scoobydoo

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Well, after I made such smug comments about taking time off and being happy where I was (which was TRUE at the time). Here I am. I realize with my head that we go through stalls. I just wasn't prepared for it to happen to ME. I went almost 2 weeks with no weight loss. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!
I tried to stay positive-didn't work. I tried changing things up by upping my protein and adding more cardio-walking into my routine. Well, I admit-that probably worked. 
I am finally down. A very small amount but down never-the-less.I have had a very steady loss and got used to something coming off each week-even if small. I was so close to my Oct 1st goal of onederland.
 Then when the stall hit, the panic button did also. Was this the end of my weight loss? Was I ever gonna lose another pound??
Crazy stuff I know-but since I overanalyze things and am hyper competitive I guess this was bound to happen.
Funny how I had swallowed my competitive spirit. Until now I feel like I can WIN. Revved that baby up into overdrive.
This is just a reminder that weird stuff can and WILL happen as we go down this WLS road. How we deal with these show us how we will deal with other of life's stresses. This is a learning process where we relearn not only how to eat but how to deal, heal and handle life's curveballs.
I feel better just admitting this stuff. I like to pretend I'm perfect but I'm not and neither is anyone else.

 I have had fantastic weight losses the last couple weeks. I got back to basics and had two extra jobs that took me out of town for both weekends. It seriously kicked my butt. So, this week, I am resting, recovering and taking care of myself.
I am not eating junk but I am not out moving around either. I know this week will be a giveaway and might be the first since I started to not lose at least a pound.
I can afford it. Time to re-group.
My back has been very bad recently. It wakes me up. It shoots pain down my legs. It is a pain in the ass-literally. I thought my back and joint problems would get better since I now have 77.5lbs off of them. However, I learned that my spine and supporting structure is having to adapt also. The curvature in my back has changed. The ligaments and muscles had formed a different way when I was heavy. They have to re-learn and re-strengthen now that everything has changed. This is one physical issue they sure didn't warn us about but it makes sense.
I have had to deal with eating out and on the road. It really isn't that bad.  We went to a steakhouse the other night and I just ate off of Jack's plate. It was a waste of money to order me a full meal when I can only eat a few bites. Others at the table were worried it was mean to eat in front of me, but I told them it was no problem when you are not hungry.
I have started to open up more about the surgery. I am already a success so what can they say? So many are supportive and really root for me. It's nice but not necessary to have that support in your corner. You really only need yourself and close ones to make this work.
One issue I have is thinking outside the box when it comes to clothes. I dressed for maximum coverage in the past. I have to force myself to reach for things that look too small or are a more revealing style. Found a top that looks very cute but shows some cleavage. Jack loves it. I am having to adjust to people having conversations with my chest instead of my face.
This weight journey is so exciting and rewarding. I can remember in the past feeling like I am starving and the scale not moving. How different things are after WLS. YOu have to work at it though. The more disciplined you are the faster the weight loss. NO grazing. Keeping up on the exercise. It truly is doable now. Only 5 lbs away from onderland-woo hooo!

Well, I finally made it to four months out. That seems like a short time but my life has changed DRASTICALLY. I have had people who haven't seen me in awhile actually not recognize me. They heard my voice and knew it was me but I looked different.
I am getting lots of compliments. This is called the honeymoon phase for a reason. Not only do you get great weight loss but you get lots of ego boosters also.
I have felt really fatigued lately. I have been trying to decide if I need bloodwork done or just more sleep. Probably a combination of both. However, I went and did a large job out of town and was crazy busy for three days. Awesome side effect, I lost 3.5 lbs during that time to bring my total to 73.6lbs. WOW!!!!!!
My blood pressure has gone even lower. Since I don't eat sugar, I bet my blood sugar is good. I am really interested in my cholesterol levels. My family history of cholesterol sucks. Seems we produce it on our own. What a dirty rotten trick. 
Other stats, I have gone down 4 pant sizes to a size 15 now. I buy XL in the regular section not the plus section. Hair is still falling out right now. Hope it slows down soon. I figure I got about another month of that before it passes.
I cannot emphasize enough how much I LIVE life now. You do not realize how much you just exist when you are heavy. Doing much of anything is such a physical challenge. Now, I do not even think about it, I just do it-whatever IT might be.
I feel like such a success. Even if I never lost another pound, I would still feel this way. This decision to have the WLS is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I truly got ME back. The ME I used to be and the ME I want to be. Nothing can stop me know.
73.6 lbs... I am getting real close to meeting another goal of onderland by Oct 1st.
Time to reflect and enjoy. I LOVE LIFE!!!!!

