Finally Posting-Sorry for the Wait...

Dec 27, 2008

Hello All~

Please please forgive me for not posting on here sooner--it has obviously been a crazy and hectic two weeks. My experiences up to now are below, but they are quite summed up since I have so much to talk about, and I don’t want to bore you all to death with little details.

Let's see, where to start. I guess the beginning would be the best place to start. I checked in at Mercy Capitol Tuesday morning the 9th at 6 am. It was really icy and snowy Monday night and early Tuesday morning which made for an interesting commute. They told me to bring comfy clothes and several other things, but I only used one outfit to go home in, and some Blistex for my chapped lips. I checked in and they whisked me back to the Operating Prep area. I got into a gown, they shaved my stomach, and they put my Ted Hose (compression stockings on), gave me a blanket, sat me in a heated chair, and went over some paperwork with me. Then they started the IV. The nurse missed the first time, and had to switch arms, and both times it hurt really freaking bad! Then the nurse brought my family back and we talked and laughed and were in good spirits. I met my OR nurse, the anesthesiologist, and my surgeon one final time. I have to honestly say that my nerves never set in. I was never nervous, I was just super excited. I think my nerves stayed away because I was trying to keep my family and Amy calm, and make sure they weren't nervous for me. Then came the time. The time that my life would change drastically, and I would never be the same. The time I would look back upon every single day up to now and wish I hadn't gone through with. Yes, I said it. Every day I regret that surgery. Granted, I know it was for the better, and I'm so happy I went through with it, but every day I have regrets, and about every other day I cry because I'm in mourning over what I did to myself.  

I came out of the O.R. and remember waking up in Recovery. I remember being pretty funny in there (evidently Morphine does that to me), and I seemed to make the nurses laugh a few times. I asked if they were able to do it laparascopically, and luckily they were. Then, the pain hit me. I was in some intense pain. Whew! But, I told the nurses that feeling pain meant I was alive, so I was alright with it. They then wheeled me to my room, and made me pretty upset because the bumps and turns hurt pretty badly, and the nurses ran my bed into the door. Yes, I said it-ran me into the doorway. I was not very happy. So, I woke up to find my parents, Amy, her mom, and Jim and Jill (adult friends that Amy and I consider to be our second parents) asking me how I was feeling. That day was the best I would feel in over two weeks. I was sitting up, laughing, joking, and of course, napping. I think my high hopes and lack of being in pain were due to the morphine. I’ll spare you all of every detail while I was in the hospital, but I do want to say that my stay was not very pleasant at all. The next few days I was joined by a day nurse who was like a drill instructor and seemed to have no mercy, and followed by a night nurse that was pretty lax about things. The thing that was the worst about the whole experience was that at times, I would call the nurse for help with pain, or other issues, and wouldn’t see anyone for a half hour or so. There was one night I waited for an hour and a half to get my leg pumps on because the nurses broke the machine. So, this night, and every other night, I was awoke five to six times to have blood pressure taken, blood sugar taken, and vitals checked. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they were on top of that, but being in that hospital was not much of a rest. After I came out of surgery, my blood sugar was 150. I don’t have Diabetes, but I suspect that my body was very close to it before surgery. So, they had to monitor my blood sugar constantly, and luckily, it went down, and is now fine. One of the worst things I had happen to me regarding the nurses were my IV flushes. Thursday night I was having some pains in my arm where the IV was. I had to keep getting up and walking, and everytime I had to do that, the nurse would have to come disconnect my IV, then when I got back to bed, they would flush it with saline and then reconnect. Just a side note, I can taste the saline when they inject it, and they say very few people can. Anyway, one night they flushed my arm and inserted my pain meds. For the past day or so, I was in bad pain, which didn't make much sense because the pain meds were supposed to be helping. Well, the next morning, my day nurse realized that my IV slipped out of my vein, even though it was still in my arm, and my arm was filling with the saline and pain meds they were pushing into me. So, all that pain medicine and saline was just sitting in my arm and doing me no good. I found this out, and was not very happy. Luckily, Mary changed the IV, pretty painfully I might add, and the pain meds then began to kick in.

I checked into the hospital on December 9^th, and did not get to leave until the 13^th, which was 5 days! Since my surgery was laparoscopic, I should have only been in the hospital for 2-3 days. However, I was kept in longer because of the most severe pain I’ve ever had in my life. Starting Thursday night, I began having these intense side pains that felt like I was being stabbed constantly over and over and over. It was horrendous, and was by far the worst thing I had ever experienced. By that time I was off of the Morphine, and they had me on Lortab, which is the worst tasting medicine made. And I’m not just saying that—my pharmacist explained that it is the worst tasting medicine out there. It tasted like old whiskey mixed with expired chocolate pudding. So, the nurses weren’t positive what was wrong with me, so they suggested I get up and walk and take meds. They said they thought it was just gas and the walking would help. At the time, walking was the last thing I wanted to do. Now, I’m a big guy so getting side aches from running was common, but this pain was terrible. I had to walk hunched over and grabbing my gut. But, in retrospect, the gas pains did go away, and while they decreased in intensity, they stuck with me for about a week and a half. My surgeon explained that the bowels do not like to be touched, and since mine were rerouted, this was their way of telling me they weren’t happy. I am so thankful to have my wonderful girlfriend in my life. She stayed with me every day and every night in the hospital, and every time the nurses came in, she got up to make sure everything was ok. Every time I had to walk, no matter what time of day or night, she was walking around those hospital corridors with me. I’m sure she was bored out of her mind so much of the time, but the comfort she provided, as well as my parents, and the visitors I had made me feel so much better. When we got home, she was the one that would set up my pillows on the recliner, help empty my drain, change my bandages, and dry my legs off after my shower (as I couldn’t bend). I have not been able to pick up anything off the floor, or do too much stair climbing, so every time I’ve needed a favor, she has been right there without complaint. I can’t think of anyone else who would help me so much and put up with my crap at the same time. I love her to death, and since I’ve had surgery, she’s also lost 6 pounds because she wants us to be healthy together. I can tell our future together will be great, just as long as she can tolerate me… =)  

