psychnurse76

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As I was looking through all of the beautiful before and after pics I noticed that a lot of people mention how blessed they are now (post op) and I agree but I am also blessed now. I have sooo much to be thankful for ( hehe even if I do act like a cry baby over some things) but all in all surgery or not I am very very blessed. Even if I stay rolly polly for the rest of my life I know I still have it good. i do want to clarify though that I am not saying I dont have stressors or things to struggle through or just general hardships,but that I have been given the strength to be able to carry on regardless of situations. every conqured obstacle means that you have become a stronger person so sometimes God brings it on, but only because he knows he has given us the strength to handle it, its just sad that some ppl dont recognize their own strength. So to all who have overcome obesity you are so blessed and to those (like myself) still in the fight we are so blessed to be able to see he hope and have the drive and resources to help us out of our situation.

OK THIS IS ME VENTING-I HAVE ABSOLUTLEY HAD IT WITH THAT DAM OFFICE! MY BLOOD IS AT BOILING POINT AND THERE AINT MIERDE I CAN DO BUT BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A CHAMP. WHEN I CALLED TODAY TO CHECK ON THE STAUS OF MY DATE SHE FIRST TOLD ME I WAS DEFERRED DUE TO LABS!!!! R U F@#$%^! KIDDING ME?! (PLZ CHECK OUT PREVIOUS BLOGS ABOUT MY STUPID LABS)I GUESS SHE COULD TELL BY THE TONE OF MY VOICE I WAS NOT ACCEPTING THAT AS A FINAL ANSWER SO SHE SAID HOLD ON THEN CAME BACK ABOUT 5 MINS LATER SAYING "OH I SEE DR. BRASSIER HAS ADDED AN ADDENDUM. SO I WILL SUBMIT THIS TO TANAKA THEN HE WILL REVIEW AND SIGN IT THEN EVERYTHING SHOULD BE BACK ON TRACK." OH REALLY?LIKE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ALL THOSE OTHER TIMES I CALLED? OH REALLY LIKE HOW IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AFTER THE THIRD TIME KAISER FAXED OVER MY LABS? OH REALLY, LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALREADY EXCEPT THAT YOU LAZY COWS DONT KEEP UP ON YOUR PAPER WORK SO MY STUFF CONTINUALLY GETS LOST AND NOT FOLLOWED UP ON?C'MON IDIOTS AT WHAT POINT CAN MY NEGLECTED PAPERWORK BECOME A PRIORITY?HEY DUMMER AZOS IF THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH SOMEONES PAPERWORK SHOULDNT YOU CALL THEM? OR DOES THAT REQUIRE TOO MUCH PROFESSIONALISM?I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A BIG PATIENT LOAD AND YOU GUYS ARE SWAMPED BUT THAT MEANS YOU NEED TO STEP UP YOUR GAME OR GO WORK WHERE YOUR INCOMPETENCE WONT HAVE SUCH AN IMPACT ON PEOPLES LIVES. OK NOW I AM GOIMG TO TRY TO SETTLE DOWN BUT I AM STILL HOT!!! 
I would just like to add that I am not the only one using Pac Bar who has had this problem so if all of our paperwork isnt being handled correctly than which patients are?ok i am done for now  :)

Its kinda hard to type when I am doing some therapeutic breathing to help lower my blood pressure! Dr. Tanaka's office is really pi$$ing me off now. I gave them over a week to pull their cabezas out of their culos and I guess I should have faxed tham a map because when I called a couple of days ago I kept being brushed off then they transferred me to someones voice mail so I could leave a message and wait another month b4 anyone calls me, oh my bad THEY NEVER EVER HAVE CALLED ME I have been the one to have to call them. I am getting ready to say F it and just pay for it. But then the logical side kicks in and calms me down (I am currently waiting to hear from that side right now! LOL) I know I know busy office lots of patients blah blah blah but holy crap when do I get made a priority to them? Ok well I am going to stop with my pity party and try to go do something more productive.

