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Well, I have had quite a year since last I blogged.  So here I am about 10-15 lbs. up (not sure how much because I am TERRIFIED of getting on that scale.)  I had done so well and then some stressful situations happened in my life and I strayed WAY off my plan. Stopped following the rules, started drinking ALOT (and I never was much of a drinker before) and now here I am.  I started back to exercise yesterday and started completely back on my post-op plan today including exercise as well.  Followed all the rules that got me to my goal weight because now I am determined to get back there again.  I think the thing that makes me maddest is that I was THERE and I just got sloppy & careless and now here I am.  For the first year I was on the OH site every single day.  Year two I checked in and read stuff, educated myself two or three times a week until about 6 months ago.  Just goes to show you how VITAL this site is to so many.  I need to immerse myself in the information all over again.  I know if I do that I will be back at goal weight in just a few months (just in time for swimsuit season...lol). Honestly that doesn't bother me so much. I just want to feel good about myself & my choices again. SO my plan is to get hooked up with a few groups here to get info & encouragement.  Also I've started logging all my food on Fatsecret and I have made some commitments on a site called stickK.com. My worst fear is gaining it back and having all those that were against RNY say, "TOLD YA SO!" As far as I'm concerned, not gonna happen.  No way Jose!

Well it has been quite a while since I've blogged.  So what's new for bariatric Barbie? Weight loss wise I am holding pretty steady.  Up and down the same 5 to 6 lbs for the past year.  If I were working out right now there would be no "up", but I have had a series of medical issues for the past 6 months or so that have held me back from being my very best.

So that I don't scare the newbies, let me just say that I would of course do it ALL over again in a minute so no regrets.  I am just realizing that for me there are some issues that need to be monitored and once under control, my quality of life will go back up.  I am severly anemic.  After trying large doses of perscription iron for the past yr. it has become necessary to get IV iron.  It's not that big of a deal and I am glad they are finally doing it because some of the symptoms of my anemia were so difficult to live with.  I was tired ALL the time, dizzy most of the time, pale and somewhat confused.  I am on my 4th week of infusions and starting to feel a bit better.

It seems that absorption is a major issue for me so I also started B12 injections today.  This is a good thing too as maybe the tingling I periodically get in my hands will cease now as well.  Even with these issues I am so thankful for my gastric bypass.  I now know that some people who have surgery just require a bit more monitoring and I am one of those people. My message to others would just be to not let it go on as long as I did.  If you have anemia and B12 issues insist to your docs that you get IV iron and B12 shots and you will probably bounce right back.

Well, I am 10 months post surgery and I am down 103 lbs.  I have about 15 lbs. to go until goal but to be honest I am perfectly happy where I am right now.  I am a size 8 (which I have never been in my life) and weigh 159 lbs.  It is so nice to walk into any store and pick whatever I want off the rack.  It is so nice to order something from a restaurant and not feel like people are looking at me and thinking that the "fat girl" should not be eating that.  It is so nice to not be the "fat friend".  How freeing RNY has been for me.

I only have 2 complaints and they are not major problems, just irritations mostly with myself.  First, when do you ever get to the point where you stop telling total strangers you had surgery?  Everytime it comes up that I have lost alot of weight and people ask how I did it, I feel the need to be "completely" honest so I tell them.  Some are nice about it and some say, "oh!" like I didn't work for it.  I need to just say, "lots of hard work" and leave it at that.  I will make it my goal to start doing that.

My other complaint is something I knew going in but it still bugs me...floppy skin.  I am trying to get used to it but sometimes it bothers me.  Dressed I look awesome but bathing suit season is going to be a little hard to handle.  Oh well, I guess it was hard to handle at 262 lbs. too!  LOL.

So that is where I am at today, 10 months post op.  Would I do it all again? ABSOLUTELY! 

I am so excited friends.   I am in month 4 and I am 63 lbs. down.  Woohoo!    I was so happy today to step on the scale and see 199 (onederland).   What a great moment.  I was thinking it would never get here but I guess I just needed to be patient.  I can't wait to see what comes next.
 
The only thing I am hating right now is how much hair I am losing by the minute.   I know it is par for the course so I am trying to take it in stride.

I am into my 5th week and to be honest I am having a few struggles.  Nothing I can't get past but yes, I am having struggles.  I do find encouragement from those of you who are 6 mos. or more out because you keep saying how much easier it gets.  I have to say that I find myself wanting it to get easier right now!

First off, I am not able to eat much at all.  This bothers me because I haven't lost any weight in a week and I think it is because I am not eating much but I can't seem to eat more than a few bites without it feeling like it is backing up into my chest.  It is quite painful but I remind myself that it is temporary.  I am following my doc's diet and I am chewing slowly and eating slowly so I am pretty sure I am doing all of that right. 

There are about 4 or 5 things that seem to work best so I eat them but it is so monotonous.  I think I am just going through a little bit of a grieving process.  I miss my old friend food.  No matter what has gone on in my life I could always depend on some delicious comfort from my old friend any time day or night.  Now I am left looking for a replacement.  I know like everything, this too shall pass.  I just want it to pass right now, just like I want to be down 60 lbs. right now.  I am so impatient. 

