Revision is now a reality

Jul 24, 2011

I cannot lose anymore weight-in fact, I just keep gaining. I have barely any restriction and I feel hungry all the time. I am a statistic-one of the few who must undergo the second step of the DS after getting just the sleeve. I may only be able to do an RNY...it all depends on what is available to me.

There are good things going on with me. I am 2 classes (7 credit hours) away from my Bachelor's degree. I have a great career starting up and I am beginning to feel like a real and true "grown up"...at the tender age of 37! LOL

I just started on Humira to try and clear up my Psoriasis. So far, so good. I am also branching out and building a community for myself. I recently joined a Unitarian Universalist church and its youth organization. They let me in even though I am 2 years older than the age range (18-35). I am Jewish, but I enjoy the UU teachings of all paths and the messages. Its great to have a place to feel spiritual in.

On the sadder notes, I-of course-have gained back damn near everything I lost. I am back in a size 26W. I had gotten down to a 20W. I am winded after routine tasks and don't have any energy to get past daily tasks. Now, understand that I also have a very bad case of Psoriatic Arthritis. This all by itself causes severe fatigue, pain, and a host of other symptoms. Add in my fatness and you have the recipe for a girl who does only what she absolutely had to to make it through the day.

I am also very lonely for the dating scene. I have lots of friends-guys and girls. But I am so self conscious about my size and the coverage area of my psoriasis that I have all but shut down my libido on purpose. I am not happy with myself so how can I expect someone else to be happy with me? Short answer-I can't.

Therefore, I have decided that revision is now a definite for me. I have posted a few blurbs on both the revision and DS boards to feel out which way to go. Not surprisingly, DS people were adamant that I go that route. I understand their reasoning, but I feel they don't understand mine. I need help now...not down the line "sometime" when I can get through all the hoops begging for a surgery that is not as routine as RNY. I already went rogue and got surgery in Mexico. I am ready for the standard treatment.

I believe that a major reason I failed is because of the lack of ancillary support that I skipped by going to Dr. Alvarez. I would recommend him to anyone, but for me, I needed the additional support. I need to see a nutritionist, psychologist and have support groups available to me. When I had my surgery, I spent more time defending it than actually learning how to work it.

Now that I have seen my sister go through an RNY at the Cleveland Clinic, I see everything I missed out on. She has regular follow ups and a host of other ancillary services at her disposal. She is also nearly 200lbs lighter. I can't help it, I am jealous while happy for her.

Now, with all that be said, I have one large obstacle in my way. I have no insurance or money in which to self pay. My career is as a contracted employee. Its a great field to get into, but I am responsible for my own health insurance. I recently tested the waters to see if I was self insurable. That was a big fat NO.

I spoke with my employer and she recommended I take a 2nd job that could offer me insurance. I am lucky that I can telecommute with her, so a 2nd job wouldn't be too much of a strain on my schedule. That leads me to later this week as I have a job interview with a company that gives you insurance the first of the month following your hire date. Based on this, and the fact that they are known to hire almost everyone who applies (yeah, big turnover), I have already set up an informative seminar for August 6th at the Clinic and filled out their on-line survey. I am so ready to get this going.

If you asked me, I would love to have this done over December break. I will have graduated, my first job will be on a seasonal hiatus and I could just relax and recover. Of course, this is all just speculation and hope.

But, the simple fact is that I am now officially and actively pursuing a revision surgery. I am once again in square one and ready to make this life saving journey.

Thanks for listening.
Jessica :)

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