KnikkiJ

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187 - down 2 pounds

I AM 18 POUNDS FROM REACHING A NORMAL BMI - OMGI!!!!!!!

I'm thinking this morning I'll be weighing in only every 2 or 4 weeks from this point forward.  I want to stay accountable, but I also want to focus on fitness rather than pounds.

Belly dancing is going great - gym is going great - finding all sorts of muscles that I need to work on (especially my back) and I desperately need to build some flexibility.

Feeling great - looking great - moving forward.  Not sure where life is going to take me on this journey, but I am sure enjoying the discovery process!

189

I think there's something wrong with my scale.  But I'm going to enjoy it for now!

194 - no change

I think that's 6 pounds over 2 months total, which is tough - but I AM working out more, stretching more and building muscle - so all is not lost!

This past weekend my mother and step-father (Steve)  took a six hour trip from Boise, Idaho to Salt Lake City, Utah to meet up with some of their skydiving friends.  My mother, who suffered a parachute malfunction several years ago, no longer skydives and my step-father has since taken up BASE jumping.  I suppose free falling out of an airplane at 10,000 feet gets boring after 5,000 dives - I don't honestly know - so now he jumps off of Buildings, Antennas, Spans (Bridges) and Earth (Cliffs and stuff).

On Saturday, Steve met up with some friends to BASE jump off a cliff in the canyons of Salt Lake City.  Just off the cliff was a ledge, and I know he was concerned about MISSING that ledge on the way down.  Unfortunately, that thought was foremost in his mind as he dove off the cliff and instead of focusing on getting the right horizontal position, he was craning to see if he would miss the ledge.  In doing so, his body turned vertically and he began to fall  much too quickly.   Realizing this, he threw out his chute  (you don't pull the cord when you're base jumping - there's no time) but being vertical, his leg caught up in the line as it attempted to open. 

This caused a massive fracture of his femur and also prevented his chute from fully inflating.   Hurling towards the earth, he hit the canyon wall (which is usually instantaneous death) then bounced off the cliff face and into some high voltage power lines.  From there, he hurtled into a large tree hitting multiple branches on the way down and fracturing his right ankle.

He came to a stop about six inches above the ground - hanging by the ropes of his parachute, which were entangled in the branches of the tree above him.  Initially, he told my mother he thought "WOW - I just plummeted to the earth without a parachute and survived unscathed" but once he actually attempted to move any of his limbs, he realized he had not.  He has already survived two major surgeries on  Sunday to put a rod in his femur and a plate in his ankle.  They are closely monitoring him because he has also injured his spine, which is of great concern.  Due to his diabetes and heart problems they aren't sure if his body will properly heal - so we're all a bit on pins and needles until we understand a little more.  I believe the worst is over - but he's not out of the woods yet.

Alot of posting on the board today about people having a hard time shopping and finding clothes in their size now that theyr'e a "size 2" or a "size 0" - I was so frustrated!   I'm fighting after six months out for every single pound - struggling to keep my optimistic spirit alive and my drive high enough to reach the goals I've set for myself.  But so what?   Why would that preclude me from 1)  being happy for those that have achieved greater success than myself after surgery; and 2)  not showing empathy for a feeling I know VERY well from my morbidly obese days.  It's the same frustration, just on the opposite end of the spectrum - and I should be more understanding.

Dr. Lowe said the surgery will help with the first 60-65 percent, and it's done that - he's kept his promise.  Now it's up to me - and I'm flat out determined to get there.....but MAN it's taking a long time!   :)    I  know it's about consistency - and I also know that I'm likely eating more than I think I'm eating since I'm not journaling.  But we'll have to get back to a faithful accounting to see where we stand.

This is my life - and this is what I want - and while I know I'll get myself there, I'd like to do it while still being able to properly encourage and empathize with others.  It has been an interesting day of reflection - and I'm not proud of some of the things I discovered about myself today.  On the other hand, it's a good opportunity to improvement - so there you go.

194 - I think that's down one pound.   I don't worry too much because i worked out quite a lot this week, and while I was hoping for a dramatic change in the scale - I'm just pleased it's still moving at all.

I've been struggling with nausea ALOT this week.  Have an appointment with my surgeon next week - maybe he can offer some insights.

Still working out - making progress - keeping on track.  It's old hat now, but I'm still trying my darndest to be well into the 180's by the 4th of July.  Not sure if my body will cooperate, but it's a good goal to work towards!

I spent a week of my two week liquid diet on vacation in Bonaire with 26 of our scuba friends (my husband is an instructor and works at the dive shop here in town.)  Let me tell ya - THAT was tough!  Only two of the people on our trip actually noticed I ate nothing but liquids and I did share with them the reasons why - but nobody else knew.

I've been keeping a low profile for the past six months trying to get my mind & emotions in order after surgery, so I was really excited to see them all this past weekend at the annual Luau.

I walked up to a group of friends and they all looked at me kind of oddly because they had NO idea who I was until my husband came over and kissed me.  Then they started screaming - it was so awesome!  I don't think about the progress I've made on a daily basis anymore.  I focus on the tasks at hand, getting to the gym, keeping my water uptake up (I'm lousy at this) - and nobody has said anything for quite some time.

I'll post some pictures - I have to admit I dressed a little more provacatively than I normally would to accent the point - which was also hilarious.  Nikki spreads her wings and tries new things!  

Reminded me how hard I've worked and that it is paying off beyond just how I feel on a daily basis.  All in all - a very wonderful time!

Down 1 pound this week to 195, which was a welcome sight!

I admit that my first six months consisted of zero exercise - I really wanted to focus on what I was eating and not take on too much.  Now that I'm back at the gym (and in tremendous pain at the moment), I remember what a joy endorphins can be and expect to see an increase in weight as I rebuild the muscles that have been deteriorating over the last several months.

Belly dancing class is going well - although I got booted out of the intermediate class.  (My technique sucks, i can live with it)

Overall, it's good to be out and about and busy again.  I know that my surgery has given me 72 pounds gone, and that the rest is up to me.  I may not be losing as fast as others, but I'm really happy with the changes I've made and am continuing to make.  It's been an amazing journey - can't wait to see where I'm at six months from now!

Had two bites of a cinnamon bagel this morning with a little cream cheese.  I don't normally crave carbs - but I was freaking hungry and choices in the cafeteria were limited to bagels and donuts.  I THOUGHT I chose well until I swallowed the second bite.

Pain.  Pain.  Pain.  More pain. Unfreakingbelievable pain.

Did I eat too quickly?  Did I not chew enough?  I thought I had.....

The only conclusion I can make is that bagels are inherently evil.  Therefore, must be avoided at all costs.

For the third week in a row - 196

Happily wearing a size 14.  Knowing the next 30 pounds are completely on me to get it done.  Belly dance classes start next week - woot!