How i felt a year ago.

Jan 03, 2010

 

I Am Ugly

My eyes to you are nothing like an ocean

Anything so beautiful or lovely to your eye.

Are they not lovely polished stones with waves?

Perfect stones which represent my emotion?

Beneath perfected covers to shield from the sun

Or to hide your handsome face for a brief moment

They seem to you to be the deepest of all caves

In which all my darkness shadows all bits of light

Conquering the buttery yellow from a hot star

Riding across a battle field like the greatest Knight!

But you are wrong about my double ordinary eyes, O Love

What you see on my unattractive face is a terrible scar.

 

What is it that you see when you stare at that scar?

The same as my hair which should wave like an ocean

I know it is not the light in the sky that twinkles like a star.

Why is it that you cant run your fingers in my hair, Love?

When you look at me why is it that you feel no emotion?

My beautiful hair must lurk in the creepy darkness of caves

And it pains me that my flowing hair is what pains your eye.

The reflection from my strands is dull and there is no light

When it’s the breath of the wind blowing there are no waves

Why is it, my Love, that you try not to be my shining Knight?

Cant you give in to my repulsive exterior, just for a moment?

I cant take away the lack of shine in my hair that should be sun.

 

My breasts are not tanned by the warming light of the sun

The places where your hands must touch have formed a scar

Caress my chest with your hands for a single blissful moment

Let me feel some beauty within; a tiny bit of love-emotion

Before my heart breaks to pieces from it’s loveless caves

There are none so sad as I that are drowning in this loveless ocean

I wished upon the distraction of my chest to catch your falling eye

A single kiss I would have loved, maybe few smiles or some waves

Off you ran away from my unlovely figure like a traveling Knight

Riding away fast on his white horse trying to reach a far-away star

My breasts just ache for your trembling hands, my one and only Love

Why when you’ve longed for so long, my breasts cease to light?

 

My unappealing, uncurved midriff shows and you shut off the light

You’ve stolen away my source of power I feed off of like a sun

What I want more than this fatty bubble, is a lovely dip of a cave

I feel your warm hands softly touching at my button for a quick moment

A small tickle of surprise makes me feel alive with emotion

Becomes my repulsive self you don’t mean to scar

My midriff is not that of a maiden that shall be saved by her Knight

At the sight of me I can see the sad turn of your eye

Without my pain as my tears fall from mine as waves

A single chance to show you I can be, what you love.

Instead of swimming through rejection vast as the ocean,

I could be your gorgeous queen and shimmer as bright as a star.

 

Is it the shape of my nose that makes me less of a star?

Its crooked point that is so big as to block the light?

I can see you shudder as you see my face in this moment,

Wanting to turn away and retreat like a Knight

Back into the depths of the deep sinking ocean.

My repugnant nose in the reflection of your eye

Repulses you as you hide away in moonless caves,

That trap away all of your loving emotion.

My nose is but a blur in your sight like white-cap waves

A mark of disgust on my body as you stare at my lovely scar

Becoming more dull to oppose the eyeful sun,

My nose is an ugly facet that I wish you could love.

 

What about my neck you appall, my dearest Love?

My pale milky white skin is not a match for a star,

So I sit to think for one heartless, dead moment:

A lustful fantasy of a neck poked with the tongue of her Knight

Is a want I cannot have, only in the depth of my emotion.

Now I cannot tell what it is in your eye

There is no light but the dark of an underground cave

Or the astounding blue of a flowing ocean.

Just my neck, the one that seems to have been a scar

A boring white mound of flesh that reflects no light,

Even from that of a flash or something as bright as sun,

Cannot produce the smooth sensation of beautiful waves.

 

By hips do not posses those hourglass waves!

I am not the curvy lascivious woman you feel to love.

My sides curve in so deep, they’re as profound as a cave

A disproportional being, you laugh with light!

Why is it my heart that you must see to scar?

Drown my ugly self down beneath an ocean,

But don’t look back until you see the close of my eye.

Slaughter my hips with your sword, O Knight!

Make me beautiful so I shine like the Sun!

Take away my deformity just for the moment, 

And throw me to the sky to hang like a star!

Make it so that I finally share some emotion.

 

What is it about my mouth that makes you lack emotion?

The piercing string of sound that I release in waves,

You push so far away from me that it can reach a star.

If you could listen for a tiny solitary moment

I could make a fire between us strong like a sun.

Shining brightly off the armour of a Knight

I could make us feel like we’re swimming in ocean.

But my mouth is big and too dark like a cold cave

That all my words are released and draw a scar.

With my mouth I long to taste you, my only Love

With the wet from my tongue I could make you see light.

All this could happen if I weren’t such a burn to your eye.

 

Tell me again, O Love, even though I see it in your eye!

A blanket of shadows you turn into loathing emotion.

My hands to you are what love to snatch away the sun

And dip it to it’s death in the cold lifeless ocean

Where it can float helplessly among the rolling waves

Attempting as it’s drowning to maintain it’s ray of light.

My hands are what make the entrance to scary caves

And what bring down the brave, battling Knight.

They are not what decorate the sky with stars

But what I long to touch you with, my lustful Love.

One true feeling in this last fake moment.

 

Is it my legs that you cant bear for a moment?

The pair of thick fatty mass that haunts your eye?

What must I do to have them glow like a star

And decorate them in bright golden waves?

As you stare you’d be able to feel their light

And caress their skin with water from the ocean.

I wouldn’t have to hide my legs in suffering caves

Instead they could tan in the burning from the sun.

I could be loved and be felt by my Knight

And experience all the greatness of bliss-emotion.

All in a reality that doesn’t exist I have all that love,

Playing at me until my legs become the rest of the scar.

 

When will I be rid of my self-inflicted scar?

My abhorrent body suffering in a deathful moment?

Never will I be able to see that blinding light,

Or be able to feel that wonderful surge of emotion.

I’ll be stuck in a world of endless waves

And be burned by the piercing heat from the sun.

When will I be able to be a gorgeous star?

And be swept off my feet by my handsome Knight?

Will I ever be able to catch his powerful eye?

Or will I just drown in the abyss of freezing ocean?

What is done is done, I try to think of my Love

As I cower down at the foot of my cave.

 

Crying deep rivers as I sit in my cave,

I can feel the undesirable burning of my scars

That make this the one true hurting moment.

I wish that I could stand in the sand and be swallowed by waves

And live the rest of my time underneath the shining stars.

I long for the fiery kiss from my burning Love

Held in passion under the blushing sun.

All I want is to show all where you can find the light

And capture the scent of dire emotion.

My ugly reflection in the corner of your eye

It is final that I watch the final turn from my Knight

And my head sinks under and I fall beneath the hungry ocean.

 

Under my last shining scar is a fade of my Knight;

A breaking light dying out from a twinkling star

I fall into a death in my cave of hurting emotion

Feeling the waves passing over me in my final moment.

My eye sees the last of the never-ending ocean

And my Love still sees that I am nothing like the sun.

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