just some thoughts

Mar 06, 2010

so many thoughts have been going through my head since i initally received my letter for my first info session. i started to research the gastric sleeve at that point, getting any or all info i could on it. i went to the info session last week and i find myself becoming obsessed with any information i can learn. i guess that could be one of my good obsessions since no one can never be too informed. especially when it comes to something so major in life.

i am feeling very excited, overwhelmed yet nervous. with all those feelings i am anxiously waiting a new start on my life. i feel excited because for once maybe i will learn self control, will power, i will be able to hopefully get off all or least some of my meds. its been a never ending thing with medication lately, every time i see the doctor it seems like there is something new i have to talk about which resolves in new medication. i need to get off the never ending downhill spiral.

i want to know what it feels like to get up and move. to breath easy and have no or little joint pain.

on the downside of all that i wonder if the surgery will go through with flying colours. i have had surgery before, i have had my gall bladder removed. so i know what risks and what surgery is about. i wonder how much skin i will have flopping all over the place, like the tongue on Adam Sandler in the movie Click. i wonder if my double chin will just become one chin or will i have a turkey neck? will i lose some of my hair? that really scares me and i know it will grow back. i am partial to my hair, i love it long, its not so thick anymore as it is. funny how something so trivial that as i said DOES grow back could make one so worried and self concious.

i worry, i wonder, i am overwhelmed.

but mostly and most imporantly i look forward in the journey of making my health the best it can be. just not for me but for my family.  to actually watch my nephew grow up and be able to run after him without being out of breath. my weight has held me back in many things in life. my true personality doesnt shine through as much as i would like it because i am stuck trying to hide, trying to hide cause i am overweight...obese...hiding behind this fat will STOP one day. i look forward in discovering new things about myself and actually showing the world who i truely am.

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