Ms_Swoosh
Not sure where to go from here...depressed
Feb 20, 2015
I lost weight, and had skin removed from stomach (it was a good choice, I feel better about me). I have since gained back 10lbs and to be honest have not really worked to get rid of it....My world fell apart, I was moved from working in a classroom that I loved and felt valued to one that I feel like ittle more than a babysitter. (Someone that doesnt like me for reasons I dont even know did this to me). I am at a different school with different people with MUCH different work ethic than I have....its very depressing. I do little more than feed children and show videos most of the day, trapped in a room with just students and TAs. (one several years older than me and one several years younger than me) doesnt leave much to talk about... get pretty discouraging. My boyfriend proposed and I said yes...I mean he actually wants to take care of me, I do wish he would say positive things to me...heck I wish anyone would...I never see anyone of my friends (they mostly work at the other school), and all Steve and I do is go out to eat...alot.... I decided that I would plunge self into wedding stuff right after christmas to give me something happy to do and look forward to... BAM BAM....block after block...But did find a church that will work...and a venue that will work for reception and caterer (neither are as I envisioned them) I started dress hunting January, and thought okay as long as I order by March I should be fine right? Pfft....apparently even if getting married at the end of June its TOO LATE to order anything....I will be wearing something that I find on a rack....Im not really irritated that it comes off the rack...its the hunting and finding that frustrates me....These dresses are $350-UP ANd then you have to hem, and alter, and put bustle (thing to hold train up for reception) okay I can do this I tell myself I will get friends to help me and we will rock this OUT! Two of my bridesmaids (the two that live local) went with me to a local dress place....it was okay...but nothing really stood out...and then I had this strange feeling like I was being cheated somehow...I tend to trust my gut...so I walked away without a dress. I looked up 5 other places and traveled there only to find that they are no longer in business....after an online search I found a place in Charlotte with the LOVELY word WAREHOUSE in their name...BOOM! Gotta be something there....I go in...its a wonderful place (I can only stay a min because groom is out in car and I just wanted to see if worth coming back to). I go out and tell him it is a great place and start texting people that have offered to come dress hunting with me....no one is available. I try again on Monday (they are closed on Sunday) no one will go with me....ice sets in and the rest of the week is shot. While at school (my new job) I decided idk, maybe I could invite one of the people that I have met here that I am forming friendship with....everyone had reasons why they couldn't join me... my favorite..... "Charlotte? OH MY no, I never drive that far from home." ....sigh I so am not enjoying this....
So I sit here on a Saturday....waiting for Steve to get up (yes I spend my weekend morning alone too...) so we can keep an appointment for a registry (that doesn't even matter, l don't expect anything from anyone at this point) at a place where more people I dont know wont talk to me or care that I am so done with everything. Another day alone...another day of being sad....another day without a dress...another day that I am NOT enjoying the process and if one more person asks me...ah don't you just LOVE being a bride...I think I will choke them.
And to think, Im Swoosh...Im suppose to be the happy one...
