Puttingme1st
First 50 lbs!!!
Jun 26, 2012
Yesterday June 25, 2012 made me officially 6 weeks post op and I am officially down 50 lbs (21 pre-op and 29 in 6 weeks). (I don't do the tenths of a pound because my scale tends to be off +/- .4) I am pretty excited about that, but it comes with mixed reviews! When I was pre-op I gave myself 3 months to lose 50 pounds and thought that was pushing it so to be 1.5 months out and to be down 50 pounds really is amazing...BUT...I have been in a sort of stall for weeks and that has been really frustrating especially with the little amount that I am eating! The first 40 something pounds flew off and then NOTHING! That was enough to drive me crazy! I only weigh on Mondays now because during the stall I was getting way too frustrated and upset watching the numbers not move, but I think not watching the scale has been good for me and yesterday was my first lost in a while and I was pretty relieved! I keep double checking the calculator to make sure it's REALLY 50 lbs gone! I'm afraid to get back on the scale and find out I've been reading it wrong or something! 
My co-workers are noticing the difference, my boyfriend noticed the difference immediately...especially just how differently I feel in his arms! That made me smile! It's nice for people to tell you you look good or to notice the change so I focused on that during that stupid stall! My clothes are fitting very differently, my face looks different in pictures...I love it!
I finally went back to my trainer and I've lost a lot of strength during my time off...not happy about that, but ready to get back to work and get back in the gym more regularly. But so far so good! The first 50 is GONE! GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!
Stay tuned....
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My co-workers are noticing the difference, my boyfriend noticed the difference immediately...especially just how differently I feel in his arms! That made me smile! It's nice for people to tell you you look good or to notice the change so I focused on that during that stupid stall! My clothes are fitting very differently, my face looks different in pictures...I love it!
I finally went back to my trainer and I've lost a lot of strength during my time off...not happy about that, but ready to get back to work and get back in the gym more regularly. But so far so good! The first 50 is GONE! GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!
Stay tuned....
5 weeks Post Op
Jun 19, 2012
Ok...it's been a while! I've had a lot going on in my life so I haven't been as diligent with updating as I should and until things settle down I can't promise I'll be any better...but I will try!
Good news first! 5 weeks post op 48 pounds down...(21 pre-op 27 pounds in 5 weeks since surgery including a 2+ week stall) My clothes fit differently, my face looks differently and I'm loving the changes so far!
I'm finally "eating"! And when I first started my 2 week pre-op diet I thought that when I finally had a chance to type those words I would be so thrilled and it would be such a relief, but it's not. The surgery has thoroughly and completely taken all of the enjoyment out of eating! I'm NEVER hungry and I haven't mastered the art of the small bite/chewing things beyond an inch of its existence/slow eating and all of that combined makes eating more of an uncomfortable headache than the enjoyable experience it used to be! I'm finally eating to live...eating simply because I have to...and I have to say that it kinda sucks!
It would probably suck a lot less if I wasn't trapped in a stall! The scale has barely moved so it hardly makes all of the "not eating" seem worth it! But I know that I've had incredible success so far, but based on how strongly I came out of the gate I really thought that I would be down 50 lbs already...but I'm trying to slow myself down and be patient! I have so much to lose it's unrealistic for me to be rushing this process along.
Because I have yet to master the proper eating technique eating is EXTREMELY uncomfortable...all the things that you read on here about what can happen if you don't eat properly are TRUE!!!! I'm still learning all of the intricacies of my new tummy and can't wait until I master it! My surgeon's PA told me I have about one more month until things will feel a lot better...I can't wait! I'm still a couple weeks from yoga and real strength training, but I'm going back to my trainer today (gulp!) and trying to burst through the stall wall! Until next time...
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Good news first! 5 weeks post op 48 pounds down...(21 pre-op 27 pounds in 5 weeks since surgery including a 2+ week stall) My clothes fit differently, my face looks differently and I'm loving the changes so far!