Had a couple of realizations this week. I had done the research and I have gone through the post-op classes. Why is it that some things just do not sink in?? I think it is the same thing that makes us think that complications just do not apply to us-only to someone else.
Here is what I realized. VITAMINS are vital after post -op. I have been very religious about the multi-vitamins. I have gotten the same about the B-12 (but only after my ass started dragging.) 
I knew that we are on a limited diet so vitamins are vital. However, I have been getting a lot of dairy products and calcium fortified food so I thought that I was okay. I also figured since I have been getting red meat then I didn't need iron. WRONG!!
I learned at class that it is just NOT POSSIBLE to get enough of these vitamins in our diet. Our absorbtion areas in our intestines has been bypassed (which I knew in theory). This means you can only get your vitamins through supplements. Some of which have to go through your salivary glands not through your stomach and bowel.
So, what happens if you do not get enough of these vitamins?? Very Bad Things happen. One person who had surgery the same time as me has nerve damage in her feet & legs. She can hardly walk and has had to move back home with her parents-what a bummer. I am really hoping she heals up and can get back to work and raising her kids. Nerve damage has started to happen to alot of WLS patients due to vitamin deficiencies.
Today, I went and got some calcium and iron to add to my B-12 and multi. I do not want to be one of those who has problems.
I also learned that since I have given up grains and other refined carbs, I may need to supplement with B-complex. I find this food to be a trigger for me. SO, I would rather stay away. If you find a food that you have decided to avoid, let the nutritionist know so if you need further supplements they can let you know.
The other realization? How important it is to go to the post-op classes.  There is so much to learn about our nutrition, vitamins and exercise. I also need to touch base each month with other WLS patients. It helps me keep on track and share my experiences. I have my 4 month celebration coming up. I am meeting goals and doing and living well. Next goal: onederland by Oct 1st.

My vanity, which was already in shreds from being so heavy and unhappy with myself was making a comeback. I was looking and feeling good. Mama was starting to look HOT.
Well, that was until the DREADED LOSSES cropped up. What are the dreaded losses you ask?
I will explain. Last week I was walking past a window when I noticed my reflection. Dang, I am looking slender from the side. But wait, where the hell was my ASS and who stole it? That's right, my ass had suddenly gone missing. I put my detective skills to work and had the whole family looking for my butt in a variety of outfits. It is shadow of it's former self but the main culprit was those baggy pants I was wearing earlier. Solution: Burn the Pants!
Next. I know some others who have been lamenting the loss of their girls (boobs). I sat back and felt like I was exempt because my bra size had not changed. I took them in more due to the loss of back fat but the cup size was the same. Unfortunately, my girls have been making like a leaky balloon these past 4 days and I have gone down at least a cup size. At this rate, I am gonna be a B cup. While that might be exaggerating a wee bit it feels like the momentum shift has started. I know a target on my back when I see one.
That brings me to the last item on the agenda. I have always had Thick, Naturally Curly hair. It was my pride and joy and I always got compliments on it. Well, the last few days has seen a lot coming out onto the brush or in the bathtub after I wash it. I had Jack check it out but he just scoffed. To men, as long as you have hair of any kind, you have nothing to complain about.
So where does that leave me? I knew this could be a part of the process. The education has been thorough from my surgeon's office. I just never thought it would happen to me.
It all come down to this. Even knowing what I know now, would I go through this again???
The Answer: In a HEARTBEAT!

