JeffRost

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Hey everyone!

Sorry that I haven't posted for so long--I will fill you all in this weekend. School is so crazy right now, and is by far my busiest semester. I have two night classes, so every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I have class from 5:45-10:25. Then on Saturdays I have class from 8-12. I have six credits during the day, which doesn't sound bad, but I also work 20 hours a week, so my life is super crazy. I am reading about 100 textbook pages a night to keep caught up, so you can imagine why I haven't been on here.

Quick update-I am doing much better. I did have a stricture, they opened it, so now I'm doing better. I am eating foods, and it is wonderful. Still have many limitations, but not as bad as before. Gonna run and read Family Law, so I'll write this weekend. Thanks so much for keeping up with my progress, even though my posts are so slowcoming.

God Bless!

Jeff

Hi Everyone!

So, after my last post, I feel really bad for how negative I was, but I just needed to vent. I want to update you all on a few things. Today I called my surgeon's office because I was worried. I talked to the RN, and she asked me how much water I was intaking. I explained that I was getting about 50 or so ounces a day, but that was all. Last night and this morning I had to take a nausea pill just to start taking my water. So, she doesn't think it is because I'm dehydrated, which was a relief.

However, and it's a big however, she thinks I may have a stricture. A stricture, as I understand it, is an abnormal narrowing of the intestine that won't let much more than water pass through. This seems to make sense to me, since I can get the foods down, but they all come back up soon after. Last night, I even threw up my multivitamin and calcium. It scared me a lot. So, I go in tomorrow for a gastroendoscopy, which is where they insert a tube with a camera on the end down my throat and into my stomach and intestines. This means that I'll have to miss my first Race and Ethnic Relations class of the semester, which stinks. However, I emailed my professor and we'll see what he says.

I'm scared. I think I've been scared for a while but have been afraid to show it. But, now that I know my body is adversely reacting it scares me even more. I've been told today that I look skinnier, which is so awesome, but I have no energy to even celebrate that people are noticing my 40 pound loss. A very close friend, one that had a similar surgery a few years ago, said that my color is gone and my eyes look sunken. She expressed her worries, and I was just hoping others couldn't see how crappy I looked. I've always been an upbeat person to get people to laugh, but all I want to do now is sleep. In fact, I think I'm going to go take a nap. I'll keep you all posted on what happens tomorrow.

God Bless~
Jeff

Hey Everyone~

I hope your New Year is getting off to a great start and your resolutions are coming along!

It's been pretty bad on my end of things. I went through a week of only eating about 8 tablespoons all week a few weeks ago. Now, while the weight is coming off, down 40 pounds today, my health seems to also be decreasing. As of today, all I've had in 4 days is two cheese sticks. I have dumped (thrown up my food) three times in the last week and a half, and it is terrible. I get really bad gas in my throat, but it won't come out. That happens constantly, but when I dump, it gets to the point that it's really hard to breathe, and it keeps getting worse until I throw up. It sounds like I'm gurgling, only it lasts two hours. All in all, dumping takes about an hour, but then it takes about an hour and a half to get rid of the belches. So, after a three hour ordeal, eating just a tablespoon of food isn't worth it.

So, in the last week I've dumped twice, and I've only been able to keep two cheesesticks down. Tonight, for instance, after not eating for four days, I did not want any food. I have been getting these really bad fevers, but have been so cold that I shiver until I feel like I have to throw up. I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but I get so cold, I shiver from the inside out, and it hurts. So, tonight I was shivering while really hot, and Amy encouraged me to try and eat. So, I ate a cheesestick very reluctantly. Mom and her were very worried that I haven't been eating, so I tried. Since I can't drink 30 minutes before or after a meal, the cheesestick leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I usually eat a Sugar Free Crystal Light hard candy, but I lost the bag, so I thought about taking a bite of yogurt to get the cheese taste out of my  mouth. Now mind you, I've gotten to the point that eating food, looking at food, and hearing people talk about food literally makes me gag. I can not stomach any of the foods I can have. All I want are the foods I'm not allowed to eat. Anyway, I ate two teaspoons of the sugar free light yogurt after the cheesestick, and I instantly had horrible pressure in my chest. I was almost in tears waiting for it to pass. I moved and walked around, and after I while, I was able to belch, but I could tell there was more. Then, suddenly, I felt sick, so I ran to the bathroom and dumped. So, after not eating much for four days, and dumping twice, you can see why I don't want food.

