yssirhc

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I remember sitting back in grade school and the teachers talked about what you want to be when you grow up, where you want to be in 10 years. When you were 13 that never mattered or you said veterinarian because it’s every little girls dream job. My goals often were being skinny and feel good about myself. When I got to high school nothing changed I worked hard played sports and never seen a difference in my weight. Life got in the way and got dealt some pretty crappy cards is what I thought at the time. I never had close friends and my eating habits really did suck.  The truth is that I didn’t set the right goals. I wanted to fit in with everyone else so I didn’t have to be different.

Now I look back and I know now that the cards I got moulded who I am today. The hardships and the people that have crossed my path over the years made me a better person then I could have been without it.  The lessons you learn from others and the things people tech you as long as you’re willing to learn. I say that but do you ever wonder if things were actually different who would I be? When the teachers asked those questions what would your answers be?

I think if I could go back I wouldn’t change it my past is who I am and even with my bad experiences and misfortunes it’s the foundation of me. I may approach things differently but still hope for the same outcome. Even if I wanted to I can’t change my past but I can do my best to make the right choices to make my future happy and healthy. I’m ready for the changes that are coming my way it’s often on my mind. So now when I think back on what could have been I stop and think what will be.

 A week from today I go to the second appointment for bypass surgery. I’m excited and nervous all at the same time. I’m afraid that they might not do it because there are people out there that need it more then I do, all I can do is pray that they will help me. I feel like I not living the life I want to be living...I’m waiting until it starts. I am trying to set goals for myself, simple things like shaving my legs without struggling or talking the dog without getting out of breath. I know who I am but have a hard time shinning as I’m hiding behind my pounds.

288lbs today