Mona

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I'm thinking the really hard part of this journey is over and now I'm starting to reap the rewards.  People are starting to notice my weight loss and I'm getting a lot of compliments.  I must admit that it feels really good.  I hadn't realized how badly I felt about myself before and (obviously) this is a much better place to be!  =D  I've started singing in the church band, which is a lot of fun and a creative outlet.  I always sang in the choir in school and know I can carry a tune but didn't realize that I actually have a good singing voice.  I find that as I get older I seem to need more creative outlets to feel right, good, useful...complete.  Been getting to the gym more often so the scale is moving again, and taking the kids swimming and lots of other places this summer.  I move so much more freely and feel much better about myself - it's been a total godsend.  I'm finally out from under the control of food and feel free for the first time.  I had my reservations about doing this but now I'm so happy I took the leap of faith.  I only wish I'd done it sooner.  

Life is pretty much back to normal now.  I'm still using fitday to log my food but I no longer use protein shakes...if I can help it.  Between this time around and all of the other diets I've tried in the past I can safely say if I never, ever had another protein drink it would be just jake with me.  I'm eating and average of 800 calories per day, including 50-60 grams of protein.  The weight loss is still pretty slow but I've decided I'm not going to stress out about it.  As long as I get there I'm not too concerned how long it takes.  I'm almost 1/2 way to goal and it has made a huge (pun intended) difference.  I'm now in a 12 or 14, depending on the brand and no longer get freaked out if I can't get the aisle seat on a plane.  I had a meeting about 2 weeks ago that required airline travel and I was pleased to have a 6-8 inch tail on my seatbelt.  I also noticed my thighs weren't hanging over the edge.  Another fun thing is that the floors at my office no longer groan under my weight.  This is one of the best things, though.  My thighs don't rub together any more!  Now don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure a microchip might get crowded but I'm not starting any friction fires.  That always REALLY bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable.  And just in time for summer!   Fabulous.  I'm beginning to think I may have to have some arm work done along with the tummy tuck as soon as I get to goal.  I saw a thread on this forum a week or so ago that talked about a new kind of arm lift where the only scar is in your arm pit.  I always thought 'what's the point?' if you had your arms done, but couldn't go sleeveless because of huge scars.  So this might be an option; I definitely need to do some research.  I've been doing a little bit of looking on the Plastic Surgery forum on this site and am considering using CosMed for my tuck.  I've already been 'bikini cut' 3 times, 2 c-sections and another surgery, so it's not like I'll be gaining a scar...I'll be losing a lot of skin, though.  Even if I never was overweight, I'm 5 feet tall and have twins.  'Nuff said.  My exercise could be better but since it's summer there's been a lot of outdoor activity, yardwork/gardening, doing stuff with the kids and walking the dogs.  So I'm not doing too bad, but am concious of it and plan to get back to the gym at least 3x/week in the fall and winter.   I think my hair loss has begun.  It's not drastic but I'm noticing more hair in the comb, on the counter & in the sink.  At first I was in denial and thought well, now that my hair is red instead of light blond I'm just seeing it where I wasn't before.  Yeah...that's not the case.  I see my hairdresser in a couple of weeks and will ask her if she notices a difference.  She's pretty down to earth so I think I can trust her to tell me the truth.  I'm glad I had this surgery - it's not magic or a cure all but it's doing the trick.  I love not being obsessed with food and gaining weight.  Yeah for me!  Yeah for VSG!

