Pap if I didn't want to.  I peed, but was too weak to walk.  But I did eat 2 oz of jello.  At 12:30 I walked one lap and then sat in my chair for a bit.  Still getting burppies from the jello.  Sucking on ice chips and could only breathe to 1,050.  Very cold.  I think the Morphine made me hot.  Constantly wearing my sweater and it looks so good outside.  At 2:30 I woke to pee and staid in chair a bit.  At 3:00 I walked a lap and peed again.  At 3:30 I couldn't muster anymore and asked for Lortab.  RN came in and said it was time for Tridor again.  At 5:30 I peed and sat in chair a bit.  At 6:00 I peed and called in chicken broth for dinner.  At 6:30 I finished 4 oz of broth.  At 7:20 I asked for Lortab.  My RN is now Surely and my tech is Mike.  Surely is getting Lortab and it hurts to cough.  I peed and am ready to sleep.  At 8:15 I asked about the Lortab and they said that it is on order.  WTF???  At 8:30 I finally got meds.  Peed and hopefully I can sleep.  I breathed up to 1,550.  At 10:15 they woke me to do vitals and peed.