I am utterly disgusted with how unprofessional and unorganized dr. Tanakas office is! No one is taking the responsibility nor the initiative to correct mistakes they have made due to disorganization. every week I call to check the status of my process and I always get different answers so finally I called Kaiser and they called Tanaka's office and voila! all of the sudden my lab has been located and the process is supposedly moving again. Now Tanaka's office blames it on Kaiser and Kaiser blames it on them and honestly I dont give a mierde i just want things up and running again. I do however believe things happen for a reason so I try to be patient with all of the road blocks but even my patience has a limit.

You really need to get your sh*t straight! I am tired of my blood work being incomplete. I have done it twice (in January) and you dummer azos cant get it right yet so my surgery date is taking forever. Thanks for all of the frustration! jerks!!
ahhhhhh I feel much better.

I was thinking (yes it happens...occasionally) why do so many of us (including myself) wait to live our lives until after the surgery? I understand that some things do have actual weight limits (i.e bikinis and bungee cords!) but I was just looking at my goal post op activities and I really dont see why I can't do a lot of them now. like I can ice skate now (although not very well) and I dont think there is actually a reason I cant snow board yet, I know I could join the work teams and take karate. I guess it all comes down to self confidence huh?

1. snow board
2.ice skating lessons
3.take a Hawiian cruise and wear a bikini (and look good)
4. join a softball team at work
5. Join the volleyball team at work
6. run a mile in 8 mins everyday
7. do a zipline tour
8. Shop at 21 forever (eventhough I am 30! LOL)
9.take strippercise lessons
10. learn Karate

uH-OH....
OK I know I am bad for this but it's too late I cant rewind. I have not been keeping track of my blood sugar since the summer! nor have I been taking my meds :*( I know I know trust me i work with diabetics, I give insulin to them I have seen crashes and comas I guess since I have not had any problems related to diabetes that it doesnt strike me as serious. So today I had pre-op for my tonsilectomy on Tuesday the 26th and they took a random count I knew they were going to so I behaved yesterday and today. Normally I don't really have sweets infact I can go for weeks without them but lately I have been craving them. I hope I made it because my PCP will strangle me! I lost my glucometer right before a road trip in august so I just bought a new one but I still dont have any strips yet. I know that if my count is too high I cant get the gastric bypass as well. I hate being irresponsible! But I am a new person now. I swear I am going to act right and stay on track...well I am making that my goal. I dont want to have some diabetic crisis that would be very embarrassing. ok i just needed to vent .
UPDATE
Oh yeah this bitch got caught and now I am scared taht I will get post poned. So now I have been acting right. my level for hba1c was 8.3 I should be between 4 and 6. I have no excuse so I will just have to get an ear full from my pcp and be patient....


Just a thought....
i was just thinking about all the situations i have gone through pertaining to my size. I guess thats why I get so damn irritated when I tell ppl that I am going to have gastric bypass and they say things like "oh no thats so dangerous, have you tried just diet and exercise?". I do understand that they infact mean well but it is very irritating none the less. I think that until you have waited 2 hours with a large group of friends to go on a ride then sit there holding up the ride while numerous operators come and struggle to try to buckle you in only to have to get off while everyone stares at you, go out to eat with some ppl and you are the last to sit down only to find that you dont fit in the booth and the whole party has to be moved to a new table,get told loudly in a long line that you have to purchase an extra plane ticket because you are too big for one seat and its not fair to the other passengers that you take up more room but still pay the same price, go out with the girls and NEVER get hit on because you are too fat, have ppl look at you with fear in their eyes when you walk down the aisle of a bus thinking you might want to sit by them,over hear ppl whisper about you to their friend how if they ever get that big to shoot them, etc... then they can have a say until then either just a smile or words of encouragement will do. Ok I just needed to vent because I had a staff come and try to tell me about this new diet I should do instead of surgery as if some punk fad diet is ever going to solve my problem. I politely told her that counseling,education and surgery are the only things taht can help me at this point because I have tried all else and i do ionfact lose weight but only to gain it back and then some. She was not satisfied so I thanked her for the info and reminded her of her assignment. ok I am done! thanks for listening  ;)

