Just thinking....

Jul 30, 2010

Well today is 4 weeks out from my surgery, and the scale is officially saying I am down 35 pounds. I must say that I really don't see much of a difference, but I am starting to get the comments about how much weight I have lost. So, there must be a noticeable change. I can say that I was able to get into a pair of jeans that were to tight, so they have just been hanging in my closet..

I have been thinking about this surgery today and wondering is there anybody else out there like me. I am happy for the weight loss, and the change that people are seeing in my body, but I can't eat. I know my relationship with food has to change, but this is so hard. Plus, I can't really drink a lot. I am only eating one time a day, and I won't even call that a meal. Some days I only eat two vienna, or 1 chicken wingette and maybe a couple of spoon fulls of mashed potatoes. Everyone thinks I should be happy about this, but I don't know if I am harming myself. Plus, I don't want to go crazy and gain weight when my stomach does finally decide to stretch a little, and I can handle more to eat. Also, I can't even drink comfortably. I know it says sip, sip, sip, but sometimes even that doesn't feel good. I hate that feeling of water, or anything flowing down to that empty pouch. It sometimes gives me a nauseated feeling, then I stop drinking at all. Therefore, I am not nearly getting in the liquids or the food that I should be getting in daily. I do take my vitamins religiously, since I am sure that I am not getting the other nutrients I should be getting. I am practically living off a cup of McDonald's unsweet tea per day. I know this is not healthy, and I have to do better. I try to eat, but I get full so quickly, and since I am not used to eating anymore, I just don't bother. Plus, it is an absolute waste to try to buy food, and I am not much of a cook. And another thing, if I can't have what I want, I don't really eat anything else. I hope it will get better once I can expand my menu. But please, someone tell me I am not the only one. Is this normal? My sister did not have these problems, and she is not able to eat pretty much whatever she wants.

I guess that is enough venting, or reflections for today. I am going to be grateful and use this new tool I have to the fullest. I will be glad when I get about six months out, and I can really see the results. Whoever thought this process was the easy way out, they are dreadfully wrong. However, I think I would do it all over again.

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