shannondita

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255...and on period so I am excited to see what it will be when the bloating goes down

I have a little routine in place and it seems to be working nicely. The scale is still the devil and hasnt changed at all. But my clothing size has.
I am going to commit to a personal trainer in a month or so when school begins and things even out in my schedule. I think that is what I need to make a really big oush in my weight loss.
Otherwise all is well.
Really trying to keep up with my proteins. I still track everything on fitday. Check my link above to chart my progress.
Shannon

I am eating right and moving daily. Notice I dont say exercising.  I am starting out by moving daily then working up to some routine of exercise.
I went to a personal trainer for the first time Monday. I threw up in the middle of the session. But I came out and came back for more. It killed me.
She had me put on a 25lb weight vest and do my entire routine, then she removed it as I lay helpless on the floor. She was hoping for a really big response from me on how much better I felt without the weight but I was in so much pain, that I could really tell a difference.
I ended up calling in sick yesterday because I couldnt keep anything down. Today is much better. I have found some staples that work well in my diet and are very high in protein.
cottage cheese
chicken salad
sugar free puddings
I can tell a big difference although the scale stills hows 50s...oh well!
Shannon

Ok so I have to say I keep having WOW moments. Not one of them has been on the scale yet!

Wow moments to date- 
( and I mean holy crap, WOW! moments!)

1. walk without my back hurting
2. walk further than ever before
3. I am limber now....stretching daily constantly suprises me on just how limer I am ( Mr Right beware!!!!!)
4. I can sit in lotus position on zen pillow with no pain...for a long time!
5. when I was shaving my legs 2 days ago I find a new muscle...I have curves on my legs!
6. I can see part of my body that I couldnt see in a sitting position before
7. I like exercise!!!!!

I have been told by 2 co workers that I found my voice after wls. That I say what I feel now, and can finally say NO to people.
Today I really realized this!
About 2 years ago I had a boss that called me "Piggy". He would say this in front of everyone and in public when we were in the hospital together. When he got mad at me he would yell "god damnit Piggy!" He would reinforce my negative self worth by letting me know often the value of a fat women. She was nothing. She was scum on a shower curtain. I cried every day when I worked with him. I hated going into work.
One day I had had it and went to headquarters and talked to leadership. they promised a swift action. I moved with the company to Vegas and never really thought about it again. I assumed it was taken care of.
When I came back it was the same ole shit! So 5-6 months of taking it I had it again. I went back to corporate and this day he was fired.
Fast forward to this week...one year...later...give or take. 
I find out that my company has kind of brought him back and I will work with him on a daily basis, over the telephone.
My company didnt tell me this. They didnt say he was sorry and that is why is he working here again. ( as a consultant not really for us, so they did not hire him back) Anyway I was so hurt that no one cared about this. I got him fired he hates me now I have to talk to him everyday?
So today I went back to corporate and had another talk. This time with a serious tone. this time I said if he says or does anything inappropriate I am seeking legal action.
Wow! That is so not like me. Dont get me wrong I understand business and LOVE my company so I am not threatening them. I am just laying a foundation that I might have to go back to later on.
I never thought I would stand up for myself in the manner that I have. I feel liberated!

Calories down in the 900s....pretty good overall.
I have my appt with the surgeon in the am to get another fill. Still wondering if I am going to get one. Not sure. I am thinking maybe .01 cc would be good. That is what he put in last time.
Scale is saying bad things. I hate the scale. Clothes are saying something totally different.

Not sure what happened but I got a burst of energy and am back to losing weight.
The scale doesnt agree but my clothes and my body are telling a different story.
I came home from work the other night and was changing into pjs and found this lump on my right side. It stopped me dead in my tracks! I was thinking OMG what is this, cancer?
Well it was, or is my hip bone. Which I have never found standing up! Lying down I could press and reassure myself there was a skeleton inside me including hip bones. But now they are here!!!!!!
Dont get me wrong they are not sticking out yet but I can feel them, and it is so weird!
Another weird thing that is happening that I do not like is my tummy is all soft and squishy now. I have always had hard fat. The kind of fat that I could show my tummy and not be embarrassed because it was firm...fat but firm. Are you folllowing me? Now as of last week it is all soft and squishy. Thus I can feel my bones underneath. I guess this means that I have lost some of the volume of fat and what is left is softer fat tissue. I dont like it because I thought with the firm belly I have always had I wouldnt need reconstructive surgery. I know now that is not going to be the case. As the fat is going away I am saggy a little. 
I started a dvd which is a walk jog 4 mile program. I am doing this twice a day, for as long as I can. I cant do the full 4 miles but I can get 1 mile down at a time.
I see my surgeon this week for another fill. I am not sure if I need one, but I think I do. Just a teeny tiny little bit!
Ok I will post more often because my track history shows when I am posting I am doing better.
Shannon

I had surgery March 26th its been.....4 months and some and I am not CLOSE to where I want to be.
I am seeing 89lbs lose from my rny buddies and I am very jealous. Its really getting me down.
I am stuck in my 250s!
Stuck!!!!
I am eating 1200 or less a day on the average. I am not going buck wild and binging....I am not eating like I used to.
URRRGH!
Scale said closer to 260 today...wtf?????
WTF???
I did notice that I am not drinking water lately...at all. I am having coffee or unsweet tea but no water.
I am giving myself one week of adding lots of water before I throw my hands up.
My fill is on the 8th but I dont need one. I am at the sweet spot. I cant eat alot at a sitting.
Clothes are still fitting. I am in a 20 or 18 depending on style and brand. Tops definately a 18. 
Ok this was a great excuse the first couple of months but I am 4 months out!!!!!
Ok OK going to drink water.
Everytime I get upset I am going to drink water...lol I will be water logged in a day!

OK so I only have lost 20ish-30ish lbs on a good day...but look what all has changed...

I am going back to college after 11 years~
I signed up and received student loans for the next year....everything is paid for!
Yes there is depression but in the midst there is  also confidence that I didnt have before.
For my one bad weekend a month I have 4 weeks and 3 weekends that are good.

Going back to school after 11 years...that is a HUGE step for me. I have talked about it for years but was so self conscous that I would never go and sign up for classes. Did it this time~

Damn I must be bi-polar.....earlier today I could only see the negatives.....

I hve had debilitating depression for years. It is cyclical and not all the time. I would say in a month I go in and out of it once or twice. Usually a really big episode only once a month.
A big episode meaning not able to move much. Very depressed sleep all weekend. Turn off phone and ignore the world. When Monday comes I usually have the enegery to start all over. Today is that case, I have energy and am back at the grind.
I hate being this way.  I blew of my friends, and even my therapist. I slept until 5 pm. I hated not seeing her, she is so helpful! I just couldnt do it.