no hidden agendas...
So today was stupid Super  bowl sunday so as I sat solo since my hubby was watching the game at his parents so I went cruising the boards to seek out some different people to talk to. well I never knew that they had individualized boards so when i saw all the other ones i was wondering if we are all going through the same discriminations/medical problems etc... why is there a need for individualized boards? So I went to post on some other forums but a lot of them had not had any posters for months so when i went to BAF I saw that it was an active board. Well since I am a psych nurse I am also very interested in how other ppl see the world their beliefs and point of views. So I posted in BAF and I asked them to inform/educate me on why they feel there needs to be individualized boards. I asked them to educate me on the differences. I had a couple positive responses but I also had some that wether they meant to or not came off like I had offended them. Some accused me of just trying to start some shit. I swear i just like to know other ppls thoughts. I spent 17 units a semester and 2 years worth of education just focusing on how ppl think etc.. so trust me I have no hidden agendas. Some ppl were very informative and had a lot of good info that i had not thought of. One lady had some very deep insights but the way she presented it to me put me off and it took me a little longer to receive her message cuz I was so angry. But I also respected the fact she voiced her opinion no matter who it offended. But I have learned if you want ppl to listen to you present your words ina productive manor. putting someone down,talking in an accusing way, using words that indicate no matter what the other person has to say you aren't gonna listen back only takes away from the importance of your words. I hope I didnt offend any person in that forum but to some my mere presence was disturbing so I definantly will not be going back. :*(  


I thought wrong!
I come from a very tall family (on my dads side anyways) and i have always told ppl I am 5'9 which used to embarrass me but now i got used to it. Even at that height I was 3rd shortest! but yesterday at the surgeons office I fornd out that I am not quite there. Which isnt really that big of a deal but now I get bumped down to 2nd shortest!

I am 29 years old and I have started the process for gastric bypass.I have done several types of weight loss "experiments" in my 29 years of life. Ha ha. I have done phen-fen,weight watchers,atkins,Lindora,cabbage soup diet, MD diet,slim fast,low fat low carb,no fat and I of course did the "right" way by using diet and exercise together. In fact I lost 110 lbs. in 5 months just from atkins and the gym 6 days a week 3 hours a day. I was doing yoga,kickboxing,weight training and I wouldn't leave until I burned 3000 calories on the eliptical! The whole time I was wearing a vinyl suit,t-shirt,hoodie and sweats.I drank a gallon of water everyday.I did wonderful for a little over a year but guess what else I lost...MY HAIR! No, I am not bald but my hair is very thin in comparison.I even doubled up on vitamins.Then one day at work I got hurt and was down for a few weeks and i gained some weight back and then it just went downhill from there. Next thing I know I gained all my weight back plus some! sound familiar to anyone?I studied up on gastric bypass for about a year then changed my insurance to accomodate. I jumped through all of their hoops and then 2 weeks before my surgery date they told me to lose get this...40 lbs.!!! WTF? so of course I failed and had to change insurances again so here I am about 2 years later and I am starting all over again.Before I was fat but fit walking never bothered me I didn't really have any other ailements but this last weight gain has tore me up. I have pitted edema,high blood pressure, my joints hurt very bad sometimes and walking makes me short of breath,I have sleep apnea and there are a lot of places I just don't fit.I hate it and I can't wait to change! I want to do sports and get back into dance. I don't have to be a size 3 but I need to be a human size.I want to live to see 40 and at the rate I am going it's lookin kinda bleek. I have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what but I feel like I am cheating him out of some happiness by not being all that I can. I know the process is long and slow but I also know it is well worth it.
I have made an appt with my doctor to get a referral!

January 30th-Wahoooo! I finally got the real referal!!! Unfortunatley I also found out today that I have diabetes :-(
I know it's only my fault but that doesn't make it any less serious.
Well it's just a matter of days before I get my packet to fill out. I am sooo happy. Even finding out I have diabetes can't bring me down.

February 12th-I finally received my packet. Good God they ask a lot of questions! I have a bad memory so to ask me to remember what I weighed when I was 5 is too much but oh well it just means that I am one step closer. My friend just had this done a few months ago and she looks beautiful! She is an inspiration. I swear everytime I see her I get excited to have the surgery.They told me my Info class is on March 27th but I 'm sure if I am persistant enough I can squeeze in a closer date.

