NessaNicole845

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  Though I have lost 20lbs so far, I am so disappointed in myself right now! The past week or so I have fallen off the horse! I am not blaming anyone but me!!! Its hard getting back on but I am trying my hardest. I missed my weigh in last week but this week I am going to do my thing though I am pretty sure I have gained the weight back... I need to prove to myself and everyone else that I am worthy of this surgery, and I am worthy to have these changes. 


  I watch all these youtube videos and read blogs and wonder why is it that they can stay focused but I can't at all? why is it so hard for me to push away temptation knowing how bad that I want this?? Does this mean I'm a failure before I even truly get started? 


Lord I don't want to be a failure!

Not sure if I lost anything or gained yet because I did not get weighed this month but the next few months and this week is time for me to get serious I only have three more months left of supervised dieting and I need to pull it together so I can have this surgery and move on to a new and healthier life. 

WISH ME LUCK EVERYONE!

 Now its about 10am  and my mother and I have started to sub Designer Whey Protein in chocolate flavor (18g Protein, 200mg Calcium, 2g Fat, 100 Calories) for a meal, I think I might sub two meals with this instead of just one.... Its not bad but its not awesome!  its tolerable in taste but good lord does it smell something ghastly and if you just let it sit and not stir it up, the grainy sediment of the powder floats to the top and creates a little skin... Yea not that appealing to look at lol...hmm but  I think I am going to stick with it, not sure really how my mother feels about it. But then again I can always post her review about it later one.




My mother has also bought Special K2O Protein Water Mix (30 Calories, 5g protein) and we will test to get liquids in so we have some variety like sugar free Kool-aid, and Crystal Light, and Water. As well as a protein meal bar from Special K (10g Protein, 170 Calories, 5g Fiber). 




Its all over-whelming but have to start somewhere, no matter how nervous or crazy I feel. 
Well I am out everyone I need to choke down the rest of this shake! *Kisses*


If anyone has maybe some other ideas on Protein shakes or bars I will be greatful.

Well I have 24LBS to lose and mom has 14, right now we have no idea how to start a diet. We keep telling ourselves we have six months to lose it, but we also have six months to quit smoking. Its going to be really hard! You smoke you don't eat, you don't smoke you eat everything in sight. Well at least we have come up with two realistic goal weights, I actually have two I want to reach a goal that I can really achieve and then I want to try to do the impossible! I want to lose the pounds everyone thinks is out of my range... I will never make that weight because I'm a big girl and no matter how much weight I lose I will always be big or so my fiance tells me... I have goals and such I want to achieve and at this weight it is never going to happen... but where do I start to lose these 24lbs and shrink my liver... I want to be able to have this surgery in september I want it to be a six month struggle I want to prove to the ney sayers... 


At the seminar we got to talk with the nutrionist and I told her that I don't really eat breakfast, and rarely eat lunch so I make up for it at dinner time, so she has suggested that I start using protien shakes for those two meals I am not really sure where to get them or how much they are going to cost... I have gotten a few sugesstions but not a whole lot of feedback on that... *Le sigh*

 Well mom and I finally made it to the seminar, it went well we met all the staff and made our apps for the next 6 months. I need to lose 24lbs before I have surgery and mom needs to lose 14.... I'm excited for the next step on my new journey. I have also decided to go with the VSG, and I think mom is on board for that one as well. I will write more later. super tired.

November was the last time I scheduled myself for the seminar, but next month on the 6th I have called and registered for it. My mother will be along with me! We are going to see this through.

  I'm going to keep it....The FH (Future Hubby) Told me if I don't make an effort in the right step by the end of this year we are calling off the wedding and our relationship till I get on track. This is the first time I have ever felt true love and that I am worth something. Even though he loves his women with extra padding, he sees what its doing to me and he doesn't want to have to say goodbye if I pass away from all this weight... Now that is a true man for you! I love him so much so I am determined to make this work, make and effort, and loss this weight forever!!!!! 

Well mom and I had to miss the Seminar...at the last minute our ride cancelled on us, just hope we can reregister for the next one...I kind of thought maybe it was a sign that I am not meant to be thin, but I have to get that out of my mind and just go for it!
The next seminar is next week hopefully I can find someone who will def take my mother and I... or I can just wait until december and set up Medical transportation they need at least 3-5 days in advance not counting the day I call and set it up...For some reason everyone thinks I changed my mind about the surgery... not sure why that is.

The seminar is getting closer and I am so excited, well my mother and I are so excited... I decided I want to get the RNY done but people around me are trying to make me change my mind. "are you sure you want to do that? So many people die from that! There is no going back after you do it! just get the lapband! the lapband, the lap band the lap band" Look people I have decided on what I want and I don't think I am going to change my mind... I'm just nervous about having a lot of saggy skin.

I am extremely excited right now!!! My mother and I finally scheduled our seminar for November 17 so we are on our way. I am super excited after I got off the phone with the lady who registered me for the seminar  a big smile lit up my face. We are on our way loser's bench!!!

I have been talking to my mother the past couple of days about this journey and she seems to be on board with it... We have decided to do the surgery together, and I am glad I will not have to do it alone and neither will she! I'm going to call monday and get us registered for the seminar and move on from there. I have been giving her all the myths and facts that I have learned online....So hopefully she will not flake out... But I doubt she will because she has grandchildren that need her so it will be saving her life and mine... I am so happy that we are in this together!

Well I spent the last week and a half in the hospital for an asthma attack that was just too outrageous! My stay in the hospital left my body so sore its hard to sleep or even sit still... My chest hurts, my shoulders hurt, back and even places I never thought would hurt. lol..... 

   I didn't want to be in the hospital anyways I just thought they would give me a couple Nebulizer treatments and send me on my way, they gave me some treatments and nothing was clearing it up. Thats what you call a damn shame! So I get admitted the weigh me and I find out the harsh reality that I had gained 40lbs in like 3 months....YIKES... I'm 470 big super sized mammoth pounds.... You know what it didnt even make me cry I kind of figured as much. The thing that really broke my spirit was how the nurses talked to me. Ok yes I'm a big girl and hygene should be high on every big persons priority, but when it was hella out in the hospital room...I'm sweating all night trying to sleep I'm going to be a little funky in the morning! Mind you they need a Dr's order to let you shower.... But for a NA (Nurses Assistant) to come out of her mouth and tell me I stink and you can smell me in the hallway when I ask if I can get somethings to wash up with is completely uncalled for!!!! Don't they teach you etiquette  in Nursing school???? That should be like a number one rule or something like that, She had me in tears I sat in the bathroom for an hour washing because I felt so nasty... and Cried 30 mins of that hour. Top it all off a Nurse not a NA or a CNA an actual RN had the nerve to say " I know your not happy being fat. Who could possibly be happy" Actually Bitch I am happy! It took me a long time to get happy and now that I got sick a few times I need to change being fat and try to love the idea of me being thin. Man I have to start my whole way of thinking over.... not just the way I eat....BUt How I see myself.