Now I don't mean to sounds ungrateful but I'm surprised that i haven't lost more weight.  I know that we're not supposed to compare ourselves with other people on the forum but there are others - my age, same amount to lose, same height - who had surgery after me who've lost more than me.  And I'm not talking a couple of pounds.  I'm talking 15-25 more pounds.  I just don't get it!  I'm sure some if it has to do with my exisiting kidney condition so I can't go really high protein, I usually have 40-60 g of protein per day.  In order to get my calories over 500 per day I have to eat carbs or fat, since I can't go too much on the protein.  But still!  For heaven's sake, I'm eating fewer than 1000 calories a day and exercising, I would think the pounds would be falling off.  I'm beginning to suspect that I might have PCOS.  It started because there have been threads regarding how PCOSers lose more slowly so that got my attention, then I Googled it and saw the symptoms.  It doesn't appear that there's really any benefit to being officially diagnosed and it would involve lots of medical tests so I'll probably just let that go, but I really think I may have it.  Next time I see my OBGYN I'm going to mention it to him and see what he says.  In addition, next time I have labs drawn I'm going to ask my doc to check my hormone levels, especially testosterone.  I have read that people deficient in testosterone have slow weight loss.  Doesn't it just figure?  I'm not even good at being a loser.  That sucks.

I have always been a blonde (with the exception of the time I turned my hair green by accident - but that's another story and I digress). I went to the hairdresser last week planning to do the same 'ol same 'ol but got a wild hair. I asked her what she would do with my hair if I just said 'go for it' and she said she would make it red. So I said 'do it!', but do it fast before I change my mind. Well, I really like it. It's taking some getting used to, not so much the color itself but how dark it is. For the first few days I would catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I just didn't look like me, if that makes any sense. I asked the kids what they thought and my 4 yo boy twin said, "Next time can you get rainbow hair?", my 4 yo girl twin said "I want pink hair like you!" and my 7 yo boy just screwed up his face, looked at me and walked away. Oh well, I like it, my husband likes it and I've gotten a lot of compliments. Like it or hate it, at least I'm trying to do something different, to mix it up a bit. One thing I did not anticipate is that when your hair color changes dramatically you have to change the colors your wear and your makeup. Of course, I love that stuff so it's just another adventure for me. I have eyeshadow and lipsticks from gift-with-purchase bags that I've never been able to wear that look fab-u-lous now. I was also inspired to go red by Gail here on the forum. I think she was my initial inspiration - how great she looks with red hair definitely played a role. What the heck; it's only hair, right? I'm now down 37.5 pounds (yes, I count the 1/2 pounds!). The best part about it is that my stomach is starting to flatten out enough to not have to wear shirts that completely cover it anymore. I don't tuck stuff in, but can wear a shirt that isn't a mumu. Oh happy day! I have lots of clothes of all different shapes and sizes so this new development has opened some doors for me. I have treated myself to a couple of pairs of jeans and a fun pair of straight leg shorts from the thrift store. I love the thrift store! I can go in there and spend the $5 I'm NOT spending on lunch any more to reward myself for losing weight. I can't find a downside in that. Oh yeah! I got a raise last week, a pretty good one - it comes to a bit over $100 more per week. WOOHOO! My hubby and I decided to put 1/2 of it in savings (tummy tuck here I come), he'll get a 1/4 and the rest will go towards bills. Probably gas! I don't think we'll be taking any long road trips this summer unless the gas prices go down. And I think 'we ain't seen nothin' yet'. Life is good. I feel more positive about almost everything and look forward to seeing people and social situations. Not that I was ever a hermit, but I'm glad to feel cute again. I may not actually BE cute, but I feel cute. That's half the battle.

Aunt Flo came to town today and I feel like I want to eat everything in the house. The good news is I physically can't. I'd bought something a while back especially for occassions such as these and took full advantage. I grabbed my Hostess 100 calorie pack (chocolate cake with cream filling), hid in the den and ate my 3 teeny, tiny cakes. And they were good! I knew if the kids saw them I would have to dole out bites and since the whole thing amounts to about 6 bites total and I'm totally not in the mood to share I just hid. It was wonderful to have something available for times like this so I could splurge without completely ruining my day or making myself sick. 'Nuff said. Last night I went 'shopping' in the unfinished part of our basement and retrieved all of my size 14's. I wore a really cute outfit today - all size 14 - and got some complements. I guess there are some good things about being a pack rat. Everything is going well but I need to force myself to exercise. I lose all motivation when it's that time of the month. Allow me to clarify - I lose all motivation to exercise, but am motivated to eat and shop. I ordered some of Amy's muffins and I'm hoping they'll arrive sometime soon. I'm looking forward to some variation in my diet. Tomorrow I'm going to get back on track eating-wise. I usually only feel really bad for a day, and give myself a little leeway on the food and exercise for the one bad day a month.

