KnikkiJ
It's Always About the Poop
May 20, 2008
I've not hidden the fact that the last few weeks I've been struggling with unusual depression - it's been really tough, and I've discovered how closely depression is tied to bad eating habits. I haven't jumped off the wagon - but let's say I walked beside it a little more than I should have the last few weeks.
I've also been having problems with an out of whack menstrual cycle and of course, unpredictable poop - which is also unusual. Weird how the hormone freakiness and the depression happened simultaneously - I'm sure there's a link there, but I'm not going to ponder that at the moment.
After a week of worrying about the lack of poop, I finally downed a dosage of Phillips Milk of Magnesia last night and followed it up with about 60 ounces of water. I know I suffer from chronic dehydration and have been actively working on that, though I think I still fail at times.
Finally, my bowels let loose the floodgates at about midnight last night. Poor timing, I admit - but it was such a relief to know that things were working correctly and that I wasn't storing all that crap in there any longer.
Here's where the irony comes into play - I ALWAYS weigh myself on Wednesdays because that works for me. I don't obsess about my daily weight, and Wednesdays are a good random day for me. Monday, I got on the scale to see how my weekend of laziness and munching played out and was relieved to see no change on the scale. Dodged a bullet there, right?
Nope!
After my craptastic evacuation last night, I KNEW I must have lost four pounds. Seriously - it was a joyous purge and though it wasn't done for weight loss, I was excited to see that i'd lost however much this morning - even though it was a day before my scheduled weigh-in.
UP three pounds. After crapping my little heart out, I'm up three pounds.
Now for most people, this would probably add to their depression, but I laughed so hard it felt good. That's the way life works. Curve ball after curve ball - and you have to keep your eye on the long term progress, not the exciting nights of unexpected poop purging.
Still won't "officially" weigh until tomorrow - and if it's still up, hell, I deserve it - I did nothing but snack last weekend and lay lazily in the hammock. I'm back on track and doing better now with my protein and water - so it'll come back down next week. But the lesson was a good one to learn - and an excellent reminder that I made changes for a lifetime, not to reach a goal.
Life is good - it's tough right now, but I'm never down for long. Actually, I think I'll go update my BMI - I'm still showing as 40.7, which seems so long ago even though it's only been six months.......
I've also been having problems with an out of whack menstrual cycle and of course, unpredictable poop - which is also unusual. Weird how the hormone freakiness and the depression happened simultaneously - I'm sure there's a link there, but I'm not going to ponder that at the moment.
After a week of worrying about the lack of poop, I finally downed a dosage of Phillips Milk of Magnesia last night and followed it up with about 60 ounces of water. I know I suffer from chronic dehydration and have been actively working on that, though I think I still fail at times.
Finally, my bowels let loose the floodgates at about midnight last night. Poor timing, I admit - but it was such a relief to know that things were working correctly and that I wasn't storing all that crap in there any longer.
Here's where the irony comes into play - I ALWAYS weigh myself on Wednesdays because that works for me. I don't obsess about my daily weight, and Wednesdays are a good random day for me. Monday, I got on the scale to see how my weekend of laziness and munching played out and was relieved to see no change on the scale. Dodged a bullet there, right?
Nope!
After my craptastic evacuation last night, I KNEW I must have lost four pounds. Seriously - it was a joyous purge and though it wasn't done for weight loss, I was excited to see that i'd lost however much this morning - even though it was a day before my scheduled weigh-in.
UP three pounds. After crapping my little heart out, I'm up three pounds.
Now for most people, this would probably add to their depression, but I laughed so hard it felt good. That's the way life works. Curve ball after curve ball - and you have to keep your eye on the long term progress, not the exciting nights of unexpected poop purging.
Still won't "officially" weigh until tomorrow - and if it's still up, hell, I deserve it - I did nothing but snack last weekend and lay lazily in the hammock. I'm back on track and doing better now with my protein and water - so it'll come back down next week. But the lesson was a good one to learn - and an excellent reminder that I made changes for a lifetime, not to reach a goal.
Life is good - it's tough right now, but I'm never down for long. Actually, I think I'll go update my BMI - I'm still showing as 40.7, which seems so long ago even though it's only been six months.......
A Week with my Father
May 14, 2008
Now that I've had a little time to recuperate, I thought I'd share a few quick stories about the week with my father - who had no idea I'd had surgery until he arrived here in Charlotte.