I'm finally "eating"! And when I first started my 2 week pre-op diet I thought that when I finally had a chance to type those words I would be so thrilled and it would be such a relief, but it's not. The surgery has thoroughly and completely taken all of the enjoyment out of eating! I'm NEVER hungry and I haven't mastered the art of the small bite/chewing things beyond an inch of its existence/slow eating and all of that combined makes eating more of an uncomfortable headache than the enjoyable experience it used to be! I'm finally eating to live...eating simply because I have to...and I have to say that it kinda sucks!
It would probably suck a lot less if I wasn't trapped in a stall! The scale has barely moved so it hardly makes all of the "not eating" seem worth it! But I know that I've had incredible success so far, but based on how strongly I came out of the gate I really thought that I would be down 50 lbs already...but I'm trying to slow myself down and be patient! I have so much to lose it's unrealistic for me to be rushing this process along.
Because I have yet to master the proper eating technique eating is EXTREMELY uncomfortable...all the things that you read on here about what can happen if you don't eat properly are TRUE!!!! I'm still learning all of the intricacies of my new tummy and can't wait until I master it! My surgeon's PA told me I have about one more month until things will feel a lot better...I can't wait! I'm still a couple weeks from yoga and real strength training, but I'm going back to my trainer today (gulp!) and trying to burst through the stall wall! Until next time...
2 Weeks Post Op....
May 27, 2012
Tomorrow I will officially be 2 weeks post op. I can't believe it! The time has gone by so fast! I go back to work on Tuesday and I'm excited about that because I'm starting to get a little stir crazy. So here's been my experience in the last 2 weeks...
Surprisingly, everything has been so much easier than I thought it would be pre-op! I've been on clear liquids plus protein shakes with milk since being home. And thanks to my complete and utter lack of hunger...not eating has been no problem! I've been to social events and around people eating even some of my favorite foods and have had no urge to eat. It's the strangest feeling in the entire world to me. It's almost foreign to not want to eat something almost every free minute of the day. I can smell great food, see great food even buy yummy food and have had absolutely no desire to eat. It's so bizarre! I'm supposed to be getting in 64 oz of fluid and that has been hard. The small sipping is driving me CRAZY!!!! I'm used to drinking close to 100 o z of water every day so I never thought it would be hard to get in 64 oz, but the sipping is admittedly tedious, but it is absolutely necessary...I tried a few big swallows and that was very uncomfortable...as advertised! So far everything I have found everything that everyone told me pre-op to be true! Beyond the sipping issue...everything has been great. My pain level has been minimal (mostly muscle soreness) and the weight seems to be falling off to the point that it's a little scary, but I know that everything will slow down once I'm able to incorporate more calories. At 10 days post op I was down 37 pounds total. 21 from the pre-op diet and 16 pounds in the 10 days since surgery. I have been on the scale since then, but I have decided I'm going to try to minimize my time on the scale and I will only do "official" weigh ins on Mondays or at the doctor's office!
Psychologically I feel AMAZING!! I feel happier and more "energetic" (kinda). I feel great every morning! However after an hour or so of activity (shopping, socializing, running errands, whatever) I'm pretty tired. By the end of the day I'm exhausted! I know that this is direct reflection of eating nothing and not drinking enough calories to sustain my energy level throughout the day. I also know that this will improve as time goes on! So...my first 2 weeks have been pretty good.
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Surprisingly, everything has been so much easier than I thought it would be pre-op! I've been on clear liquids plus protein shakes with milk since being home. And thanks to my complete and utter lack of hunger...not eating has been no problem! I've been to social events and around people eating even some of my favorite foods and have had no urge to eat. It's the strangest feeling in the entire world to me. It's almost foreign to not want to eat something almost every free minute of the day. I can smell great food, see great food even buy yummy food and have had absolutely no desire to eat. It's so bizarre! I'm supposed to be getting in 64 oz of fluid and that has been hard. The small sipping is driving me CRAZY!!!! I'm used to drinking close to 100 o z of water every day so I never thought it would be hard to get in 64 oz, but the sipping is admittedly tedious, but it is absolutely necessary...I tried a few big swallows and that was very uncomfortable...as advertised! So far everything I have found everything that everyone told me pre-op to be true! Beyond the sipping issue...everything has been great. My pain level has been minimal (mostly muscle soreness) and the weight seems to be falling off to the point that it's a little scary, but I know that everything will slow down once I'm able to incorporate more calories. At 10 days post op I was down 37 pounds total. 21 from the pre-op diet and 16 pounds in the 10 days since surgery. I have been on the scale since then, but I have decided I'm going to try to minimize my time on the scale and I will only do "official" weigh ins on Mondays or at the doctor's office!
