SweetGirlSugar

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Almost 4wks out and I'm not getting the hang of this yet. I'm having good days and bad but mostly just ok days. I feel depressed almost-hormones out of whack?? Is this buyer's remorse? I am super low energy lately and I really haven't been able to keep much down. I should be on purees but I think I'm going back to full liquids because anytime I eat anything that has any type of volume some or all of it comes back up. I have severe heartburn/acid reflux which I have NEVER had before. It feels like glass in my chest slowly moving up and down. Ugh. I hate being negative and I don't want to scare newbies but Ugh Momma never told me there'd be days like this! I finally found a liquid multi-v that I can take because Flinstones suck. My taste buds are completely off so everything I liked makes me nauseous thinking about it. In fact, I've had a lot of nausea lately. They say VSG has the most nausea of all the WLS and I certainly have it still. I have gone lactose intolerant-at least for now because "creamed soups" are oh so NOT a friend. I'm just not feeling very good. I've reverted to being a toddler lately. The hubs has been super frikken supportive through my childish phases though bringing me every kind of soup and protein drink and vitamin you can think of so I can try it and hopefully like it. I'm so unbelievably thankful I have him as the rock of my support system. He's amazing.

There have been positives like the weekend before my surgery I went swimming and my bathing suit was tight. THIS weekend I went swimming and it was VERY lose on my stomach and butt but not my boobs which means I'm keeping them so far! The girls are staying put! WHOO HOO! Funny thing that happened though is I wound up gluing my belly button shut with dermabond because I was afraid that even though my wound has healed that it could somehow still get infected. I almost glued my finger to my stomach trying to get it apart! I wound up not even getting in the water even still. I haven't weighed myself and I don't want to either but my clothes are QUITE loose these days.

I don't regret the surgery because I think its too soon to say something like that but I do miss eating. I miss chewing. I know that it hasn't even been 4wks since I had major stomach surgery so I need to get a little further out before coming to a conclusion which either way is unreversable but I'm taking it day by day. Even though my days seem to rollercoaster I do have more ok days than bad. I'm finding new ways to eat/drink and learning more about my body. I'm thankful I have the support system I have-my family and friends are incredible-and I can't wait to start shopping! It'll get better I'm sure of it. LOVE! 

I feel like saying "Wow! What a journey!" except for the fact that I'm only 5 days in. Surgery went fantastically! I had THE best surgical team in Houston working on me and I am one of the first to have the procedure done with only one insicion. I couldn't imagine how 6 wounds would feel if I'm feeling this bad from one! So I begin this blog by saying:

PAIN! HOLY CHICKEN NUGGETS THIS IS PAIN! 

Thats what I felt when they first woke me up. And apparently, they had a very hard time waking me up-I wonder why *sarcasm* It took something like 30 minutes. I like sleep-I guess I should have told them that. That was the only "complication" I had with the surgery.  Everything went pretty smoothly and my husband said it was pretty quick.

Scene 2-hospital room: nice, morphine-good, love that pain pump so much I named it Sugar-was pretty much out of it for a while. Walked my 4x a day and did what I could to drink which was barely anything at all-thank Jesus for IV fluids. I was kept in an extra night because of pain and severe nausea but mostly because I was terrified of coming home. I needed that extra day and so I was released Day 3. My nurses and PCAs were excellent and I couldn't have had more caring people.

Scene 3-home: DUn DUn DUNNN-actually it wasnt so bad-walked a few times and just rested really. Day 4 was quite painful again as far as soreness goes and weird things going on inside my tummy which now feels like its in my chest. I have these sharp pains that come up every 10 minutes it seems like-I know its gas but it sucks because I can't burp for anything. I've had a hiccup or two which is quite painful so I recommend you do everything in your power to NOT hiccup and laughing is a little hard too because my tummy is sore. Its not too bad though. Day 5 is now and I am feeling pretty good, on the road to back to normal, but not 100%. Its too hot in Texas to walk outside so I'm stuck with my sucky treadmill. I would LOVE to swim and they tell me its okay but I think I'm gonna wait until my wounds turn into scars before I introduce chlorine...

I have bouts of buyers remorse...I wonder when I'll ever get to eat a nice rare steak again but then I remember that I have chef friends who are coming over in the next few days to make my creamed soup and they've offered to make me things like my pureed foods and one is so excited to make my first solid meal. Screw steak! I can barely have 2TBSP off food! I'm pretty excited on what happens from this point forward. Smaller clothes sizes, bigger opportunities, just an overall better lifestyle. My life was pretty fly before but what gets me by as I sip, sip, sip, walk, walk, is just how flyerrrr its gonna be! 

LOVE! 

My surgery was moved up by 2wks! YIKES! So that means my surgery is THIS Monday! I've known for a few days now but I think it JUST now hit me that in less than 2 days I will have a small banana shaped tummy. I'm going to have major surgery...HOLY SMOKES! I haven't even gotten started! I need a bag with this and that,apparently  I need to find a baby pillow now, a heating pad, some warm tea and I mos def need something other than the frikken hospital gowns if I'm gonna be walking up and down the hospital halls. I found some tube dresses-like sun dresses but longer, and they're very comfortable AND fashionable. I'm getting my bag together tomorrow but I'm making my list now. I really am excited despite some anxious energy.

I guess I'm most excited about seeing someone I've never seen before when I look in the mirror. I can't wait to see that chick! I always thought my weight didn't hold me back, that I did what I wanted and lived life without thought to my weight and for the most part I did but now I can't wait for the new opportunities and the different  experiences I'll be exposed to. I'm frikken excited for real...this is gonna be so badass! Ha! 

Love! 