OK - the weight loss has finally started to pick up.  Since my last post I have lost 6 more pounds so that's 31 total.  I still feel like I'm a slow loser compared to others that I've seen, but I also feel like I'm catching up to a certain extent.  

I think I'm now officially down one size from where I was pre-op.  At first I was getting back in to the clothes I was currently wearing, which were getting tight, but I refused to buy more because I'd made the decision to have surgery.  If that's the case I was really a size 20 when this whole thing started and now I'm a comfortable/loose 16.  But do I need to buy more clothes yet?  No, I have clothes of ALL sizes, and I'm not exagerating (sp?).  By the time I get to the 8-10's I'll probably need to get some pieces because I haven't worn those clothes for around 10 years.  Not that I need to be in the most current fashions, but I also don't want to look like a 90's reject. 

I've been surprised at how normal my eating is.  When I've eaten with people outside my immediate family I've thought maybe they would say something about the small amount I've eaten but they don't seem to even notice.  I don't make a big deal about it (like saying 'I can't eat that', etc.) and neither do they.  It's nice to be in control of my eating for once in my life.  I eat what I want and push my plate away.

This weekend we're going to take the kids swimming and exercise at the YMCA, which will be fun.  I'm not even as self-concious in my swimming suit any more.  Last night I took the kids to the park and there were these young (probably college-age) guys playing tennis and my boys ran to pick up the tennis balls they'd hit out of the court.  The guys were encouraging the little ones to throw them back over the fence and when I caught up they were very chatty with me.  I don't think they were thinking anything untoward, but I don't think they would have talked to me before...maybe that's my own paranoia kicking in but I was surprised that a couple of young guys wanted to chat me up.  Doesn't really matter - it felt good.

I've only lost 2.5 pounds in the last 2 weeks, but I'm OK with it.  I'm not sure why I'm a 'slow loser' but I am.  I stay between 700-800 calories a day and I've been going to the YMCA 3 times a week.  I'm not sure how much more I could really do.  I have always lost weight this way...plateau and then drop.  My loss is more like stairs than a straight line.  I keep hoping that maybe the slower weight loss will help with hair loss (I don't have a lot to lose!) and skin issues.  There's got to be something good about being a slow loser, right?  

I am definitely feeling better, more energetic and more confident.  A silly thing, but my underwear fit so much better and I've noticed that where they used to hit me a couple of inches below my belly button now they're hitting me right at my belly button.  It's truly the little things.

I went to a meeting this week and an aquaintance  I hadn't seen in a while asked me if I had lost weight and when I said yes she said she thought so, that she had to do a double take to make sure it was me.  That made me feel good!  I have another meeting in June (about 7 weeks from now) and I'll be curious to see the reaction (if any).  Most of these people I haven't seen for a full year.  It's so much better to be excited to see people than to imagine they're thinking you're even fatter than you were before.  

I'm starting to lose my thick neck/chin thing - I noticed when we took some Easter pics.  Yeah!  

I haven't been making as good of choices as I would like to, food-wise, especially while I was out of town.  I could make excuses about not having a lot of control over the menu - which is true - but that still doesn't make up for the fact that I ate a few bites of chocolate cake.  It was good, but I felt ill after eating it because it was so rich.  I think it may serve me well in the future, though.  I'll be staying away from chocolate cake for a long time.  The good news is that I exercised twice at the hotel.  

Spring has sprung and love is in the air!