Psychologically I feel AMAZING!! I feel happier and more "energetic" (kinda). I feel great every morning! However after an hour or so of activity (shopping, socializing, running errands, whatever) I'm pretty tired. By the end of the day I'm exhausted! I know that this is direct reflection of eating nothing and not drinking enough calories to sustain my energy level throughout the day. I also know that this will improve as time goes on! So...my first 2 weeks have been pretty good.
Sleeved and Home...
May 21, 2012
My first night home wasn't great. The pain meds made me throw up and that was pretty painful and awful, but luckily that was the only night of the that. My first full day home was ok...It wasn't until the next day when the gas pains got REALLY bad that I ever felt really really uncomfortable. The gas was rolling around to my back and there was nothing I could do, but wait for it to subside.
My surgeon said to aim for 64 oz of fluid and 50+ gms of protein. Sipping water made the gas move around so it was like torture, but I had to do what I had to do! After those first couple of days I started to feel better and better. My surgeon uses an On Q pain catheter and I think that helped a lot. I didn't need that much pain medication. My main issue was some muscular soreness on the right side of my largest incision. It made getting up from the couch and bed extremely painful, but not unbearable. My boyfriend did the majority of the work...pulling me up and supporting me when I laid down. I still couldn't lay on my side so I just couldn't get comfortable. My bowels finally woke up and I'm surprised that I haven't had any major problems in that arena...at least not yet.
It's frustrating sipping 64 oz of water...I just want to grab the bottle and gulp and it down, but that's just not possible. I have no hunger AT ALL!!! I haven't even taken advantage of the SF jello or popsicles that the Nut allows. By the time I finish my water and protein I'm done for the day! I've only had 8 oz of broth since I've been home. It's completely crazy to have no appetite, no hunger and no food. I definitely have been having head hunger..I've been craving tomatoes for some reason, but I can't imagine eating anything right now. Besides...my surgeon told me he was keeping me on liquids for 3 weeks. I'm already one week down and it doesn't seem like 3 is going to be all that difficult...but check back with me next week!
I feel AMAZING one week out. It's hard for me to believe that I had surgery a week ago. The pain catheter is out...I'm pretty much off the pain meds. Walking is no problem...nothing really is. I do get tired really really easily! And by the end of the day I just want to go to bed. But during the day my energy is good, my body feels good and I can tell I've lost weight. I'm trying not to get on the scale officially until my follow up appointment on Thursday, but it's hard because I can tell that I've definitely lost something and I just really want to know! But I'll update that info soon enough! I don't want to become obsessed with the number on the scale.
So far I have no regrets. I have yet to have buyer's remorse and I'm hoping this continues to feel as good as it does now! Stay tuned...
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My surgeon said to aim for 64 oz of fluid and 50+ gms of protein. Sipping water made the gas move around so it was like torture, but I had to do what I had to do! After those first couple of days I started to feel better and better. My surgeon uses an On Q pain catheter and I think that helped a lot. I didn't need that much pain medication. My main issue was some muscular soreness on the right side of my largest incision. It made getting up from the couch and bed extremely painful, but not unbearable. My boyfriend did the majority of the work...pulling me up and supporting me when I laid down. I still couldn't lay on my side so I just couldn't get comfortable. My bowels finally woke up and I'm surprised that I haven't had any major problems in that arena...at least not yet.
