Puttingme1st
Appointments, Protein and Anxiety :-\
Apr 17, 2012
Ok...I'm officially less than one month out from my surgery date. I'm excited, but the anxiety is definitely building! Because I only needed a 5 year weight history for my insurance company I am now running around trying to meet all of the pre-op requirements for my surgeon. I've already had a sleep study, an EGD, an EKG, an abdominal ultrasound, labs, chest X-ray and hospital consultations. I still have appointments with my PCP, my surgeon's nutritionist and the hospital's bariatric department, my psych eval, exercise physiology, a behavioral health specialist and my final pre-op appointment! WHEW!!! But all of my appointments have allowed me to meet different people at the hospital who have had WLS with my surgeon's office to get an in-person perspective from the other side of this journey! Plus it's keeping me busy and not allowing me to focus on my anxiety so in a way it's a blessing!! My surgeon has asked me to try to lose 20 pounds before surgery so I have been focusing on that as well. It's been easier to cut back on things now when I can tell myself, "in a month you won't be able to eat that at all for a while...".This week I've started trying to incorporate some protein shakes to try to find one I liked...I'm not having the best of luck with that mission. I have always had an aversion to that protein after taste and I'm trying to find a way to make it palatable for me, but I haven't found one yet. I have found that the Nectar brand is not as horrible and can take that pretty well so I'm hoping to work my way through those flavors and find a few that I like. Other than that I know I am going to have to doctor my shakes up...now it's just a matter of finding the recipes that I can enjoy! (If anyone reads this...suggestions are very welcomed!)
As I mentioned...my anxieties have been building. I have a long list of things that I'm worried about, but that's normal for me...I'm a worrier!! My main worries aren't about surviving the surgery and the pain..although I am concerned about both, but I feel like those are not things that I can really do anything about and I have to put that in the hands of my competent medical professionals and God. The thing that seems to consume my thoughts the most is "me after surgery"...the excess skin, what will my body look like, will I like the way I look skinny?? I have never been a "normal size". I have grown accustomed to looking the way I look and I'm concerned that I won't like me "normal". That's never been my reality...I've always been the "big girl". People have always said that I was "pretty"...will I still be if my face is thinner?? My fabulous boyfriend that I mentioned in my last post fell in love with me like this...will he like what he sees when I'm 100+ lbs lighter? Will I still have the womanly curves that I've grown to like? Who will this "new me" be?
***My posts are too long...I'm going to work on that!