March 27th- YAY!!!I finally had my information class at Kaiser. I met a really nice woman. A lot of people there were friendly and were very outgoing. when someone came to sit down by me they just instantly started talking about their struggles with weight loss and what finally drove them to surgery, and this was whaen we were waiting in the hall to get into the class.The doctor teaching the class was a very nice man who made you feel at ease and not ashamed or like you were just there looking for the easy way out. We turned in our packets and filled out some papers. one was about which classes we would be available for monday,wednesday or friday.at the end of the session he told us that as soon as a spot was open he would be calling us to get us in our classes (after the panel reviews our cases and deems us eligible) but he did say that if we were there we all were definant candidates. Well hopefully I will be writing in again soon about when my classes start!!??

June 3rd-YAY!!!!! I got a letter saying I have been approved and now I have to call to find out when my classes start!

June 4th-My classes start August 18th! I have to take 24 classes then finish pre-op and get a surgery date.I am sooo excited!I should finish at the end of January.
Everytime I see my friend I get more and more excited about the surgery. She is getting so tiny and she is always smiling.

August 18th- my first class was interesting I am looking forward to all of the infornmation I will be learning. i have realized that the more educated you are about something the less scary it can be. the people in my class are mostly older than me and seem to be very nice. I am leaving for vacation today and I will have to skip a class which of course seems to displease the instructor but I have already invested too much time and money-and besides I have been looking forward to this my husband and I are going on a road tri[p to visit some friends in san francisco,portland and washington and then we are driving to vancouver!! I will have to make up my missed class.

August 25th- Well I ended up cutting my vacation short so I was able to attend todays class. I was a few minutes late due to parking difficulties though not a big deal. Today we watched a video about other people who have had the surgery I guess the point of the movie was to get across the seriuosness of this surgery. It's very hard for me to sit through a 90 minute class because I have ADD so sometimes I end up just going ahead of the class and doing the work. I do think the class as a whole is definantly important but If I am being kept busy i wont seem as much of a jack ass.also I am not one for crowded elevators so when i saw the whole class waiting for the next elevator down I assesed the weight and wait situations and decided that taking 12 flights of stairs down would be good for me in the long run so that is my goal now-every class I take the stairs down the whole way and every class I increase my upstairs flight by 2. Who knows maybe others will catch on and get a head start on excersising.

august 27th- yay! today my husband and I signed up for the gym. It has a pool which I love because when you are as fat as I it can be physically painful to walk a lot of ride a bike or do the eliptical. I cant wait to get started.

September 3rd- today was my first work out day since about 3 years ago. Back then i was still fat (size 22-24) but I was working out at least 3 hours a day, wouldnt leave until i had burned 3,ooo calories on the eliptical (aprox. 2 hours straight),did kickboxing,weight training and yoga. I was fit but still fat. Now I am barely able to make my goal of at least 30 mins of cardio,100 sit ups and 25 laps in the pool. But I cannot go home every night until I do just that (or more).

September 10th- Well i was in Nevada visiting my parents since Friday so tonight was my first night back tot he gym in 3 days. I continued my standard of at least 30 min of cardio etc... it is definantly getting easier. I actually look forward to my work outs! I hope this honey moon continues. LOL. I have lost 12 lbs! which is only a drop in the bucket but at least there is something in my bucket right? lol. my BMI is now 60.8 (down 1.2)

September 21st-Wahooo I am down a total of 20lbs. I have been working out 2 times almost every day. Once at lunch and then again after work. I definantly feel the difference but I can't see one but then again when you have a couple HUNDRED pounds to loose it would be easy to overlook 20 huh? LOL. Well tomorrow is class #6 (only 18 left!). For the first time when I was very very stressed at work so when it was my lunch time all I could think about was 3 corndogs some fries and a coke from Wienerschnitzel but I know that same behavior has help me get a mind staggering BMI of 59 so instead I went to the gym at work and walked the treadmill for 40 minutes and went to my usual 7-11 for healthy food (they sell turkey sandwiches on wheat and fresh fruit,vegetables etc...) I felt wayyyy better than I would had I gone with my id (Freud). And when i came back i was able to calmly finish out my night and solve the problems!-yay me!!