It's frustrating sipping 64 oz of water...I just want to grab the bottle and gulp and it down, but that's just not possible. I have no hunger AT ALL!!! I haven't even taken advantage of the SF jello or popsicles that the Nut allows. By the time I finish my water and protein I'm done for the day! I've only had 8 oz of broth since I've been home. It's completely crazy to have no appetite, no hunger and no food. I definitely have been having head hunger..I've been craving tomatoes for some reason, but I can't imagine eating anything right now. Besides...my surgeon told me he was keeping me on liquids for 3 weeks. I'm already one week down and it doesn't seem like 3 is going to be all that difficult...but check back with me next week!
I feel AMAZING one week out. It's hard for me to believe that I had surgery a week ago. The pain catheter is out...I'm pretty much off the pain meds. Walking is no problem...nothing really is. I do get tired really really easily! And by the end of the day I just want to go to bed. But during the day my energy is good, my body feels good and I can tell I've lost weight. I'm trying not to get on the scale officially until my follow up appointment on Thursday, but it's hard because I can tell that I've definitely lost something and I just really want to know! But I'll update that info soon enough! I don't want to become obsessed with the number on the scale.
So far I have no regrets. I have yet to have buyer's remorse and I'm hoping this continues to feel as good as it does now! Stay tuned...
Final days of Pre-op and Surgery Day...
May 21, 2012
It's been a while since I last posted because I kept putting it off saying that I wanted to include this and that event in my next post and then I look up and it's one week post-op. So I guess I should back up and I should apologize, in advance, for another lengthy couple of posts!
The pre-op diet was difficult, but successful. On the day of surgery I weighed in at 301.0 which represented a total loss of 21 pounds. I was completely astounded. My personal goal was to be under 300 pounds, but I was very pleased with the 301. I won't pretend that I was perfect during the pre-op diet and that I didn't eat things that I shouldn't have, but I struggled, slipped, and kept my commitment to the pre-op diet. I never gave up even though at times I failed, but I'm proud of myself for doing what I could to stick to the plan and ultimately it paid off. My surgeon wanted me to lose 20 pounds pre-surgery and I hit that mark!
Literally one week before surgery I got the worst cold. I called the surgeon's office and they told me that as long as I didn't get a fever or a persistent cough then my surgeon would be unlikely to postpone! I was doing everything in my power to get rid of that dang cold. I was googling home remedies, cold medicine, nasal spray....anything I could think of...that damn cold hang on for a whole week.
The morning of surgery I went to the hospital not knowing whether the surgery would go forward, but there was something in me that knew that if it was postponed there was a chance that I might not go forward. The week leading up to that surgery I was terrified. I had never had surgery before. I was scared of possible risks and complications. I was scared to change my whole life. I have been overweight my entire life...on some level it became a part of my identity. I wasn't sure who I would be without the weight and that scared me. I was scared for my relationship...this man fell in love with me the way I was...he loved me the way I was...he was attracted to the woman I was...will he feel the same way about the woman I will become? I had so many fears and I have been known to let those fears drive my choices and I just knew that if May 14th wasn't the date...it probably would never happen.
The surgery went forward...I was terrified! My blood pressure that morning was 204/98. My body was showing my fear. My boyfriend and I arrived at the hospital and everything went exactly as everyone had informed that it would. I kissed him goodbye, hugged my sister and they wheeled me into the OR...I moved over to the operating table, they told me they put "something" in my IV that was going to make me sleepy...the next thing I know I woke up in recovery. There was a tube in my throat that was making me gag and that caused me so much pain. They finally took the tube out and I was able to relax. And pretty much slept until they wheeled me into my room where I met up with my family. the pain wasn't unbearable, but I was definitely not comfortable. I couldn't lay on my side, which is customary for me, so I couldn't get comfortable. Then the gas pains started. I had read about it, but I had no clue what to expect. It was VERY painful and so uncomfortable. I slept off an on until the evening when they got me up to start walking around which wasn't too difficult...except for getting up out of the bed.
The next morning I felt worlds better. I finally got to check out my scars in the mirror which weren't bad at all. I had my leak test which was gross! The doctor came to see me, told me that I was doing great, that they could take the JP drain out and I could go home if I was able to tolerate the fluids. They brought my first tray and water and it went down ok so it was time to go home!! So far things were about what I expected.
