majestikbutterfly

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Shortly after I posted my last entry, I lost my job!!! What that meant was I would not be having the surgery. 

I deeply sobbed and wept and mourned not just because I lost my job, but because I came sooooo close and worked soooo hard to prepare my body and lifestyle for this surgery again.

Then my knee started giving me problems.  It basically caused me to constantly limp and quit working out.  I maintained my weight over the summer, but in the past month, I gained 15 lbs back.  I was able to get another job, but no benefits and no bennies on the horizon either, so that 6 months of prepping all went down the drain!

I am more tired every day, I ache more, I hurt more, I am internally miserable.  I feel trapped with my life, I just want to run away but where. This will follow me everywhere.  I felt like I am slowly dying and no way to survive.

Then a friend of mine asked me, challenged me, to join this contest at my gym called Extreme Weight Loss Challenge.  I didn't even think too hard about it, I just did it and signed up.

Ok, so I am hitting the gym again, I remember the things I use to do and avoid using my knee on doctors orders. I feel like I can do this and I feel like I could actually win!!!  (probably wont, but I feel like I could!)

We shall see.......

I weighed myself on Friday, was stuck at 320.  After my 6 lb weight gain in a matter of a day (still dunno how that happened), I have been back and forth with 2-3 lbs for over a month.  I would lose a lb, then gain 2, then lose one, then lose one.... it was driving me insane!  I had to think about what I was doing that I could improve and kick start my loss again.  Well, I started drinking protein shakes every day! I would make it with my collection of protein powder packs that I have gotten to test out, and mixing it with ice, skim milk, some vanilla Carbmaster yogurt, and fresh frozen berries. 

I can only assume that is what did the trick, because here it is Monday and I somehow lost 3 lbs over the weekend!!!  So I am back down to 317 after a 2 month flip flop of weight.  I will measure myself again in about 2 more weeks to see if I lost any inches. 

I worked out 7 days this week also, that was a first!  I am now on my 8th day tomorrow and I am feeling it!  Everyone says I need a day or two to rest, but I don't push myself to the point where I can't barely move, so I think I am doing ok for now.  

I found a good balance of food I can eat with my smoothies, and still not go over calories!  :)

I noticed also, if I do a smoothie on my way to work, I feel better by the time I get there, and I don't have that drop in Blood Sugar by 10am.  I think I am on to something here!! :)

Overall, I feel that I have been doing a great job at trying to lose some weight before my surgery. I have been working out 4-6 days a week at about 45-60 min each time. I mix cardio with weight training machines.  I monitor daily what I eat and what I exercise through MyFitnessPal app. I carefully watch my caloric intake and have been doing quite well.  I stay away from junk, caffeine, and all the garbage I use to eat. I choose foods that are high in protein, low in sugar and fat. I got a total weight loss of 16 lbs since January. It still didn't seem like enough, but I was still doing it!

Then April hit and I plateaued like nobody's business.  I somehow even gained back 6 lbs in like one week!!!  WTeff???  I thought about what I was doing wrong, or was I retaining more water than normal (usually gaged by how swollen my legs and feet were) or did I skip any supplements or not take enough. I am a creature of habit and if my routine is thrown off balance, I adapt pretty well. I just don't know why I gained that weight back. My clothes were kinda starting to feel looser, but not a whole lot. 

This is about the part where I start to work out harder, watch what I eat more carefully and if I don't see any progress, I usually gave up.  I can't this time, I am NOT giving up!! I CAN'T give up!!

So in the last month, I got my psych eval and it came back fine like I thought it would.  But the doc did recommend that I start going to the programs support groups. They meet once a month at Promedica Woodley. I remember going to those (only a different group from my original surgery) and I sort of dreaded going.  I avoided these support groups for a long time, it became so hard to see those that were successful and I wasn't.  I had my original surgery over 12 years ago and my journey stopped 6 months after that. I talked to lots of people about it and have been pretty open about what happened to me, but in the end I think people don't believe me, and that I just probably didn't do anything I was suppose to do. Whatever, I don't really care much about people's opinions of me anymore. I think that comes generally with age. But what do I feel about it???

