T'was the night before my surgery.......

Dec 26, 2007

.......and I am so darn nervous that I can't hardly type without making mistakes.  But I know it is only because I am afraid of the unknown.  I am not worried about the surgery itself.  It is going to be just fine, and I will sleep well, and once it is all done and over with, I will be up and running the halls as fast as I can!!!   I have everything packed and ready, pictures of my girls in there as well, since I won't get to see them until I get to come home.  I love them so much, it is going to be so hard to walk out that door in the morning.  

I have written my "What If" letters, and they are in safe keeping with one of my best friends.  I will be getting them back as soon as I get home, so I don't have to worry about them!!!  Phew, that was really hard to do, but I made it, and really feel better about everything now that is done.  

I really need to get to bed now, but I just wanted to thank each and every one of you for all the love and support you have given me in this journey.  It has been a hell of a ride, and I really appreciate your kind words.  You each mean so much to me, I would never ever be able to repay you all for everything you have done.  It means the world to me to know that you have been there not only for me, but for all the others in the same situation as I am.......Thanks again!  I love you all!!  I will see you on the other side!!!  Thanks again!

My Goals for 2008.....post surgery

Dec 21, 2007

1.  Ride a roller coaster, without having to be stuffed into the seat so tightly that I can't breathe.

2. Wear a bathingsuit that I don't have to buy in a size TENT.

3. Walk or run a 5K marathon.

4. Dance!!!!!  I love to dance, and want to again.

5. Get into a size 16!  Not that it is small by any means, but that was what I wore when I was a junior in high school.

6. Go to my 20 year class reunion and have people wonder who the heck I am!!!  

7.  Have a REAL BIRTHDAY PARTY for me!!! Where my family is actually involved this time, instead of just being another day to them.

8. Wear a size Large t-shirt.

9. Have lasik surgery on my eyes, so I can get rid of the glasses.

10. Play a game of soccer with my girls, and not be winded just walking to the other end of the field.

11. I want to be able to feel better about myself. 

12. I want to run again.

13. I want to go camping.

14. I want to go on a wls retreat.  For those that are pre- and post- both

15. I want to live again!!!

Nerves are really setting in now...........

Dec 20, 2007

Good Lord, why am I getting so scared and nervous??? I know that I am in your hands, and that I am going to be just fine with the surgery. All of a sudden, I am really nervous and worried tho. I shouldn't be, because I know everything is going to go fine, and I will come thru without any troubles.  I also know that I really need this surgery and that also I know I can't do this without it.  Everyone at work has been commenting on how much weight I have already lost, but I really had to struggle with that.......they just don't understand how hard I really had to work at it to loose as much as I have.  And my friends are really supportive of it as well, but they still question why I am going to have the surgery since I AM doing so well on my own.  It is because they are just as scared for me as I am.
The liquid diet is going ok still.  Now I have got others at work coming up with ideas of things for me to drink, since our dining room isn't wls friendly.  I am making smoothies every break I get, and they are really good, and others are wanting them as well, so I just make enough to share! LOL  
I have so much stuff still to do before surgery.  I haven't even thought about packing my bags for the hospital.......I have no clue what I am going to take other than the few things I know I can't live without.  I also have been putting off writing those all important letters, not because I don't know what to say, or who to write them to, but because once I write them, it is almost like the time is near......which it is.  I will be writing them over the next few days. I must get them to one of my dearest friends, who has specific instructions on what to do with them.  And then, when I get back home, she will bring them back to me, and I will put them away........and all will be good.
Mariah just walked into the bedroom, and I just hugged her and cried on her shoulder.  And she never asked why I was crying, she just held me, and hugged me tight, like a mother should hold a child. Not the other way around.  My 7 year old is so grown up in so many ways, especially when it comes to caring for us. She is my big girl, and she has always been the mommy figure........I guess that means I have raised her right. I have really tried to. 
Ok, enough of the blubbering and crying.......it is time to get on with the show.....I can do this. I know I can. I have got too much to get ready for to just sit here and bawl like a baby! Here we go.......6 more days and I will be on the bench.  I can't wait!!!