I hit the quarter century mark today.  I'm not sure why that number has meaning over anything else, but it does so I'm going to be happy and celebrate and not wonder why.  My weight loss has tapered off a bit as I expected it would.  I'm sure my traveling hasn't helped much.  I work for a restaurant management company and was out of town at a new store opening last week.  I was in the restaurant from about 9a-9p and pretty much had to make due with the food available.  We stayed at a TownePlace Suites so I had a kitchen available and would eat breakfast and dinner there, but lunch was at the store.  I ate lots of stuff I shouldn't have, but when I got home I still lost a pound and a half in 5 days.  Not too bad!  

I've promised myself I'm going to start back to Curves 3 times a week at my 2 month anniversary, which is next Monday.  I think that will jumpstart my weight loss again, as well.  

My clothes are all starting to get loose (or fit again) so every morning is a new adventure in choosing an outfit.  I'll think, "I'd better wear this now because by next winter it will be too big!"  It's nice but a little bit sad because I have some stuff I really love.  I keep telling myself they make even cuter stuff in smaller sizes, and with all the money I'm saving on food I'll be able to afford new clothes.  

Still doing Mederma on the incisions and tracking my daily food on Fitday.  Feeling more comfortable knowing what to do.  Overall everything is going well. 

I was still hazy from surgery this time last month. Boy, am I feeling better and glad that time is past. I went back to Curves today and did the circuit once. I usually go around twice but knew I was going to do a bunch of yard work when I got home this evening and didn't want to overdo...because I've got a big day of more yardwork planned for tomorrow. Gotta pace myself! It was funny, when I went to Curves today I had them weigh and measure me. I hadn't done that since June 2006. I'm almost exactly the same weight and measurements that I was then. i didn't realize I'd gained 20 lbs. since last summer. Hopefully when I weigh and measure next month the trend will be down! Here I was thinking it would be 'good news' when in fact I had just lost the additional I had put on in the past 9 months. Thank goodness that part of my life - continually gaining weight when I wasn't dieting - is OVER. I always said if I'm not losing weight I'm gaining it. I could never maintain my weight. I was either on a diet, feeling deprived and watching everything I ate or I was pigging out and eating everything I wanted in large quantities. It's so nice to have that monkey off my back. Now I'm pretty much eating everything I want and I still eat about 750 calories a day. I'm eating on the high side of calories because I really don't want my metabolism to completely shut down. People say that doesn't happen but I think my years of constant dieting may also be contributing to the fact that I'm not losing weight as fast as a lot of people on the forum. I know everyone is different and I'm happy with my loss - as long as it all comes off I'm not really concerned if it takes me a little bit longer. I'm hoping that a slower approach may also help with hair loss and sagging skin. Maybe not but I'm trying to see the glass as half full. Well, better sign off as I need to go shopping. I've got a big weekend planned and don't want to have to go to Wal-Mart on Saturday. Because I'm not a sadist.

I am 20 days post op and I've finally gotten my energy back. I started walking a couple of days ago and even though I'm going about 1/2 as far as I used to, it's still better than nothing and makes me feel good. Now if it wouldn't be flippin' freezing in the morning I would be much happier about walking! But Spring is almost here and I can't wait. I've lost 17 lbs., so that's pretty good. I lost 14 and then stalled for about 5 days. I got on the scale this morning and was down 3 lbs. I mean, I know it's impossible to not be losing weight when you're eating so much less than you used to, but sometimes it doesn't show on the scale which can get you down, if you let it. The clothes are starting to get loose or I'm getting back in to some outfits that were too tight. That's a great feeling! I've never liked my clothes too tight so I have to rely on my hubby to tell me when they get ridiculous. Otherwise I'd wear them until they fell off. Literally. Eating is getting a lot easier and I can eat just about anything as long as the bite is small and I chew it up well. I'm also getting to where I can drink a 20 oz bottle of water (on an empty stomach) in about 30 minutes, so I'm now getting in all of my water, which makes me feel a lot better. So far, so good! I have about 75 lbs. left to lose. That sounds a lot better than 92. My next goal is to have 50 left...hopefully I'll reach this goal by summer.