I have an official surgery date of August 2! I decided to push the date back from July 19 because I really wanted more time to be smoke free and to lose as much weight as I could before surgery. Sure it’s only 2 more weeks but, if done right, that’s 10 extra pounds I could lose. Besides, I also have just a little more time to get prepared at work and at home; just enough time to put things in order.

 

Today is Day 7 of no smoking which officially marks the longest I’ve quit smoking without cheating.  It’s also Day 3 of liquid/low carb dieting. I plan to low carb diet for the first 2 weeks and then go on full liquids for the last 2 weeks. I start my day off with a protein shake, have a few cubes of cheese for a snack-if I even need it, some sort of protein (chicken breast or chef salad ingredients) and a salad for lunch or a protein shake, peanut butter and jelly as a snack and some sort of protein (same as above) and salad for dinner or a protein shake. I know what you’re thinking about peanut butter and jelly snack BUT the peanut butter is 90 calories and 2g of carbs! And the jelly is a sugar free kind that’s 40 calories and 4 carbs! Low calorie, low carb, a little sweet, a little salty…Its like the perfect snack for me! I think I’ve been doing really well. I actually worked out yesterday too so today is also Day 2 of workout plan. I’m not much for working out outside-ESPECIALLY in Houston! but I put on my walking shoes and walked to my grocery store which is at least a mile away and then had my husband come pick me up and take me home. I just couldn’t make it the way back and I didn’t want to push it. The experience showed me just how out of shape I’ve become and gave me more reason for this surgery. I used to walk a mile-no sweat! and I found it so hard to keep up with the beats in my iPod that I used to walk faster than. But I know that won’t last for too much longer.

 

I guess to close out this blog I take a cue from my cheerleading days and cheer P-S-Y! C-H-E-D! Lets Get  Psyched! *Herkie Jump!* because overall I am psyched. I’m a little nervous more so about losing the extra weight and being smoke free before surgery but I’m really excited. I’m energized with this new vigor for working out and being super fly in my 30s that I can barely stand it! So Hey Hey, I’m Ready to get Fired UP! *clap clap* Hey Hey I’m Ready to STRUT MY STUFF!! *Clap Clap*! Goooo Jenni!

 

I couldn't help myself! I had to call the insurance company and find out if I was approved or not and after 3 days I called and I was approved! They had a surgery date of July 19 which is OMG soon but the doctor's office will call me and schedule tomorrow so that may not be the right date. I am nervous. I am nervous in trying to lose 15lbs before surgery, I am nervous for the 2wk liquid diet, and I am SO nervous for the cathather. I'm almost as nervous for the gas afterward too! 

I'm glad I started on a semi-liquid diet last week but this week I'm focusing on liquids and low carb diet until they tell me for sure when to start the full liquid diet. I'm prepping myself and getting my mind right. I think once they give me a for sure date I'll be able to really processes everything and not be so nervous. I know that my doctor is an incredible surgeon and I've met his scrub team whom I'm very familiar and comfortable with so I have no fears at all about the surgery itself. I know I'm making a great decision.

I can't wait! 

The precert person in my doctor's office called me yesterday to say that everything was being submitted. I don't think I've really processed it yet. I guess I don't want to get excited until I get approved. I don't have comorbidities but my BMI is over 50...and steadily increasing. I have my fingers crossed and I'm saying a little prayer and I 'm having an positive mindset. I hope the answer is yes. I BELIEVE the answer will be yes! I gotta claim it! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Now its a waiting game. They say that Aetna is one of the fastest responders so I would really like to hear something on Friday. A coworker of mine got a response for her RNY in 3 days! But I doubt its likely I'll hear from them before early next week. In the meantime, I will be on a more regimented workout plan and clean diet plan. I need to lose 15lbs before surgery. I'm sure that liquid diet will do it too but might as well lose all I can before surgery! 

Ok so I guess I am a little excited...

LOVE! 

I am a little disappointed today because I found out I have to wait another month before my records are even submitted to the insurance. I know things happen according to His time not mine, but I really hoped I would have surgery no later than middle of June. Now I know I'll have to wait til after July 4th. I guess it gives me time to save money and really plan for recovery. I've heard everyone say they only needed 2 weeks, some say 3, but I really want to be out at least 6 weeks to acclimate myself to a routine and so that I'm not super tired or exhausted like some people I've read have experienced. With all that time off I need to have a little rainy day money for surprises or at the very least, for the meal replacement shakes which I've heard are an arm and a leg. I feel like this wait is just pushing the plans that I've made further and further behind so I am disappointed.

On the brightside, I get a little longer to lose weight on my ownso I can be a little healthier for the surgery and I can really quit smoking for good. I'm still sneaking a few here and there. I guess there are reasons for everything so I'm gonna grin and bear it and try not to be too down about it but still...set backs suck....

I've made the decion and have begun the preparation toward my RNY surgery. I am really nervous but its an excited nervous. I find myself dreaming of not only a smaller me but a more active me; almost a younger me but a future younger me if that makes any sense. I am really ready to move on and shed this weight for good and be the skinny chic thats trapped inside this fat chic's body.

My first appointment with my surgeon was 2/1/2010. I've been to the required nutrition classes, weight management classes, and psych eval and I'm waiting for my ins to approve...fingers crossed on that one. For all intents and purposes I'm an overweight healthy chic. I hate when people say that because it shouldn't make sense but its true. I have no pain in joints, no sleep apnea, no diabetes, blood pressure is normal, hormones are normal, I'm just a big fat diva. I'm 5'4 and pushing 315+. My lowest weight I can remember was 180 and I remember freaking out when I turned 18 and the scale said 212! What a mess I was! Now if I can only get back there...

So the pressure is on. I'm hoping and praying for the best and for speedy recovery because I have so many plans that I can't wait for! See ya'll on the other side!