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My weightloss seems to happen in such a funny way.  It seems I quit losing 3 ir 4 days before my period.  I stay at the same weight for about a week after my period and then I start losing again.  This has happened 3 months now.  I am going to watch and see if this happens next month.

I have officially lost 50 lbs now.  I started at 223 and am now at 173.  My goal  weight is 123.  I am half way there.  Wow, seems like yesterday that I was waiting for my surgery.  I am living proof that the surgery does happen.  I had almost lost hope.  It has been so worth it.  

If you are just getting ready to have surgery and need a cheerleader please pm me.  I love to talk about WLS.  I have really had a pretty easy time of it though.  The only problem I seem to have is dumping on sugar.  That has kept me honest.
Brenda

I have my party hat on and I am sitting her waiting for someone to sing Happy Anniversary to me.  

Hey everyone, 3 months out.  Wow, do you remember when I was freaking out, scared I wasn't gonna make it through surgery.  I cried all the way to Dayton.  Hated saying goodbye to my kids.  It is so scarey.    I realize now it is normal for us to feel anxious right before surgery.  

I started out at 223 and am now at 175.  48 lbs lost.  I feel so different.  Of course I am like a lot of you that I don't feel like I look different.  People have noticed and dh is proud.  It took me over a year to have the surgery and I really feel for people struggling for their insurance approval.  It isn't fair.  

Looking back.  I was so tired after my surgery.  It lasted probably 6 weeks.  I just felt run down.   I remember how much my belly hurt when I would first stand up.  A sharp stabbing pain.  Would last for maybe 5 sec and be gone.  That lasted until probably 8 days after surgery.  I think it was like a pulled muscle.  I also had a little lump on my side.  It felt pretty hard, like a golf ball.  It has now faded.  The doctor has released me to eat anything I can tolerate.   I use to love bread and it is now something I can't eat.  The good old days when I use to be able to eat a sandwich.  :)  It is worth it.  Everything I have given up is worth it.   I will probably never have another piece of cake in my life because of my dumping but that is something I knew was a possiblity going into this surgery.  That 2 minutes of pleasure of eating something is not worth my health. 

You guys have helped me so much.  Reading your blogs were such an inspiration.  My goal is to continue on my journey and try to be half the inspiration to the newbies that you were to me.  I try to write in my journal often and keep track of my weightloss.  More for others then for me.  It always seemed to help me when I would see someone who had lost at the same rate I did, or had a stall that lasted over a week.  They were still able to reach their goal and it has made me realize I will also.

Thanks Everyone
Brenda

This week I am at 175.  I am now thinner then when I lost weight for my daughters wedding.  Funny, this has been a much easier way of losing weight.  When I was dieting 3 years ago for the wedding I ate nothing but salads for 2 months.  I lost a wooping 20 lbs.  That was pretty depressing. I tried the outfit I wore to the wedding yesterday and it is too big.  It is really sad because it is a beautiful outfit.  Parting from some of my old clothes is a little sad.  Isn't it funny how we grow an attachment to clothing. 

I wanted to talk today about Dumping.  We went to a graduation party this weekend.  My SIL and BIL both have had WLS.  She told me earlier in the day that they both dump on sugar.  After they eat sugar the following day they have diareah.  I thought to myself.   Sure sounds better then what I go through.  

The food choices were not that great but I opted to have the chicken and dumplings.  It had to be the best tasting chicken and dumplings I have ever had in my whole life. I maybe had 2 tablespoons.   We sat there for about 5 minutes and I realized I was getting HOT.  Ugh oh, I know from experience what this means.  I was about to dump.  DH is so sweet, one look at me and he knew what was happening.  He almost ran to the car.  We live 5 minutes away and was home in minutes.  I walked in the front door and all of a sudden I was heaving.   I spent the rest of the day in bed.