1) He didn't recognize me at the airport. I was standing 10 feet away from him smiling and he looked right past me SEVERAL times. Sure, I was in my best corporate attire - killer blue suit, uncomfortable leather boots, professional hair - he was looking for his fat, dumpy daughter (and told me as much). Finally, he got an irritated look on his face and pulled out his cell phone. I pulled mine out anticipating what he was doing and sure enough - he called me and said, "Where are you????" I said, "I'm standing right in front of you." He again looked at me and right past me until i started laughing and he finally made the connection that it was, in fact, me. Priceless.
2) He never mentioned anything beyond the fact that i changed my hair. Finally, on day 3 - after listening to him say, "Is that ALL you're going to eat?" for the fourteenth time, I said, "Dad, my pouch is only 2 ounces - it can't take more than that at one time." "What? Did you get it stapled shut or something?" "Yeah dad, something exactly like that." The next day, we were on the road and I was dying for some sugar - so I bought a cookie at the gas station. *A* cookie, people - I'm not talking a jumbo bag of double stuff oreos or anything. My dad has the nerve to say, "You'll never stay thin eating like that."
Then he proceeded to eat a jumbo bag of double stuff oreos. Bastard!
The vacation was really fun, actually - I took him to all the places I knew he'd really love to go - and it was very satisfying to see that he did. And the fact that we spent a week together (alone and in a car for most of it) and didn't try to kill one another is probably a family record. In fact, my entire family is in a state of shock.
Just freaking awesome.
1) He didn't recognize me at the airport. I was standing 10 feet away from him smiling and he looked right past me SEVERAL times. Sure, I was in my best corporate attire - killer blue suit, uncomfortable leather boots, professional hair - he was looking for his fat, dumpy daughter (and told me as much). Finally, he got an irritated look on his face and pulled out his cell phone. I pulled mine out anticipating what he was doing and sure enough - he called me and said, "Where are you????" I said, "I'm standing right in front of you." He again looked at me and right past me until i started laughing and he finally made the connection that it was, in fact, me. Priceless.
2) He never mentioned anything beyond the fact that i changed my hair. Finally, on day 3 - after listening to him say, "Is that ALL you're going to eat?" for the fourteenth time, I said, "Dad, my pouch is only 2 ounces - it can't take more than that at one time." "What? Did you get it stapled shut or something?" "Yeah dad, something exactly like that." The next day, we were on the road and I was dying for some sugar - so I bought a cookie at the gas station. *A* cookie, people - I'm not talking a jumbo bag of double stuff oreos or anything. My dad has the nerve to say, "You'll never stay thin eating like that."
Then he proceeded to eat a jumbo bag of double stuff oreos. Bastard!
The vacation was really fun, actually - I took him to all the places I knew he'd really love to go - and it was very satisfying to see that he did. And the fact that we spent a week together (alone and in a car for most of it) and didn't try to kill one another is probably a family record. In fact, my entire family is in a state of shock.
Just freaking awesome.
Wednesday Weigh-in
May 13, 2008
196 - same as last week, which is actually a relief. Been a rough week - feeling horribly depressed and I can't honestly tell you why - it's very out of character.
Will try to get more exercise in this week to see if that helps. And likely more sleep, too. I'm exhausted!
Will try to get more exercise in this week to see if that helps. And likely more sleep, too. I'm exhausted!
horribly depressed
May 13, 2008
Been going on a few days - I have no idea why. It's very out of character and scaring the crap out of my husband.
All I want to do it sleep and cry.
Could be more of those pesky hormones releasing and causing havoc - but maybe I'm just way more stressed out than I realize.
No idea. But I'm going to go take a nap and not think about it right now. This is unusual and I'm not going to panic about it yet. Sure sucks though.
All I want to do it sleep and cry.
Could be more of those pesky hormones releasing and causing havoc - but maybe I'm just way more stressed out than I realize.
No idea. But I'm going to go take a nap and not think about it right now. This is unusual and I'm not going to panic about it yet. Sure sucks though.
ONEderful ONEderland
May 06, 2008
196 this morning - WTF? Hanging out with my dad for a week scared the calories right out of me!
Been awesome - and I'm so excited to be back in the ONEderful world of ONEderland! WOOOOOOT!
Poor hubby has been gone a week - hope he saved up some energy on that trip, cause I plan to celebrate tonight!!!!!!
(And no, we're not going out....if you get my drift.....)
Been awesome - and I'm so excited to be back in the ONEderful world of ONEderland! WOOOOOOT!
Poor hubby has been gone a week - hope he saved up some energy on that trip, cause I plan to celebrate tonight!!!!!!
(And no, we're not going out....if you get my drift.....)
A Very Bold Adventure
May 02, 2008
Today I did something rather unusual - and I'm still scratching my head a bit, trying to keep up with the changes that are happening within as well as without.
