Still Struggling

Feb 07, 2010

I still can't get below 155.  I have bouts of seriously beating myself up for not doing whatever it takes to make this number move.  Although, I believe I'm doing everything possible.  I've gotten some really good advice on the main board and I try to keep all that in my head.  But, the bad thoughts still pour in on some days.  Today is one of those days.  I did join the gym.  Go me!  I constantly re-evaluate everything I am doing.  Am I eating too much/too little?  Am I eating too many carbs?  Carbs are a source of MAJOR confusion for me.  My NUT says it's ok to eat 15 carbs per meal.  Some days I eat about 70 carbs.  I think this could be my problem.  They are not the bad carbs.  They come from beans, milk, and yogurt.  The stuff adds up.  I really wonder if this is the culprit.  I want to cut out all carbs, but people say I need them for energy to exercise.  What to do.  What to do.  I just can't seem to find the right combo to make the scales move.  I am getting healthier with all the exercising and my clothes are fitting looser.  I know, I know.  Muscle weighs more than fat.  But at some point in time, the lbs should come off.  Everytime I read on here about somebody else who got to a normal BMI, it really makes me so disappointed in myself.  Why not me?  I know.  Don't focus on the number.  (Say all the people who are size 4's and at a NORMAL BMI.)  I have not lost one lb. in two months.  I am only 10 months out and I feel like there should be more.  I know grief is a process and I think I am just moving through the grieving stages because I am morning the loss of no longer loosing weight.  I hope to move past this because I hate being depressed.  I want this so badly, I focus on it way more than I need to. All I know is that I can't take the stress.  It's bringing me down and making me weak.  I hope to feel better tomorrow.  I am doing a class at the gym and that makes me feel strong.     

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