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I see that it has been over a year since I last posted. It's funny how time passes so quickly.  I guess there has not been a whole lot happening in my life. I still am in a battle with weight versus size. I haven't reach my goal on the scale, but I am content with my current size. Of course, I would like to tighten and trim a few areas, but I am convinced I will never see perfection in myself. LOL!! I do get many compliments all the time, and I am happy to say that they always say, "You don't look like you had the gastric. You don't have that sick look. You haven't gotten too small, you look great just like you are." I know that it should be a vote of confidence, and it makes me feel good. But I shall keep striving towards my goal!! I don't ever want to give up!!! I am still in the gym, but I do see the old habits trying to creep back on me. I am loosing inches, rather than pounds. I have to continue to fight and say that I AM NEVER GOING BACK!!!

So, while I am not perfect, and I am not at goal; ALL IS WELL!!! I encourage anyone in the battle with weight to take this journey. It is life changing, but it is all for the good. I wish I would have done this so long ago!!!  To myself and to all who may be reading this post, "Stay Encouraged!!"

I posted some updated pictures of me.  Just random shots to keep myself accountable. I am remaining steady, but hopefully I will drop again soon!!!

This is just a brief update. Well, I am at a plateau and I have been there for a while. My weight is between 220 and 222, on any given day. It seems as if my body has settled at this weight. I can honestly say that I am happy with my size, which is a 14 in slacks and a 16 in jeans, but I am very unhappy with the scale. I just need to tone up, which will probably make me a little smaller. The smallest I want to be is a 12/14, so I can say that I have almost acheived my goal in size. However, I want to weigh about 180. Therefore, I still have a long way to go to get to that goal. And, people have even started to say, "Don't lose any more weight. You look great!!" So should I just be satisfied with size, or should I look at the numbers? Has anyone else ever faced this problem? Maybe my body has made this determination for me. Just wanted to get that out. Will post again later.

I see that it has been forever since I last posted. Well, there is nothing much going on in my life. I am 8 months out. I went to see the doctor on last month and I had lost about 85 lbs (yeah me!!!).  I am now in a 14-16, which is great. I would like to be able to walk into the stores and pick up a 12 or 14 and be confident that I can wear it. I have now started to get the comments, "you look good, you look fine, please don't lose any more weight." "Don't get too small." I have learned that I can not satisfy everybody, so I have to make the decision for myself at where to stop this journey. On the scales, my goal weight is between 175-180, which is still probably obese from the doctor's standpoint. However, I think I will be okay with this weight, it was never my desire to be skinny. I want to be healthy, and keep some meat on my bones. As of today, I am still at about 225, so I still have a loooong way to go. My weight loss has slowed down, but the inches are still coming off, so I can't really complain. People are still telling me I am loosing even though the scale is not agreeing with them. My body seems to stall for a while, then all of a sudden I drop between 5 and 10 lbs. On a great note, I have started at the gym (FINALLY), and I am doing great. It is so funny that now I have to do a lot more to get my heart rate up. I guess that extra weight was  holding me down. I am trying to go at least three days a week for at least 45 minutes a day. On a sadder note, I notice that my body has started to accept more foods. That is a great thing b/c it gives me more variety, but I don't want to get carried away and fall back into old habits. Therefore, I am trying to watch what I eat. I seriously need to keep a food diary. Hopefully the next time I post, I will have all sorts of exciting news to post. Maybe I will have met the man of my dreams by then. Continued success to ALL!!!

Well, I am almost four months out. I will have my check-up on Nov. 3rd. I have been kind of lax in blogging, but there is not much happening in my life right now. The weight is coming off slowly, but surely. I guess I have been expecting this big dramatic change in my life, a sort of "aha" moment.  I guess I figured I would wake up one day, and everything would be different. But, it is not. I still struggle with eating. In fact, I feel like it is worse the further I get out. Some of the things I could eat after surgery, I can't eat anymore. I can't have bread, rice, or anything greasy, including sauces or dressings. I guess this is a great thing, considering these are the things that caused my weight gain. But, realistically, it is a struggle to find stuff to eat. If I were cooking, it would be much better, but I am hardly home and always eating on the go. Ironically, my body has not adverse reaction to sugar. Needless to say, I am living off McDonald's tea, sometimes sweet, sometimes unsweet with Equal.

Also, I have come to realize how much food was a panacea, or universal cure-all for me, until I could no longer eat. I thought this surgery would be the answer to all my problems, since I blamed most everything on the weight. However, now that the weight is going away, the problems are still here. So for people who have a mindset like me and looking for this surgery to cure all, it is not. You still have to deal with yourself and your underlying issues. It is only a tool, and it should be used as such.