My father is in town visiting this week (didn't recognize me, by the way, when I picked him up at the airport) and after a long day at the Wachovia golf tournament he decided he wanted a massage.
Personally, I wanted to go home and make dinner and sleep! It's been an exhausting week! Nonetheless, I drove him to the massage place near my home and he very generously treated me to a massage.
The woman at the front desk said, "Do you have a preference?"
I said, "Yeah - give me the hottest guy therapist you've got."
She looked a little startled, "They're all really good."
"I know - but good looking men scare the hell out of me, and I'm working on pushing my limits today."
This seemed to put her a little at ease - since I was doing something SCARY and not something CREEPY.
Sure enough, Hottie Massage Guy comes around the corner and called my name. Let me tell ya - he was an amazing therapist. But more than that, he was a kindred spirit - everything I threw at him flirting wise he threw right back at me. You could tell he's done this before and I was laughing far too loud to remain relaxed for my one hour session. (Not that having an incredibly sexy man rubbing your thighs is MEANT to be relaxing....but I digress.)
No body issues - no need to explain the sagging skin - no cares of what the thought about my body. I'm pretty impressed with myself, I must say.
The funniest part was - at the end of the massage, he invited me out for a drink across the street! Talk about happy ending! Tremendous boost to my ego - obviously, I couldn't accept - but it was really REALLY fun to take this new attitude out for a spin AND get an awesome massage at the same time.
My father is in town visiting this week (didn't recognize me, by the way, when I picked him up at the airport) and after a long day at the Wachovia golf tournament he decided he wanted a massage.
Personally, I wanted to go home and make dinner and sleep! It's been an exhausting week! Nonetheless, I drove him to the massage place near my home and he very generously treated me to a massage.
The woman at the front desk said, "Do you have a preference?"
I said, "Yeah - give me the hottest guy therapist you've got."
She looked a little startled, "They're all really good."
"I know - but good looking men scare the hell out of me, and I'm working on pushing my limits today."
This seemed to put her a little at ease - since I was doing something SCARY and not something CREEPY.
Sure enough, Hottie Massage Guy comes around the corner and called my name. Let me tell ya - he was an amazing therapist. But more than that, he was a kindred spirit - everything I threw at him flirting wise he threw right back at me. You could tell he's done this before and I was laughing far too loud to remain relaxed for my one hour session. (Not that having an incredibly sexy man rubbing your thighs is MEANT to be relaxing....but I digress.)
No body issues - no need to explain the sagging skin - no cares of what the thought about my body. I'm pretty impressed with myself, I must say.
The funniest part was - at the end of the massage, he invited me out for a drink across the street! Talk about happy ending! Tremendous boost to my ego - obviously, I couldn't accept - but it was really REALLY fun to take this new attitude out for a spin AND get an awesome massage at the same time.
She shoots......she STALLS!
Apr 30, 2008
Urgh! 201 again!
LOL - guess I'll have to work harder. I think that mother nature is playing a role in this, though - period started today and I feel like garbage. Probably hanging on to some water 'n stuff!
LOL - guess I'll have to work harder. I think that mother nature is playing a role in this, though - period started today and I feel like garbage. Probably hanging on to some water 'n stuff!
Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in
Apr 23, 2008
201
OMG - sooooooo close!
Dad will be here next week - I've GOT to find a way to get rid of two pounds before then. It would be kick ass to be in Onederland when he arrives - he has no clue I've had surgery.
ROCK ON!
OMG - sooooooo close!
Dad will be here next week - I've GOT to find a way to get rid of two pounds before then. It would be kick ass to be in Onederland when he arrives - he has no clue I've had surgery.
ROCK ON!
Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in
Apr 15, 2008
202
I am officially overweight! Woot!
Goodbye to obesity forever!
Slow but steady progress and I am happy - I can live with the diet / lifestyle I have now. I like where I'm going - both emotionally and physically. It's been a challenge, but it does get better every day.
I am officially overweight! Woot!
Goodbye to obesity forever!
Slow but steady progress and I am happy - I can live with the diet / lifestyle I have now. I like where I'm going - both emotionally and physically. It's been a challenge, but it does get better every day.
Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in
Apr 09, 2008
203 - a loss of one pound, but still precious ounces from achieving....
OVERWEIGHT status
Should be there next week unless I completely blow it - which I don't intend to do!
Obesity gone forever!
OVERWEIGHT status
Should be there next week unless I completely blow it - which I don't intend to do!
Obesity gone forever!
About Me
Charlotte, NC
Location
26.0
BMI
Surgery
11/28/2007
Surgery Date
Jul 24, 2007
Member Since