So, after I had many visitors, which I am so thankful for, I was released Saturday the 13^th. My parents were there, Amy stayed with me every night and day, Amy’s mom came, both of my work study bosses (Adrian and Sheri) visited me, Jay Prescott from Grand View, my Art Therapy professor, Roberta, visited me, my Great Uncle Don and my Uncle Bill came, Jim, Jill and Emma Frank stopped by, close friends Megan and Dustin dropped in, and Kris, Tracy, Katie and Deb from the Weight Center all stopped by to see how I was doing. I got some great Sudoku books and a journal from my Aunt Robbon, and plants from my Uncle Don and Grand View. My parents and my Aunt Mary Ann emailed and called with inspirational words that, coupled with the visitors above, helped me feel more comfortable and realize that I have a fantastic support system. I don’t want to let any of them down, and that’s what I promise to do.  

After leaving the hospital, I came over to my Grandma Donna’s house where I will be staying until I move back to school. All in all, experiences here were good. It was very difficult to take showers, get up and down out of the chair, and generally just to move around. I had a drain coming out of my left incision that I had to empty 3 times a day and record its color and smell, to make sure that my new pouch wasn’t leaking. I had to sleep in a recliner since I got home (I’m still sleeping in it) because my incision hurts too much for me to lay down in bed. Hopefully I will be able to sleep in a bed very soon. It was very tough coming over to my grandma’s house after surgery. After all, this was one of the places that caused my weight to get so high. Here, as well as at my house, I could get any food I wanted any time. I enjoyed never being limited with my food intake, so coming here has been difficult, but I’m working through it. I will say that I cried so many times regretting what I had done to myself. Everyone says it’s normal, but I still think it sucks. It sucks to drive by places or see commercials with food I could eat large amounts of, and now, never will I be able to eat like that again. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but coming to the realization of losing the biggest crutch in my life has been a difficult one.  

Two of the worst days after coming home were when I had to get an upper G.I. and when I had to get my drain removed. The upper G.I. is terrible! I had to have it done to make sure my new pouch wasn’t leaking, as that could be fatal. So, I went to Mercy and was taken back to the X-Ray area. I had to stand against a machine, which was hard since I couldn’t stand for very long anyway, and I was still nursing my drain area. I had to drink Gastrografin, which, for those of you that have never tasted it, was absolutely horrible. I remember describing the taste of that wretched liquid to Amy as 7-Up mixed with urine. And the worst part, I had to drink it constantly over the course of a minute, so that while they took the X-Rays, my insides would glow to show if I had a leak. Luckily, I didn’t have a leak, so I was able to progress foods, which I’ll talk about later. Next, was the drain coming out. Kris at the Weight Center was great, but it was just uncomfortable. I had a plastic drain tube about two feet long (1 foot inside me, 1 foot out) attached to a balloon on the inside and a plastic grenade looking thing on the outside to drain my liquids from around my new stomach. She started snipping, and cutting and such, and within a minute or so it was removed and I was bandaged up. It did feel so much better to have it out, but it still provided quite a bit of discomfort, as my stomach muscles were still trying to heal.  

Amy has been eating around me, and I’m fine with that. I started off eating just broth, sugar free Jell-O and water in the hospital. I’ve hated Jell-O for a very long time, so I thought I’d live on broth and water. Well, let me tell you, broth disgusted me, and even typing about it now makes me gag. Literally. So, at day 11 I was able to add cottage cheese, refried beans, and eggs to my diet. Well, I have tried all three of those, and I am almost intolerable of those as well now. I am allowed to only eat about 2 tablespoons at each meal, but I’m struggling with getting in 2 tablespoons a day. The eggs, no matter what style they’re cooked or what I put on them, makes me feel very burpy. With my new pouch, if I eat or drink too much, I can feel the food sitting in the bottom of my throat waiting to go down into my stomach. The entrance to my new stomach is still only a little bigger than a pin head, so to eat too fast causes that food to back up until my stomach is ready for it. With eggs, I burp them up for over a day, which is GROSS. I can’t stand the sight or smell of refried beans anymore, and just to hear the mention of the word gives me shivers. And, since I can’t drink anything 30 minutes before, during, or after a meal, eating cottage cheese without having anything to wash it down with leaves a very sour taste in my mouth. I had not eaten more than 2 tablespoons total over the course of about 5 days, so I called my surgeon, and the nurse told me I could progress to yogurt, but still no soft meats. Well, my protein drinks are actually pretty bad, so I mix those 2 tb in with the shake, and that’s all I eat. So, in a day, I have a protein shake and about 55-60 ounces of water. And I’m only head hungry-never stomach hungry.  

Just a little while ago when I showered, I was finally able to touch my incisions. To this point, they have grossed me out, and so have the dissolvable stitches. Plus, my stomach has just been super sensitive to touch. But, I was able to scrub off all of the tape marks, and now my stomach is starting to look better, except for the main incision which still grosses me out a little.  

I am so thankful for everyone’s thoughts, prayers, and kind words of encouragement. This has surely been the hardest time of my life, and while it will continue to get difficult, I am so ready to use this wonderful tool I was given to show everyone how dedicated I can be when I put my mind to something. Again, thank you all, and I will write more frequently next time—I promise!!!!!!

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