Needless to say, I'm calling the surgeon tomorrow. I hate this. And I don't just mean dumping-I hate what I've done to myself. Please don't tell me that it's going to get better--I know it will. Please don't say this is just a phase--I hope it will pass. And please don't remind me of the benefits of the surgery--I'm already experiencing them. For instance, my lower back pain has gone away. I no longer need my high blood pressure medicine or my acid reflux medicine, and I'm not at risk like I was for Diabetes. This I know. But right now, it's not worth it. Yes, I know that in the future, I'll be so happy I did this, but right now, this is the biggest regret of my life. Yes, I said it, my life. I've cried, I've been depressed, I've been angry. And I hate this. But, I know that so many people have it worse than I do, and I should be thankful, which I very much am. This surgery will so positively affect my life, but as for right now, if I could take this surgery back, I would do it without a thought. I hate it, and I'm so mad at myself for doing it. But, I refuse to let that negatively affect my outcome. I will lose this weight. I will be healthier, and happier, and more pain free. But right now, all I want is food. I'm sick of one tablespoon every four days that I throw up. I hate not being able to even look at food. Food was my life, and while I'm working to change that, this is not helping me cope with the loss I forced upon my body.

Sorry if this was such a drab post. I needed to get it off my chest. School starts tomorrow, and I have a lot riding on this semester, so I'll be darned if I let this get in my way of preparing for Graduate School applications and preparations. Thank you all for the support. I appreciate it. I'll talk with you all soon. Thanks, and God Bless.

Hey All~

Just a quick post here. Today Amy and I went to see Spamalot at the Civic Center, and I was a bit worried for wearing jeans and sitting in the seats. Well, I put on the jeans that fit me perfectly before surgery, and they were very baggy. They were very baggy in the thigh area, around the waist, and I had no butt in them! Woohoo!!! And, when we got to the Civic Center, I fit a little more comfortably in the seat. I've lost a tad over 30 pounds, and it's finally starting to show!

I'm still not really eating anything. Last night I had some cottage cheese and part of an egg, but today I can't stomach any of it. So, in about the past week I've probably eaten no more than 8 tablespoons of food. I'm super hungry at times, but I can't stomach any of the things I can eat. On New Year's Eve I can introduce light/fresh/deli turkey, chicken, and tuna into my diet, so I'm excited for that. I just worry that for the next month I will get sick of those foods as well, and then I'd be in some trouble. Hope everyone has a great week, and I'll keep you posted on everything!

Hello All~

Please please forgive me for not posting on here sooner--it has obviously been a crazy and hectic two weeks. My experiences up to now are below, but they are quite summed up since I have so much to talk about, and I don’t want to bore you all to death with little details.

Let's see, where to start. I guess the beginning would be the best place to start. I checked in at Mercy Capitol Tuesday morning the 9th at 6 am. It was really icy and snowy Monday night and early Tuesday morning which made for an interesting commute. They told me to bring comfy clothes and several other things, but I only used one outfit to go home in, and some Blistex for my chapped lips. I checked in and they whisked me back to the Operating Prep area. I got into a gown, they shaved my stomach, and they put my Ted Hose (compression stockings on), gave me a blanket, sat me in a heated chair, and went over some paperwork with me. Then they started the IV. The nurse missed the first time, and had to switch arms, and both times it hurt really freaking bad! Then the nurse brought my family back and we talked and laughed and were in good spirits. I met my OR nurse, the anesthesiologist, and my surgeon one final time. I have to honestly say that my nerves never set in. I was never nervous, I was just super excited. I think my nerves stayed away because I was trying to keep my family and Amy calm, and make sure they weren't nervous for me. Then came the time. The time that my life would change drastically, and I would never be the same. The time I would look back upon every single day up to now and wish I hadn't gone through with. Yes, I said it. Every day I regret that surgery. Granted, I know it was for the better, and I'm so happy I went through with it, but every day I have regrets, and about every other day I cry because I'm in mourning over what I did to myself.  

