People call me tiny and petite

Apr 16, 2009

I hear this alot, people call me tiny, people call me petite.  Yet, I still feel the same as I did when I was big.  Mentally I will always be a big girl.  Even though I can wear clothes in the children's department.  How did I get this way.  I think back to when I had the surgery done and I was so wanting this more than anything.  A quick fix - for someone to wave their magic wand and all the fat on me to disappear and I would be this thin, beautiful person standing there.  And yet - I can't remember much about how it happened, only that it happened so fast.  Like a child growing up - where did the time go.  How did this happen.  I still have a hard time with people calling me small.  I feel ashamed as if I don't deserve the compliments.  It is not easy to loose this much weight.  I had issues before, my feet hurt, winded, could not walk a flight of steps, self esteem issues, could not find clothes that fit and then they were tight.  Now I have a different set of problems.  My butt hurts because of the bones when I sit.  I am cold, I can't find clothes small enough.  I outwalk and can keep going longer than my husband and kids.  The food part is now not even a big deal at all.  I made a life change and I am happy with it and I don't regret that I can't eat sugar or have a cocktail with the girls.  I would rather not feel like I have the flu for an hour so I just don't do it.  I think I have found my weight that my body is happy with.  128.  I have been this now for months.  I went down to 126 and then back up to 128 and now I have stopped.  I still weigh every day.  I think it is just something that lets me know that I am not going to let my weight get out of control again.  So - I guess I will now be in the small petite size 2 department for the rest of my life.  Still can't get over this.... still can't believe it happened to me.  still don't think I am as small as people say.  Yet, when I look at my clothes - not on me... but in the closet - they are small.  But I still can't see it.

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