llben79

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Ok, wish me luck, I have a consultation with a Plastic Surgeon tomorrow!!!!!  Trying to see if the insurance will cover a TT!!  And then, if I get denied, then I plan on going through the residency clinic through the local teaching hospital in a city closeby, for a TT and BA.  The cost for both would be around $5300.00.  Having a VERY hard time dealing with all my extra skin, NOTHING is fitting right, and idk if i would say full blown rashes, but the skin on my lower stomach is definitely irritated and itchy and I sometimes itch it raw cuz its just too hot and sweaty when I shove it down into tight jeans :( 

Just a quick recap here...20 months out, 138lbs.  I hit goal at about 10 months out...140. And depending on the day, I fluctuate between 138-140.  I've lowered my personal goal to 130...my doc doesn't think I need it, but said go ahead it's fine. I definitely do have more fat i would like to melt, on the back of my hips, and legs...and of course maybe having any extra skin removed would help with that.

So anyways, wish me luck tomorrow:)

Ok, well...just a quick update...

I've decided to get counseling. I'm not sure for what reason, why my head is not in a good place, I know it's a lot of past "growing up" issues, past relationship issues, current relationship issues, weight - body image/self-esteem issues, and maybe some transfer addictions. IDK if these things are coming surfacing because I can't hide them with food anymore, but something has to change. I'm going to be 30 in 2 months, and I'm going nowhere. I'm going to be losing my license for 6months to a year, and I'm going to spend this time just trying to get my shit together and save money. I"m going to work on trying to get a TT through the insurance company, and I'm going to buy a Harley next year. Come hell or high water. Those are my two goals for the next year.

TT
Harley

I'm calling a counselor today, and just as a side note, Mothers Day kinda sucked. Of course the little poems and pictures my daughter gave me were beautiful and so sweet, but everything else sucked. I found myself doing more for everyone else than even normal!!!

Although I did go to Victoria Secret and got myself some clothes, not a lot, but more money than I should have spent, and on a good note, the pink-brand pants were small, and the shirts and sweatshirt I got were XS!!!!

Still holding steady at 135...

Well, ya know those last ten pounds?? Here's a great way to take it off:  completely have a nervous breakdown, have your life crumble in on you, spend a week without eating and just heaving violently till ur head wants to explode, and you'll lose it real f**king quick. 

Yup, 140 to 133 in less than a week.
 
W T F.

I'm losing my mind and need some serious fkn help. I just don't feel right in my head anymore, everything over the past several years is just coming to a quick head, and with my past but recent stupidity it's just making it impossible to even breathe. F**K!!!!

this is one of those few times where I would probably agree that I need to be committed...

Well, last time I posted (I guess it was on Thursday), I did make it to the gym, with a little encouragement from Susan!!! I walked a fast paced mile UPHILL, and then I ran another 2.25. I had to take little walking breaks, but I managed to run about an average of 6.5-7.0mph, with some short 4.2mph breaks. OMG I cannot believe how out of shape I got in just a few weeks...(ok, maybe a month or two)...but I really have to step it up. I thought I was gonna die!!!! DEFINITELY not like it used to be when I was there at least 3 times a week. BUT, summer is coming, and I am hell bent on getting to 130-134 by my birthday in July. Just gotta do it...

Well, not much new here...still FIGHTING with my last 10 pounds...but I guess i can say that the good thing is that I haven't gained any since I checked in last. Still fluctuating between 140-144, depending on the day.  When I met with my surgeon's office for my one year visit (back in Jan), they said I had done FANTASTIC, and she could understand my wanting to lose 10 more for that comfort zone...and so she told me to go ahead and try, and speak to the NUT.

Needing to step it up at the gym, actually let me rephrase that...need to GET TO THE GYM PERIOD!!! Between deaths and sicknesses, and moving twice, and just pure STRESS, I have not had or found time to get there. But, despite sheer exhaustion, I brought my workout clothes to work today, and am hell bent on going today after work...

