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Here is a pic of me this evening. I was holding up my favorite pants.. Of course I can not wear them anymore..and thats great.. :) I just wish my mind could catch up with my body in the idea that I'm "not that big" anymore.
Oh and I am just getting out of a very depression state.. My school work has been lacking and Im trying really hard to get it back up to par.. I had a 4.0 up until this term and then all hell broke out.. my husband had a manic stage attack about 5 weeks ago and I was just starting my depression stage.. So I have had to put my emotions on the back burner to try and get him situated before I could go back to work on myself.. :( it can be so heart breaking when the one you love hurts and you can't help him/her fix it.. and then to be in the same spot but not think about it was the worst part.. If I hadn't had my wls I would have gained about 50 lbs I just know I would have.. Dr Z really doesn't know how much he has save this person.  I hope to make it to goal and stay there for myself but also to show people that this is a way to get your life back. As long as there are caring Drs out there who are trying their hardest to get people healthy, I feel its up to us to make sure credit goes where credit is deserved.. :)
I can't put the pic on here :( I'll just add it to my pics... 
God bless all
Paula

well this weekend I went out again. I usually do not drink but :) I did have a "jello-shot" and wow did it get to me very fast..lol.. then again I hadn't had any alcohol in years so that may have been just my brain playing tricks on me..lol
I still can not get my husband out to join me maybe one day he will.. I sure hope so because even though it feels good to get "hit on" its still very hard to take. 
Im going to try and weigh myself this week. I'm very curious as to if I have lost anything.
I've been getting my protein is as best as I can and water, water, water.. I have been trying to get my sister to understand why we don't eat the foods we used to.. the basic simpleist way I can tell her is " I don't want to go back to being unhealthy" "I don't want to eat the high carb high fat foods anymore".. Its so hard to get people to understand that the extra stuff in foods is what no one needs... :(  for instance why would I put a vegy in my mouth when I haven't had my protein intake for the day.. Im not saying to never have vegies or other foods, but that I have to have my protein in me first before I put "fillers" in me. Fillers is what made me "fat" to begin with.  Why do I want to put something in my mouth if its not going to do me any good.. Thats at least one lesson I have learned through all of this.. and my sister doesn't understand.. :(
This is the hardest thing in the world. But it had to be done for me to have a healthy life, I had to put myself first for once.. yes I feel very guilty, but thats a work in progres for me...
Ok enough of the bla bla bla's.. :)
I sure hope that whoever is reading this is having a great day..
God bless all
Paula

Well I had my 3 month check up on Thursday the 1st and I am officially down to 190. I have lost 78 lbs by their records and 52 since surgery.. :) I mainly stay to the basics of eating, I make sure that if I don't drink my shake a day I at least have enough protein through meats and cheese's.. :) My blood work is great calcium is good B-12 is good, Zink and all that other stuff is great.
No more Cholesterol problems :) and blood preasure is 118/67 I have had this wonderful experience since the day after surgery.. :) My blood preasure was never under 150/90 before..
So I am going to try and post a recent picture.. The drs office did take pics of me on the last visit, so I hope they are on their site... but who knows they may not be..
God bless all
Take care
Paula