Its getting better..............

Dec 18, 2007

Well, I have been on my liquid diet for 6 days now, and it is slowly getting easier.  I have been drinking the carnation instant breakfast drinks, and they have really been helpful.  Also, plenty of jello and soups.  I have been craving chili for days now with the tempratures that we have been having. So today for lunch I made a huge pot of chili for my family........and I got my trusty blender out and pureed some chili for me.  It tasted really good, and hit the spot for the craving.  I just made sure to add plenty more tomato juice to help with the liquid state. It really wasn't bad. I figured that the texture of the meat and beans would be hard to tolerate, but it really was what my body was craving.

Another thing I have been doing is eating crushed ice. It gives me the liquids, and makes my mind think that I am chomping on other things instead of just water! LOL  Gotta love the powers of the mind! haha

Well, 9 days to go, and I will be a new me!!!  I have really been thinking hard about this surgery, and what the future holds for me.  With all the weight that I have already lost, everyone keeps on telling me that I don't need the surgery, and that I can do it by myself.  I keep on replying that no I can't, because if I went back to eating the way that I have all my life, I will be bigger than ever.  I don't want that, and therefore I will continue to have the surgery.  They understand my reasoning behind it, so thats good at least. I have really had some great WOW moments already, and that just makes me feel like this is what I really need to stay on track. I want to keep going, and make a difference, not only in my own life, but those that I share my story with.  Thanks for the support!!! Its almost time!
God Bless!

Liquid Diet Sucks!!!!!

Dec 14, 2007

Well, day two has come, and I wish it was gone already!!!  I am really having trouble NOT eating solids.  I stared at the cans of soup at the grocery for almost 15 minutes!  I finally gave up and bought some chicken noodle soup, and I will just have to blend the noodles up I guess.
I decided to make some home made potato soup, and then blend it up. It was so yummy. It was the texture that I needed to satisfy my urge to chomp.  It is a simple soup, that only takes 3 things!!! Here is the recipe, in case you want to try it for yourself.

LaChelle's Potato Soup

2 cans whole or diced potatoes~~~drained completely.
2tsp margarine or butter
enough milk to cover the potatoes.
salt and pepper to taste.

Cook all together until potatoes are tender. Serve hot.  If you need to make this as a liquid only, blend it in a blender after it has cooked. Make sure to add more milk to thin it down.
Enjoy!


Phew!!!!

Dec 12, 2007

I made it thru the hemaglobin testing today....a little weak in the knees, but I made it thru.  They took 9 vials of blood!!!  I got weak and almost passed out!!! The tech had to get a fan and keep me alert. They had to also get an ice pack to bring me back to reality! Phew!!! Talk about getting sick!
I ate my last meal this evening.....one of my favorites. Pizza rolls and Cherry Pepsi. I am going to miss them both so much.  This is going to be worth it in the long run. 
For some reason, I have been having the wild ideas not that I can do this without the surgery, but then I look back at all of the times that I have lost weight before, and then again it makes me realize that I cannot do this on my own, and this is the ONLY tool I need to make my life better again.
God Bless each one of you......15 days and counting!!! Here we go!

Thoughts for the day.

Dec 08, 2007

WOW!!! It has been almost a week since I wrote anything on my blogs.  Time to update this right now!