Dumping seems to affect everyone differently.  I start getting hot, then my heart starts beating really fast, then I start heaving (nothing ever comes up).  At the time I sure wish everything I had ate came up.  I know I would feel better.  After this happens I am so weak.  It is difficult to even get undressed when I am having a spell.  Usually I am in bed for 5 or 6 hours  and I feel real weak afterwards the next day.

When I am dumping I always think about the people that say I took the easy way out.  i really want dh to take a pic of me next time I dump.  I want them to take a look at me and say this is easy. 

Having said that I am glad I am a dumper.  It has made me think about what I eat.  I read labels on anything I eat.  It is more difficult to do this when you are eating away from home.  Yes, there are times when I would like to turn off the dump switch and eat that sugary snack but since I can't,  I don't eat it.  

If you are a preop person pray you have dumping.  If you don't always pretend like you do.  It keeps you honest.
B

I tell you.  The only way I can get my scale to move is by picking the thing up and moving it to another room myself.  :)  I don't know how I have ever gotten down as much as I have.  Seems I am always at a short stall.   I am at 178 now.  I have lost 45 lbs.  I am 5 lbs away from being half way there.  I am wondering if muscle gain has anything to do with it.  I am trying to do some leg exercises almost everyday depending on my back.  

Did you notice your scale slowing down when you had reached the 1/2 way mark with your weighloss.  Part of the problem is, after I have a bowel movement the next day I weigh first thing in the morning.  Then I go down a lb or 1 1/2 lbs.  Therefore the next 3 or 4 days I am eating and it stays in my body.  So I might be losing weight and not actually seeing it.  Funny how going to the bathroom has been such a joyous event.  I know what you are thinking.  Quit getting on the scale everyday.  Don't worry, I don't let the number consume me but I just like to know how things are looking.  I have always been a everyday scale hopper.  Of course I quit when I started gaining weight.  

When you are chubby and don't get on the scale you don't ever know you are chubby ur ah obese.  Right...  You get your clothes big so you never have tight clothes, don't ever weigh yourself, and never allow anyone to take pictures.  This keeps you fit and trim.  At least in your own mind it does.  If you don't know you are chubby then all is well.  :)  

I had a terrible time finding pictures for my before journey.  Thank goodness dh took some the day before surgery.  Now that I am losing weight the same rules applly.  If you don't have pictures to compare, and nobody tells you that you are looking better, and your clothes were all loose to begin with,  you don't realize on yourself that you have lost weight.  Right.  That is why so many have body dysmophia how ever you spell it.  One thing I have realized about losing weight is my body has stayed the same shape so far.  You know my legs are the same shape, my butt is the same shape etc.  Everything is just smaller.  Will that change when I get a little thinner?  I hope so.

Thats my thoughts for today.  Any comments are appriciated.

I was reading someone's blog a little bit ago (I do that a lot) and I saw someone talking about not being picked for games in school.  It made me have a flashback of when I was in elementary school.  I was a chubby little girl.  I hated when they chose teams.  Of course I was either last or second to last.  Not only was I chubby but I was also clumsy.  I still am.  Seems I am always falling.  Maybe it has something to do with my neuro problems that I was born with.  It is annoying but I have learned to laugh at myself. 

Back to my story.  I remember when I was maybe 9 or 10 I was really tired of being picked last.  We played a lot of kickball at the time.  I couldn't understand why if I was so chubby I couldn't put a lot of umf in my kick and kick that ball way out there.  Everytime it was my turn to kick, it was almost like I was a magnet.  I would show up at home plate and everyone from outfield would gravitate in.  Anyone else know that feeling?  No wonder they moved in.  I would barely kick the ball past the pitcher and was always OUT.

One day we got ready for our game of kickball.  Of course I was chosen last.  I decided to make a change in how everyone saw me.  I was going to use everything I had to kick that ball to the outfield.  I imagined how dumb all of those people would feel that moved to infield when I was up to kick.   I imagined that ball flying past everyone's head and everyone being in shock at what I had done.  I would no longer be picked last, or the reason my team lost.  I was going to be the hero.