I have felt so many emotions about it over the years.... Worry that I wasn't doing what I needed to, disappointment when finding out the surgery was botched, anger at the surgeon for screwing me up, acceptance that God had a plan and I was never meant to be thin and healthy, feeling cheated when realizing I have to live with all the problems from the surgery and none of the benefits. Now I FINALLY have a renewed hope again. It's so weird too!!  I feel worried about it, but empowered at the same time. I have been through this before and am not scared by the surgery itself. I am worried... no terrified that I will end up in the same situation or even worse!  

I made myself go to the support group meeting. It was ok at first, but then at the end, people started talking about their issues with little things like vitamins, keeping what down, plateaus, and then there were a few who had lost hundreds of lbs and still had more to go. The success stories were just amazing! I should have been a success story. I wanted to scream to everyone that I had my surgery in 2002 and am at the same weight I started with because a surgeon didn't do mine correctly. I wanted to warn everyone that this is only a tool, it is not a fix and it CAN be unsuccessful.  I was trying really hard to not break out and cry, took everything I had. But finally it ended and I hung around to talk to my dietician about gaining.  I was so worried if I had gained 1 lbs that everything would be denied, and here I gained 6!  Well, she said that the cut off was around 15 and I should be fine if I weigh in.  I am not.... I am struggling to breath, I don't want to be denied. 

I was 27 when I had my first Gastric Bypass surgery. I weighed 374 lbs and never got below 300. I will be 40 this time around and will hopefully be about 300 when I have my revision surgery. I have a lot of pain issues with my back, knees, legs and feet. I hurt daily. I am more active than I have ever been in my life (which says a lot because I always thought of myself as active, but the reality of it was flat out that I was not!) and it takes more than people realize just to do everyday tasks. I have hidden the pain for years but lately it is becoming more than I can bare. I HAVE to get this revision or I won't make it to 50, that I am sure of!

I am almost 2 months into working out at the gym. I am down 10.5 lbs.  This is progress right?  Yes....

But it isn't what I thought it would be.  I am monitoring my caloric intake and exercise on the app MyFitnessPal. I have had some bad days, but mostly average very good days.  I usually come in under net calories.  I am eating low sugar, low fat, low carbs, high protein. I have completed all the check marks that was needed in my Bariatric Bible.  I still am sticking to no caffeine, no soda, no drinking thru a straw, tried some protein powders, doing my fruit smoothies, taking smaller bites, smaller portions, and cut out as much fried food as possible. I allow myself one cheat day a week, but it isn't really cheating since I still watch what I eat and stick to my diet, I just allow for an extra treat that day, I still fall under my calories and usually work out longer on the weekends to more than make up for it.  

So why do I not feel very successful??  

I signed up for a trainer today at the gym, just because I wanted her to monitor me and tell me what I am doing right and wrong. She followed me through my routine and at the end said I was doing the weight machines properly, and it didn't really matter if I was doing quick and hard spurts or easy and longer reps, it is all basically the same. I should just do what it comfortable to me. But she did tell me I was way over doing it!

Huh??  How could I be overdoing it????

Well, I am apparently not allowing myself to rest enough and the whole muscle weighs more than fat rule does really apply. So I should alternate my upper body and lower body every other day. Cardio has been fine, but I will benefit more from the elliptical than any other type of cardio.  I kinda figured that from comparing the time on each cardio option in MyFitnessPal. 

I guess I need to slow it down and I will lost more weight.  Who would have thought that as progress?!

We shall see.... until next time!

Today marks my 1 month anniversary from joining a gym.  So far I have lost 7 lbs!!  I have gained strength in my legs and knees and can walk up and down stairs unassisted!  I still have lots of pain, but can tell my back is getting better.  I still have lots of swelling in my lower legs and feet, but we just got a recliner hair, so I know that will help tremendously!  

I am faithfully using the MyFitnessPal app to log my food and exercise.  I can see patterns of what I use to eat and now can make better choices when I eat. 

