Niquediva
Hello Everyone,
My Story begins when I was about 10yrs old. Okay I'll keep it brief, but I really want to be honest and give you apart of myself. My mother died a few weeks before my 10th birthday. She died of HIV because she was an IV drug user. Actually she died of full blown AIDS, excuse me. When she died it was 1987, so back then the AIDS epidemic was like the plague. Unfortunately I witness her dying before my eyes. I witness my mother go from a healthy woman to under 90lbs. She was bed stricken and had to wear a diaper. I was embarrassed and I didn't know how to handle my feelings. When she died I was too embarrassed to cry at her wake. It had to be a close casket because back then they didn't understand AIDS and they believed it was airborne. In the hospital all the doctor wore what looked like space suits when they checked on her.
Before my mother died, I use to love hanging around her. I was really attached to her. Unfortunately she was an addict, so I would hang around her at drug warehouses and when she would prostitute. Anyway, after she died I never felt like there was anyone left to love me unconditionally. I put up a wall and wouldn't allow anyone to break it down. My father is in the picture, but he's just a man that gave birth to me. He never took the father role unfortunately. I have family, but it was always hard to express myself to them. I met with a lot of therapist and can finally tell this story without fear or breaking down.
So I chose food to hide my emotions. My earliest memory of food is after my mom died, I can remember telling my cousins, if they didn't want the rest of their food to give it to me. I also started doing everything for everyone, so I wouldn't be a burden because I had no mother or father. I LOVED FOOD AND IT LOVED ME BACK!!!! LOL I just didn't know that it would love me to DEATH. So here I am today 306lbs and wondering WHY. Well actually I now know Why, or I'm learning Why and working on accepting Why (Yahoo!!!!). I know that this surgery is not a quick fix. I still have to work out and eat right to be sucessful. Finally, that's my story and please wish me good luck for my upcoming surgery in May 09.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!