I remember it clearly like it was yesterday.  The female jock of the team was pitching or should I say rolling the ball.  I was way behind home plate.  I ran as fast as I could so I could have all the force behind that kick that I could muster.   The ball rolled forward and I thrust my leg forward as hard as I could.   The next thing that I remember was me lying on the ground.  Everyone surrounding me wondering if they should call the ambulance.   I had kicked my leg so far, missed the ball, and knocked myself out.  

Needless to say after this happened I was still last chosen on the team.  I never tried to kick the ball as far as I could.  Somethings are just better left the way they are.

All of my stories are true.  Please read some of my other "The World According to Brenda" stories found in my blog.

I looked at last weeks post and I weighed 180, 1 week ago.  Today I weighed 179.  Looks like I am not a loser or not a big loser this week.  Does that mean I am a winner?  I hope not.  I have enjoyed being a loser.  I must be losing inches because I went through my clothes downstairs.  Most of them dresses.  I must have 20 dresses down there that I have never ever worn.  Today I tried them on and almost every single on of them fit.  12's and 14's.  Can you believe it.  I hit Sears and Penney's clearance rack probably 8 or 9 years ago.  Some were regular 79.00 and I only spent 6 dollars for them.  Wow.  I am just amazed they fit me.  I sure wish I had a stash of summer shorts etc down there.  I have not worn shorts in so long.  I have always been embarressed by my chubby legs.  

The doctor says I should be losing about 2 lbs a week now.  I hope next week I do a little better then I did this week.  The doctor thinks I will get down to 123.  I am 5 lbs away from being half way there.  I went to my pcp last week.  He said I will probably need ps if I get down to my idea weight.  So far my skin has not become to saggy.  Just a little in my arms.  I am not sure what my belly will do.  I have had 3 other obdominal surgery's in the past so there is a lot of scars.  

My back:  I still have good days and bad days with my back.  I just hope losing weight helps me so I don't need the big surgery they are talking about.  It scares me so bad.  He said it would be twice the pain my spinal cord surgery was.  I remember thinking I was gonna die when I had it.  I wondered what I had allowed these doctors to do.  Wouldn't it be awful to get this cute little shape and then have back surgery and be paralyzed.    If I can just be comfortable without the back surgery that would make me real happy.  I am not expecting to be able to run around the block.  I just don't want to hurt all of the time.  It is better since my WLS.  Can you imagine carrying a 50 lb bag of dog food everywhere you go?  That is how much more weight I was carrying.  I am anxious to see what my neuro says when I visit him again. 
B

I am now at 180.  Can you believe I am at 180.  I went to get my boob squeezed today, fun.  My mother and I do it together.  Every year.  Makes it more fun, well, as fun as having your breast flattened like a pancake.  I was proud.  Last year I thought the little plate was gonna run over.  This time I only had half a plate.  If you have never had a mamogram it is hard for you to relate.  :)  When it is time for you to start, have a mamogram buddy.  It makes it more fun.

I have now lost 13 inches on my waist.  Only 5 or 6 on my hips.  How does that work.  Pretty soon I will run outta fat elsewhere so it will have to come from my hips won't it.  :)  I am getting lots of compliments.  People saying "hey skinney".  I bet my dh paid them to say it.  What do you think?  He he.  I can now wear a size 14.  Isn't that amazing.   I often think how I ended up getting chubby.  Ugh OBESE.  You start buying a little bigger this season, a little bigger next season.  All of a sudden I was purchasing 2x.  This sure has been fun.

Now if you are reading this and thinking I am being very vain.  I want you to know something.  I did this all for my health.  My back was awful.  I was on my way to a wheel chair.  I still have lots of back problems.  Take my pain meds daily, but my back does feel much better.  Will it be good enough to prevent my next back surgery.  Probably not, but I am praying it will.

