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Ok this is going to be a short one but wanted to post to let everyone know that I have succesfully lost and kept of 152 pounds.
I still have at least one shake a week and try and stay with the "no sugar 19g of carbs or less" therory and it seems to be working.
Hope all is well with everyone
God bless
Paula

This is going to be a very long blog.
Since I haven't been on here in over5 months a lot has happend.
I am single now, ok as near to single as one can get without having to go to court.
My husband has social anxiety disorder and bi polar disorder, no that doesn't give him an excuse as to what has happend but it does give some reasons as to what has happend.
In the past year as my weight has gone down he has become very distant and very much into himself. He has also made some new friends that are into things that I am not. Like drugs.... :( Sadly I have found out in the past two months that he has been doing things that I never thought he would do. :( With his anxiety disorder he wouldn't go out to places with me, unless it was real late at night or if we would go to the movies it was the late show and as soon as the movie ended we were out of there before anyone else. Many times we didn't even get to see the credits run.
His attitude about me changed as drastic as my weight. :( Maybe he is the type of man who wants a bigger person, and there is nothing wrong with that at all, but I wanted to be so much healthier and able to do things that I could only dream about, so I did go through with the surgery and I have gotten a lot healthier. I have went from 272 to 120 in a year. 152 pounds of unhealthy me gone..
Through the process he never said "I'm proud of you," or "you look good" or even said "nice job." I have felt lost and sometimes ashamed because I did something for myself for once in my life. I have noticed that we bigger people often do for others more than ourselves and when we finally do do something for ourselves people take an aproach towards us that isn't at all what was expected.
My heavier set friend has been so upset with me lately, sadly with this break up I have distanced myself from all people who say they love me, that she made the coment that "I'm just a skinny bi??? and I don't want to be around big people anymore." That is absolutely not true, I am devastated at what has happend in my life that I don't want to be around anyone. I wish that I were not even here most of the time. I loved my husband for over 9 years and was told two months ago that he never loved me that he was only here to suport me in what my life needed. And now that I am littler I don't need him no more (those were his words, not mine)  So how am I suposed to take that????? I put my love on the line once again to be crused by the person I never thought would do this to me and my friend chaulks it up to me "being a skinny B who doesn't want to be around big people"  What do I do???? 
This surgery has been such a blessing in so many ways, but also it has made me realize that just because I have gotten well physically I haven't gotten well mentaly.  It is a work in progress!!
I wish I had words of wisdom for someone that may be going through what I am going through, but I don't. 
I am at a new stage of my life and do not know were to turn.
It has been two months since the break up and I feel I will never have a heart back. I used to be the most loving person in the world, I have been loyal to the point of not caring about myself and my needs, I have given everything of myself to everyone and I was happy doing that. I have never complained about that and I have never wanted anything in return, but I find myself going "What about me?" is that wrong? 
Finding myself is going to take a long time.
I hope you all are doing well,
God bless you all
Paula

Ok its almost been 7 months since surgery.. :) yay. I got to weigh myself today and I now weigh 162 pounds.. this is my official loss of weight of 110 pounds.. :) oh my gosh I never thought I would be at this point. It gives me great joy on days and then there are days where I think "why couldn't I do this without surgery?" My answer to myself is, "Because I am a food adict." Plain and simple. I used depression to eat, I used happy times to eat, I even just ate because "I wanted to have that." 
If there was a 12 step program for food adicts I would still sign myself up for that.. I believe that we are always learning about why we over eat and then if your like me use the excuse "I needed to eat to survive." 
Yes that is a reason to have food, but its not a good excuse to eat the whole house out of food.. 
One of my friends is very obese I feel for her, and I keep trying to talk to her about her health, she keeps saying "But I only eat once a day." that once a day is several cheseburgers with large fries and a huge cup of soda... She probaly is in the 400+ range and is only 5' 6" she says she doesn't have anything wrong with her and she sees herself being my size even after all the weight I have lost.  She has been having lots of chest pains and says thats only because she moved her arm wrong.. :( I don't want to lose her, she has been there for me many many times. 
When I do talk to her about weight loss I only talk about how bad I was until my surgery and she knows how much medicines I was on, she has been there to help me wash my hair because I couldn't move in my shower to wash my hair... She used to push me in my wheel chair when we would go shopping.. If anyone has sugestions on how to approach her I would be glad to hear them.. I have told her that if she could at least eat three regular size meals a day her body would start to get out of the "starvation mood" as it is, when you only eat once a day your body thinks its starving so it stores what you have eaten and that puts weight on you..
I love this person as my sister and like my sisters I want them to be around for a very long time..
Ok its time for me to go now..
God bless you all
Paula

