psychnurse76

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as i sit (crossing my legs) I was thinking about how we always say how ppl treat us like we are invisible when we are fat but its kinda the opposite I am no longer as much of a spectacle to be pointed at and whispered about. And I am pretty sure ppl soon might even stop wondering how me and my husband have sex??? I do wonder how long before I quit getting so defensive when ppl look at me or give compliments. Although I have to say my quick witted sarcasm keeps me entertained. Whoever said that sarcasm is a coping mechanism for ppl who dont know how to cope was a dumbass it just makes for a fun time. I had a fat angry teacher in college who used to always say that but I'm sure its because she had a severe superiority complex-oh and she wore shoes that were like 8 sizes too small so her hooves would bubble up on top. Ahhh there see how much better I feel...

I just recently discovered I can cross my legs and without having to use my hands. Before my legs were so edema'd that crossing them was not only impossible but very painful when I tried. Now I do it whenever I can. Oh and I also notice that when I cross my arms they lay way flatter against me i no longer feel like I am trying to intimidate ppl LOL.

ok so I went to an activity with some of my clients tonight and about 15 mins into it one of my friends walked up and said "OMG! I almost didnt recognize you! you look great. gosh, everytime I see you you change one time you are fat one time you are smaller." ok now do you see where she went south? LOL she is lucky I  have such a great sense of humor. But seriously though,some things we are only supposed to think then filter then say the finished much more apropriate comment. Oh well I suppose its just Karma, after all I do dumb scheist like that all the time.

well at least I wanted to when I bought my first size 16 shirt and it actually fit!!! it sucks how I cant see what I really look like. I have been wearing a mens XL shirt but to me it looks wayyy to small for me. A ot of my co-workers tell me things akll the time I have even had ppl who have known me since I was a child walk by me like I was a stranger!? Ok I know i do look different but really?c'mon to not even think "wow that girl looks like a smaller version of Amanda". Although I do appreciate it. I have always been arpound insults and sarcasm so when ppl tell me nice things I get mad cuz I dont have a come back LOL even my poor hubby. Well actually wait a minute his compliments are really left handed like "wow you really look less chubby" or "oh is that your hip bone? I never saw it before" and when he says it , its with a very sarcastic tone. But I feel more comfortable with that than with "OMG you look so good!" again much appreciated but not comfortable.

I am down 110LBS!!! I cant believe how the time is flying by. I was talking to one of the parents of my client and i had to stand for about 90 minutes and guess what??! I didnt even get tired or feel the need to sit. It was great. I could walk for days now. The difference in how I feel now compared to how I felt 4 months ago is unreal. even before when I lost weight on my own i never felt this good. I am wearing an 18/20 top and size 22 pants. I have almost no trouble eating now except the occassonal time when I eat too quickly or try something new and it doesnt quite agree with my tummy any more. Well I hope if you are a newbie and reading this that it helps to inspire you to change your life and go for it!!! and if you are a post op, I'm sure you can relate

My hubby and i went to vegas with about 15-20 friends and stayed in a time share. It was so much fun. We swam everyday and went to the casinos. It was 5 days of bumin it! We wandered onto the MDA telethon and got to be in the audience. I decided i was going to be the loudest one there-so I was. I got to see the commodores do brickhouse live and a comedian from americas got talent. It was a blast. On sunday we had a huge party at the time share for 5 birthdays (one was my hubby). I wish I could live it all over again  : * ( but it was great incentive to do a gang of OT again. man I love to vacation!!!!
P.s when I came back to work and weighed myself I found out I have lost 10 more pounds for a total of 110 LBS gone! Oh and my 22 shirts are getting to big now. I went from size 34 womens to 18/20! sweeeeeeet

wahoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! I am headed vegas bound as of 6pm thursday august 30th! well actually I will be going to my parents in Pahrump to spend the night then friday evening my hubby and I are going to vegas to meet up with about 20 friends and we are all staying at my friends time share til monday. The only poopy part is I cant drink but whatever i will be swimin and gambling. It is going to be sooo much fun. I will take lots of pics and post them next week.

the other day I went to one of my favorite  big girl stores-AVENUES and got a new pair of jeans because all of my old clothes look ridiculous. Well since I hate to try things on I got the size I thought I was but I realized once I got home and put them on that I should have tried them on. They are still way too big.I know that that is a good thing but I wore them anyways so I cant exchange them. Looks like I will have to do some OT to go shopping again. I could go shopping all day so I am actually looking forward to it! Oh and I am officially 100LBS down!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so now I have lost enough that other people can see the difference. Which is great. However now I get a lot more compliments which I am not used to. Infact it makes uncomfortable almost defensive LOL. Every time someone gives me a compliment I feel the need to counter it by pointing out something negative about myself. For example if someone says 'Wow Amanda you are doing so good. You look wonderful!" my response would be "yeah but I still have a few more rolls to lose" or "Now if I can just get rid of all my chins" etc... I know that that is not what I am supposed to say but I cant help it. Well i have finally learned how to accept a compliment. now I just say "thank you" . Since I have started saying thank you I feel less defensive and I can actually enjoy the compliment. I never like putting myself down its just how I grew up. But that was the "old" me. She has died only the "new" me is around. oh I am still a sarcastic a$$hole with a quick tongue but no longer feel it neccasary to berate myself for comfort. Well I hope whoever reads this can benefit from it cuz I know a lot of us have only known put downs or have heard only negative about our appearance. Oh and if you guys have any suggestions on how to handle compliments please leave a comment so others can benefit from it.

okay so last week (about 3 or 4 days ago I weighed myself and then today i weighed myself again and I have lost another 15 LBS!!! I am down officially 84 Lbs since may 8th!!! Thank you Jesus!