I have a new buddy, Haven.  Wow, I just saw her post ps pic.  She looks so good.  I can't believe she was ever chubby.  Her hubby has to think he has hit the lottery.   We have written back and forth a few times.  She is as pretty on the inside as what she is on the outside.  I hope we continue to talk.  She is someone I would like to get to know.

My dh, has been wonderful.  I am so lucky.  He tells me daily how nice I look.  Of course I do try harder now.  I do my hair, makeup, most days.  You know when you feel better physically it is easier to put effort in your looks.  When you are fat and frumpy you just feel blah.  Like why bother with the makeup.  I am still FAT.  Isn't tha bad.  

Thats it for now.
Brenda

I am handfeeding 4 little kittens.  This reminded me of a story.  Hope you enjoy it.

A number of years ago my grandmother had all of these farm cats.  Of course they were barn cats and none of them were ever spayed or neutered.  (Not a good idea).  After my grandmother died the cats and their kittens moved next door to my brothers house.  My mother who lives on a farm also, decided she would like to have one or two of her kittens.  The problem was they were wild.  You couldn't go near them.  We went over to my brothers and tried and tried to catch them.  Of course my mother didn't want any kitten, there was a certain kitten she wanted.  All of a sudden I had a bright idea.  Why my mother doesn't run like crazy when I have a great idea is beyond me.  Must be a mother's love.  It always seems to get us in a great amount of trouble.

I noticed on my brothers porch was a small cooler.  I thought I could put cat food in the cooler and the kittens would jump in.  I was tucked behind the deck waiting.   My mother was in her great big green 76 cadillac in the drive way.  She drove that thing for 25 years.  Looked like a boat.  I told my mother to watch and shake her head when the kittens she wanted was in the cooler.  Of course she sat there like a good little mom, shaking her head no, no, no.   All of a sudden she was so excited,  she looked like a bobble head doll.  Her head was going up and down.  The kittens she wanted was in the cooler.  Me, being the smart daughter that I was,  jumped up and closed the lid on the cooler.  My mother jumped out of the car to help me put the cooler in the trunk of her caddie.

I was on one side of the cooler, my mother on the other, carrying our prized kittens, two of them,  to their new designation.  She lived just 1/4 mile down the road so the drive was short.  We had to hurry up and get there.  I sat in the passenger side just proud as could be.   We chatted about how cute the kittens were that we had captured as I reminded my mother that it had been my bright idea.  I am sure she was proud that she had produced such an intellegant offspring like myself.

Once we had reached her house we repeated the procedure.  My mother on one side, me on the other, both of us smiling at our success.  We carried the cooler to the barn where the kittens would stay at night.  I could hardly wait to let our two little kittens out.  As soon as we sat the cooler down we opened the lid.   We had the biggest surprise of our lives.  

Have you ever read "The King The Mice and All the Cheese" by Dr. Seuss.  I felt like we were making the movie.  One cat, two cat, three cat, four, five cat, six cat, seven cats more.  Yep, you got it.  Out popped seven cats, kittens, big ones and little ones.  Fat ones and skinney ones.  I will never forget the sound of shock my mother made.   Why didn't we hurry up and shut the lid?  I can't figure it out.  Thanks to my brilliant suggestion my mother had seven new cats.

The moral of the story is, if I tell you I have a brilliant idea.  Run, run as fast as your little legs will go.  I have all good intentions, but chances are I will lead you astray.

All of my stories are real.  Honest, I could never think up these things.  Be sure to let me know you enjoy them.
Brenda

I had my 2 month check up today.  A little late or a little early for my 3 month checkup.  I have not seen Doctor Bruce since I was in the hospital.  He walked in and smiled from one ear to the other when he saw me.  I was so happy.  I have lost 40 lbs.  I can't believe I have lost 40 lbs in a little over 2 months.  I am down to 183.   I was getting so discouraged about my weightloss.  I stopped at 187 for 10 days.  I have been here long enough to know what everyone says about stalls.  Take your measurements and you are probably losing inches.  bla bla bla.  Easy for you to say that to other people.  I have told postops that tons of times.  When it is you it is another story.  We are use to failure with out dieting.  Everyone always thinks they are going to be the one who fails.  I started thinking that last week.  I thought I will be one of the few that the surgery fails.  I finally lost a lb on Friday and by Monday was down a total of 4 lbs.  Af just started today so it wasn't that.  So celebrate.  