We'll see...

Well, I wish this was a good "check-in", but it's not...So many things have been going on that I guess I figured that if I didn't post it, then I could ignore it and it wasn't really an issue to be addressed...so here is my fess up.

So far, I still have no complications!! I am still fitting into some 4s, but mostly 5s and 6s. (jeans at least). I have no boobs to speak of...what I do have doesn't even hold my bra down anymore. Remember when you first wore that darn training bra when you were little and it kept riding up ur chest in the front?  Um...yeah. THAT. Ugh. My lowest weight was 138, which I hit at about 11 months out! Wait...it gets bad...

Now for the bad stuff. I have been SUCKING at going to the gym, and my eating SUCKS. I am not trying or looking to get flamed, just some motivation and a reality check maybe. The scale is up about 5 pounds...I have been steadily between 142-145 for 2 months now. I still NEED to lose my last 10 pounds (I know my goal was 140, but my personal ultimate goal is 134. I NEED to do this!!!)  Due to extreme stress and financial difficulty, I have been unable to purchase the quality of foods that I need, and that includes my protein powders. I have gone 3 weeks with no protein shakes, and I have been living off of tuna fish and eggs. And then when I get really depressed, I have a bowl of cereal, or a small portion of whatever pasta the ITALIAN guy has made (go figure, he's hot, and he cooks...and italian on top of that, so just imagine how he cooks!!), and then I dump, and then I feel even more upset that I gave in and had BAD carbs that day, and so then I just give up.  My hunger has returned, I was going to do the 5 day pouch test, but don't have the money for the protein shakes right now. I'm moving into an apartment just my daughter and I, and that is why things are tight.

Not to mention the DWI. Yup. That's what I said. Now before u flame, this is what happened. I went to go pick up a friend from the bar and give him a ride home. I sat and had a drink. ONE drink!!! I had a tall Captain and Diet. Now granted, it was a strong one, but I still felt ABSOLUTELY FINE!!! I was there for 20 minutes, and I left. I did NOT EVEN FEEL BUZZED. I got pulled over because my liscence plate was crooked!!!!! Then when he asked if I had anything to drink, I told him one drink cuz I didn't think anything of it, and didn't see the need to lie. Well, one thing led to another, I got a DWI for blowing a .09 (the legal limit in NYS is .08), but I still passed all the field sobriety tests...the cop even told me he knew I wasn't drunk in any way, and didn't even think I was buzzed, and couldn't understand why I was blowing .09 after only one drink. When I explained about my surgery, he said, oh well yeah that will do it. But still no breaks. So now I am going to court tomorrow morning for a f&*%ing DWI!!!  Now tell me that u can't understand why THAT doesn't make me want a small pint of Ben and Jerry's!!!  

Did I mention that I just cannot find the time to sleep let alone get through my day with 3 jobs and being a single mom, to go to the gym?!?!  I have not ran a mile in over a month!!! 

I'm hanging in there, but this really sucks right now. And my worst fear is becoming FAT again. Ugh...SO, this is me, at 13 months out. Fantastic, huh? 

I think it's safe to claim it!!

Officially ONE POUND BELOW GOAL!!!

1 3 9 !!!!  10.5 months out!!

WOO HOO!!!!!

247/139/140!!!!
dos/cw/gw

Ok, so I've been bad with posting...weight loss was real slow for a while, and then it seems I dropped like 7-10 lbs within a month...which is a way faster than what it has been.

I got on the scale today and it said 140.6.  

1 4 0 . 6 !!!!!

I don't know if I should officially claim GOAL or not...maybe I'll wait a few days to make sure it doesn't creep back up! lol

I found an old pair of jeans that were TOO SMALL for me when I had surgery. I put them on and OMG it was very sad to realize that I NEVER REALIZED just how big I was! I'll have to take a pic and post it on here, but my family couldn't believe it!!  I really can't believe it!!  I would definitely recommend to anyone having this surgery to keep a pair of old pants to remind yourself where you came from. I will never throw those jeans away. Let them be a constant reminder everytime I want to eat something unhealthy, or when I'm "too tired" to go to the gym.