6 month surgiversary appointment :) YAY..
By Dr Z records I weighed 269 on my first appointment and yesturday I weighed 171 :) thats 98 pounds, oh yeah... 74% fat gone. My blood work was great except for iron which is so common in our family so I'll get my iron supliment as soon as I can and start that.. My problem now is... I had taken multi vitamin with iron when I was pregnant and I got real sick. Would I still get sick?? 
For the past 6 months its been up and down for my mental health, eating wise im doing good, I tried a gordida from taco bell last week and man did I have a dumping thing.. that'll teach me to try new things.. haa haa. I mainly stick to meat, beans, chease, yogurt, slimfast shakes, sf jello, special K meal bars (sometimes way to sweet for me) I have had half a piece of bread with my lunch meet but I usually throw out my bread and just eat the meat, mashed potatoes (box) with no butter and extra powder fat free milk. I have had some bites of a salad and a bite of pizza around christmas time.. and I have tried those sf chocolates.. LOVE them.. if i only have one every few days.. Its kind of like a treat for me.
I am going to go back to having protein shakes at least one every other day if not everyday.
I know when my pouch is full and thats when I burp.. lol I only eat enough to burp usually 1/4 cup of something. I haven't ever been able to finish a whole bean burito.. Im such a cheap date now.. :) we actually save money if we go out to eat..
Ok well I better go for now,
Chow to you all
God bless you all
Paula

Well for starters the dr said that I have to go back every three months to get this "lump" sized that they do not believe it is cancer and that they just want to keep an eye on it. 
Now that being said lets move on to better stuff. :) my sixths month is coming up soon. My scale says I have lost 104 pounds so we'll see what Dr.Z says on the 14th :) yes valentines day..... Im so hoping that it says more than that, but I am happy with what ever it does come up. Its not about numbers for me as much as it is for healthier stuff. I am completely off of my diabetic meds, my high blood preasure, and my oxygen :) I'm getting my cpap checked this coming month and they think that I'll be off of that too soon. Sometimes sleep apnea doesn't go away, but heres hoping :)
Hope all is well with everyone.
God bless you all
Paula
Aug 13th, 2007
272(start weight) 232(day of surgery)
168(now)

Ok I got a letter from the mamogram place and it said that they didn't detect cancer, but that the masses need to be more indepth examind (sp?)
My drs appointment was changed to the 31st.. so thats tomorrow, we'll see whats up then and I'll update for all to see.. 
Chow for now.
God bless you all
Paula

Well yesturday was my mamogram (i think I'm spelling that wrong, sorry) anyhow they found 3 lumps there and then sent me over to get an ultrasound on those lumps/bumps.. while talking with the lady at the mamogram place she asked if I did self exams and I said of course so she then asked how long I noticed those lumps and I told her the one i have had for about 4 years and its been growing and the other about three years.. But because I was "bigger" the dr contributed them to me being "heavy" and the lady got so mad. Not at me but at the dr for not listening to me, for them just taking it into acount that its just "fat cells"... anyhow I went for the ultrasound and I swear it lasted longer than any of them from when I was pregnant.. So who knows I wont know anything until next week.. Said it will take at the minumum 2 days to read the results and then I have an appointment already with my gyno on the 24th.. so we'll see what happens.
I figure I don't have big breasts anyhow so if they have to take them then they will have to put something back in there, I wont be able to handle not haveing anything. :( I know, I know I would rather have life and health than those things, but lets face it, if a guy has to have his manhood taken off what will his mind be like? 
Take care all
God bless you all
Paula

Ok so I wheighed myself againg today.. its been over a week and I weigh 172 so that means I have officialy lost 100 pounds since I started this journey over a year ago.. by my drs records for the first time I saw him I still have 3 more pounds.. but that will be ok.. I'll get there.
My weight loss surgery was August 13th, 2007 its been a very rocky journey for me mentally. I don't think they talk about the mental stuff as much as the physical stuff so let me just through it out there. You are not insain, your hormones are jumping all over the place, you will be ok... In time..
I get more iratated and then there are days where I feel like water off a ducks tail, everything just gluides right off of me.. 
There are days where I can sleep for 2 hours and be up and ready to run a marathon.. and then there are days where I can't bring myself to gettting out of bed..
I started my next term in college and Im taking psycology one and business comunication essentials.. what a combination.. lol
well I'll update in a few day.
God bless you all
Paula

Ok I am very excited about the new year and not being almost 300 pounds.. :) yay.. I keep going from 172 to 179 depends on time of month... :( I want to stay below 172 as that will mean that I officialy lost 100 lbs.
I had my yearly girly check up yesturday and they found "masses" in my left breast, I have been telling them for years that there is a "bump" there but they just pushed it off as "fat cells" so now what??? Well here is a place where I warn you all to make sure you get your drs to work for you..... If you find a lump make sure that they do something about it.. Prayers would be very nice at this time to.... :)
I have lots of questions at this point as far as cloths, like I can wear a size 13-14 but my back kills me so I'll put on my 16 sometimes 18 jeans and they are very baggy on my legs and butt, but not my waist. Does that make sense???  Can I wear a corrset/bustie (sp?) will that hurt me or my surgery??
School isn't going so well this term, I completely lost all hope and didn't do very well at all. I am back on my Cymbalta :) it helps with the depression. I didn't think that I would be this depressed, but it happens. Im trying not to turn to food for comfort and ussually it works but I have had a couple of cookies (low sugar) but I didn't want to put sweets in my mouth after going through surgery and I ended up doing just that :(... so my guilt goes along with the depression..
Sometimes I feel like I'm going through this alone. Like the other day when I ate a potatoe chip my son comes in and goes "you're going to stretch your pouch".... :(  he had a right to worry after all I did do this surgery for health reasons and eating a chip and cookie isn't a good thing.. So I would be very hipicritical to my children if I don't get back on track. I will try harder.  If you ever feel alone in this process, please email me, we all are in this fight together.. I may not have answers, but I do have a great listening ear.

Well I better go,
God bless you all
Paula