On the bench, doing well in some regards and not so well in others...long rant
(deactivated member)
on 4/13/12 8:23 am - Bumfuknowhere, Canada
on 4/13/12 8:23 am - Bumfuknowhere, Canada
I agree she seems in control. Was happy to see her update about it. Nobody needs to deal with stuff like that when trying to heal from major surgery. Hopefully it's just his fear that is lashing out but if not, am sure she will do the right thing as well.
By having the courage and self-respect evidenced as choosing your life-saving surgery, you have made a choice for a better life. Accepting the type of abuse you have desribed is totally inconsistent with that goal. This isn't a 'tantum'. This is you at your most vulnerable having to use your scarce emotional and physical reserves, not to heal from surgery, but rather to protect yourself and your kids.
(Slightly digression here...to those who think he deserves a "slap on the head," even in jest, merely perpetuates the notion that violence is a valid response when someone pushes another's buttons).
Bookmark this page.
If and when you start to think that maybe he isn't so bad, come back and read your own words. If you start to think that anything is better than being alone, read your last sentence : "I have never felt so unloved in my entire life" and understand that you will be more alone with him than without. If you start to rationalize that the kids need their dad, remember that your daughter is most likely to accept the same level of love and respect in her life as she has seen you accept in yours.
Congratulations on your surgery. Wishing you hope, peace and strength as you face the challenges coming in the days ahead. I hope you lose the deadweight that you dragged along in the years that led you to this place and time.
(Slightly digression here...to those who think he deserves a "slap on the head," even in jest, merely perpetuates the notion that violence is a valid response when someone pushes another's buttons).
Bookmark this page.
If and when you start to think that maybe he isn't so bad, come back and read your own words. If you start to think that anything is better than being alone, read your last sentence : "I have never felt so unloved in my entire life" and understand that you will be more alone with him than without. If you start to rationalize that the kids need their dad, remember that your daughter is most likely to accept the same level of love and respect in her life as she has seen you accept in yours.
Congratulations on your surgery. Wishing you hope, peace and strength as you face the challenges coming in the days ahead. I hope you lose the deadweight that you dragged along in the years that led you to this place and time.
it takes a ass of a man to pick on his wife after she has gone through major surgery when you are feeling better put your foot way up his ass i wouldnt even think about it do it girl you are trying to inprove your life tell him to come on this forum so we can all give him a piece of our minds what a friggin ass congrats on your surgery take a deep breath ignore him totally he will come and kiss your butt very soon lol
All I can say is WOW!!!!!! You have some really hard choices ahead of you!!! I wish you the best of luck on your journey ahead!!
No one should have to go through that. Keep us updated please on your progress and WELCOME to the bench!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers . Denise
No one should have to go through that. Keep us updated please on your progress and WELCOME to the bench!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers . Denise
Referal: March 2011 Orientation: TWH July 21,2011 Nurse Practitioner:Sept. 6,2011
Sleep Clinic Test: Sept. 11,2011 Sleep Clinic Result: Sept. 27, 2011 Social Worker: Oct.. 19, 2011
Nutrition Class: Nov.1,2011 Diabetis Assessment: Nov. 01, 2011 Dietitian: Dec. 02, 2011
Psychologist: Dec. 06, 2011 Surgeon Meeting: Jan. 21, 2012 RYN Surgery Date: Feb. 29, 2012
I just came across this posting as I was reading back ~~ I hope things are going ok for you. I hope your hubby either wakes up and becomes a real person or stays away where ever. You or your kids deserve to be treated as you treat him, I would think from reading your post you do not treat him in such a horrible way as he did you.
I do not care what his feelings regarding your surgery are there is NO excuse for abusive selfish behaviour. He is an ass, as simple as that. I am glad you said you have taken off your blinders. I know it can be difficult but you are better off without him than accepting that behaviour.
Dont forget you and your relationship are showing your children what normal is and what they deserve-what would you say if one of your kids was in your shoes and being treated the way your hubby treats you?
Use your friends and family (it sounds like you have some great ones) do without out him. It will be difficult in the beginning however before you know it you will have a peaceful life with a wonderful rhythm in which you can actuallly enjoy life.