I came out of the O.R. and remember waking up in Recovery. I remember being pretty funny in there (evidently Morphine does that to me), and I seemed to make the nurses laugh a few times. I asked if they were able to do it laparascopically, and luckily they were. Then, the pain hit me. I was in some intense pain. Whew! But, I told the nurses that feeling pain meant I was alive, so I was alright with it. They then wheeled me to my room, and made me pretty upset because the bumps and turns hurt pretty badly, and the nurses ran my bed into the door. Yes, I said it-ran me into the doorway. I was not very happy. So, I woke up to find my parents, Amy, her mom, and Jim and Jill (adult friends that Amy and I consider to be our second parents) asking me how I was feeling. That day was the best I would feel in over two weeks. I was sitting up, laughing, joking, and of course, napping. I think my high hopes and lack of being in pain were due to the morphine. I’ll spare you all of every detail while I was in the hospital, but I do want to say that my stay was not very pleasant at all. The next few days I was joined by a day nurse who was like a drill instructor and seemed to have no mercy, and followed by a night nurse that was pretty lax about things. The thing that was the worst about the whole experience was that at times, I would call the nurse for help with pain, or other issues, and wouldn’t see anyone for a half hour or so. There was one night I waited for an hour and a half to get my leg pumps on because the nurses broke the machine. So, this night, and every other night, I was awoke five to six times to have blood pressure taken, blood sugar taken, and vitals checked. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they were on top of that, but being in that hospital was not much of a rest. After I came out of surgery, my blood sugar was 150. I don’t have Diabetes, but I suspect that my body was very close to it before surgery. So, they had to monitor my blood sugar constantly, and luckily, it went down, and is now fine. One of the worst things I had happen to me regarding the nurses were my IV flushes. Thursday night I was having some pains in my arm where the IV was. I had to keep getting up and walking, and everytime I had to do that, the nurse would have to come disconnect my IV, then when I got back to bed, they would flush it with saline and then reconnect. Just a side note, I can taste the saline when they inject it, and they say very few people can. Anyway, one night they flushed my arm and inserted my pain meds. For the past day or so, I was in bad pain, which didn't make much sense because the pain meds were supposed to be helping. Well, the next morning, my day nurse realized that my IV slipped out of my vein, even though it was still in my arm, and my arm was filling with the saline and pain meds they were pushing into me. So, all that pain medicine and saline was just sitting in my arm and doing me no good. I found this out, and was not very happy. Luckily, Mary changed the IV, pretty painfully I might add, and the pain meds then began to kick in.