Last week, I had somewhat of a bad week because I had gotten sick, we were down a vehicle, and some schedule conflicts prevented me from going to the gym.  I was pretty steady at going 6 out of 7 days, but I missed 2 and when I went back, my lungs and energy wouldn't let me do my normal routine.  I didn't want to push it and get sicker.  I feel into a routine of 20-20-20 on the treadmill, elliptical and weight training.  I allow myself some adjustments, but it seems to be the most beneficial to stick with this exercise regimen.

But ya know.... life gets in the way.  I am a creature of habit, but I seem to adapt to change pretty easily. :)

I am now on a smoothie kick since I bought this single serving blender and learned how to freeze fresh fruits. I am testing all kinds of flavor combinations and loving it!!  I tested some different protein powders with them and believe by the time I have my surgery, I will be well prepared!!  Just as long as life doesn't interrupt my progress too much..... 

Over my lifetime, I have joined a couple of different gyms, and I dread....  absolutely dreaded, going to each one.  It seemed so hard and inconvenient and very shortly after joining, I would quit.  

This time is very different, not sure why.  I am older, more out of shape than ever, and suffer from chronic pain. I work full time + lots of over time, so I work long hours, most of it sitting. 

So I joined a local gym here in Toledo, Ohio called Super Fitness.  I was nervous going in the first time, but if anyone knows me, when I get something in my head I have a streak of stubborn determination that even the best of overachievers could appreciate.  I suppose exercising has always appeared to be a sign of failure to me in the past, so I was pretty hesitant to join and commit to 3 years of paying for a gym and not end up going.  

But I did it anyway.

Going the first day was easy, my friend Angie is a member and I chose a day she would be there. She showed me around and then I looked at whatever machine seemed the least intimidating.  I chose the treadmill. I always loved going for walks and knew this would be a good start for me.  As I was up on the treadmill, I seen lost of different people in the gym. I noticed cute lil petite ladies, people who were average, all the way up to a couple of folks my size and one guy who was much larger than me. It was a great mixture and I didn't feel out of place at all!  I did a good amount of time that I thought was sufficient and not leave me struggling for breath and suffering in pain. I felt good!

Over the next few days, I went by myself, trying out several different machines til I found some that I felt benefited me the most without causing too much stress on my body. Each day I would go a little bit longer, and faster. I got a good rhythm going each time and wouldn't look at the timer every 10 seconds praying that time would go quicker. I was doing it! I was working out, doing cardio! 

And it wasn't THAT bad!!

I even had my son join me for 2 days and it was fun. We each worked out in our own way and would check with each other every time we switched machines.  My son is almost as big as I was at his age, 15. That terrifies me!!  He has always been a lil chunky but he really filled out since he stopped going to martial arts class.  I look at him and feel so heartbroken because I already know what he will go through as he gets older, and I want to avoid it as much as possible. So I told him until he is 18, he has to do what I feel is right for him, and right now, that is exercising!!

Since our families schedules are all crazy, I vow to make time, even if for an hour to go exercise EVERY DAY! I realize that some days this will be impossible just because of our schedules, but I am going to take great effort to go each day and figured I could drag my son along at least on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. 

We are gonna do it!!!

Through a suggestion of a friend who is regular dieting, I have added MyFitnessPal app on my phone. I figured I would look into it, but oh boy! It is PERFECT for me!!  It has everything I could ask for with keeping track of my food intake. I can tell some of the searches bring close results, enough that I am happy with it!  I am a techie at heart, so this is certainly going to help me keep track of my calorie and protein intake!  I have already been making smarter lunch choices, and hopefully will be able to lose some pre-surgery weight!

I went to my first Dietitian appointment. My hubby went with me and I was really nervous, but having him by my side was such a relief.  He is so supportive and I don't think I could have had a better guy to be by my side. 