October 16th-Well I have been working 16 hour shifts without having any days off for a few weeks now (I have taken a shift off here and there though) so I have had to put the gym on hold which I know is really not an option for someone in my position but I have things that have to be taken care of. I do have good news!!I got scheduled for my first pe-op test (and abdominal ultra sound). I am so excited with every class and test its becoming more real. I have not had ANYTHING sugary for a couple of weeks now and it is VERY hard (as u all may well know) I am diabetic and lately even the smallest amount of a sugary substance gives me dumping syndrom! I learned in my gastric bypass class that you shouldnt have anything that has a sugar substance (high fructose syrup,malitol,sorbitol,lactitol etc...) within the first 6 ingredients so I have been trying to stick to that. The doctor said that even the substitutes are really not good for you.(I think they are just out to sabotage any fun left !). Well i will write again soon!-only 16 classes left!!!

October 20th- Class was very interesting today. It was about accepting responsibility for your own behaviors. I had already gone over and over this in tech school so I was very happy to see them going over it in this class. I get very irritated when I hear ppl whine about things that they have power over wich is everything. And when I say power over I mean how they react to things.Like so and so makes me so mad when really it should be I let so and so make mad. The teacher called it victim syndrome and it is so irritating. I am fat because of my own actions for whatever reason they may be, no one ever shoved food down my throat. Now I can be angry because I am fat and just stew in it or I can say Hey, i really need to change my behaviors and make more productive and beneficial choices for myself. I used to say if only I had supervision as a kid I wouldnt have been able to sneek all those treats and extra food when really I havent been a child for about 2 decades!LOL.Oh also today I had my abdominal ultrasound to look for gall stones and FUNK! was it uncomfortable!! my side still hurts from the tech having to push so hard. It took about 10 mins or less but it did hurt. Ok ttyl!

November 6th-
I dont get it...I went to the doctor today and somehow I have lost 6lbs. I have to confess I have not gone back to the gym for about 2 months or so and since i have been working 16 hour days 3-7 days a week I have been eating poorly as well. I have to say it was motivating. I am going to start going to the gym at work on my lunch again!...-tommorrow ;P

November 10th- Well today I found out that I had a ECG scheduled (pre-op) but because i never check my mail I missed the appt. So I just rescheduled. I again weighed myself and since the 6th I have lost another 4lbs. I think I should now be concerned since I have done nothing to deserve this but I will give it another 200 or so more lbs! LOL no really if next week I have lost more I will call my pcp. Every appt. makes me more and more excited!!! I am already beginning to plan a Hawaiian cruise for august. Yeah I know I will just be slightly less but it will be more of a celebration. But in 2008 I will be wearing a bathing suit!

December1st- YAY!!! I lost 5 lbs over the holidays!! how? I have no idea but I did so...YAY!! LOL so 30 down (I had already lost 30 but then I gained 5 lbs :*(  ) In class today we filled out our release info so the hospital of our choice could gain access to our records. Its week #15 for us. I have 9 more. Ok I am so tired right now so good night all!

December 8th- I gained 2lbs but I ate crazy stuff this week so I deserve it. I had sweet potato pie and a lot of jack in the box and taco bell. but I am starting over with my fast food boycott. i went grocery shopping so I dont have a reason to go out. Ok I could always think of a reason but still it will help deterr me. I went to the Pacific Bariatrix Seminar with my friend Yolanda and we had fun BUT they list it on the web site as starting at 530pm and it really starts at 5pm. whatever as long as I got my paper turned in and my packet started I'm cool. Well I have this terrible headache so I am done for today.probably from not eating fast food?

December 15-Yay I lost 3 lbs. up down up down oh well. I am getting more and more excited as the classes go on now. Every Friday I look forward to seeing the class number we are on on the white board. ok i gotta go so no more for today.

December 29th- I had a tonsilectomy this last tuesday so the last place I wanted to be was in a class were sleeping is a definant no no. My wonderful mom took me and accompanied me (I was on liquid vicodin so I couldnt drive and she came all the way from Nevada to pamper me!) my Mom is the best in the whole wide world she loves to take care of me but it got a little embarassing today. She is very worried about me getting an infection so like every 15 min she kept checking my head and she was rubbing my back. I know it sounds sweet but when u r 30 and in a very quiet class it can be a little distracting.Even the instructor stopped class to ask if I was ok. doh! But we had run into him right before class and my mom explained to him that I just had surgery . Well today was very exciting class because we got our paper work to get the rest of our labs and pre-op done! and better yet we go when we want to !! I dont have to wait for 3 months for a dumb appt. But I cant do my labs right now cuz I cant fast since I am taking my meds right now but I will go the first day I am done. Then all I have to do is graduate the class then wait by the phone for the surgeon to call!!! and then wait....for my other appts LOL well at least I am closer to being done. Ok I am getting loopy from my meds so I am going to sleep now HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

