NewMe2Be72

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Oh my GOSH!  Just got off the phone with my surgeons office.  Friday my 6 month requirements were sent in to my insurance which were received and accepted.  This wednesday I have a nutrition class 8-10 Nut appt @ 12.  Appt with my surgeon at 1 and a pulmonary function test at 2:30.  Trying desperately to get a psych eval done that day as well either some time between 10 and 12 or after 3.  If so, and it all get sent in and approved.. needs to be done before July 1st, new deductible period.  My surgeons office said if we can get the psych eval. done that day... and they send it in right away.. my surgery could be sometime June 25, 26 or 27!  YAY!! and
Need prayers that this all works out!!

P.S if you are wondering... why so much in one day?? Because I am 2 hours away from my surgeons office and hospital where the surgery will be. 

added June 5, 2012

The psych eval was set up right after... 3:30-5! YAY!! Just needing those thoughts and prayers that insurance accepts!! I cannot imagine that I could possibly get this surgery the end of this month!! 

Here I am... I CANNOT DO IT ON MY OWN!  It has gotten so out of hand!  Starting over.. I do have a different insurance, trying something new.. Looking into the vertical sleeve.  I PRAY TO GOD that this insurance pays more!  The last insurance didnt pay much at all.. I was looking at over 20K up front.  (RNY)  I have called my insurance and I had started the 6 month diet.. (which hopefully goes back a few months)  I will be talking to the case manager nurse on Monday 5/14 to get the ball going.  I am so incredibly DESPERATE!  I am sick of spending an arm and a leg just to get clothes that half way fit.. sick of being worthless to my 4 year old.  (that breaks my heart!)  Sick of generally not being able to move.. it is starting to affect my job :(
Prayers desperately needed!

I dont know what happened.. I sort of lost sight of my goal.  I have gained almost 18 lbs in just a few months...  That is a HELLUVA lot!!  All I see is a pig at a trough... never ending feeding.. and yet, that isnt what happened.. I pretty much ate normally.. except... somehow dropped all my water... added seconds.. maybe 3rds to my meals.. just the extra calories.. in a day, more than I needed... sigh...I have brought myself that much further away from my goal to have another child.   it saddens me.. (the goodies during the holidays did not help)
I miss the ladies that I used to talk to on here.. but, I come on... and check out the over 50 group.. and complete jealousy and overwhelming saddness comes over me... If I had the surgery, I would probably be within reach of my goal now. 
I just have to figure out how to refocus myself.. start over... I think the biggest thing that saddens me the most.. I have little to no support anymore.  My husband just goes with the flow... my family all they seem to do is critisize me... for noticing that I havent lost and that I have 'probably' gained. (which I have)  The weight gain and complete struggling.. is overwhelmingly depressing!!  I thank God that I have my 3 year old to keep that dim light still lit.  Now if I can only fan that dim light and grow it into a burning flame............

*for those that followed up on my dad... He is now stage 4 colon cancer... Well he was technically stage 4 when they found cancer in his small intestine... but, now it has moved to one of his lungs and in his liver.  They let him have a few months of chemo off.. which have been wonderful.. you tend to forget that he has cancer.. For the first time in years we had a WONDERFUL Christmas.. at my parents home.. and not in a hospital.   They are looking into starting him back up on the chemo... something different then the last since he had a reaction to the last one.  Just please keep my dad in your continual prayers! Thank you!

I actually started writing in here while I was in the hospital, got side tracked by my hubby calling me, and somehow lost the connection.  I did gain about 12 lbs with IV fluid.. as of the beggining of this week... I believe I got it down to 342.6.  I havent weighed myself since.  It was done Lap.  I have 7 booboos  (as my son calls them, as well as he likes to count them lol) including the one for the drain, which was taken out Tuesday, 2 days ago.  The first several days were pure hell.. so hard to move around.  Getting up and down.. and walking in slow motion around the house.. I'd have to say that getting into bed is the worst! Today (thursday) was the first time that I was able to get out of bed by myself, without help. My husband went back to work on Tuesday, so far, my son and I are doing fairly well, I have a 20 lb weight restriction and he is about 40 lbs. Which means mommy cant pick him up and hold him.  He cuddles next to me on the couch.  Mommy hasnt left him out... He is my 'dr. mason'.  (Big helper)  Helped me get things off the floor, and even once helped me put my jammie pants on, lol.  He feels important.
I back go in on Mar 31st to get the rest of my stiches out.   

~*~ Happy St. Patricks Day! ~*~
   
I came in here to blog about a few things... For those that were praying for my dad... and wondering about updates... He is now stage 4 colon cancer.. he will be starting chemo April 12th.. which happens to be his birthday..

I struggled in the 350's for awhile during the time my dad was diagnosed... finally made it thru.. now I am struggling to get out of the 40's. 