I checked into the hospital on December 9^th, and did not get to leave until the 13^th, which was 5 days! Since my surgery was laparoscopic, I should have only been in the hospital for 2-3 days. However, I was kept in longer because of the most severe pain I’ve ever had in my life. Starting Thursday night, I began having these intense side pains that felt like I was being stabbed constantly over and over and over. It was horrendous, and was by far the worst thing I had ever experienced. By that time I was off of the Morphine, and they had me on Lortab, which is the worst tasting medicine made. And I’m not just saying that—my pharmacist explained that it is the worst tasting medicine out there. It tasted like old whiskey mixed with expired chocolate pudding. So, the nurses weren’t positive what was wrong with me, so they suggested I get up and walk and take meds. They said they thought it was just gas and the walking would help. At the time, walking was the last thing I wanted to do. Now, I’m a big guy so getting side aches from running was common, but this pain was terrible. I had to walk hunched over and grabbing my gut. But, in retrospect, the gas pains did go away, and while they decreased in intensity, they stuck with me for about a week and a half. My surgeon explained that the bowels do not like to be touched, and since mine were rerouted, this was their way of telling me they weren’t happy. I am so thankful to have my wonderful girlfriend in my life. She stayed with me every day and every night in the hospital, and every time the nurses came in, she got up to make sure everything was ok. Every time I had to walk, no matter what time of day or night, she was walking around those hospital corridors with me. I’m sure she was bored out of her mind so much of the time, but the comfort she provided, as well as my parents, and the visitors I had made me feel so much better. When we got home, she was the one that would set up my pillows on the recliner, help empty my drain, change my bandages, and dry my legs off after my shower (as I couldn’t bend). I have not been able to pick up anything off the floor, or do too much stair climbing, so every time I’ve needed a favor, she has been right there without complaint. I can’t think of anyone else who would help me so much and put up with my crap at the same time. I love her to death, and since I’ve had surgery, she’s also lost 6 pounds because she wants us to be healthy together. I can tell our future together will be great, just as long as she can tolerate me… =)  

So, after I had many visitors, which I am so thankful for, I was released Saturday the 13^th. My parents were there, Amy stayed with me every night and day, Amy’s mom came, both of my work study bosses (Adrian and Sheri) visited me, Jay Prescott from Grand View, my Art Therapy professor, Roberta, visited me, my Great Uncle Don and my Uncle Bill came, Jim, Jill and Emma Frank stopped by, close friends Megan and Dustin dropped in, and Kris, Tracy, Katie and Deb from the Weight Center all stopped by to see how I was doing. I got some great Sudoku books and a journal from my Aunt Robbon, and plants from my Uncle Don and Grand View. My parents and my Aunt Mary Ann emailed and called with inspirational words that, coupled with the visitors above, helped me feel more comfortable and realize that I have a fantastic support system. I don’t want to let any of them down, and that’s what I promise to do.  

After leaving the hospital, I came over to my Grandma Donna’s house where I will be staying until I move back to school. All in all, experiences here were good. It was very difficult to take showers, get up and down out of the chair, and generally just to move around. I had a drain coming out of my left incision that I had to empty 3 times a day and record its color and smell, to make sure that my new pouch wasn’t leaking. I had to sleep in a recliner since I got home (I’m still sleeping in it) because my incision hurts too much for me to lay down in bed. Hopefully I will be able to sleep in a bed very soon. It was very tough coming over to my grandma’s house after surgery. After all, this was one of the places that caused my weight to get so high. Here, as well as at my house, I could get any food I wanted any time. I enjoyed never being limited with my food intake, so coming here has been difficult, but I’m working through it. I will say that I cried so many times regretting what I had done to myself. Everyone says it’s normal, but I still think it sucks. It sucks to drive by places or see commercials with food I could eat large amounts of, and now, never will I be able to eat like that again. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but coming to the realization of losing the biggest crutch in my life has been a difficult one.  

Two of the worst days after coming home were when I had to get an upper G.I. and when I had to get my drain removed. The upper G.I. is terrible! I had to have it done to make sure my new pouch wasn’t leaking, as that could be fatal. So, I went to Mercy and was taken back to the X-Ray area. I had to stand against a machine, which was hard since I couldn’t stand for very long anyway, and I was still nursing my drain area. I had to drink Gastrografin, which, for those of you that have never tasted it, was absolutely horrible. I remember describing the taste of that wretched liquid to Amy as 7-Up mixed with urine. And the worst part, I had to drink it constantly over the course of a minute, so that while they took the X-Rays, my insides would glow to show if I had a leak. Luckily, I didn’t have a leak, so I was able to progress foods, which I’ll talk about later. Next, was the drain coming out. Kris at the Weight Center was great, but it was just uncomfortable. I had a plastic drain tube about two feet long (1 foot inside me, 1 foot out) attached to a balloon on the inside and a plastic grenade looking thing on the outside to drain my liquids from around my new stomach. She started snipping, and cutting and such, and within a minute or so it was removed and I was bandaged up. It did feel so much better to have it out, but it still provided quite a bit of discomfort, as my stomach muscles were still trying to heal.  