January5th-
Well I have lost a total of 13lbs since last week! I am sure it had something to do with me not eating or even really drinking more than about 8 oz a day.hopefully I can continue but I already know that aint hapnin' (LOL).I didnt do anything for New Years it sucked but all i could do was wake up long enough to take some pain medicine then wait for it to kick in so I could sleep again, but I am feeling a little better now. today class was very very short we just did some relaxation and we did a body analysis to get an idea about how much we should expect to lose the first year. The instructor kept telling me about how much muscle I had. I said well I got the booty to match! He said I should expect to lose about 167lbs but I know I can do better (I have lost over 100lbs in  5 months just by dieting and excercising alone ) and I have done that a few times. Thats the only time my addictive personality pays off is when I get "addicted" to exercise! OK I am gonna go now...

January 12th- Again another short class YAY!!! I do appreciate the classes but I had a lot of stuff to doI havent taken my pain meds because I think I can tough it out now ;p class was just more body analysis for those who didnt do it last week so the instructor talked for maybe 15 mins then we all went home. I lost 2 more lbs! Although seriously I dont deserve it. I have been eating like a jackass since I am better now. I am sure next week I will pay when I step on the scale! LOL

January19th- I gained 3lbs :*( but I know it was well deserved. I just love to cook but I can cook better things. I am so irritated, I faxed in my papers to pacific bariatrics and they dont have a record of getting them! so I will fax again but if there is a prob this time (it took me like 4 trys to fax it and I kept having problems) I swear I will be driving it down there. Well just 2 more classes and then I wait...

January 27th-WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! They ended our classes early due to scheduling probs so I am officially done. Now I just wait. Speaking of, my glutunous fluffy butt has gained some-5lbs. so I am swearing off fast food. Thats one of my main contributers (damn you taco bell, mc donalds and del taco!). So I will need lots of will power but my driving force will be my upcoming date with the surgeon. Ok I gotta go to bed now (I am working a 16 hour shift en la manana) buenos noches amigos!

Feb 07-I GOT A CALL FROM THE SURGEONS OFFICE!!!!!!!!!
They said that I will be scheduled for next week to meet the surgeon and do the rest of the pre-op! I know i may still be post poned until my bloodwork is better so i am trying my best to maintain. I have been on low carb/sugar free for about a week now. I love it. Seriously. I eat sugar free oreos, sugar free chocolate pudding and sugar free wafers. I have brought my lunch to work everyday so yay for me!! ok I have to go now bye bye!

Feb 28th-Finally I had my appt! today was bitter sweet because yes I got my last appt taken care of bUT on the way down there i got in an accident :*( I rear ended some poor guy in a BMW! oh my truck was fine but his rear end looked like someone threw an orange at it at about 400 miles an hour. oh well...anyways, I just want to linform those who don't know that when you finally get to go meet your surgeon 1-wear your best chones (underwear), 2-shave your legs. 3-wear easily removeable shoes/socks because they first measure you so you have to take off your socks and shoes then they send you back out to wait then when you actually go in they make you strip down to your chones you do this once for your surgeon then once for the internist. the internist gives you an EKG (painless) and the surgeon feels around your stomache to see if he can do it laproscopically (i was lucky enough to qualify!). The psychologist is about 1/2 mile or so from where tanaks office is so its best you walk there if you can because I paid 8$ for parking! the internist is pretty much one block down so that is an easy walk as well. If you have to spend a lot of time in SD there are a lot of good places to eat and coffee places too ( I had about 4 hours to kill). Ok thats all I have to say hopefully my next post will be sioon telling of my surgery date!
P.s I dont HAVE to lose anymore weight to have the surgery (I just lost another 10 lbs!) but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt.... LOL and he just told me to start taking more vit C and sublingual (under your tongue) B12,thiamin and 2 scoops of proComplex a day as well as do excersise at least 1 hour 4-5 days a week oh and to increase my proten (this will all help with healing )