I really did pick a good surgeon and his staff. The day of surgery Dr Z's nurse (the one in the office) came in to make sure everything was fine right before I went into surgery. And then the dietition came up the next day to make sure I had all my needs met and to help with some more nutrition questions.. The staff is so awesome I don't think that I have heard of any other surgeons office being as helpful or as concerned for their patients as Dr Z's is..  Their main thing is "getting people to be able to live healtheir lives" and On the 29th of Sept they proved it. They had a "Walk from Obesity" athon (sp?) the Dr and his staff all showed up. They worked very hard to get it up and going. They had teamed up with the other hospital in that town to get lots of donations from differant organisations for us walkers, including T-shirts. There had been several gift certificates from local stores and samples of foods that we could eat at any given stage we all were in. About 35 to 40 of his patients showed up. I wished there had been more but a lot of the people didn't show, some had work, some just didn't feel comfortable. Sadly there were some who didn't want people to know they had surgery. I know its a personal decission and all, but if you have something done, that is a healthy thing to have done, why would you be embarrased about it?? I just do not understand it. I guess I'm new age and see things a bit differantly.. I want to shout from the top of the world about how there is something out here that can make you a bit healthier than you are. And that llife doesn't end at -"fat" but begins when you choose to let the "fat" be dealt with... It is a complete mind thing, and I'll be the first to admit, "I'm addicted to food, and what food had given me." But I also know that "I am not going to let food rule my life, and that I am taking back CONTROL." And thats what this surgery has given me.. CONTROL...
Ok enough for now... 
God bless you all
Paula

Well I guess I have never written about my surgery experience...so here we go...
It was great.. :) surgery was on the 13th of August. 
My husband, daughter her then boyfriend, my dad, Pastor Dan (from old church) and Pastor Matt (from my new church) was there. It took the nurse a while to get the IV in because I had been so dehydrated from the bowl prep. :( that was the worst thing in the world. I pray that I never have to go through that again.. a whole gallon i drank :( ewww yuk. 
I was in the opperating room by 11 am and was awake around 4 pm. The said surgery was about 2.5 hours long, not sure about that, i never asked the dr. It was just what the husband and family members said.. 
When I first went into the surgery room, everyone was very pleasant and happy. Even Dr. Z was in a happy mood. The people that were going to be "near" my face told me their names and then the one nurse said "Im Linda, and I'll take  good care off you" and off I went..
I got into my room by 5pm and then I was up walking around by 6pm, I knew that to get better faster I had to walk.. so off we went.. :) that was the most wonderful feeling ever.. to know that I was on the loosing side for once and to walk.. :)
Tuesday came and I hadn't had anything to drink or eat for more than 24 hours, I wasn't hungry but boy was I thirsty, the nurse brought me in some q-tips soaked in lemon water, I couldn't drink it but it felt good on the lips along with my chapstick my sister gave me to use.. My hubby reminded me to get mine before going to the hospital, but I had so much on my mind that I left it in the car :(
Anyhow, I was wheeled down to the x-ray room around 7am Tuesday to drink that lovely stuff  they use to show if there is a leak or anything of the likes.. I was perfect so up to the room I went, after meeting the other person who had their surgery the day I did.. His name is Steve. I was able to introduse my husband to him the next week, but thats getting ahead of myself.. As soon as I got back to my room Nurse Debbie brouth me a lime popsickle.. :) oh my gosh was I in heaven.. :) then of course I couldn't finish it because it was too much.. hee hee.. YAY.. that meant the RNY was working.. :) I was able to get in about 40oz of liquids that day, thankfully i was still on the iv... the catheder (sp?) got to come out around 10am.. so I was off and walking as much as I could without help.. :)  
The next day I got to go home about 5pm.. and started my 2 weeks of clear liquids.. this was the worst part of it.... there wasn't a lot of pain with the surgery and i can say that my 2 c-sections were worse than the wls... but these two weeks were horrible for me.. I wasn't hungry or anything like that, but I didn't have any energy to even stay awake for more than 4 hours at a time.. I guess I really was "re-born" into a new me..
well I will finish this later, Im sure there were things i have left out..
God bless you all and may you all have as easy a surgery as I have had..
Paula