Amy has been eating around me, and I’m fine with that. I started off eating just broth, sugar free Jell-O and water in the hospital. I’ve hated Jell-O for a very long time, so I thought I’d live on broth and water. Well, let me tell you, broth disgusted me, and even typing about it now makes me gag. Literally. So, at day 11 I was able to add cottage cheese, refried beans, and eggs to my diet. Well, I have tried all three of those, and I am almost intolerable of those as well now. I am allowed to only eat about 2 tablespoons at each meal, but I’m struggling with getting in 2 tablespoons a day. The eggs, no matter what style they’re cooked or what I put on them, makes me feel very burpy. With my new pouch, if I eat or drink too much, I can feel the food sitting in the bottom of my throat waiting to go down into my stomach. The entrance to my new stomach is still only a little bigger than a pin head, so to eat too fast causes that food to back up until my stomach is ready for it. With eggs, I burp them up for over a day, which is GROSS. I can’t stand the sight or smell of refried beans anymore, and just to hear the mention of the word gives me shivers. And, since I can’t drink anything 30 minutes before, during, or after a meal, eating cottage cheese without having anything to wash it down with leaves a very sour taste in my mouth. I had not eaten more than 2 tablespoons total over the course of about 5 days, so I called my surgeon, and the nurse told me I could progress to yogurt, but still no soft meats. Well, my protein drinks are actually pretty bad, so I mix those 2 tb in with the shake, and that’s all I eat. So, in a day, I have a protein shake and about 55-60 ounces of water. And I’m only head hungry-never stomach hungry.  

Just a little while ago when I showered, I was finally able to touch my incisions. To this point, they have grossed me out, and so have the dissolvable stitches. Plus, my stomach has just been super sensitive to touch. But, I was able to scrub off all of the tape marks, and now my stomach is starting to look better, except for the main incision which still grosses me out a little.  

I am so thankful for everyone’s thoughts, prayers, and kind words of encouragement. This has surely been the hardest time of my life, and while it will continue to get difficult, I am so ready to use this wonderful tool I was given to show everyone how dedicated I can be when I put my mind to something. Again, thank you all, and I will write more frequently next time—I promise!!!!!!

Hey All~

My surgery is tomorrow, and I'm getting excited. Amy and I are preparing things to take to the hospital, and an email/call/text list to let everyone know how I'm doing after surgery. The nerves haven't really set in yet, and I'm not sure when they'll be here. I am comfortable with my decision, and I know it is in God's hands once I'm in the hospital. I ate three eggs and two pieces of toast this morning for breakfast, and have only had water from then on out. And tonight, I got to take a laxative drink, and needless to say, it was an experience--I'll spare you all the details.

I will be getting up super early tomorrow to get ready. I have to take a shower with a special soap, so I'll be getting up around 4:30. Then, I have to leave for the hospital by 5:30, but will need to leave earlier because we're supposed to get really bad snow and ice overnight. I'll be at the hospital before six, and start prepping then. Surgery starts at 7:30, then surgery should be over at around 10 if all goes well.

I appreciate all of your thoughts, prayers, and kind words, and I will gladly still take them. Alright, this is it. My last post before surgery. I'll see you all on the Loser's Bench (remember, that's a good thing now!!!)

Happy Sunday everyone! It's cold and brisk in Des Moines, but there is so much to be thankful for! As my title says, in just 36 short hours, I will be having surgery. In 36 hours, I will be on the Operating Room Table starting the next chapter of my life--undoubtedly one of the biggest changes I've gone through in my life.