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The pre-op diet was difficult, but successful. On the day of surgery I weighed in at 301.0 which represented a total loss of 21 pounds. I was completely astounded. My personal goal was to be under 300 pounds, but I was very pleased with the 301. I won't pretend that I was perfect during the pre-op diet and that I didn't eat things that I shouldn't have, but I struggled, slipped, and kept my commitment to the pre-op diet. I never gave up even though at times I failed, but I'm proud of myself for doing what I could to stick to the plan and ultimately it paid off. My surgeon wanted me to lose 20 pounds pre-surgery and I hit that mark!
Literally one week before surgery I got the worst cold. I called the surgeon's office and they told me that as long as I didn't get a fever or a persistent cough then my surgeon would be unlikely to postpone! I was doing everything in my power to get rid of that dang cold. I was googling home remedies, cold medicine, nasal spray....anything I could think of...that damn cold hang on for a whole week.
The morning of surgery I went to the hospital not knowing whether the surgery would go forward, but there was something in me that knew that if it was postponed there was a chance that I might not go forward. The week leading up to that surgery I was terrified. I had never had surgery before. I was scared of possible risks and complications. I was scared to change my whole life. I have been overweight my entire life...on some level it became a part of my identity. I wasn't sure who I would be without the weight and that scared me. I was scared for my relationship...this man fell in love with me the way I was...he loved me the way I was...he was attracted to the woman I was...will he feel the same way about the woman I will become? I had so many fears and I have been known to let those fears drive my choices and I just knew that if May 14th wasn't the date...it probably would never happen.
The surgery went forward...I was terrified! My blood pressure that morning was 204/98. My body was showing my fear. My boyfriend and I arrived at the hospital and everything went exactly as everyone had informed that it would. I kissed him goodbye, hugged my sister and they wheeled me into the OR...I moved over to the operating table, they told me they put "something" in my IV that was going to make me sleepy...the next thing I know I woke up in recovery. There was a tube in my throat that was making me gag and that caused me so much pain. They finally took the tube out and I was able to relax. And pretty much slept until they wheeled me into my room where I met up with my family. the pain wasn't unbearable, but I was definitely not comfortable. I couldn't lay on my side, which is customary for me, so I couldn't get comfortable. Then the gas pains started. I had read about it, but I had no clue what to expect. It was VERY painful and so uncomfortable. I slept off an on until the evening when they got me up to start walking around which wasn't too difficult...except for getting up out of the bed.
The next morning I felt worlds better. I finally got to check out my scars in the mirror which weren't bad at all. I had my leak test which was gross! The doctor came to see me, told me that I was doing great, that they could take the JP drain out and I could go home if I was able to tolerate the fluids. They brought my first tray and water and it went down ok so it was time to go home!! So far things were about what I expected.
Getting Really Real!!
May 03, 2012
Ok...yesterday was my final pre-op appointment with both my surgeon and the Nut! I have to say that I really do love my surgeon and I'm really glad I chose him. He has a comforting way about him which I find important for an elective surgery. But the thing I find most comforting is that he is confident without being cocky. Professional and knowledgeable without being condescending and he even brought a little levity to the table which I needed...because my nerves were shot! I've had very bad experiences with doctors in the past and it's nice to have a change of pace. I have to say that while my journey has been uber fast (8 days from surgical consult to insurance approval than another month to surgery!) everyone I've encountered with my surgeon's office and the hospital where I'm having surgery has been great so far! (Be sure to check back for a post-op update on this info!)
The Nut was first and I was super prepared (as always...part of my personality)...she walked me through appropriate post op food choices, a sample mushy menu, and even how best to schedule my day (eating and drinking wise). It was very helpful and she even answered all of the extra questions I had. It definitely put me at ease because I had a lot of anxiety about doing everything "right".
