I Hate My Doctor's Office--Welcome to Liz's Bad Attitude Blog

Aug 25, 2009

Dear Reader,

If you're tuning in for inspiration, better go find another blog.  In fact, I have no idea why you would be reading this--but if you are, consider yourself  forewarned.   In other words: abandon all hope ye who enter here.  Still,  if you're not afraid of a little truth, draw a bit closer, pull up a chair or stool, or anything else that fits your butt,  and I'll share whatever I know.    Which ain't much.

Okay, okay, so Dr. George Fielding, Australian super surgeon,  my surgeon, is supposed to be so good at this.  I believe he is a fine surgeon.  The problem is:  he really doesn't seem to care very much about  individual patients such as me.   Certainly not about me, a 50ish woman with between 50 and 90 pounds to lose (depending on how ambitious or optimistic I am on a given day).  He talks beforehand, a lot, about follow-up and support.  Then he disappears after surgery.  So I'm the person who's slipping through the cracks.    No structured follow-up.  When i try to make appointments for fills, they get put off for weeks by his office.  

Second, I have no idea of how I'm supposed to eat--because food just doesn't stay down until about 5pm.  I vomit a lot . I'm so hungry all the time.

Third, I'm in pain.  Not just pain from my esophagus, as food goes down (or doesn't ), but also pain from my incision.  It's been almost four  months and there's still tons of pain.  As well as sharp shooting/cramping  pains below the incision site on both sides.  I wonder if Fielding used me to train his surgical students on?  I'm told that my port has flipped--but getting a needle in is still possible at my last visit.  Let's hope it will be on this one. 

In any event, the pain does make exercising difficult.  i also  feel exhausted much of the time. 

I suspect the office has been not there for me because all my visits until now were covered by insurance, and therefore the doctor's office got no additional payment for them.  Maybe now that i'm self-paying I'll be able to get a little support.  I'm hoping. 

So I can barely keep food down now--I'm in discomfort much of the time.  And I'm not losing weight, or not much weight, in large part because the only things that go down are ice cream (or frozen yogurt) and potato chips.  These foods were never  a major part of my diet prior to surgery.  Never.  A cheetoh (spelling? ) seldom passed my lips. Ice cream was a treat, eaten rarely.  To be sure,  I ate too much for me, and too quickly, but healthy foods.  Not garbage. 

I puke up: figs, blueberries, strawberries (unless pureed), most vegetables, except over-cooked green beans and broccolli.  You can forget about lettuce. 

Other things i puke up: yogurt, cottage cheese  (before the staples of my diet).  Pasta.  Not bread, alas.   Of course, cookies (and any other food that just dissolves in your mouth) go down just fine.  So does alcohol, but I barely drink. 

So here's what i've learned so far.  On my own.  Entirely.  With no assistance from the doctor's office, or anyone else.  Or any support other than that of my husband and cute little daughter and my (less cute and little) friends.  

You will be hungry.  Very hungry.   Very often.  Particularly because you can't eat until the end of the day. 

You cannot eat too fast if you are hungry.  Or very, very, very hungry.  Because then the food won't stay down.  So sit down, take tiny little bites, and see if whatever it is will stay down.  Wait for each bite to go down before taking another.  It may take a minute or two or more. 

Only give yourself tiny portions-- because then you won't be tempted to take larger bites, or to speed up.   Stop before being full, or else you'll be puking again.

Don't even try to eat somethint that isn't capable, always, of being fully broken down in your mouth.  Just one bite of  the wrong vegetable can cause hours of discomfort.

Try to learn to eat without swallowing air.  This is impossible for me, but maybe you're better at it than I am.  I burp and pass [odorless] gas a lot. 

Learn to enjoy vomiting.  i can see the appeal and now, for the first time, understand why bulemics do it.  If you eat just a little too quickly, you will puke it back up.  Mouth pleasure--no calories.  I never,ever, ever  did this before, but I can see why the skinny little girls and boys get addicted to it.

Okay, more.  Plan.  Try to eat in a peaceful place.  Avoid stress (ha!!!!  I just couldn't resist a good joke.  I have the most stressful job in the world.  Trial lawyer.)

That's enough for today.  Today's dumbass resolutions: stay hydrated, eat slowly in small portions and tiny bites.  No unplanned eating.

best,
me 

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