A WLS Pre-Op: Break-Up and Goodbye Letter To My StomachJanuary 12, 2018
Sharing My Personal Goodbye Letter To My Stomach
My name is Crystal and I am 45 years old. I am a member of ObesityHelp.com as Crystalcandoit. I have been struggling with my weight my entire life. I was that overweight child, that became an obese teenager, and then became a morbidly obese adult. I'm scheduled for my weight loss surgery on January 16, 2018.
I have tried every diet under the sun from Slim-fast, to Nutri-System, and even Phentermine in hopes of losing the weight and keeping it off.
I have lost weight several times and each time when I got down to a weight I was happy with, it would last for a while and then it would come back on with the added bonus of a few extra pounds. These extra pounds reminded me I had not managed to succeed in winning the war against this excess weight.
In June 2017, I finally made the decision to look into weight loss surgery. I went to a seminar and talked to a bariatric surgeon. My husband went with me and asked many questions as well. As we left the seminar, my husband asked which surgery I was considering. When I told him it was the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) and he immediately agreed.
I found out that my insurance required that I do a 6-month medically supervised diet, along with several classes, lab tests, and participate for 6 months talking to an insurance assigned case manager. I weighed 374 pounds when I started the program and 6 months later, I weighed 326 pounds, 48 pounds lost. I was just approved for surgery on January 16th.
I was getting ready for a work holiday party and was craving all the unhealthy options that I knew were going to be offered at the party. So, I sat down and wrote a goodbye letter to my stomach and posted it to my blog on ObesityHelp.com with the hope that getting these feelings out would help me get through the party without giving in and letting my stomach win.
Break-Up and Goodbye Letter To My Stomach
The time is approaching fast when we must say goodbye to each other. Yes, there will be a small part of you left but most of you will be removed forever.
We had some good times together, but in actuality, it was a toxic relationship. I leaned on you too much. I used you to hide my feelings of inadequacies and filled you with the junk that I did not need. I tried to work with you to be healthy time and again. You would cooperate for a while and let me lose the weight that I needed to, but as soon as you were feeling like I forgot about the good times, the unhealthy times, you always fought back.
You sent lies to my head that I was hungry when I wasn't; that I needed comfort foods when I didn't, and you would suck me back into our unhealthy ways. I would fall for it and the weight would come back on and you would be happy again because you had me under your control. I would ignore the other parts of me to satisfy you.
Well, I am done, it is time to say goodbye to a large part of you. I will leave just enough of you to help me absorb the nutrients that the rest of my body needs to survive and be healthy. I am taking back control of my relationship with food.
You had to see it coming over the last 6 months, the calories decreasing, the weight coming off, but I know you were thinking that I was just playing around again and I would be back.
This time is different...You will be gone and I am fine with that. I am taking my life back and that means that most of your needs will go away.
I hope you know that I do not blame you. It was really me, my weaknesses, my fears, my insecurities. Our co-dependent relationship was as much my fault as it was yours, but I am ready for a future without you.
I call removing you a tool because really it is what I choose to do after my surgery. It is about me making the decision that our toxic, co-dependent, relationship has to end. I have to make changes that go much deeper than how much food you can hold. That goes to the level why I let our toxic relationship continue for so long because it was only harming me and my life in so many ways.
With my surgery day coming soon, I am now ready to stand on my own without you to fall back on when I am hurt, sad, mad, happy, confused and so on. I am ready to live my life to the fullest without fear.
I know that our break-up will be painful and I am willing to face the pain of surgery and the post-op healing in order to end our toxic relationship. So we have a few days still together, but the end is coming. I am ignoring you until then, and I am not falling for those false messages that you are trying to send to suck me back in and sabotage me. I will not let you win this time. It is time to say good-bye.
If you'd like to support Crystal for her surgery next week, you can post on her Support Wall!
ABOUT THE AUTHORCrystalcandoit has been a member of OH since July 29th, 2017. She is approved by her insurance company and set for a surgery date of January 16th, 2018. She will be having the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy.