Happy Monday! I missed you all but it has been hell to get this far in recovery. There are people who undergo nose surgery just to tweak their profile??? It is T Minus 20.50 hours today; nothing will keep me from the postop appointment tomorrow to get the splints, stitches and packing removed. This has been a real mental challenge but on the plus side I haven't hardly eaten at all and most days only 200-400 calories. Who wants to eat when you only get air via your mouth? Not me. Hubby deserves sainthood for putting up with me the last 6 days. Although, he never noticed the deep purple bruises on my face till yesterday. I've been putting Arnica gel on them since they popped up.

QOTD: It would be a gnome for me, they are so cute. But my lawn do-dads are all in the backyard: a huge concrete turtle with a baby, too many commemorations of cats we've lost, a good amount of rusted steel artwork. The best is a 7' tall steel rose Hubby had made by a local artist for an anniversary gift. (hoping I can attach a picture)

Today's food:

B: almost a pot of coffee with 80 calories of assorted creamers.

L: A Pure Protein bar. Had to take very tiny bites so that it didn't take long to chew and get air again.

D:A Premiere Protein shake. Ya'll...they gifted me FOUR boxes of them as a thank you for posting, I was floored!

S: 1/2 c plain nonfat Greek Yogurt with some vanilla and a packet of sweetener.

Can't wait to post tomorrow with no splints, no stitches, no packing!

Happy Monday Gang. What a productive weekend. I had Irvin pull two shrubs out of in front of house. Then I washed the front of the house and planted two rose bushes. I offered to clean one of the throw rugs with my companies logo on it as the uniform company doesn't do those rugs. Smoked a much of meats, watched the boxing fight on Netflix, and did some burning in the firepit. I'm tired today.

QOTD: Would rather have garden gnomes or pink flamingos on your front lawn? I'll take the gnomes. I'm actually almost 1/2 way done with the one I'm redoing. Hopefully will have it done before Halloween.

B: coffee and smoked pork and eggs

L: pizza as we have some corporate people coming to the plant

D: leftovers of some sort as I have a few things to choose from

Have a great day everyone!!!

Any cat I tried to rescue and find a home for ended up being my cat for years. My husband told me there were cat paw prints on his truck. I asked him what he wanted to do about it and he said, "buy catfood". He fed it on the deck for months and it would not come close enough to pet it.

It was a cold winter day and in the middle of a blizzard. The cat came to the back door crying loudly. It had been attacked by sometime and had numerous open wounds. I let it inside, gave it food and water and a box with a space heater close by. I did not expect it to make it through the night. It was still alive in the morning and we took him to a vet. They patched him up and neutered him. The bill was over $1000. He was no longer afraid but wanted to attack my little female cat. I had to use a lot of Feliway. There were several more vet trips and all $1000 ones as he had a lot of injuries.

I accepted him as my pet. He lived about eight years, then got cancer and I ended up having to put him to sleep. He was a cute pet who loved to ride in the car and to go for walks.

Good mornin y'all.

Kind of a busy day ahead. Thrift stores and my mom wants to try and find a file cabinet. Also a certain dollar store.

I'm having patches of plaque psoriasis come on on each elbow. I'm stuck wearing shorter sleeved shirts for a while it seems. It's very painful. I haven't had any in years! Guess it's the stress.

we are leaning towards trying to keep momma. It'll all depend on what happens when she is healed up totally and how they all get along. I would suck big time at rescue. None of the rescues even returned calls or messages. Super disappointed in them honestly. We don't want to and won't put her back on the streets. She is to lovable for it. Her eyes are almost healed and her belly looks really good and is healing well. She's also really attached to me too.

QOTD: I don't know that I would use it honestly. I think our future is cloudy. The hate needs to stop on all sides of the issues. Until then things will be in turmoil. The past has a lot of bad things too.

B: egg, cheese, sausage and coffee

L: we might be going out to eat with my aunt

D: ????

I don't even know where to start. Writing this feels heavy, but maybe I need to put these words out there to stop carrying them all inside.

Not long ago, I was proud of myself. I had lost weight. I was getting closer to my dream of qualifying for weight loss surgery. For the first time in years, I actually believed change was possible.

But then life happened. Stress, emotions, and old habits crept back in. One by one, the pounds I worked so hard to lose came back. Not only did I gain back what I lost, but I ended up heavier than when I started. That's the part that hurts the most--I feel like I completely erased my progress.

Right now, I feel like a failure. Like I let myself down. Like I lost sight of my goal and let food and emotions take control again. And it's so easy to beat myself up for it, to look at the scale and think, What's the point?

But deep down, I know the truth: this is not the end. Falling off track doesn't mean I can't climb back on. Struggling doesn't mean I don't deserve help. Gaining weight doesn't erase the hard work I did before--it just means I have to fight harder for myself again.

Weight loss surgery has always been my goal. I still want it. I still need it. And even though it feels like I've failed, I'm reminding myself that failure isn't final unless I stop trying.

I'm writing this as a way of holding myself accountable and being real with anyone else who has been here. If you've lost, gained, and lost sight of your goals too--you're not alone. We can start over as many times as it takes.

Tomorrow, I will try again. And maybe that's enough for today.