Another thing.  I did not do my measurements until my first day home from the hospital.  I should have done it before I did my 2 weeks fast before surgery.  I  have been tracking my measurements and have seen inches lost when weight was not being lost.  I remembered my very first doctors appointment  they took my waist measurement so asked her to show me what it was.  DH was with me so I didn't want her to announce it outloud.  :)  Sorry, he knows my weight but I am not willing to share the inches yet.  I about fell over when I saw I have lost 11 inches in my waist.  Can you believe that.  40 lbs = 11 inches in my waist.  Amazing to me.  

The doctor said I will probably lose about 2 lbs a week.  Doesn't sound like much does it.  I know, I know, the slower the better.  The less skin.  I would love it if it means no PS for me in the end.  I do have jiggly arms.  I will just wear long sleeves.  :)

I am still very happy I had this surgery.  You know it was an easy decision to have surgery.  I was a very unhealthy fat person.  My back it better somedays but there are days when it hurts so bad and I am still down for the count.  My neuro is probably right.  This will not cure my back problems.  It will make my next back surgery easier.  We will see.

I really didn't have any questions for the doctor today.  Should I have had questions.  I mean most of anything I need to know I have been able to find out here.   I will probably think of something I should have asked him later on.  

Enough for now.  Good luck to you.  If I can ever help you please PM me.  I love to encourage and help others.
Brenda

I haven't posted in over a week.  Where have I been.  Trying to have a little more energy this week.  My weightloss is at a standstill again.  Not another stall?   I have spent quite a bit of time reading other's blogs today.  Wow, how interesting.  I read one blog and was actually embarressed about mine.  Everything was worded perfectly in this one ladies blog.  I sure was relieved when I read she was an English major.  She should be an author.  :)   She was something like 19 months out and about half way through she realized that she only lost weight two weeks out of the month.  The other two was pre Aunt Flo weight and she felt she ate a lot during the week of her period.  It kind of makes me wonder if that could be what happens to me.  It was exactly a month ago when I hit my last stall.  There is something inside me that makes me worry about my weightloss not being fast enough.  I have to remember that I do not want to lose too fast.  

My arms are getting a little baggy.  I guess you call them batwings.  I am sure that it won't be bad enough for me to want ps on them.  I have seen the scar from that surgery.  I understand why some really want to have it done if they have bat wings bad.   I have lost the same amount of inches in my legs as what I have in my waist and hips.  Isn't that weird?  All my pants are getting longer.  Why is it the more weight I lose in my legs the longer my pants get.  Isn't that funny.  I am only 5' 2" and I bet I will have to start getting petite pants when I am done with my weightloss.

Speaking of weighloss, can I talk about it again.  My daughter got angry at me last night.   We got on the subject of dinner and me trying to eat more protein.  I told her I had not lost any weight in about a week so I thought it would help if I ate more protein.  She said I am being obsessive.  I should be happy if I just don't gain in a week.   I feel like I have to take advantage of the honeymoon period.    Is it wrong for me to want to at least lose a pound in a weeks time?  I mean my whole life revolves around my eating now.  I have to make sure that I eat enough but not too much.  Eat plenty of protein first, don't drink before, don't drink too soon after eating, no sugar (I dump), eat small meals every 2 or so hours and schedule my vitamins in between.  I feel like for everything I do I should lose at least a pound a week.  :)   I guess I am rambling right now.

I will post in a few days with my inches lost in the last month.