Day 7 & Day 8

Dec 29, 2010

Today and yesterday were not my best days. I didn't sleep at all the night before last, and it really affected everything. Yesterday, I was so agitated and anxious. Everything seemed insurmountable, even the smallest things. Everyone I had contact with irritated me. Including Carlos. I hate to say that; he didn't do anything wrong, I just had no tolerence for anything. I felt hopeless and depressed again, and I almost regressed to where I was 4 weeks ago. That was a very bad place. I did sleep last night, and today I felt much better. I still felt more anxiety than I had been, and I kept flip-flopping between motivated and listless. Right now, it's listless. I almost didn't write this blog. But the blogging is so cathartic, and I really think it's one of the main reasons I am able to stay motivated. I literally had to pep talk myself into writing this. Yesterday, I did eat pretty good, and I got a little exercise. Through one of my mistakes I actually ended up creating something yummy. (Tuna with cottage cheese in it, instead of mayo or Greek yogurt.) But, I focused more on the mistake than the food I ate. Today, I felt a lot better but I ate badly. I craved chocolate, which I tried to fill with some chocolate soymilk, but I ended up eating a whole bunch of Hersey kisses. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but I feel really guilty. I just keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day, and I can get back on track. I know I can, just right now I feel really tired. Maybe the missing sleep is still catching up, despite last night. I don't know. 

I really want tomorrow to be different. I plan on reading this blog again tomorrow morning just to recommit to letting the last two days go, and move forward. Hopefully, the light will be back.

N.

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