realturtlelover
I'm back!!!
Jan 04, 2010
Yes, it's me. As most of you know I have not been on this site much in the last two weeks. The first few days after surgery was much better than I expected physically. I was not in much pain at all. What did surprise me was the emotional side of this whole thing that I flat did NOT expect. I was surprised to find myself feeling depressed. Feeling like I had made a mistake and should have gone with the gastric bypass even though I did not want that. Thinking that because I was so hungry something must be wrong. I worried that the band had slipped already or the port was turned since I sleep on my tummy and my hand is always under my belly. Thinking that I could not do this that I would fail as I have always done. I was starving and found myself eating more than I should. What the hell was wrong with me?? Why was this band not working for me? So I laid around and did nothing but feel sorry for myself. Then I did post a question one day out of desperation on the Realize Lap band forum asking why I was so hungry and able to eat so much. All the comments were positive and stated that it was fine I just needed to give it time. So on Thursday the 31st when I went into the Dr.s office for my two week check up and get released to go back to work, I told them everything going on and everything I was feeling. I was of course told that everything I was going through was NORMAL. But the best thing I learned was that there is NO RESTRICTION AT ALL in my band. WHAT??? When the band is placed on during surgery there is no restriction in the band at all until your first fill. Well I had not idea. The pain I felt was just the foreign object, not a restriction. Well hello, that explained it. Here I was thinking I was nuts and I was going to be the one person this would not work for. So I did feel so much better when I left the Dr. office. However, having no restriction has been difficult for me because I have on more than one occasion found myself stuffing my face as normal. As soon as I do I fell bad and have even had thoughts of making myself throw up. Of course I don't for fear of slippage. What a whirlwind of emotions! I think I have actually gained weight since I left the Dr's office last Thursday. However, I went back to work yesterday which was the best thing for me. I immediately felt needed and alive again. I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who made a special trip to my office to check on me and support me. The Police Chief himself made a special trip to see me and told me I had a lot of support right here. It was nice. So long story short is I am back both physically and emotionally. I am still annoyed at myself for not having the control to STOP overeating but I am just going to have give this time and know that things will get better. Thank you to all of you who support me on OH.....I appreciate all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers!