ALSO... I go in for a hernia repair surgery tomorrow.  They are hoping to do it laproscopically... but, my weight may hinder that.. also.. due to my weight.. they want to keep me overnight to monitor me.  I am scared.. I have never had surgery.. although I have had a DNC done.. but, never cut open.  So.. please pray for no complications and that everything will look good so I can go home on Friday. I will update as soon as I can. 

Just some things that I need to 'get out'.   This is one of many days that I wish I could cut off my belly!  *no... I would never literally do that... just.. wish I could*  Once or twice a week my husband I take my son to mcdonalds.  We may get 3 happy meals, I usually eat the apples out of one of them so it feels like I am eating with everyone else and my husband and I get a coffee,  then we watch my son play on the big ole jungle gym. Why is that people think I am either blind or deaf?  I can hear whispers that they make.. I can see the disgusted look on their face.  Those things hit the very fiber of my soul... I am sorry if I disgust you.. I even had one mom... Well, my son went up to play with her son.. he is so friendly and out going.. she instantly came up to her son and said, 'lets go play over here instead'... Dont do this to my son... I'm sorry that you dont like me, but, it hurts me!  Every Thursday I take one of the people that I work with (I work with mentally handicapped adults.. teaching them things like life skills, etc)  to Walmart.  I usually push their cart for them.. they put things in their cart such as a bag of miniature candybars... or the discounted bakery, etc.  I ALWAYS get the ugly look over!!  It isnt my imagination.  Then they look in the cart..
I have never in my life.. until this past year or so... EVER felt so much like a circus freak!  I have always been overweight.. people my casually look at me.. but, for the most part, I dont think that I really stood out, the way I do now. 
My husband and I took separate cars today to mcdonalds, I met him there after work.. when I was leaving.. I couldnt get out of the parking lot before the tears started to flow!  PLEASE God, Help me to lose this weight!  I am sooooo DONE with it!  I am so done with the ugly painful looks!
Dont know if anyone reads my 'blogs' anymore the way they did before when I thought I was able to get the surgery... just... perhaps getting it out in words on this screen does help release it... just getting it off my chest...

Wow.. been way too long since I posted in here.. so much has happened!  I have been maintaining in the low 350's.   A month ago, my dad found out he had colon cancer.  three weeks ago he went in to have a tumor removed and 5 lymph nodes removed.  All 5 have cancer in them.    He is still in the hospital, hoping that he can go home Saturday.  He needs to get strong so he can start chemo and radiation treatments.  It has been a really ROUGH month!  I am hoping that I can get back on track.  

I am dealing with what I am making for my 2 year old.. I want that instead of what I make for myself.... not journaling and not quite getting enough water in.

Please... keep my dad in your prayers... These next few months are going to be really hard on both my mom and dad.   I hope my next post brings better news.

I skipped a week... I was ashamed because I actually gained 1.8 lbs!
I know that I missed a good 4 days of my water pills, + I didnt drink all my water.   So, I decided to weigh again on Thursday... according to the scales.. I lost 4.6 lbs!  Then today I weighed myself and lost another 3 lbs!  that is a total of 7.6 lbs this week! WOW!
Not to mention that I am 2 and a half months smoke free! 
AND... Last night I had the BEST NSV moment.... I can wear my wedding rings! WHOO HOO!  I will be measuring today.. I'll come back to post the results. 
Oh... that is a total of 24.8 lbs!

eta: Was measured and the results are: a loss of 21 3/4 inches! YAY!

I missed a few weeks!  I lost 5.2 last week, this week I lost 3.8 lbs... bringing the total to 19 lbs lost in one month!  Not only that.. but, I measured my neck, upper arms, my chest (under the breasts), biggest part of my stomach(which is the lower stomach),thighs, calves, ankles.. and wrists.  I lost a total of 16 inches in the one month!  I have noticed that I can wear my seatbelt a little more comfortably.  I am shocked at myself for drinking about 70 oz. of water a day... before I started there was zero water intake! Oh.. and tomorrow marks 2 months smoke free..

eta:  370's gone FOREVER!

Well.. this is week two.  I stepped on the scale and only lost 1.4 lbs!  At least I didnt gain.. just bugs me!  My only guess is that this past weekend I was mega stressed.  I had to do mid month paperwork and was told friday that I had to re-do all of last months paperwork.  ALL I did was sit and write and write and write.. for HOURS each day! UGGHHHH!  No real excercise, Did not journal my food either.. I did follow my moms "menu" that she likes to make for me.. but, without journaling... how do I not know that I ate too many extra calories for snacks?  I should be happy in one sense... I have lost a total of 9.4 lbs in two weeks!   That is almost 5 lbs a week!  Give or take.  Not bad considering that the average for non WLS person is 1-3 lbs.  Next week WILL be better! I have FAITH in myself! This is just a lil bump in the road.  Thats all.. right?

P.S  Tomorrow will be 6 weeks since my last cigg!  YAY!