The surgeon was next...went over and verified all of my pre-op testing...walked me through the VERY long list of risks and took me step by step through what to expect on my surgery day. He gave me 4 post op prescriptions (pain, reflux, gall bladder and something that's escaping me right now) and told me one would be mailed to my house. Then he dropped the bomb on me...3 weeks of clear liquids post op...let me say that again...3 WEEKS OF CLEAR LIQUIDS
Not what I was expecting but hey I'm a big girl (pun kind of intended) so I'll do what I have to do! After that he asked me if I had any questions...stayed and answered them all...asked me if I was ready...I asked him if he was ready...my part is kinda easy! I told him that I was coming to the hospital alive and semi-healthy on surgery day and expect to leave that way! He laughed and reassured me!
One great thing about this visit I met two of his post-op patients. One that was one week post op and another who was almost a year out. It was great to talk to them and have them encourage me and wish me luck. I'm very anxious, but I'm also ready!!! I have so much more to say, but this is already too long! Until next time! (Oh yeah...I'm on day 4 of the pre-op diet...it is tough, but semi-manageable!)
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The Nut was first and I was super prepared (as always...part of my personality)...she walked me through appropriate post op food choices, a sample mushy menu, and even how best to schedule my day (eating and drinking wise). It was very helpful and she even answered all of the extra questions I had. It definitely put me at ease because I had a lot of anxiety about doing everything "right".
The surgeon was next...went over and verified all of my pre-op testing...walked me through the VERY long list of risks and took me step by step through what to expect on my surgery day. He gave me 4 post op prescriptions (pain, reflux, gall bladder and something that's escaping me right now) and told me one would be mailed to my house. Then he dropped the bomb on me...3 weeks of clear liquids post op...let me say that again...3 WEEKS OF CLEAR LIQUIDS
Not what I was expecting but hey I'm a big girl (pun kind of intended) so I'll do what I have to do! After that he asked me if I had any questions...stayed and answered them all...asked me if I was ready...I asked him if he was ready...my part is kinda easy! I told him that I was coming to the hospital alive and semi-healthy on surgery day and expect to leave that way! He laughed and reassured me! One great thing about this visit I met two of his post-op patients. One that was one week post op and another who was almost a year out. It was great to talk to them and have them encourage me and wish me luck. I'm very anxious, but I'm also ready!!! I have so much more to say, but this is already too long! Until next time! (Oh yeah...I'm on day 4 of the pre-op diet...it is tough, but semi-manageable!)
Less than 3 weeks before and Surprisingly Healthy!?!
Apr 24, 2012
I have completed all of my pre-op blood work and the medical clearance from my PCP and shockingly everything is completely normal. I haven't had a physical since 2010 and back then everything was pretty normal as well, but as I detailed in my background I lost my mother the day after Christmas 2010 and ate my way through my grief one drive thru at a time during 2011. So I definitely anticipated, at a minimum, my cholesterol would be high, but it wasn't! At 300+ pounds I am not diabetic, don't have sleep apnea or high cholesterol or any real significant health problems...I am shockingly "healthy" for someone my size! I think it even surprised my doctors. But I'm no fool...I know that it's just a matter of time before being this heavy starts to take a major toll on my body and my health. Better to tackle it now rather than waiting for it to become a real problem!
I'm less than 3 weeks out and the anxiety continues to build. I'm trying to focus on getting the things I need to be prepared when I come home, but I also know that no matter how much I prepare there will inevitably be something I need or something I didn't account for and I'm trying to accept that as a fact and not freak out too much. My goal to lose 23 pounds pre-op (I want to be under 300 for surgery so that I hit one-derland and 100 pounds loss at the same time) is going well. My last doctor visit I had lost 8 pounds in about 6 days and I was very pleased...I go back to the doctor on Friday so I'll see what the progress is looking like then. I start my 2 week opti fast diet on Monday and I'm starting to get those "last meal" jitters where I want to eat any and everything my heart desires because I know a lot of things will be off limits for a while, but then there's some guilt that comes with that. I definitely think the mental aspect of this whole journey is going to be more than I thought and I also think I may benefit from having someone in my post-op line up to address those things as they arise.
I'm working on keeping these posts short so...I'll check in the next time something exciting happens! I have a few more pre-op appointments this week and my final pre-op with the surgeon next week! (I thought that was a little early, but it's my fault for wanting to schedule multiple appts on the same day to minimize my time off work pre-surgery! The journey continues...