http://good-times.webshots.com/video/3095270880101835270xfnnes
The link above is to a video I uploaded of me running barrels. If you have never seen this sport, this will show why my weight was such an issue. I love barrel racing and feel so grateful I am back in the saddle and doing what I love. LIVING THE DREAM.....
3 MONTHS OUT! Wow. Time has really speeded up lately. I think it is because I am busy, I am active, I am living life. Time will pass slowly when you are sitting in a recliner, watching TV with nothing to do but EAT.
Here is what I know so far. You CAN change your habits. The surgery will help make this possible by keeping the urge to eat and cravings down. Take advatange of this time. It will NOT last forever. My tastebuds have changed. Sometimes on a daily basis. Anyone who knows me can tell you how shocking my next statement is, " I crave vegetables". Holy shit. I must have been taken over by pod people because I never craved a vegetable in my life.
I eat squash, peppers, corn on the cob, onions. I am thinking of trying some more veggies. My Mom said even as a baby, I would refuse veggies because I could not stand the taste of them.
I do not crave high fat, sugary things. It took awhile but I got them out of my system. I never thought that was possible. I also know, there is no going back for me. IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I had a thunbsized piece of no sugar added pie for my Dad's birthday. You know what? I spit it right back out on my plate. YUCK!
I get my sugar the healthy way from fresh fruits. 
Funny thing is, the pouch will tell you when you've had enough. It can go from one bite to the next. I have never spit so much food back onto my plate (since I was a baby.) I am careful on my portion sizes but sometimes the pouch just says enough-and ya better listen.
I went to my first support group meeting last night. It was very helpful and I think I am going to make a point to get to them whenever possible. It is a hassle to get to Chico after work by 6:00pm but it is worthwhile. Sharing experiences will help keep me on track. When something weird is going on, they can tell me why. This gives me accountibility face to face. I can not hide and lie like I could on the computer. I know I need this for my long term success.
Anyway, 3 months out and down 61 lbs. Woo Hoo.

I can hardly believe it! In 3 short months I am already halfway to goal. I have lost 58.5 lbs......
I know this weight loss will have to slow down sooner or later. I usually lose a steady 2-3lbs a week. I know some have bigger weeks than me but I have had very steady loss. I think I prefer it this way. It would be hard to have weeks when you do not lose anything. Bummer! At this rate, I could be under 200lbs in only 2 more months.
I can not think of the last time I had a 1 in front of my weight. It might have been clear back in the 80"s.
I have lost more weight than I ever have before. I am so active and nothing gets in my way. I live life. I know it sounds like I keep saying that but I truly do.
WOW! I am soooo happy for me...

I have been living my dream for the last few days. I made my barrel racing debut last Saturday and it did not go well. However, I did not give up and my friend told me of an exercise to try. Not making a run for 6 months, losing over 50 lbs (which changed my center of balance) and my horse being tuned up made the deck stacked against me. 
I worked on my feel and tried again wednesday. SUCCESS! I had a really super run, was smooth, my horse worked and we WON the 3D!. I won over $200 but I also won back my self respect.
This weekend I went to a large race out of town. I had been visualizing my runs and I set a goal for my time. I was pretty nervous but determined when I entered the arena. The run went just like I had saw it and I went bananas when I heared my time-it was the time I had visualized also. Realizing my dream and having such a good run was also inspiring for others. Being heavy for so long, I had denied my desire to race myself, at a top level. I have been helping everyone else have their fun. It was now MY TIME! And you know what-they were there for me and every bit as excited as I was.
When we are heavy, we swallow more than food. We also swallow the disappointments and lost dreams.
NO LONGER! My run placed on Saturday and won over $ 250. Yeahhhhh!!!. 
The only thing left to do was make another run on Sunday. How was I going to top the last two? Well, this one went just as well and my horse ran even harder and it ended up putting me in a higher division against tougher horses! We stepped up our game.
This post is about getting back in the game of life. Living and achieving goals. Some are not of the weight variety but those free us up to succeed at the other aspects of life.
I am not even half way to my weight goal but I feel like I am 100% back on track on living my dreams.