So I am now 12 days post-op.  I have lost 24 lbs. since my pre-op appointment and that certainly feels good.  I have started walking and am doing pretty much everything I was before surgery including laundry...blach!  I am not lifting anything over about 10 lbs. and everyone I know, including my Dr. said I don't even look like I had surgery.  That makes me feel like I am doing something right.

The biggest thing for me has been the loss of the joy of eating that I am now dealing with.  It is not terrible and I am not depressed or anything.  It is just a weird thing to deal with.  I am caught up in the day to day drudgery of fitting in the protein & the liquid and that is not very pleasurable.  Likewise I am on the soft diet phase and I am fortunate to be able to have 8 or 10 food choices yet none of them thrill me much at this point.

I have definitely been a "foody" for many years and it is just a bit of an adjustment to this new way of life I have chosen & it is something I could not prepare for before hand.  So now I am just dealing with this reality that is sinking in. 

I am now 5 days post-op and trying to wrap my head around what has just happened.  I don't care how many books you read, websites you subscribe to & other Bypass patients you talk to, you cannot be fully prepared for how you will feel the days just after your surgery.  At least I have found that to be true for me.  I have 4 gals in my office and a best friend just down the street from me who had RNY & told me everything from soup to nuts.  I had all you wonderful people on OH who have answered so many of my questions.  I read "Before & After Weight Loss Surgery", "What to Eat After Weight Loss Surgery", my doctors manual from cover to cover and everything in between and I still find myself somewhat lost right now.

It is so hard to describe what I am feeling.  I am neither sorry I did it or glad I did it...yet.  I am just a bit numb.  I am trying to figure it all out.  How to drink 60 oz. of fluid a day so that I won't have leg cramps (which I have) or get dehydrated.  I would never have thought it would be such a chore.  How hard could it be right?  Well in order to get it all in I am finding that timing is everything.  And it is hard not to worry about what I am choosing to eat (even if it is straight from the handbook) and if I will be able to tell that I have had enough so that I don't get sick and don't hurt my oh so precious new pouch.

So I keep telling myself sip, sip, sip and I do what I can to get in the protein and meals.  I am having 3 meals a day but have not been very hungry and am sure I am not eating enough.  Realistically I know that this is just the beginning and that it will get easier.  I am just feeling really strange right now.  I have been eating & behaving in a certain way for 40+ years and now I am totally changing that behavior.  I thought I was ready for this and I hope I was right.  I want to be in that overjoyed place that my coworkers & friend who are a year or 2 post-op are but for now I am 5 days post-op & comfortably numb!

I can't believe it but tomorrow is the day!  Actually I have to be at the hospital at 5:00 AM so not too much longer now.  I am starting to get a bit nervous.  I hope all goes well but that is really in my surgeon & God's hands.  I have done everything I was supposed to and that is all I can do.

I only had to do the liquid diet for 3 days so I don't know how those of you that had to do 14 days managed.  It is not that I want to eat alot of food but I want to chew something...ha ha.  Who knew that I'd miss chewing?  I have a really great friend who had the surgery last year.  She brought me over a basket full of things she used after surgery and a few things for the hospital (like Burt's Bees lipbalm). What a nice gift.  She has given me so much info over the past 5 months since I decided to do this.  I don't know what I'd have done without her. 

So now I just have to get things together for my kids who will be staying with a friend tomorrow night.  Other than that I just wait.  I think I will go a little stir crazy in the mean time.

Well, God willing this time next week I'll be on the losers bench!!!  I have had the flu this week so I am trying to get plenty of rest, lots of fluids etc.  It has been a crazy week with many demands which have tried to get in the way of me getting proper rest l but I am determined.  I need to focus on me right now.

I am ready for this and I can't wait!  I am so excited I can hardly believe it's almost here.  I start my clear liquids on Monday the 23rd, the lovely bowel prep on the 24th & then I'll be good 2 go.

Well it is hard to believe that I am only 24 days from my surgery.  Some days it doesn't seem real and I can't believe that I am actually going to do this.  After spending years on every new diet to come along, hoping this time it would be different and finding out that this time was the same as all the other times, I am taking this major, life changing step and I am so scared.  Scared to fail again, like I will be the one person on this site that it deosn't work for.  Scared of complications that could happen and leaving my 4 year old and 15 year old without their mom.  Scared of what happens if I don't do this and just keep getting larger and sicker and more unhappy with myself.

But it is so crazy because I am also so excited too.  Excited for the possibilities.  A life FREE of the weight that has defined me for almost 3 decades.  Free from the weight that has kept me from doing so many things I have wanted to do over the years.  Free from the weight that has contributed to that past 3 years of sicknesses like pneumonia, vertigo, joint pain and back aches, etc. 

So although I am scared of what might go wrong, I am more excited and hopeful for what will go right and how my life will change for the better because of this surgery.