Ok it is now Oct 5th I have officialy started my "Diet for life".. low sugar, no caffeen, non carbonated, low carb, low fat foods.. It will be another several months before I can eat salad, steak, and pork. But Im doing good without it.. I have sense found in our pharmacy dept store some new sugar free, fat free, low carb cookies.. I have only eaten two at a time and thats only once in a blue moon. Im not craving them at all. But I also do not want to get to the point of craving and I tend to crave things that I can not have. So if I alowe myself to have a good cookie every now and then Im hoping that I never crave it again..
This week I did get the stomach flu :( wasn't fun, Im still trying to get in liquids to get my hydration back up to par..
My first blood work came back great.. Im praying that stays great..
Sense this journey began I have lost a total of 72 lbs.. since surgery I have lost 30 lbs..I still see me as "fat".. I can't get over that there are days where I can wear a size 16 and i haven't been in 16 in over 25 yrs... but then there are days where my 18's are tight on me.. I wonder if anyone else goes through that???
Well I better go for now..
Take care all.
God bless all.
Paula

My daughter is upset with me because she thinks I have done this surgery to "get skinny" well first of all being skinny isn't on my lists of "things to be" I want to be able to do things once and for all. I want to walk through a public restroom and be able to use the regular toilets. I want to be able to have enough confidence in myself to know I don't need food to live by.. I had started sugar problems right before I had surgery, the dr was considering on putting me on the diabetic pills.. and now my sugar is perfect to low.. I want to be able to walk down the street and not worry about how much pain Im going to be in from doing something I have wanted to do for so long... I want to be able to ride a horse again and smell the smell that only a sadle and bridle brings.. I was able to ride roller coaster this past summer, but I wouldn't have been able to had I not decided that I was going through with the surgery.
Yes this means that I change my eating habits, but to tell the truth my eating habbits were killing me... Literaly. I found security through my fat, but that was such a false security that it was also killing me, or rather killing the person who God intended me to be.
Im just so heart broke that she (daughter) can not see all the things I have been through and how bad my life was going. Instead she is focused on the thing I don't want her to focus on..
She is so sensitive (sp?) and I don't want her to keep thinking "its about being skinny"
If anyone has any "words of wisdom" I could give her please by all means pass them my way..
Its not about what you look like. Its about how healthy you can get yourself.
I take full credit for doing all the bad stuff to my body and now I have taken full credit for trying to undo some of the damage that I have done..
May God bless you all
Paula