Thursday I had my pre-op testing and my cardio clearances.  The hospital class that I had to take was interesting. I was so surprised to find out that I had lost another 10 pounds too!!! When the nurse asked me to get on the scale, I figured that I had actually gained a couple pounds, since I had been slacking off on watching what I have been eating, and of course my last meal the previous weekend.  My goodness!!! I was so shocked when I got on the scale and saw 254#!!!  I asked the nurse if that was a mistake, and she assured me that no, it was correct!!! I hopped of the scale, and danced right there in the room!!! I hadn't weighed in almost 3 weeks, and a 10# loss was a great boost to my ego! LOL  After all the morning classes and stuff like that, I had to drive about a block away for my cardio clearance.  I had enough time to grab a bite to eat, and afterward, I went to the office.  When it came time for me to go back, they weighed me again.  I told this nurse that I KNEW what I weighed this morning, and I have eaten, so if her scale is wayyyyyy off like I expected it to be, then the hospitals scales were wrong after all!!!  Not only were the scales very close, but I had only gained 1 pound from lunch!!! I was so shocked and surprised.  I have reached the goal that Dr. Shina wanted me to get to before surgery!! I am so happy! It is almost time!

Tomorrow, Monday, I have my next clearance testing done.  I don't remember which one it is, but I have them all listed and all my papers ready!  The drive to Louisville is not bad, so that makes it a whole lot easier to want to do as it is.  

I am wishing that I had the funds to actually give the girls a good Christmas this year.  Jimmy and I have talked to them, and they understand that we don't have money this year to be able to buy them lots of things.  I do have a couple things stuck back for them already, so that makes it a little better.  They know that the reason is because of my surgery.  We have already talked about it, and they will be having a LATE Christmas........for when I am home from the hospital, and able to work again.  The girls are really understanding about it, so that shows us that they have really grown up quite a bit. Thats good to know, because I am going to need their help now more than ever.

I did get my hair cut off, and I will get those pictures posted today. It feels so much better!!! I am so glad I did that too, and everyone is so excited at work about the timing getting closer.  I have such a wonderful support group there as well.. I have even had a co-worker to take a couple days off to help me out when I get to come home!!! Now if that isn't a true friend, I couldn't describe it better!

Enough of my rambling on. Time to get ready for church. Have a wonderful weekend!
God Bless each and everyone that reads this!

My Last Supper

Dec 02, 2007

Last night I had my last supper with my family and friends. I must say, my dear friends that came to enjoy the food and fellowship were the best friends I could ever imagine having!  It means so much when people drive from almost 2 hours away to celebrate life and the new life ahead.  It was so much fun. We had about 25 people to show up, and I must say, everyone ate until they couldn't eat anymore!!  We sat around afterward and just chatted and then played cards.........go figure, a bunch of casino workers playing cards! lol  I did learn how to play Euchre last night, and it is pretty fun. We really know how to have fun.  I think that everyone had a great time, at least they seemed to have a blast! 
Today, Monday, I am getting my hair cut off. I have been planning on this for several days now, and my friend Heather has decided to cut hers as well, to show me support!! Thats a true friend! I will post pictures of the party last night, and before and after of my haircut today as well. Will update it later!

26 days and counting.

Nov 30, 2007

Just a little under a month to go. It is December 1st, and I am really getting excited. I am ready for my last meal. Thats tomorrow with all of my family and friends coming for a huge spaghetti dinner........home made of course.  I wanted to share my last meal with everyone because they have all been such great supporters of my choice to have wls. My DH, Jimmy, understands or says he does at least.  I will be starting my liquid diet on the 10th, but this is my last FULL meal.  I am not upset at all about it happening so close to Christmas.  This is the best Christmas present I could have ever gotten. Thank you Lord, for giving me this gift!
I have been thinking about my "What if........" letters.  You know the ones, the ones the family gets if things don't turn out right during surgery.  I know what to say, but just don't know how to say them. I have so many emotions now, and they are really all coming to the front. I expected that........my hubby and daughters kinda understand that also, but not what I am feeling anyway. Once I start writing it all down, I am sure I will feel better about it all.
Have a wonderful weekend. I am planning on it!
God Bless you all!

New Ticker!!!

Nov 26, 2007


About Me
Erie, PA
Location
43.9
BMI
RNY
Surgery
12/27/2007
Surgery Date
Aug 23, 2007
Member Since

Before & After
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Uggh!
283lbs

Friends 93

Latest Blog 60
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