majestikbutterfly
Here's where things start to get real....... hard
Apr 13, 2014
Overall, I feel that I have been doing a great job at trying to lose some weight before my surgery. I have been working out 4-6 days a week at about 45-60 min each time. I mix cardio with weight training machines. I monitor daily what I eat and what I exercise through MyFitnessPal app. I carefully watch my caloric intake and have been doing quite well. I stay away from junk, caffeine, and all the garbage I use to eat. I choose foods that are high in protein, low in sugar and fat. I got a total weight loss of 16 lbs since January. It still didn't seem like enough, but I was still doing it!
Then April hit and I plateaued like nobody's business. I somehow even gained back 6 lbs in like one week!!! WTeff??? I thought about what I was doing wrong, or was I retaining more water than normal (usually gaged by how swollen my legs and feet were) or did I skip any supplements or not take enough. I am a creature of habit and if my routine is thrown off balance, I adapt pretty well. I just don't know why I gained that weight back. My clothes were kinda starting to feel looser, but not a whole lot.
This is about the part where I start to work out harder, watch what I eat more carefully and if I don't see any progress, I usually gave up. I can't this time, I am NOT giving up!! I CAN'T give up!!
So in the last month, I got my psych eval and it came back fine like I thought it would. But the doc did recommend that I start going to the programs support groups. They meet once a month at Promedica Woodley. I remember going to those (only a different group from my original surgery) and I sort of dreaded going. I avoided these support groups for a long time, it became so hard to see those that were successful and I wasn't. I had my original surgery over 12 years ago and my journey stopped 6 months after that. I talked to lots of people about it and have been pretty open about what happened to me, but in the end I think people don't believe me, and that I just probably didn't do anything I was suppose to do. Whatever, I don't really care much about people's opinions of me anymore. I think that comes generally with age. But what do I feel about it???
I have felt so many emotions about it over the years.... Worry that I wasn't doing what I needed to, disappointment when finding out the surgery was botched, anger at the surgeon for screwing me up, acceptance that God had a plan and I was never meant to be thin and healthy, feeling cheated when realizing I have to live with all the problems from the surgery and none of the benefits. Now I FINALLY have a renewed hope again. It's so weird too!! I feel worried about it, but empowered at the same time. I have been through this before and am not scared by the surgery itself. I am worried... no terrified that I will end up in the same situation or even worse!
I made myself go to the support group meeting. It was ok at first, but then at the end, people started talking about their issues with little things like vitamins, keeping what down, plateaus, and then there were a few who had lost hundreds of lbs and still had more to go. The success stories were just amazing! I should have been a success story. I wanted to scream to everyone that I had my surgery in 2002 and am at the same weight I started with because a surgeon didn't do mine correctly. I wanted to warn everyone that this is only a tool, it is not a fix and it CAN be unsuccessful. I was trying really hard to not break out and cry, took everything I had. But finally it ended and I hung around to talk to my dietician about gaining. I was so worried if I had gained 1 lbs that everything would be denied, and here I gained 6! Well, she said that the cut off was around 15 and I should be fine if I weigh in. I am not.... I am struggling to breath, I don't want to be denied.
I was 27 when I had my first Gastric Bypass surgery. I weighed 374 lbs and never got below 300. I will be 40 this time around and will hopefully be about 300 when I have my revision surgery. I have a lot of pain issues with my back, knees, legs and feet. I hurt daily. I am more active than I have ever been in my life (which says a lot because I always thought of myself as active, but the reality of it was flat out that I was not!) and it takes more than people realize just to do everyday tasks. I have hidden the pain for years but lately it is becoming more than I can bare. I HAVE to get this revision or I won't make it to 50, that I am sure of!
