Trinity082974
First day...interesting!
Oct 15, 2011
I wrote a bunch of stuff and lost it. I guess I have to learn to save my stuff more often. So, I had an interesting day this morning. I weighed in at 288 this morning. I had all the intentions of having a wonderful day but things go challenging.
First off, I was at Maya's birthday party this morning and got a bit off track. Then I got home and ate a bunch of cookies to keep me further offtrack. There are things I did today that were good, but others that I need to work on.
First off, I'm proud of the following:
1. Had oatmeal for breakfast today.
2. Had a banana
3. Had maple syrup instead of splenda.
4. Stopped at one slice of pizza at the b-day party.
5. Went to the store and bought greek yogurt and all ingredients to make granola
6. Made granola
7. I'm writing in my journal
8. I entered my food in the food log
Things that I feel need improvement are the following:
- weighed myself
- had multiple slices of birthday cake
- had too many cookies
- couldn't stop eating the pasta, had two servings
- did not exercise
- did not drink all my water
All things considering, I can honestly say it was a good day and I did pretty well, as I have more successes today than challenges. good job Marie!!!
Housework...when can I catch up
One thing that really stresses me is that I feel like I live in a mess. The house is so messy. I feel like I have so much to do, but have no energy or no time to do any of it. I'm so behind, it's scary and I'm so sick and tired of how the house looks. My bathroom is a mess, my bedroom is a mess, the laundry room and computer loft is a mess. Markus' room is a mess and the main level is as well. I wish I could get 9 hours to catch up on everything but most importantly feel like I need to catch up on sleep. I don't know how I will ever make it when I go to work. After a long day at work, I will have less energy to do all that I have to do. I don't know what to do to get out of this rut. But that rut is not only physical it is mental as well. The thought of doing everything I have to do is already weighing me down. How can I physically do it when in my mind it is completely overwhelming???
My other concerns...
My poor baby boy is sick today. He is so adorable and it kills me to see him struggling to breathe. I wish I could help him. I know chances are I'm going to catch his cold within the next four days but if this what I have to do for him to be better, I really don't mind doing it. He is my everything. The fact that he is sick is making things a little more challenging when it comes to his new sleeping routine. I just don't have the heart to let him cry to sleep when I know he is not feeling well and needs comfort. I just about died today when I came home from the party with Brianna and first thing when I opened the door. I heard him cry. Poor baby had been crying for about an hour. Part of me was upset with LDM for putting him through this but at the same time, I know what he was doing, he was desperately trying to be supportive for the whole sleeping thing. I can tell he felt bad that day last week, when I gave him shit for picking up Markus. He was just trying to be supportive but the other part of me thinks that he was a bit heartless to let the poor sick child cry for that long. OMG, how to find a balance??? Let's just hope that once he feels better, that we will notice that not too much damage was done cause we got him off track with the sleep routine.
Guilt
I feel guilty today for not having gone to church. I so wanna to be a better christian and make more time in my life for God. I wish it would come to me automatically to go to church every weekend. I noticed that I get so distracted with things that I forget. I guess the only thing I can do is pray on it and hope that God will help me, remind me to make time for him in my life and also to set a good example for Brianna. She is getting to an age where she needs to start to understand the importance of having God in our life.
Prayer
Hey since I don't make time for God in my life, I thought I could use this diary as a tool to write down my prayers and what I want God to help me with. Ok, let's try...here it goes:
God, please help me be a better parent and help me teach my kids the important things in life. Help me teach them about you.
God, please help me be a better person. Help me be a better wife for my husband. Help me be more patient with him and more loving. Help me making him feel loved and valued.
God help me be a healthy person, so I can be there for my kids in their future and see all their milestones. Help me remember when I'm about to make a bad choice, help me remember what I'm trying to achieve and for whom. Give me the strength to resist sweets, give me the strength to make good choices. Help me stop punishing my body for whatever about myself I don't like. Help me feel peace insidel
God I love you and please guide and protect my family and friends.