Keep us posted on how you are doing and if there is anything anyone can do to help. There are many places to get help use whatever assistance you can to do what you need to do to live the life you deserve!!
All the best
I do not care what his feelings regarding your surgery are there is NO excuse for abusive selfish behaviour. He is an ass, as simple as that. I am glad you said you have taken off your blinders. I know it can be difficult but you are better off without him than accepting that behaviour.
Dont forget you and your relationship are showing your children what normal is and what they deserve-what would you say if one of your kids was in your shoes and being treated the way your hubby treats you?
Use your friends and family (it sounds like you have some great ones) do without out him. It will be difficult in the beginning however before you know it you will have a peaceful life with a wonderful rhythm in which you can actuallly enjoy life.
Keep us posted on how you are doing and if there is anything anyone can do to help. There are many places to get help use whatever assistance you can to do what you need to do to live the life you deserve!!
All the best
From Orientation at TWH to Surgical date~6 months
Just figured I would give everyone an update. He is still staying at his parents' and is still adament that he has done nothing wrong...every time I hear him say it it's like another nail in his coffin...how can you be so horrible to another human being, any human being, and think that it's acceptable?
The locks are being changed tomorrow while he's at work and I feel that I should be moving forward without this garbage. He came by to "talk" this morning and it was just more yelling on his behalf about every little thing that he found fault with...he bragged about how he unloaded the dishwasher while I was upstairs helping my 10 year old with her speech...I went to get out plates for lunch after he left and discovered that the had simply stacked all of the bowls and plates in a jumbled mess in the cupboard...my 7 year old does a better job lol. What was he thinking? And he expected a thank you for this? Ummmm....no.
My 10 year old has been a god send getting the youngest in and out of her high chair and in and out of the bath...everything else I can manage on my own I just can't lift her. My 7 year old painted my toe nails yesterday for my birthday...he's such a love.
Recovery wise I'm feeling great. Haven't used any pain killers since the night before I left the hospital. The stomach gurgling is a little disconcerting lol. I cheated and weighed in this morning because I couldn't resist...I'm down 19.2lbs since I started Opti...that is the most I have lost in year and it was in a 3 week period! Not even 3 weeks!
I'm focusing on the positives in my life. My kids and family have been wonderful. My daughter has provincials for cheerleading this weekend and the 2 oldest have a talent show on Thursday night at the school. And my new beautiful nephew made his tardy appearance yesterday at lunch time, on my birthday no less! Talk about a great present! He's 9lbs 9oz of perfect!
Thank you everyone...it is so wonderful to know that I have somewhere to come for support from people who understand the physical and emotional side of what I'm going through right now.
Off to get the kiddos in the bath. :)
The locks are being changed tomorrow while he's at work and I feel that I should be moving forward without this garbage. He came by to "talk" this morning and it was just more yelling on his behalf about every little thing that he found fault with...he bragged about how he unloaded the dishwasher while I was upstairs helping my 10 year old with her speech...I went to get out plates for lunch after he left and discovered that the had simply stacked all of the bowls and plates in a jumbled mess in the cupboard...my 7 year old does a better job lol. What was he thinking? And he expected a thank you for this? Ummmm....no.
My 10 year old has been a god send getting the youngest in and out of her high chair and in and out of the bath...everything else I can manage on my own I just can't lift her. My 7 year old painted my toe nails yesterday for my birthday...he's such a love.
Recovery wise I'm feeling great. Haven't used any pain killers since the night before I left the hospital. The stomach gurgling is a little disconcerting lol. I cheated and weighed in this morning because I couldn't resist...I'm down 19.2lbs since I started Opti...that is the most I have lost in year and it was in a 3 week period! Not even 3 weeks!
I'm focusing on the positives in my life. My kids and family have been wonderful. My daughter has provincials for cheerleading this weekend and the 2 oldest have a talent show on Thursday night at the school. And my new beautiful nephew made his tardy appearance yesterday at lunch time, on my birthday no less! Talk about a great present! He's 9lbs 9oz of perfect!
Thank you everyone...it is so wonderful to know that I have somewhere to come for support from people who understand the physical and emotional side of what I'm going through right now.
Off to get the kiddos in the bath. :)
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