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I'm less than 3 weeks out and the anxiety continues to build. I'm trying to focus on getting the things I need to be prepared when I come home, but I also know that no matter how much I prepare there will inevitably be something I need or something I didn't account for and I'm trying to accept that as a fact and not freak out too much. My goal to lose 23 pounds pre-op (I want to be under 300 for surgery so that I hit one-derland and 100 pounds loss at the same time) is going well. My last doctor visit I had lost 8 pounds in about 6 days and I was very pleased...I go back to the doctor on Friday so I'll see what the progress is looking like then. I start my 2 week opti fast diet on Monday and I'm starting to get those "last meal" jitters where I want to eat any and everything my heart desires because I know a lot of things will be off limits for a while, but then there's some guilt that comes with that. I definitely think the mental aspect of this whole journey is going to be more than I thought and I also think I may benefit from having someone in my post-op line up to address those things as they arise.
I'm working on keeping these posts short so...I'll check in the next time something exciting happens! I have a few more pre-op appointments this week and my final pre-op with the surgeon next week! (I thought that was a little early, but it's my fault for wanting to schedule multiple appts on the same day to minimize my time off work pre-surgery! The journey continues...
Appointments, Protein and Anxiety :-\
Apr 17, 2012
Ok...I'm officially less than one month out from my surgery date. I'm excited, but the anxiety is definitely building! Because I only needed a 5 year weight history for my insurance company I am now running around trying to meet all of the pre-op requirements for my surgeon. I've already had a sleep study, an EGD, an EKG, an abdominal ultrasound, labs, chest X-ray and hospital consultations. I still have appointments with my PCP, my surgeon's nutritionist and the hospital's bariatric department, my psych eval, exercise physiology, a behavioral health specialist and my final pre-op appointment! WHEW!!! But all of my appointments have allowed me to meet different people at the hospital who have had WLS with my surgeon's office to get an in-person perspective from the other side of this journey! Plus it's keeping me busy and not allowing me to focus on my anxiety so in a way it's a blessing!! My surgeon has asked me to try to lose 20 pounds before surgery so I have been focusing on that as well. It's been easier to cut back on things now when I can tell myself, "in a month you won't be able to eat that at all for a while...".
This week I've started trying to incorporate some protein shakes to try to find one I liked...I'm not having the best of luck with that mission. I have always had an aversion to that protein after taste and I'm trying to find a way to make it palatable for me, but I haven't found one yet. I have found that the Nectar brand is not as horrible and can take that pretty well so I'm hoping to work my way through those flavors and find a few that I like. Other than that I know I am going to have to doctor my shakes up...now it's just a matter of finding the recipes that I can enjoy! (If anyone reads this...suggestions are very welcomed!)
As I mentioned...my anxieties have been building. I have a long list of things that I'm worried about, but that's normal for me...I'm a worrier!! My main worries aren't about surviving the surgery and the pain..although I am concerned about both, but I feel like those are not things that I can really do anything about and I have to put that in the hands of my competent medical professionals and God. The thing that seems to consume my thoughts the most is "me after surgery"...the excess skin, what will my body look like, will I like the way I look skinny?? I have never been a "normal size". I have grown accustomed to looking the way I look and I'm concerned that I won't like me "normal". That's never been my reality...I've always been the "big girl". People have always said that I was "pretty"...will I still be if my face is thinner?? My fabulous boyfriend that I mentioned in my last post fell in love with me like this...will he like what he sees when I'm 100+ lbs lighter? Will I still have the womanly curves that I've grown to like? Who will this "new me" be?
***My posts are too long...I'm going to work on that!
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This week I've started trying to incorporate some protein shakes to try to find one I liked...I'm not having the best of luck with that mission. I have always had an aversion to that protein after taste and I'm trying to find a way to make it palatable for me, but I haven't found one yet. I have found that the Nectar brand is not as horrible and can take that pretty well so I'm hoping to work my way through those flavors and find a few that I like. Other than that I know I am going to have to doctor my shakes up...now it's just a matter of finding the recipes that I can enjoy! (If anyone reads this...suggestions are very welcomed!)