With my surgery soon coming, I have been growing spiritually. Last Sunday was the start of the Advent season, and at my church, the theme of Advent this year is "Accepting God's Will". I sat there last week and this week and just thought about how descriptive that was of my Weight Loss Surgery journey. This whole time, from March to now, I have said that whatever happens is what God wants to have happen. If I make a certain appointment, if I get clearance from a certain doctor, if I can lose weight, if I can get surgery approval from insurance--all of that I believe was God's Will. And now, with surgery on Tuesday, I believe that is also God's will. He delivered me to the surgery, and now I have to believe in Him to deliver me through the surgery. I have prayed, and had prayers, and I know He's watching over me. Whatever happens, is His will. But, in 36-48 hours, I hope to be coming out of the surgery with a smile on my face, while I will be very sore. I must remember that I have been given an amazing gift, one that many people are denied of, and that I need to utilize it to my best ability.

I am so thankful for this opportunity, and I'm thankful for you guys--those that have followed me through the process. I ask for your support up to and through the surgery. Prayers, thoughts, kind words, anything. Thank you guys. God Bless, and I'll post again tomorrow night! Until then...

Hey All You Crazy Cats~

Just wanted to let you know that I saw my Primary Care Doctor today, Dr. Ketcham, and she cleared me for the final time for my surgery. I went in today for my Pre-Op History and Physical, and when I got there, Dr. Ketcham explained that they already did my labs, my EKG, and every other test I needed at the Weight Center, and they had records for everything else from the pulmonologist and the cardiologist, and so forth. So, she had me do deep breaths, she felt my stomach and my throat, and said I was good to go. She explained that I was a low risk patient, and she told me some stories about other patients she's had that were high risk that had complications, just so I could know what to expect just in case.

So, that makes me very happy! I'm super happy to think that in five days from now, I will be sleeping and recovering from an amazingly life altering surgery. Until next time!!

With surgery 5 days away, I surprisingly haven't gotten to think about it as much as I've wanted. Granted, I've pondered life after surgery, my diet regiment, my emotions, etc, and I believe I'm prepared for my procedure. We open the 10 minute scene showcase tonight here at the Grand View Theatre, and I am the lead in both scences I'm in, so the majority of my concentration has been towards memorizing those lines (one of the scences I'm in is me talking for about nine minutes straight)! And, with finals looming next week, it's hard to buckle down and just focus on myself.

However, I have had an outpouring of support from friends (both new and old, from my past, and from my present), as well as staff and professors here at Grand View. I've gotten emails, kind words, encouraging talks, and so much more. I know that I'm not a loner, quite a contrast to how I felt a few years ago. I used to feel like I had very few friends, and I could only rely on even fewer people. But today, even though I'm not a popular guy, I've found that the network of people I surround myself with (not limited to school age friends), are some of the best people I could ever ask for. They care. I knew they cared. But it's so reassuring to know just how much love and support is behind me and this surgery. My biggest concern, other than something happening on the table, is my success rate after the surgery. I have worried that I won't have the motivation/ability to get down to 188 pounds, that my food addiction will not allow me to pull forward, or that I'm just not strong enough. But after seeing the support from everyone, how could I not succeed? Both with the support I have, plus the unwillingness to let you guys see me at nothing but my best will drive me to work wonders with the tool I'm given this coming Tuesday.

I thank you all so much for the support. You will be in my mind as I walk back to the Operating Room, when I take my little nap, and when I wake up with a smaller stomach and the ability to finally get healthy. I thank you guys for the love, support, and friendship.

I see my Primary Care doctor today for my Pre-Op History and Physical. It's hard to believe that it's my last appointment before surgery. Nine months ago I started this journey, and in 5 days, on the 9th, I will be giving it a jumpstart! I'm so ready to be thinner, healthier, more agile, less tired, less achy, more muscular, and most importantly, higher-spirited. It's surreal, and it will be that way until I walk back to the OR.

Ok, better run now. I'll keep you guys posted as to how the appointment goes today!

Hey All~

I just found out that my surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am next Tuesday, the 9th. Which means, I have to be at Mercy Capitol at 5:30 that morning. I am the first surgery scheduled, so I won't need to wait for anyone ahead of me. Which means I'll have a few more hours to recover that day as well.

Yay!!