Wooo Hooo. Half a hundred. Marching right along. I am soooooooooo jazzed.
I had a GREAT weekend. I worked a barrel race and it was so much fun to see some of these people for the first time since the surgery. Holy Cow, did they notice the weight loss! I had one ask me what happened to my other half. Hee Hee it was so gratifying. SO many people made a point of telling me I looked fantastic. It's funny, now that I feel so much better about myself, I can accept compliments easier. I have more confidence. I am definitely not invisible.
My horse worked fantastic at the race. My friend was riding him for me. I got to ride him later and boy does he feel like a revved up race car. It was fun.
I plan on making my debut Saturday at a small local race. I know he is going to work great but I have to work on my mental state. Last time I ran was in January and I had a bad accident on Scooby at this same arena so I need to get back on and make a run to just get over with it.
I had to make a lot of healthy food choices this weekend. I am getting more confident that I WILL make the right choice. I have learned to not accept what they say at a restaurant but to tell them what I need. So far, they have been very helpful.
A person must be pro-active about themselves; their health, their diet and their body. Lack of control got me into a bad place. It is so cool to have the ability to make these choices.
Thank goodness for RNY!

Wow, once you get back to work and settle in, time flies. Life definitely has returned to normal. Work has been super stressful. We are in our very busiest time. A lot of deadlines and decision making. Normally, this would be my cue to eat. But life after surgery is very different. 
I have had a bit of head hunger but since I can't eat a lot, it gets over it. I still feel hunger in my stomach-but I get satified and full very quickly. I have been trying different foods now that my list has been expanded at 7 weeks out. Having a sandwich feels nice. Mind you, it is one piece of bread cut in two with an egg or some chicken but still, it feels regular instead of like special needs.
I tried making a home pizza tonight. I found a 8" whole wheat bomboli. Cut it into halves then into quarters. Put some low-fat dressing on it with skim mozzarella cheese and topped with a bit of chicken and onions. YUMMMM. Very low fat, allowable kind of carbs and it tasted good. This is one of things I am learning to do. Instead of returning to the old foods with high fat, carbs and sugar-I am finding substitutes. They help me feel like I can still have some of these foods-just a much healthier version.
I had my 8 week checkup with Dr Ludwig. He cleared me to run barrels-YEAHHHHH!!!
Whatever, I am doing is working. I have lost exactly 48 lbs! So close to 50. Once I get to 50, my next goal is 60 which is about half way for me. I have gone down three sizes in pants. I do not hurt all the time. I have a ton more energy-LIFE IS GOOD!!!!
Who would of thought I could come so far in such a short time? This timeframe is when my other diets would start to fail. I would lose enough weight to feel good and then I would start to reward myself with food. Well, NO MORE OF THAT OLD SONG & DANCE.
In fact, I pissed off some people on the April Date Board. The posts had increasingly become about eating pizza and at Taco Bell. I was shocked. Then I noticed others starting to try it cuz they thought it was all right. Not me. I sent out a reality check. I am in this to win it. I make myself accountable for my choices. No more hiding and lying-even to myself.
Nice side effect of being on this sort of diet, my husband has also lost about 40 lbs and gone down 2 sizes in pants. Also, I now weigh less than him-although he did make it hard by losing himself.
I had my first eat out challenge today. I had my appt with the Dr and then needed to do some shopping. Meanwhile, its noon and I am hungry. I looked around and found a mexican grill. I ordered a chicken taco with the green salsa. I am not allowed lettuce or tomatoes yet. I ate the meat out of it and left the tortilla. The chicken was grilled, boneless, skinless. I was so proud of myself for making such a good choice. It is possible to do this. You just have to think ahead.
So many lessons learned in a short amount of time.