Complete Honesty

Jan 18, 2009

This is a cross post in both my profile blog and on the message board. I welcome all comments as I need all the support I can get.   I am guilty. Yep, I though having VSG was the key to thinness. Not so, I have found out. It’s only a tool…a stepping stone that is the actual easiest part. Knowing this and accepting this are two very different things for me. The hard part of this has been undoing 30 plus years of food abuse and admitting that I am not a WLS poster child.   The charts say I am a success. I needed to loose 160lbs to be a BMI of 29. I have achieved half of that. 50% loss of excess weight is successful WLS. But in my heart and mind, I am a failure. I continue to shove the pain and boredom down with my food addiction. I have all but ignored the sleeve rules and feel as though I have never had any surgery.   It has been almost 11 months with no measurable weight loss. In fact, as of today, I have gained back 8lbs. I feel like crying, but no tears are there because I don’t want to spend anymore time crying and feeling sorry for myself. During this time, I have dropped 2 pants sizes. That must mean something positive is still happening. And forgive me, but I can’t fathom that I am the only one here that is struggling with their sleeve the way I am. I haven’t posted in ions because of how I feel.   I feel confident that there are lurkers who are struggling like I am and are too ashamed to post about it. Please, PM me and perhaps we can get ourselves righted together.   Earlier today I was watching a commercial for the Biggest Looser and it inspired me to go back to the beginning of this journey. These brave people eat right, exercise and do not have the benefit of any WLS (that I am aware of, at least) and have great success with their programs. Well, it just stands to reason then; if I apply the basics I will pick up where I left off and get to goal by October (my 2 year surgiversary).   I went to a seminar with my older sister who is getting ready to begin her WLS journey. The doctor there assured me I hadn’t stretched out my sleeve and that I was a success by the 50% mark of excess weight lost. Also, he said that in the grand scheme of things the VSG is slower d/t only being restrictive and not having malabsorbtion and that by 2 years out I would know if I needed the second step or not. They had some people talk about the “honeymoon phase” and how easy it can be to backslide and find yourself in the boat I am in. We have to start back at the beginning, because it’s a very good place to start. 
  Honestly, if I could crack 175…which is 145 lbs total loss and just shy of my goal, then I would consider myself at a reasonable goal and then explore plastics. I just can’t wrap my mind around the amount of money I spent vs. the weight loss. It makes my heart and soul sad to feel like I have failed at yet another attempt.   But that’s why I am posting this completely honest blog. I need the genuine support here to get back to basics.   This Tuesday, I will begin the 5 day pouch test. I have everything bought and several tasty recipes for protein shakes. I can do this. I have this awesome tool that is just begging to be utilized. I know that it’ll take some hard work and dedication, but in the words of the President Elect Obama, “Yes we (I) can!)   Thank you for all the support and letting me get this off my chest

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