On a better note. The weight is coming off. It may not be as quickly as I would like, but it is coming off. I am down almost 60 pounds in four months, so I have nothing to complain about. I just need to get in the gym and tone up this new body. 

I had my six week checkup on August 11th. The scales confirmed that I had lost 35 pounds. However, since that point, I have been at a plateau. However, I guess I have been loosing inches because everyone is noticing my weight loss. I must say that I am finally feeling better. I am beginning to be able to eat without getting that nauseated feeling, unless i try to eat too much. I can finally fit in a smaller size, and most of my clothes are getting too loose. I guess that means I will be shopping real soon. Other than that, I have been really busy with work. I am going to get into the gym really soon, next week if things go as I plan. I can't wait to see the weight fall off and my body shape up. Well as you can see, nothing exciting is really happening to me. Until next time....

Well today is 4 weeks out from my surgery, and the scale is officially saying I am down 35 pounds. I must say that I really don't see much of a difference, but I am starting to get the comments about how much weight I have lost. So, there must be a noticeable change. I can say that I was able to get into a pair of jeans that were to tight, so they have just been hanging in my closet..

I have been thinking about this surgery today and wondering is there anybody else out there like me. I am happy for the weight loss, and the change that people are seeing in my body, but I can't eat. I know my relationship with food has to change, but this is so hard. Plus, I can't really drink a lot. I am only eating one time a day, and I won't even call that a meal. Some days I only eat two vienna, or 1 chicken wingette and maybe a couple of spoon fulls of mashed potatoes. Everyone thinks I should be happy about this, but I don't know if I am harming myself. Plus, I don't want to go crazy and gain weight when my stomach does finally decide to stretch a little, and I can handle more to eat. Also, I can't even drink comfortably. I know it says sip, sip, sip, but sometimes even that doesn't feel good. I hate that feeling of water, or anything flowing down to that empty pouch. It sometimes gives me a nauseated feeling, then I stop drinking at all. Therefore, I am not nearly getting in the liquids or the food that I should be getting in daily. I do take my vitamins religiously, since I am sure that I am not getting the other nutrients I should be getting. I am practically living off a cup of McDonald's unsweet tea per day. I know this is not healthy, and I have to do better. I try to eat, but I get full so quickly, and since I am not used to eating anymore, I just don't bother. Plus, it is an absolute waste to try to buy food, and I am not much of a cook. And another thing, if I can't have what I want, I don't really eat anything else. I hope it will get better once I can expand my menu. But please, someone tell me I am not the only one. Is this normal? My sister did not have these problems, and she is not able to eat pretty much whatever she wants.

I guess that is enough venting, or reflections for today. I am going to be grateful and use this new tool I have to the fullest. I will be glad when I get about six months out, and I can really see the results. Whoever thought this process was the easy way out, they are dreadfully wrong. However, I think I would do it all over again.

Well nothing spectacular has been happening in my life. I am still off work, will go back on July 26th. Not necessarily looking forward to that. I did go by my job last week and I must admit, I felt like a celebrity. Everybody was crowding around to see the new me.  I don't see much change yet, but a lot of people swear they see it already. I have lost about 25 lbs at this point, but I am still in my same clothes. They may fit a little looser, but I still can wear them. I must admit that I am not excercising like I should, and I definitely am not drinking the protien like I should. I am gonna get better.  I am going to start back at the gym next week. Then hopefully I can see the real results.

Well, I had my follow-up doctor visit on 7/7/2010. It was fairly easy and quick. I did not have any staples or stitches for them to remove. They used surgical tape to close me up .  I just weighed, and the results were I am down 15 lbs. This seems unbelievable, since I don't see a difference in my body. But who am I to argue with the scales? I just hope they keep up the good work.  The doctor inquired about my health, had I been experiencing any problems, and then asked about my liquid intake. I was then free to go, and was schedule to come back in six weeks. So far, so good. All is well. I still struggle with eating, but I will get through.