As I mentioned...my anxieties have been building. I have a long list of things that I'm worried about, but that's normal for me...I'm a worrier!! My main worries aren't about surviving the surgery and the pain..although I am concerned about both, but I feel like those are not things that I can really do anything about and I have to put that in the hands of my competent medical professionals and God. The thing that seems to consume my thoughts the most is "me after surgery"...the excess skin, what will my body look like, will I like the way I look skinny?? I have never been a "normal size". I have grown accustomed to looking the way I look and I'm concerned that I won't like me "normal". That's never been my reality...I've always been the "big girl". People have always said that I was "pretty"...will I still be if my face is thinner?? My fabulous boyfriend that I mentioned in my last post fell in love with me like this...will he like what he sees when I'm 100+ lbs lighter? Will I still have the womanly curves that I've grown to like? Who will this "new me" be?
***My posts are too long...I'm going to work on that!
This is where MY book begins...
Apr 08, 2012
I am a 32 year old African American woman, with an amazing boyfriend, fantastic friends and a wonderful support system... and for the first time in my life I feel like my life and my future are mine to decide...on my own terms. Up until now I have lived and made a lot of decisions for other people and for the benefit of others and for the first time I am making a decision just because it is something that I want and that's just for me!
As you may guess from where I am posting this message...the decision for me is weight loss surgery, vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact....which I am scheduled to have on May 14th 2012! I am beyond excited and anxious at the same time. Excited because starting in the 4th grade I've been significantly overweight and other than a few "diet success moments" I have been significantly overweight ever since. I'm extremely anxious because I've never had surgery, never been the hospital, never had any major health problems so that aspect of this decision definitely scares me. But I'm cautiously optimistic and completely prepared to make the changes necessary to make this surgery a success!
I decided to pursue the WLS avenue at the beginning of the year...and this train has been moving full speed ahead! I went to my first seminar on February 27th, my second seminar on March 10th, my first surgical consult on March 22nd and my surgery was approved March 30th!
I had done the research and anticipated a long pre-op journey and could not believe how quickly everything has happened. I have done so much research on all of the options, the statistics, the risks and I'm confident that I'm making the right decision for me and I'm interpreting the speed at which it has all happened as the universe reassuring me that I'm making the right decision and I am going to ride the momentum into my BEST LIFE EVER!!!
I am 5'8" and at my surgical consult on March 22nd I weighed in at 322 pounds. This is the highest weight I've ever been and it is absolutely the highest weight I will ever be. I am looking forward to the future and all of the challenges, personal growth and shrinking that await me on this path...stay tuned!
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As you may guess from where I am posting this message...the decision for me is weight loss surgery, vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact....which I am scheduled to have on May 14th 2012! I am beyond excited and anxious at the same time. Excited because starting in the 4th grade I've been significantly overweight and other than a few "diet success moments" I have been significantly overweight ever since. I'm extremely anxious because I've never had surgery, never been the hospital, never had any major health problems so that aspect of this decision definitely scares me. But I'm cautiously optimistic and completely prepared to make the changes necessary to make this surgery a success!
I decided to pursue the WLS avenue at the beginning of the year...and this train has been moving full speed ahead! I went to my first seminar on February 27th, my second seminar on March 10th, my first surgical consult on March 22nd and my surgery was approved March 30th!
I had done the research and anticipated a long pre-op journey and could not believe how quickly everything has happened. I have done so much research on all of the options, the statistics, the risks and I'm confident that I'm making the right decision for me and I'm interpreting the speed at which it has all happened as the universe reassuring me that I'm making the right decision and I am going to ride the momentum into my BEST LIFE EVER!!! I am 5'8" and at my surgical consult on March 22nd I weighed in at 322 pounds. This is the highest weight I've ever been and it is absolutely the highest weight I will ever be. I am looking forward to the future and all of the challenges, personal growth and shrinking that await me on this path...stay tuned!
