So Discouraged

Nov 14, 2009

I can't stand it.  I can't get below 160.  No matter what I do.  I'm eating more protein.  I've increased the intensity of my exercise.  I run and walk now.  I am so scared I will not loose anymore weight.  I read all the posts on OH about everyone wearing size 4's, 6's, smalls, and mediums.  I see how everyone looses 120 and 130 lbs.  I read how they lost steadily for a year or more.  I can't even get to 100 lbs.  97 is the closest most I've lost.  I am so envious.  I want this so badly for myself.  I am stressing too much.  I had my six months visit and my surgeon says to forget it.  He says I've accomplished my goals.  I no longer have health problems and I have lost 65% of my excess weight.  Don't focus on a number he says.  But, I weigh 160.  My BMI is 29.4 (finally made it to overweight...no longer obese...on a happy note).  I want to weigh 136 and have a normal BMI.  136 is the most I can weight at 5'2" and have a normal BMI of 24.9.  I am eating so much more now than I was several months ago.  It seem like so much more now.  Is this why I can't loose weight.  I am supposed to be eating 3/4 cup each time I eat.  I can actually eat a little more.  I have to eat 50 - 60 grams of protein now.  I have to get it all from food.  I would rather not eat.  It just makes me want to eat more.  I have started to have really bad head hunger now too.  I want to eat all the time, but I am never hungry.  I honestly think it is because I am so obsessed with loosing 20 more lbs.  I can't figure it out.  The surgeon and his nurse told me to just relax and see what the next 6 months brings.   But, I can't get this off my mind.  Why can't I loose?  Why are the scales stuck?  I want one of these 7 - 8 lb runs like I was getting several months ago.  I swear I am addicted to the high I get from loosing and I can't get it back.  I can't stop eating  because that will make me unhealthy.  I don't know what to do.  Everyone says excercise more.  I can't make myself.  Is exercise the only thing standing between me and my goal weight?  I just can't believe that.  2 miles in 30 minutes 5 times a week should be enough to keep me loosing.  What do I do and how do I do it?  I feel like I have done something wrong.  I feel like this my fault.  I even feel like I have failed.  I've come so far, but to stop 24 lbs short of my goal seems like such a tragedy to me.  It is just so unfair and I am so discuraged. 

0 Comments