Ok I had my surgery on Aug 13th at 11am.. :) It went as planned..
I had gotten there at 8:45am and we had to sit in the waiting room for about 20 mins then a nurse came and got me, said that the family could come back as soon as she had the I V in and all of that stuff.. (ok how long would that be?) well it was about an hour later before my family could come in    :(  then when they did I was pleasantly surprised. I had not only my husband there, but my duaghter her boyfriend, my dad, my very first Pastor (Dan)and my presant Pastor Matt was there too. I felt very loved and very blessed.. Pastor Matt asked if Pastor Dan would do a prayer for me and the family and the surgery (of course) and then it was only 10 mins later and they were taking me to surgery..
The room was amazing and I had no fear, it was just the realization that "This was really going to happen" My doc was in there and he was great, the last thing I remembered was the nurse saying to me (i think her name was Linda) "I'll take good care of you"  and then out I went..
The surgery lasted from 11:15am to 2:30 Im not sure if that was surgery to openning my eyes in recovery or if it was the total time of surgery. I never asked.. When I woke up I wasn't sore or anything like that, I was just very sleepy.
It took them some time before I was able to get into my room well to be exact it was 4:30pm.. they had a mix up of rooms.
My family stayed until about 6pm, my husband would have stayed the night but they wouldn't let my daughter and her boyfriend stay they are both 16.
So he went home and I was up and walking by 6:30 and no it didn't hurt, I was so tired of being "in a bed".... I walked down the hall and back.. 
I wasn't hungry or anything like that I was very thirsty and of course you can not drink anything until the next day when they give you this great tasting stuff to drink to have an xray (no it tasted horrible).. but it showed no holes or leaks so as soon as I got back to my room they had a popsickle ready for me... :) yay lime it never tasted so goo.. and I mean that.. :) the next day I walked when I could.. went to the potty and had a BM.. Yay... hubby would call almost every hour.. he was so good.. Im not sure if anyone remembers in my previous post, but my husband is Bi-polar and has Social Anxiety disorder, so for him to have been there all day on Monday he was so drained. When I would talk to him on Tuesday he was so sleepy, he would go right back to sleep as soon as he got off of the phone with me..
Ok on to Wensday.. I woke up at 8am and hubby was there, He had gotten up early so that he could come and be with me. :) he is so supportive of me I don't know what I would have done if I had to go through alone.
Well I got to go home around 5pm.. and the ride wasn't so bad at all. Hubby brought with him my pillow :) I did ask him to, but sometimes he forgets.. 
I have to say the first week was so hard on me.. not because of pain, but because the liquid diet. I have been so exhausted, I couldn't stay awake for more than two hours at a time.. the pain was mainly in my left side where the "holes" are/were. the worst one is the farthest one on the left. Its because thats where the stapler goes in and its the "biggest" hole.. not that its that big (about and inch and a half) but its where the muscle is that the dr has to go through to get into the tummy cavity..
Ok so I had my one week check up on the 23rd and I have lost 22 lbs since the 6th of August.. that was the last day of my actual weight taken..
Im good with that.. I just do not feel like I have lost any weight.. and my cloths may be bigger on me I still have problems because of the belly button hole area.. thats the second place that hurts.. only because my cloths rub on it.. any how the dr said that everything looks good and that I can not go to "full liquids" which is protien shakes, yogart, strained cream soups, cream of wheet.. things like that.. and then on the 6th of Sept I go to puree foods.. Yay.. I want brocoli.. :) who knew that vegies could taste so good.. 
As far as my schooling right now, I am back a bit, but my professors are working with me and have given me more time to get things done.. Im so happy about that.. It has taken a lot out of me to just sit and walk around.
Im not sure if anyone else has gone through this but Im so exhausted that even going into the kitche to make me something to eat (drink) takes my breath away.. 
Well I better get going for now
God bless you all and please take care of your selves.
Paula

:( oh my gosh does this stuff taste like i dumped salt into water and not just a little bit of it either.. I have already gaged on it.. No i didn't puke but man is it horrible.. I wonder how long it takes to drink the whole gallon.. :(
The drs office said I have to drink all of it and I can have "clear liquids" today but my question is... If I have anything wont that just make my bowls "dirty" again? I should have asked the dr this..
So if you are a newby just starting out and you can't think of any questions (like me in the begining) here is one to ask the dr... What happens when you drink liquid if you are trying to "cleanse your  bowl?" Doesn't that make your body work against what you are trying to do? or am i just being silly and can't remember anatomy?
:) have a great day everyone.. and remember to listen to you Dr.
God bless all
Paula

Ok I am nervous.. but not about the surgery so much as the "rerouting my inards" :) yes a word that shouldn't be in the english vocabulary.. Ok maybe it isn't and I just made that word up.. 
Can you tell I really am nervous?
God will get me through this, and I have the utmost respect for my doctor and his staff. They have prepared me to the best of their ability and they have been standing by for any of his patients. Its going to be ok.
I just sent an email out to all my friends and family. Im not sure who all knew about this but now they all know.. I think that if they do not aprove well thats their problem not mine, I am tired of living for everyone else and this is one of the last steps to getting my freedom from being tied down to what was good to people except me...
This is me taking my life back and giving myself something that I deserve.
I hope this is an inspiration to anyone out there that is a "keeper-" I am a keeper of weight, keeper of everyone else things they can not keep. I keep problems that do not belong to me because thats just like a safety blanket just like my weight has been all these years.. But not anylonger. Im giving it all back and Im giving myself the life I wanted before everything went bad... 
I have no idea where that all came from, but it needed to get out and one thing i have learned through all of this is that, I keep everything in and thats the worst thing to do..
Ok going to go get some protien stuff..
God bless you all and hope to see you on the losers side Monday.. Keep that bench warm.. :)
Paula