Well, that's all for now, I'll have to post some official pics here this weekend...ya know the whole front and side deal. AND THE PANTS!!! lol

That's right!!! O N E  H U N D R E D POUNDS!!!


Ok, so I've been really bad about posting lately, I have just been soooo busy lately!!  I was 9 months out on August 14th. The weight loss is REALLY SLOW now...I'm lucky to lose 5 pounds a month if that...I'm weighing in at 147. The past month or so I have really been bad about getting to the gym. I have such a hard time finding child care for just an hour and a half to hit the gym after work.

I've decided to re-evaluate my goal weight. I originally wanted 134. I am thinking that with my body build that it may be a little unrealistic without the help of plastics. I'm officially changing my personal goal to 140. Anything less than that will be a welcomed miracle!! I am BELOW my DOCTOR'S GOAL!!! He set 171 for me. YAY!! My BMI is now NORMAL!!!! So, with that being said, I am only 7 POUNDS FROM GOAL!!!!  I am still in small/medium shirts...and my pants are generally an 8 although I do have a couple 6's and Saturday I fit into my sister's 5/6 capris (although they were Hydraulic brand and so they are stretchy). Depending on the cut of the jean also...size 6 fit and flare from Express, but 8 bootcut...who knows.  But hell, I am not complaining about ANYTHING having to do with 6s and 8s!!!  I really need to focus now on CHANGING BODY COMPOSITION!!! I really need to work hard on toning and melting the fat...not so much losing more weight.

I'm good about getting all my protein in...80-100g a day. Not so good about all my liquids...it's a struggle to get to 64oz a day. My vitamins were making me sick for a while, so I got the OK from my MD to switch to a One-a-day, along with Calcium/vitd, and I also am now taking VIT b12 injections once a week...my B12 is low and I'm always exhausted. So hopefully these will help.

My BF of 2 years and I broke up. He couldn't handle the weight loss and the new me. The only thing that changed about me is that I guess that I have become a more confident person, I don't put up with people's crap anymore, and he continues to want a sedentary lifestyle full of eating pizza, wings, pasta, and watching movies every night. It's sad, but I'm ok. I am HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!  This summer has been the best summer that I can ever remember!! I am having a BLAST with my friends and am always out doing stuff it's just sad that there is not enough time to do everything I want to do!!!

I met a fellow OH'er recently and turns out she lives about 10 minutes from me!! She and I have started meeting at the gym and working out (she is 5 years out this month), and we actually went out dancing last week!!! Her and her husband are AWESOME and I'm so glad that we met!!

My only bad habit is maybe I still drink...although my mixer is SF...and it only takes one or two drinks and I've had enough. I'm a VERY cheap date!! LOL. But I still am mindful of the calories and sugar, and I do try to workout extra when I have had alcohol the day before...

Skin issues?? YUP!! I HATE my arms, my inner thighs, and my stomach. I would like to get them all taken care of, but I don't know if I want the scar on my arms...I heard the inner thigh lift is very painful...and so I'm just going to be shooting for the TT for now. My MD said obviously I have to wait until after November when I will be a year out, but there's no reason why I can't get the ball rolling now. So while I am saving money, I'm praying for a rash!! lol The only way my particular insurance company (Univera) will cover a TT is they have to see 2 documented 10-day antibiotic treatments.

So that's my life in a nutshell. I'll try to get some new pics up here soon...I'm terrible about that stuff! So, 7 more pounds to goal, and hopefully I'll hit it before my one-year!!! I'm hoping to get a little under that actually:) Good luck to everyone and I hope everyone is having as great a summer as I am!!!!! YAY!!