At the appointment, Shannon handed me a binder with all kinds of information.  It was neatly organized with tabs and everything. Now THIS I can manage, since I create things like this at work! It was super easy to go through, I could highlight and mark off any information I wanted to. And talk about handy! Anytime I need info, just open it, flip to the page I need and bam...right there!!  Wow, why couldn't they have this 12 years ago, instead of handing me stack and stacks of tri-folds, poorly copied sheets and little notes of information that all got lost or ruined over time. 

I digress.... Loving it!! 

This thing has it all! It even mentions a direct link to here at Obesityhelp.com!!  Of course, being as this is my second time around, I already knew about this awesome resource. 

I have a checklist of things to work on for my 6 month pre-op/insurance review. They are as follows:

1. Eat 3-4 meals per day with NO SNACKING!
2. Avoid all sugars, sweets and desserts. No more than 5 grams of sugar per serving on the label.
3. Avoid fried foods, fast foods, and high in fat foods. No more than 3 grams of fat per serving on the label.
4. Eat protein-rich foods at each meal.
5. Take supplements every day.
6. Sip liquids, do not gulp! Drink 8 cups (64 oz) each day between meals.
7. Eliminate alcohol, caffeine, black tea, coffee and carbonated beverages.
8. Eat meals slowly, take 30 minutes per meal. Stop eating when full. 
9. Take small bites and chew food til it is a puree.
10. Avoid emotional eating/mindless eating.
11. EXERCISE!!!

That is what I have to focus on for the next 6 months. I have about half of them already checked because I do it anyway and have for the last 12 years. My hardest challenge (what I thought would be anyway) is the caffeine.  I weaned myself off of it and fully stopped on 1/7/14.  It really isn't that bad, just super tired and have a headache that pretty much lasts all day on and off.  Hoping it will get better soon. 

The one thing I thought would be easy is to chew my food well and take 30 minutes to eat. This seems to be the hardest to accomplish!  I never realized how long I took to eat, actually, how little time I took to eat.  I eat lunch at work, sometimes while I work, so I have to scarf it down and get back to work.  By the time I get home, I am so hungry, I notice that I scarf my dinner down too. Breakfast is usually when I eat the slowest because I take my time and wake up. 

Exercise!!! That is the other tough one. I am not afraid to exercise, I rather enjoy it. My biggest issue will be time and energy and pain.  I suffer from a back injury and some other pain issues, and it makes moving around quite difficult at times.  The pain sucks out my energy, and I feel quite tired a lot. Add to this that I work a full time job, with crazy ending hours, and I may end up working out late at night. On a good day and if the weather is nice, I love to go for walks.  I can talk my hubby into walking with me and it makes the time go quickly. But the past year has not let me do that so much because if it isn't my feet or hips hurting, it is my back. I am going to join a gym and make the time to go. The one I found close to me has a pool. So I am all about water aerobics!! I am going to start slow and hopefully within 6 months, I can start to feel much much better in time for my surgery!!

That's all for today!  I will try to blog when I get the chance. Usually I am always doing something, and am bad about blogging. But I am thankful it is here so I can dip in when I can and log my journey!!

Ta Ta!!

I'm back!!

Almost 12 years after my original Gastric Bypass, I am in need of revision/correction surgery. Starting on Jan. 1, 2014, I will begin my official diet plan with 6 months of monitoring from my Dietitian. It is required from my health insurance, BCBS, and if I complete their criteria, hopefully they will approve my surgery!!

I weighed at my heaviest 374 lbs. back in 2001. Within 6 months of my original surgery, I lost 70 lbs., but then everything has come to a screeching halt! I never got below 300 lbs. but never gains any more significant weight back since. I have been in limbo between 310-330 lbs. for the last 11 years.

I had seen 3 doctors who ran all kinds of tests and scopes and all determined that the original surgery was not done correctly, my pouch wasn't made small enough and my intestines were not rerouted short enough. It was Dr. White who has been my salvation and prompted me to start my career so I could get better paying health insurance.

Well, life, you know it happens....  and here we are today, almost 12 years later. Dr. White says he will do the surgery and all I have to do is fulfill the requirements from my health insurance!

It's time to get back to the right path on my journey to become thinner and healthier! 2014 will be the year I become the butterfly!!