Well, I must say rather than coming to my house, I stayed with my mom and dad to be pampered and spoiled. When I got home and went to bed, the first thing my dad said to me was he had to get me something  to eat. (Hilarious, since I could not eat anything really). Keep in mind, this was the 4th of July weekend, and everyone is cooking out. My dad came back to the house with me two plates, loaded with barbeque chicken, freshly fried catfish, baked beans, potato salad, a hamburger, and two diet sodas to top it all off.  And believe me yall, the food looked and smelled so good. I was like, Dad, I can't have any of that. (Bless his heart, because he meant well.) But never fear, my family took care of the food for me, while I watched, craving just a bite. Then on Sunday, they cooked out at my mom's and grandmother's, so can you say I had to sit around and watch them gulp down macaroni, chicken, sausages, greens, okra, corn, ribs, baked beans, cake, apple pie, ice cream, etc. It was so unfair, but I made the choice, and I don't regret a minute of it. However, this has started a major problem with head hunger. I am craving food so badly, and not the grits, jello and liquid I am allowed to eat. I want some MEAT.  Because I can't have what I want, I am hardly eating anything. If I have to try to choke down another egg, in any form (which happens to be one of my favorite foods), I think I will throw up!! Therefore, sometimes I experience a little weakness and fatigue. My sister thinks I am faking, but I know it takes a lot of calories to operate this body.  But I will try to do better. However, I am counting down the days until I can at least eat a vienna sausage or some potted meat. One more week to go. I feel like that will be the best meal I have ever had.  Yall, pray for me that I can find something to eat for another week, or two when I can add lean chicken, fish or shrimp.

My surgery was July 1st at 7a.m. Because I lived out of town and was expected to arrive at the hospital at 5:45, I stayed in the hospital guest suite the night before. I must say that although I know the Word of God, and a faith-filled woman; fear really entered in the morning of my surgery. The devil will do this to you, make you question your decision, but since I know God's will for us is to prosper and be in good health even as our soul prospers; and He has satisfied me with a long life,  I went on with the operation. But it was still a struggle.  By the time I made it to the surgery holding area, my blood pressure was 145/103, and my pulse was 115 beats per minute. The nurse immediately looked at the numbers and asked if I was scared. I said yes, and they proceeded to let me prepare for surgery. However, God is faithful and he sent in my anastesiologist to build my faith, because faith does come by hearing. This doctor was so confident and told me that since I did not have any health problems, I was going to be their star patient and everything was gonna be easy and go perfectly. This really calmed me down. If they have no fear, why should I? We laughed and talked as he hooked up may IV, and they also gave me a mild sedative to prepare me for surgery. The last thing I remember is getting onto the operating table before I woke up in recovery. I just remember the nurse saying "wake up, it's over, and you're in recovery." I just began to thank God that I had made it through. That was the spiritual side , all the natural side remembers is the pain .  Maybe I was a wimp, but the pain was unbelievable. I have had surgery before, and I never felt this feeling. My sister said it was the gas, I don't really know. Although I was in and out of sleep, I do know that everytime I opened my eyes, I asked for pain medicine. I kept telling them the morphine wasn't working and to give me something stronger . My family was able to see me around noon, and they thought I was the most hilarious patient. They continue to pick on me today about how I was acting. My older sister can't understand what I was going through, because she had the surgery a year earlier and she swears she was not in any pain. However, because the hospital was pretty packed, I was not able to get a room until about 4 pm. I was moved to SICU, all of his paitients stay in ICU the first night after surgery to ensure that there is careful monitoring in case of any problems. Needless to say, I still slept most of the day, although I was not supposed to. The doctor made it to my room at about 6 pm, and I was finally woke and cognizant of what was happening around me. When he found out that I had not been out of bed, or gone to the bathroom, he was not happy, and "stressed" to the nurses his orders for his patients to be up and walking soon after surgery. They then came in and unhooked me, walked with me to the bathroom, and then we did a few laps around the ICU ward. I did this about twice that Thursday night, but mostly, I requested pain meds and slept. Friday I was feeling better and was able to become pretty much independent. The nurses would unhook my equipment when I wanted to get up, and just let me walk the halls alone when I felt like getting out of bed. I did have to have the swallow test that Friday morning, to ensure that I did not have any leaks in my pouch. The test went well, and I was finally able to have something to drink. They immediately started me on Crystal light. I must say that I did not drink much of anything in the hospital, and it is still a struggle today to get in the liquids(and we are not even gonna mention the protein ). To wrap up my hospital stay, I took my last dose of pain meds on Friday at about noon, and once the gas passed, I felt back to my old self. However, because the hospital was so packed, I never got moved to my room. I spent my entire stay in ICU. This was fine with me, because the nurses were right there in my face and at my constant beck and call. Plus, once they were assured of my stability, I had my run of the floor. Finally, I was released Saturday morning to go home.